#guilt ridden

In your life, you are an explorer on the far edge of timespace operating a body that is an entirely unique configuration of some of our universe's wildest, rarest technology.

"Nah, he's just bored. Only four of us up in this bitch, you know," Villainess drawls from her casual stance at the door, "Besides, he hasn't fucked in a while, too. Don't rule that out."

"We're talking about Doctor, not you, Villainess. You'd fuck a snake if it hissed at you," Supervillain sighs.

"Don't kink-shame me, Boss bitch. I was doing catwalks before you knew how to stand up," and she sees herself out, hips thrusting side to side as her shoulders perk and sway.

Supervillain leans on their elbows, eyes peering over their pyramid-locked hands, "You'd better just be horny, Doctor…" they say, watching the screen.

They hear a squeal from Hero. It must have been loud for the crackled speakers to pick it up.

"You're gonna have to learn to not be ticklish," Villain doctor says.

Words: 8k+

tags: Erwin Smith x reader, lieutenant reader, fluff and angst, hurt/comfort, protective Erwin Smith, soft Erwin Smith, character studyish?, physical touch, touch starved Erwin, gift giving, acts of service, guilt, established relationship

proof read at 2 am, i apologize for any spelling errors.

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A | Affection: How do they show love? Are they touchy, verbal, or more subtle? 

I feel like in the privacy of your home, Erwin would genuinely not let go of you at any point. You're sitting on the couch? He’s going to read his book there. Cooking in the kitchen? He'll come up behind you, pretending to look over at what you’re cooking, placing his chin on your shoulder. Of course it was pretty obvious to you what he was doing, and when you confront him, he doesn’t even try to defend himself.  

“I enjoy being in your presence.”  

Is all he’d say before leaning against you on the couch again. Sometimes if he’s feeling a bit too clingy he’d lay down on the couch, placing his head on your thighs, either looking up at you with all the focus of a man on a mission, taking in every detail of your face, or peacefully close his eyes, no in between. 

B | Butterflies: How did they behave around their partner when they first fell in love? How did they confess their feelings? 

Erwin wouldn’t be the type to outwardly show his feeling for another person at any point, I doubt he’d even talk about it to anyone, even his closest comrades. Instead, he’d do these petty or protective little things that could be seen as entirely professional, which is what makes it so difficult for you to have ever told in the beginning that he had even the inkling of feelings for you.  

Like all the times he had placed you in his own squad for your “skills”, pretending he wasn’t looking over at you every two seconds during the entire expedition. 

Or the time he had called you into his office to help him dictate some reports, his reasoning being that your handwriting was neat and readable, as if his writing wasn’t the most proper and neat form of cursive you could ever find. 

And he’d make sure to lean over you while you were writing, like was checking your writing when really, he was trying to get closer to you without it looking unprofessional. 

Moments like these were his small pleasures, times where he could focus on you and how your presence made him want to grab you and keep you safe from everything else in this world, rather than the unforgiving guilt and the world of titans outside the walls that usually plagued his mind, which is why I believe he wouldn’t confess to you at all, at least not until he was sure you felt the same. If you didn’t feel the same, he knew you would never obey his orders which were mostly him keeping you to himself again. So yes, it might’ve made him selfish to keep creating moments like these between the both of you, but at some point, of getting to know you he stopped caring. 

So, it would have to be you who initiated something, maybe giving a book about the limited history of the walls you had bought within wall Sina, which had cost a pretty penny. You'd give it to him, refusing to meet his eyes while trying to explain how it wasn’t anything special, just that it reminded you of him before rushing out of his office. 

And so, Erwin would sit there, stunned for a moment, looking down at the book on his desk before finally smiling. A quiet chuckle leaving him before his mind already got to work on how to repay the favor, possibly with a gift of his own, something he knew you’d love. 

C | Cuddles: Do they like to cuddle? How do they hold their partner / like to be held? 

