#guilt-tripping

This is very powerful stuff.

"You cannot love someone into evolution"

Those words are straightforward and could not be more true.

These types of individuals will keep you stuck. Frozen in place while the world pretty much moves on without you. Slowly, you erode, eventually realizing that you have become fragments of who you once were.

You mourn that loss while they continue to bleed you for every ounce of mental and emotional resilience you have. You recognize the patterns becuase you've done that work on yourself in the past. You were aware enough to notice your own dysfunctional patterns then you set out to fix them.

That places you in an entirely different class from who they are as an individual. You can't help them get there. This may be sad, but this is reality. The work you have done on yourself is the reason they have latched onto you. They see you as a safe landing spot for the chaos within them that they refuse to dismantle.

They see you as the "catch-all" for giving them a free pass on everything that is unsettled within them.

You are not their mental and emotional dumping ground, however. There is a world of difference between holding space for someone and supporting someone who you know is actively working toward healing and taking accountability for their wounds, and giving endless time, space, and attention to someone who is only wanting to treat the symptoms of their dysfunction rather than tackling it at the root.

You'll know the difference based on how you feel during the process. If you notice yourself becoming more and more drained the more you try giving them support and parts of yourself begin to become unfamiliar, then you know that you're dealing with someone who is just there to feed on your energy rather than someone who ia actively improving themselves so that the connection is mutually beneficial.

CW: drug abuse, addiction, defiant whumpee, bad coping mechanism, stockholm syndrom(?)

PART 15 ⇽ [Masterlist] ⇾ PART 17

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Elliot woke to nothingness. Neither the stuffy trunk nor crack house bathroom had woken him up this kindly, yet he felt nothing: from his left pinky to his dry lips - just quietness. All the anger and fear that spurred him on during his stay were swept away.

Weird.

Tramadol 100 stood no chance against whatever lingered inside his veins, cushioning his body like wads of cotton. It felt pleasant, more than that, reliving. Like for the first time in this damned year, he found a chance to breathe free of pain.

If this was what constituted a junkie, Elliot might gladly be one.

Despite the calm soundscape surrounding him, he didn't dare to take a peek yet. After the weakness that Chris revealed, one could only suspect what else he liked to smash to pieces now. 

The filthy concoction he stabbed Elliot with was incomparable to ordinary MR tablets. No, this was the good shit. The kind of stuff his doctors had withheld from him time and time again, the kind they give you before you get stuffed in a disheveled Honda, borrowed from the crazy grandpa down the street.

Maybe if he said pretty please, Chris would be so kind and give him another pinch.

Careful as a fawn, Elliot peeked through his lashes. Flat on his back like he had just been picked up and slapped down on the bed, he never felt freer, mainly thanks to the absence of any cuffs around his wrist. Chris probably failed to find the other one in this mess.

Only then did Elliot notice the smear of sticky blood across his arms - not his own, one might add, his fingernails cut short hastily to take his last weapon away. The cause of this involuntary nap watched him closely from the other side of the room.

Chris surely had no patience left after his little stunt, yet Elliot simply couldn't care less.

For someone who "fights like a bitch", the damage was undeniable. Elliot couldn't help but grin at the swollen teeth marks arching over Morris' chin up to his lips, how the blue eyes were stained red by more than just a few tears. 

Sniffling like he got stood up at prom, Chris pressed a bag of frozen peas to his neck and dared to break the silence first: "Happy now?"

I saw something on here yesterday that incensed me enough to write this: it was an “oh woe is me” attention grab -- something I already wrote the damn book on at 15 -- but it is was a guilt-tripping attention grab. There’s nothing inherently wrong with attention grabbing behavior, because that can look like exactly how any therapist would want: “Hey, I’m feeling lonely, can we hang out?”  Look at that communication! You need something, you ask for it! (I will say don’t ONLY say: “I feel lonely,” because that can be interpreted as blaming -- “I feel lonely and it’s your fault” -- what do you want out of being lonely? Not being lonely! Okay, how do you want that to happen? A movie? A private chat? Being specific is really, really important in communication, even if it feels silly to say “so, can we hang out?” too.) Anyway, that’s in the Personal Bill of Rights (here’s the exact copy I got in DBT):