As mentioned in the letter “A”, Erwin wouldn’t let go of you in sleep either. Now I personally believe this man’s protective instinct is so strong, he’d want to keep you safe even in sleep. Doesn’t matter if you’re facing him or the other way, he’d wrap both arms around you, curling his body against your while he buried his face in your hair. If you wanted to leave his embrace, he wouldn’t stop you, but without realizing it himself, he’d get such a sad, yet expectant look, his brows furrowing just the slightest. And so, you’d go back to his arms in a heartbeat, unable to handle that look, and he’d happily hold you again. He never took the feeling of your body pressed against his for granted. 

And you know, I doubt he’d ever feel ashamed or unsure of being held either. He’d bury his face in your chest, hand still wrapping around your body, keeping you close, letting himself get lost in the feeling of your hand brushing through his hair, messing up his perfect side part. It was his favorite part of the night. 

D | Domestic: What is Domestic life with them like? Do they take over chores? 

If you were a solider in the barracks, I feel like he’d definitely ask of you to live with him in his house. (I know he’s a solider too but c'mon the commander surely has a good enough house somewhere near the HQ, right? LET ME DREAM.) he’d help you pack your few belongings, ordering for a carriage to bring them to his house. After you settled in, I’d say he definitely helps around where he can, but you have to remember this man is a commander. He's going to be busy with reports and figuring out strategies that I doubt he’d find time in his schedule to help around the house as much. The sole reason the house usually stayed clean, and tidy was because of just how little time Erwin actually spent in the house. But now that you were here, you’d cook proper meals for him when you had the chance, not the calorie dense yet tasteless mush the military gave the soldiers. You'd clean around the house as well, if it really needed it. Though Erwin of course made sure you always knew how grateful he was of your help. Always thanking for the food, assuring you he’d get you the groceries so you wouldn’t have to carry them back. Or he’d come up to you when you were on the couch after you finished tidying up his study, sitting beside you, pulling you into his lap so he’d have to look up at you. 

“You’ve helped me more than you realize.” 

E | Ending: How would they break up with their partner?  

If things did have to end between Erwin and his partner, I doubt it would be a fight, like at all. It would most definitely be related to the scouts. Maybe Erwin couldn’t let his beloved suffer through grief when one day, sooner rather than later he lost his life. He'd apologize, explaining to his heartbroken lover. 

“I was selfish, my love for you didn’t let me see just truly how painful this life could be for us. It would be for the best if we ended this now rather than waiting for fate to do it for us.” 

How things would go from here would be dependent on you. Maybe you’d be dumbfounded by his overly analytical tone, shouting at him about how selfish or how much of a bastard he had been, shoving at his chest before rushing out. 

Maybe you’d see the reason in his words, but it was still painful, one hand wiping at your tears, the other coming up to cover your mouth to muffle any sob that may have left you. You could only nod along to his words, looking down at the ground. He'd help you pack your stuff that same day, still ordering you a carriage to take your belongings back to the barracks. 

F | Flaws: How do they handle their own / their partners flaws? 

(Flaws? Erwin has no flaws/j this one got me thinking) 

I feel like Erwin to some extent would be aware of how he may act a bit too cold or analytical at times, and though he may not apologize for it right in that moment, after giving the situation some thought I fully believe he’d approach you with a proper and thought through apology, explaining how he saw the situation but also understanding how it may have hurt you in the process. From the on he’d definitely try to be a bit more thoughtful of how he spoke to you, reminding himself that you were his beloved, not just another solider taking command, that there needed to be a clear distinction between these two situations. 

G | Gestures: How do they express their love? What are their Love languages?  

Gifts and touch. Anytime this man has to head over to Stohess district for a meeting or anything similar to that, you KNOW he will come back with another trinket for you. Some of the things you had gotten in the past had included of proper riding gloves, a small gem hung on an actual delicate chain to be worn as a necklace rather than the usual leather cord. A small comb which had engraved patterns of leaves and small birds. A quiet smile appeared on his face every time he saw you using it to brush through your hair, offering to help you. He wasn’t the type of man to buy himself fancy trinkets like this, but you? Well, you definitely deserved these small pleasures of life more than he did. 

H | Honesty: How honest are they with their partner - even when it's hard? 

This one was hard. On one hand I believe Erwin respects his partner so much that he would never lie to them, but on the other I also believe he’d keep most of his worries and plans hidden if he knew there was even a chance that it would worry you. I feel like it would take a fight for Erwin to finally realize the damage his dishonesty was doing. You'd have to yell at him to get it into his head. That you didn’t just want to see the best parts of him, not just the unbreakable commander Smith that always seemed to have a plan for the future of humanity. That you needed to see his bad parts as well, all the worries, the guilt. They were still parts of him, and you loved all of, not just the parts he had polished and perfected for you to see. 

I | I love you: Who said it first? How often do they say it? Do they show it without words? 

I think Erwin was the one who said it first. The first and last time he had said it, to prove to you that you were more than any other comrade to him. He didn’t say it much since then, rather showed it through his actions, through every fleeting touch in the scouts regiment HQ, every cup of tea made and left by your side of the bed long before you woke up, every time he helped you out of your gear when the mission had left you too tired to properly sit up, despite the fact his own gear was still on. 

It was said in every single one of his actions. Erwin Smith, a man known for speeches that convinced countless people give up their lives for humanity, did not need a single word to convince you he was utterly in love with you. 

J | Jealousy: Do they get jealous? How do they handle insecurity or attention? 

I wouldn’t say jealous. Though Erwin may not show it outwardly, at all, he knows he is a man wanted by many. Of course he’d never boast about it, but it is known enough in his mind to not cause him any major insecurities in life. And I don’t think he’d be a big fan of you teasing him by flirting or talking a little too playfully with other men.  

He simply wouldn’t understand it. If you loved him, why would you wish to talk so casually and playfully with a man that was not him, your beloved? To tease him? What joy would you get from making him feel ignored and unwanted. He'd confront you about it, laying his feeling bare, how it didn’t make him feel jealous, rather just hurt. He enjoyed your teasing nature, he had never been against that, but not when it made him feel unappreciated. 

But when he lost his arm? Now that would be a whole different situation. He wouldn’t mention it as much in the beginning, even though you were there during his whole recovery. His lack of acknowledgment of his missing arm was getting unusual. He'd start living normally again, buttoning his shirt one handed, learning how to handle a pen with his left hand. Things he could've done easily without a second thought now would have to be planned out, carefully done, even something as simple as pouring a cup of water. 

 At first, you’d think maybe he really did get used to his missing arm quickly, but the first time you caught him struggling to put on his necklace made you realize how wrong you had been. He wouldn’t notice you at first, still focused on tightening the gem on the leather cord around his neck, fingers fumbling the precious stone, his breath coming out with a bit more force, that small line of frustration starting to show on between his brows before you finally stepped forward, moving his fingers out of the way as you fixed the placement of the stone. He wouldn’t say anything at first, before finally sighing, a defeated look on his face. 

“Thank you.” 

He'd say, a sad smile appearing on his face. He was grateful for your presence, for how you had stayed by his side during his entire recovery, even when he could barely open his eyes from exhaustion. You had always been there, every single time. And at some point, the thought that you deserved someone who could care for you the same way, someone who could protect you properly had burrowed its way into his mind and it would take a lot of coaxing from you to make him believe otherwise. 

K | Kindness: How do they show tenderness and care, especially on hard days? 

It would be after a failed expedition, more people lost than anyone could’ve ever accounted for. Your friend had been part of the dead being carried back. They died protecting you, pushing you out of the way of a titan's hand. The ride back into the safety of Trost had been nothing but short of humiliation. You walked behind Erwin, leading your horse through the streets of angry people lashing out. Most comments were targeted at Erwin but hurt anyone who heard them just the same. 

“How many more of our kids will you get killed?” 

“Just a bunch of crazies, thinking there’s something really out there.” 

“Should’ve just sat on their asses, at least then our money would’ve been spent on something other than death.” 