These are reminders for the oft-abused and traumatized individual to repeat back as affirmations to help their self-worth. It’s not all you can do, but it’s helped me.  On there, you’ll see “I have the right to ask for what I want,” and it’s true! Communicate what you want and have it come true! Hell yeah! This person was upset “no one ever remembers their birthday” so they made a new one, and “no one remembers that either.”  This isn’t constructive. It’s likely emotional manipulation. It’s venting, sure, but in putting it in a public space where other followers see it, it becomes toxic. What is the point of the message? Seems to my BPD-ass it’s “pay attention to me and love me because I feel lonely,” -- sound familiar? Nothing wrong with those feelings! But the execution is guilt-tripping, because now everyone who forgot this made-up/not-well-advertised event (seems a bit like the cognitive distortion “mind games” -- expecting others to read their mind and getting upset when they don’t pick up on something) is someone who ‘always’ forgets. What’s the implication? They’re bad friends? They can’t do anything right, because the main person got the message they can’t do anything right? Likely something like this. These people let this person down by forgetting, despite lack of communication on the main person’s part. (Also, beware of black and white thinking, which is also evident in this post I’m purposefully not pasting here, meaning using “always” and “never” statements.) Basically: invisible/silent expectation -> ‘you never remember’ -> guilt-tripping toxicity. If a person is unhappy they aren’t getting the validation they deserve, something every single person goes through, there are healthy ways to do that! Guilt-tripping is not one of them, and will earn an insta-block from me.  A lot of us do this behavior, and it doesn’t mean we’re monsters. We’ve been chronically unloved and OH GOD STILL?? NO ONE REMEMBERS?? and it’s hard to break out of. We’re all trying, but sometimes you’re at a different place than someone else and can’t handle their behaviors.

TW: Guilt-tripping

----------------------------------

Ryoma Hoshi;

----------------------------------

- Ryoma's over-protectiveness would reach new levels. He knows what he believes to be the truth, but if Shuichi is to be believed, they don't know what the truth really is. He'll have a harsh grip on their arm, eye always out for danger. Not only for his darling, but for everyone else who survived. He knows his darling would be heartbroken if they died, but his s/o's life still took far more priority.

- They'll continue to explore their new world, discovering the real truth of the Killing Game along the way. Ryoma will try to invest in a simple life with his love, refusing to let anything get to him. But things don't work out too well, in that way.  

- He'll certainly be more unstable, giving his darling the cold shoulder if they anger him. They still never find out what was of their backstories, so Ryoma has no idea if his late girlfriend and her demise was real or fake. It will weigh on him heavily, which is why he'll try to push so hard for a kinder life with his current darling. It might not go so well, but he'll do his best.

- If his darling ever tries to run away, he'd break. After all that hell, they wanted to leave him!? It would shatter his heart. He would absolutely guilt-trip them into staying, and keep them close to his side for the rest of their lives.

Hey lovely,

I think it’s really good that you’ve had this realisation! That’s the first step, so well done! 

You’re right that it can be really scary to talk to her about this. It does take a lot of courage, but I believe in you! What can really help is to prepare for different scenarios. You’re worried that she’ll try to guilt-trip you as she’s done so in the past. How could you respond if she were to do this? If you can think of this beforehand then it can be a little easier if it does happen. 

You can also consider if there are ways that you can avoid her responding that way. For example, if you were to write it all down in a letter and hand this letter to her, would that help? Or perhaps sending it to her (through mail or email).

Is there something you can include when you talk to her (or write down in your letter) that would prevent her from trying to guilt-trip you, or that help you to stand your ground? For example, if you tell her beforehand that you won’t listen to her if she tries to turn this around and make it about you, then she might not do so and if she does you can repeat that you won’t listen to it. Or something like that! 

Remember that you are your first priority. You are worthy of being in friendships that are good for your well-being, not the opposite. You do not owe her to stay in this friendship. You have every right to choose for yourself. We’ve got your back!

(Here is a preview of the upcoming chapter for a @bitchyfanfics on my patreon!)

The war between monsters and humans was a devastating one.  It had dragged on for years, neither side giving an inch.  Humans won some, monsters won others.  In the end, the power of the humans’ soul and their determination proved to be stronger than the collective might of the monsters’ magic. Eventually they we were overpowered and pushed into defeat, forcing their surrender.  It was after they had been forced to sign the peace treaty that the human’s viciousness, their sadistic nature, truly came to light. You see, humans wanted to make sure that they and their future generations would know of their glory, of their superiority, and how monsters would forever know their place.  Monsters were weaker than humans, not deserving of their respect.

They were beneath the humans.  They no longer had the same rights or recognitions.  So why would humankind be forced to stare down upon their lesser, why should their lesser have access to the same limited resources that they, the victors, did? It made no sense to the generals.

So, combining the last of their magic, they drove the monsters to Mt. Ebott, sealing them away. No longer would they be forced to view them, forced to share or live with them.

However, we all know that the last laugh was on the humans themselves.  Their stories faded, as did the evidence of the monsters existence. Those who once grew up with monsters, or fought across from them, slowly became fewer and fewer.  Stories faded, their legends died.  Admiration made way for speculation.

Monsters were a thing of fantasy for the humans.

Why are you guilt tripping me, because i didn't buy you more than just a chocolate bar? Huh? Because i bought my friends chocolates also? Because your gift doesn't constitute half of my haul?

Thank you then for your input

Next time I'll buy nothing, not even for myself