That night at Erwin’s house, the two of you hadn’t spoken much. Not in anger or resentment, nothing like that, but rather due to the fact the both of you were still trying to process the events of the day. It was easier for Erwin than you. He had learnt to push those thoughts to the back of his mind, kept far out of reach. The comments of the bystanders hardly broke through his hard exterior, but even though they didn’t break him, they’d still pile up. Slowly but surely. He'd find you sitting by the dinner table, a cup of tea long gone cold in front of you. He wouldn’t say anything, taking the cup off the table, placing it in the kitchen before coming back to sit next to you, this time holding a warm cup of tea in his hand, pushing it towards you. 

“You shouldn’t let this one go cold as well.” 

He'd say, looking at your guilt-ridden eyes with his own quiet calm. He understood your guilt, had lived through it more times than he could count, and so he knew how it never really went away, but he’d try to help you forget for even a little while. 

“Don’t let their sacrifice become the reason you give up.” 

He referred to your friend, brows furrowing just the slightest when he saw the light sheen of tears in your eyes, though you never let them fall. 

He'd sit there with you, eventually reaching for your hand, holding it in his larger one. He knew that no word that he said would be able to free your heart from the guilt, so he offered the only thing he could. His presence, not leaving your side, bringing you a small meal when the hours passed. He'd be there for as long as you needed him to be. 

L | Loyalty: Are they loyal? What does loyalty for them look like? 

This one ain’t even a question, look at this man. Look at him and tell me he isn’t the most devoted and loyal man there is. He's devoted his life to humanity and his father’s theories. In short, he fully devotes himself to his beliefs, and of course you’ll be one of his top priorities as well. He knew it was selfish to a point, a commander should not have had a lover to begin with, not when every time he planned out a mission he had to account for his own death, not when it would cause him to view one solider above the others, worth saving more than other soldiers.  

Whether he’d actually act selfishly when the situation calls for it is another deal. I gave this way too much thought, and I still can't be too sure about it, but I'll say if the choice between you or humanity ever happened, he’d choose humanity. He'd never forgive himself for it, he’d grieve, but wouldn’t let anyone else see it, not when his soldiers need a commander, not a mourning husband.  

You'd become another name added to the never-ending list of comrades he had caused the death of for the sake of humanity. He'd never tell anyone, but after your death he’d start to question his own beliefs, but he’d keep himself busy or stay deliberately ignorant to avoid the doubts creeping into his mind. (Why’d that one get so dark...) 

M | Milestones: What are meaningful “firsts” to them? Or are there any meaningful moments they got to share with their partner? 

I hc that Erwin has a huge collection of extremely detailed maps of both within the walls and the limited scouted area outside the walls. He'd sometimes look at them for hours, thinking of all the different small but useful landmarks, how each river, forest, or plain grass field could be utilized for something different. But eventually with his duties as a commander he had had less and less time to look at his maps, so now they were rolled neatly in the shelves of both his office at the scouts HQ and his study at home. He'd pull them out in the rare moments of peace he’d find, looking over the familiar train, adding details of his own if he ever found something in the area that wasn’t mentioned on the map. 

He hadn’t shown the maps to anyone in particular, and if anyone ever did see him hunched over the maps, scanning every detail, he’d say how it was for a future expedition, nothing more. 

It wasn’t because he was ashamed or anything, but rather because he didn’t think anyone would find such great interest in maps like he would. That was until on your day off you caught him drawing over a small section of a map sprawled over the desk in his study, the edges hanging off due to the sheer size of the map. You had noticed Erwin staying in his study for longer than usual, so you had cut up some apples, bringing them to his room, and that was where you were met with the commander looking over the overly detailed map of wall Sina. 

“What is that?” 

You'd say, taking a step closer, leaning forward to look at the map a little closer, placing the small plate of apples on the armrest of his chair since the entire desk was covered by the map. 

“Nothing, just some ideas for a possible expedition.” 

He said, but you noticed how he avoided your gaze, reaching for the sides of the map to roll it back up, but the careful touch of your fingertips on the corner of the open map stopped him. 

“The details are amazing... did you add the newly opened the jewelry shop yourself?” 

You asked, looking up at Erwin, who only looked you at with a small hint of surprise, clearing his throat before looking down at the map again. 

“Uhh- yes. I wished to keep the map as accurate as I could if possible.” 

He'd say, pointing at the dark lines that drew the new shop in one of the quieter streets, the words “Jewelry shop” written in the middle, small but very neat, no doubt Erwin’s work. 

“And here’s newly grown flowers in the state of a lord living within the walls. He had wished for his entire garden to be covered in those.” 

He said, keeping his tone clear and calm, as if this wasn’t anything special, but he couldn’t stop the small flutter of his heart when he noticed your expression of pure awe, looking over his work, mesmerized by the sheer amount of detail on the map. 

“Do you have any more of these maps? Did you ever try to map out the exterior of the walls in such detail?” you’d ask, the excitement in your voice bringing a smile to Erwins face.  

“I have plenty.” 

N | Nicknames: Do they call their partner pet names? What Nicknames (pet names) do they give their partner?  

He'd definitely go for the classic pet names. He'd love calling you “Love”. It’s simple yet intimate. Of course, no word would ever be able to convey just how deeply he cared for you, but if there was one... well “Love” was the closest to it. If it was the two of you at home, he’d add a my before it. 

“My love, how has your day been?” 

“Love, would you like me to help with that?” 

But if he was feeling a bit cheeky, or joyous, he’d use your title as a scout to catch you off guard. 

“Lieutenant, the dinner you prepared was lovely.” 

“Captain, would you like to come to the market with me?” 

You'd always instinctively straighten up at the title, before realizing what Erwin was doing, giving his shoulder a light shove in response. 

“You need to stop doing that, commander.”  

You’d say, purposely dragging out the word just to see the corner of his lip twitch upward, unable to hide his smile behind the ever-stoic personality of the commander. 

O | Open: How open are they with their partner? Do they share everything with them or are they more reserved? 

He’s definitely on the more reserved side, both of your positions as scouts already puts more than enough pressure and stress on you, so if hiding some risky detail of an upcoming mission, covering his own pain, be it physical or emotionally could lighten the load, he’d do it in a heartbeat. The last thing you’d need in your life would be any more worry added to the growing pile. 

You'd eventually have to confront him about it. You understood where he was coming from, his protectiveness, but you also did not enjoy being treated like something fragile. You wished for him to share his own worries and fears with you rather than keep them locked away in his mind. The world already held more than enough pain and suffering, it would always be unavoidable, so you’d rather for you to face it alongside him than for him to shoulder the burden alone just because he didn’t want you to worry. 

P | Protection: How protective are they? How do they protect their partner / would like to be protected? 

Look at him, of course he’d be protective. Both off and on the battlefield. Holding your hand each time the two of you walked through a busy market, standing just a bit closer when you two walked through the quieter streets of Trost at night. You wouldn’t see it, but he’d always be on the lookout. As the commander, he had more enemies than he could count, and those people would prey on any weakness he had, which was you. 

If something ever happened to you because of him, he would never be able to live with himself. Starting this relationship with you had already been a risk, a gamble, and if you were hurt because of it, it would leave none but him at fault. 

His instincts didn’t leave in the battlefield either. If you were placed in his squad, he’d glance back at you whenever he got the chance, ensuring he was aware of your position at all times. His eyes wouldn’t leave you once you engaged a titan. He should not have been so worried, you were skilled, incredibly so, but the only thing that managed to drag him back to reality was the shout of the soldiers behind him asking for orders, which was when he’d finally look away from you, focusing on the mission once again. 

Q | Quiet moments: How are they during quiet moments with their partner? Is it a peaceful silence or do they make it awkward somehow? 

Quiet moments with Erwin are actually an integral part of your relationship. Both of your lives were filled with so much noise and so many events happenings all at once that catching a quiet moment together was more of a rare pleasure for the two of you. Sitting on the couch together, your body slumped against his, looking up at his face, while he read the book settled on his lap, practically motionless other than his fingers reaching to turn a page occasionally, his other hand brushing through your hair, playing with the soft strands. 

Or the times in his office. You had just finished a training session with some of the new recruits, and after you had retreated to none but the commander's office. He'd ask a few questions about the training, and after getting mostly short, one worded answer he’d understand your mood quickly, telling you how well of a job you had done before leaning back in his chair, opening his arms, a clear invitation for you. One you gladly accepted, sitting yourself down on his lap, your arms wrapping around his torso while your head leaned against the crook of his neck. A short hum of appreciation escaping you. Erwins hand would rest on your lower back, a soft kiss pressed against your cheek before he’d turn back to the reports on his desk, writing again as if there wasn’t a more than tired lieutenant resting on his lap. 

R | Romance: How do they keep the Romance alive in the relationship? Big gestures or small surprises? 

Erwins definitely the type to take you out to fancy restaurant in Stohess at least once a month. Being a commander pays well enough for that. He'd come up behind you in the morning while you were preparing your morning tea when you felt him rest his chin on your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the skin there. “I’ve sent for someone to retrieve your dress from the tailor this morning. “ 

He’d murmur in your ear, the hands holding your waist giving a small squeeze, a flicker of pride at himself when he felt you smile, a quiet chuckle leaving your lips, knowing he was the one who had put it there.  

“A carriage will be waiting for us outside at seven O'clock.” He’d say, a smile appearing on his own face before pulling away from you, the hand on your waist leaving with a brush of his thumb. But that wouldn’t be all, Erwin knew better than anyone that grand gestures like this would mean nothing without the foundation of an already caring and loving relationship, so there’d be many smaller things he’d do without realizing, practically second nature by now. 

 The gifts he’d bring back from Stohess, showing you his vague ideas for future expeditions, putting the reports he was writing aside when you entered his office after a long day. He wouldn’t want you to ever feel like a bother around him. 

S | Smooches: What are they kisses like? Where do they kiss their partner? Where do they like to be kissed? 

That man values any amount of affection you give him. He’s not one to take it for granted, especially when his time with you could be cut short by any upcoming mission. He won’t kiss you as much in the public, specially not in front of the other officers, but if it is more a quiet moment of you two walking through the market or something similar, he won’t stop your attempts to kiss him. Now, the actual kiss itself.  

It won’t just be a light peck, just something quick to show his affection. No, he’d value it, leaning forward, his lips gentle but so sure of himself. One hand coming up to hold the side of your neck, his thumb brushing the side of your face, just above your jaw, his nose brushing against yours. He wouldn’t be licking your teeth (Not in public at least...), but he’d hold you there for at minimum two seconds before finally letting you pull back, looking at you for just a moment before letting his hand fall from your face. 

I feel like he’d be a classic, often kissing you on your lips, brining your hand to his lips to press a faint kiss to your knuckles without even realizing. He also loves kissing the inside of your wrist, just anywhere on your hand or face.  

But for him? Well Erwin doesn’t really expect you to return the favor in any way other than just kissing him back... but then came the first time you reached for his hand. He'd been writing reports all night, and when he finally placed the quill in the ink pot, leaning back against his chair with a tired sigh you were there too. Brushing his hair that had fallen out of the usual neat part back into place with your fingers, your other hand reaching for his ink stained one, bringing it to your lips to press a soft kiss to it. Back then he had been surprised, feeling the gentle brush of your lips against his knuckles. He hadn’t expected such gentleness, not for a man like him. But he never stopped you, never pulled his hand away.  

T | Trust: How do they build trust in the relationship? How important is it to them? 

Look, for Erwin, trust isn't some fluffy romantic concept. It's the bedrock of everything. This is a guy who has built his entire career, his life's work, on calculating risks and trusting his soldiers with humanity's future. So, in a relationship? It's everything. It's non-negotiable. 

You build it the same way you do in the field: through consistent, proven action. It wasn't built on grand declarations of love, but on the fact that you've had his back on more expeditions than he can count. He knows, with a certainty as solid as stone, that when things go to hell out there, you're there.  

You're not just another soldier; you're his lieutenant, and you've positioned yourself as his last line of defense more times than either of you would care to admit. He's felt the wind from your blades as you cut a jaw from its hinges right next to his head. He's heard your voice, steady and clear, cutting through the chaos to shout a warning that saved his life. He trusts you with his life because you've proven you can handle it. 

That military trust seamlessly bleeds into everything else. He trusts your judgment. If you voice a concern about a squad leader or a tactical flaw, he listens. Really listens. Because he knows you're not just being critical; you're seeing something he might have missed. He trusts you with his vulnerabilities, the deep, bone-aching exhaustion, the weight of the guilt, the moments of quiet doubt that he shows to absolutely no one else. Letting you see that is a greater sign of trust than any key to his office. 

And for you? His trust is a quiet, powerful thing. It's in the way he doesn't flinch when you move suddenly near him, because he knows your instincts are to protect, never to harm. It's in the way he can fall into a dead sleep beside you, something he probably couldn't do with anyone else. He knows you can handle the hard truths, the scary parts of his job, and the dark parts of his past. 

So, yeah. It's important. It's the most important thing. Without it, you're just another person. With it? You're the one he trusts with his heart just as completely as he trusts you with his back on the battlefield. 

U | Unwinding: How do they like to relax with their partner? How can their partner help them relax after a hard day? 

For a man who commands thousands and makes world-altering decisions before lunch, Erwin’s idea of perfect relaxation is strikingly simple. It’s the profound peace of existing in the same space as you, without an audience or an agenda. He’d be perfectly content just to sit in the same room while you go about your own quiet tasks.  

You mending the elbow of your uniform jacket, him reading some dry historical text he’d never subject you to. The soft sound of your needle pulling through fabric, the quiet turn of a page, the steady rhythm of your breathing... this what could calm the worry in his mind, even if for a little bit. 

But if you really want to take away the remaining tension he carries in his broad shoulders, it’s through touch. As the Commander, he exists at a distance. A handshake is a formality. A clap on the shoulder is a gesture of friendliness from a fellow officer. But genuine, gentle, seeking touch? That’s a currency he’s starved of. That’s why your hands are his favorite thing in the world. 

After a particularly brutal day, one filled with difficult choices and the heavy weight of future plans, he might come to you without a word. He wouldn’t ask, but the way he sinks onto the sofa beside you, the quiet sigh that escapes him, it’s a plea all its own. 

 That’s your cue. Your fingers in his hair, gently massaging his scalp and ruining that perfect side part, would make him melt on the spot. He’d practically go boneless, his head a heavy weight in your lap, his eyes closed. You could feel the entire day’s stress just leave his body. Tracing the strong line of his jaw, holding his face in your hands, letting your thumb smooth over the furrow in his brow—these simple acts remind him that he doesn’t need to be a commander, not here at least. He is just a man, loved and cared for. He’s putty in your hands, and he doesn’t mind it one bit. 

V | Vision: What is their vision of their shared future? Will they two buy a house and grow old together? 

I actually don’t think Erwin would give your shared future much thought, not because he didn’t want to, of course not. It’s actually his guilty pleasure, something that makes him feel so regretful and unsure that it makes him avoid the topic all together. Erwin isn’t known to be optimistic, he is a commander after all, he is a realist, he knows that with each expedition that he survives, his luck would run out sooner or later. Same would go for you, anytime the formation would shape, and your squad separated itself from his, he had to prepare himself for the possible fact that the back of your cloak getting farther and farther away could be the last time he’d lay eyes on you. 

 He had considered asking you to give up your rank as a lieutenant within the scouts. It was a nagging idea; one had to fight off before every expedition. You were a solider like any other, even despite your connection to him. You had chosen to dedicate your heart and soul to the cause, a decision he couldn’t take away from you for his own selfish want of keeping you safe. So, he chose to trust you, your skills, instincts, leadership, to keep your squad alive. This was why he never dares dream of a future for the two of you. 

 But on the occasion that his mind did let down it’s guard, that the worry and guilt dulled just enough after one too many cups of the flask given to him by Pyxis, he’d imagine a house, a proper one in the plains of wall Rose, with a backyard big enough for the garden you had always mentioned but didn’t have the time and space for. He'd come to the market with you whenever you wished, no longer plagued by the stacks of reports presented to him daily. He'd imagine you callouses fading, no longer needed for the harsh reins of a horse or the rough handles of your blades. A proper ring would be adorning your finger instead, the small blue jewel in the middle seemingly glowing whenever the sun touched it. Some of the things he wished for seemed so small in comparison. 

 You wouldn’t have to wake up so early, mumbling your complaints in the morning, you wouldn’t have to hiss in pain as you wrapped the cut you had gotten during an expedition because there would be none, no cut, no expedition. He'd keep you safe in your house, with no worries for life threatening missions coming up. But there was one though he deemed dangerous, one he had only indulged in once. A child. It was a fleeting dream, but a painful one. 

 The thought of having a child with you... it had burrowed its way deep into his mind, but he kept it buried, nonetheless. The thought of holding such a small human, with his hair and your eyes was appealing. He wouldn’t care if they were a boy or girl, if they had his calm demeanor or your fiery attitude. He'd teach them how to read, show them the maps of both within and outside the walls. He'd make sure they were knowledgeable, smart enough to form their own opinion on the world. He'd teach them how to defend themself, explaining the dangers of the world in a way a child would understand. 

W | Wholesome habits: What habits did they pick up from you? What habits did you pick up from them? 

It started subtly, as all the most ingrained habits do. You were the first to notice it in him, a quiet mirroring of your own routines that he’d adopted without even realizing it. The most obvious one, the one he’d be mildly embarrassed by if anyone else ever saw, was the chewing. It was a tell he’d never allowed himself in front of his subordinates, a crack in the impeccable facade of the Commander. But with you, in the quiet sanctity of his office or your shared quarters, his focus would drift from the page to the depths of his own strategizing mind, and his teeth would find purchase on whatever was in his hand. 

 You’d watch him, poring over a casualty report, his brow furrowed in that specific way that meant he was wrestling with a grim equation of lives and progress, and see the cap of his ink bottle pressed against his lips. Or he’d be drafting a speech, the quill paused mid-sentence, and you’d see the faint indentation of his teeth on the wooden shaft. He’d always snap out of it a moment later, a flicker of surprise in his own blue eyes as he’d lower the object, sometimes giving it a slightly perplexed look as if wondering how it got there. It was a habit born of a mind too heavy with responsibility, and you found it unbearably endearing, a secret glimpse of the man beneath the cape. 

The other habit, the one related to that famously impeccable hair, was yours alone to witness. That neat side part was a symbol of his control, a part of the uniform as much as his bolo tie and green cloak. But in the evenings, when the world was shut out and it was just the two of you, that control could finally relax. 

 You had a habit, when reading together on the settee, of idly running your fingers through your own hair or twisting a loose strand around your finger. He’d begun to mimic it. When he was deep in a book, one arm around your shoulders, you’d feel his fingers, those strong, commander’s fingers that wrote endless reports and wield a blade, gently carding through the hair at his own temple, mussing the perfect part you knew Levi would have a quiet fit about the next morning. It was an unconscious gesture of utter contentment, a sign that he felt safe enough to let his guard down, to be physically unkempt. You loved it more than the perfectly coiffed man who addressed the troops; this was your man, soft and rumpled and at peace. 

From him, you picked up a habit of precision. Erwin lived his life in deliberate strokes, and you found yourself adopting his methodical way of organizing your shared space. Your gear was cleaned and stored with a new kind of care, your own reports filed not by a vague sense of ‘soon’ but by date and priority. It was his influence, a desire to bring order to your corner of a chaotic world. But the most significant habit you learned from him was the pause. Erwin never rushed to fill a silence. He would listen, his full attention on you, and then he would take a breath, a moment of quiet consideration before he spoke. You’d been a person of quick retorts and immediate reactions, but you learned the value of that breath, that moment of space between feeling and speaking. It made your words kinder, your decisions wiser. It was his gift to you: not just his love, but a piece of his profound, thoughtful calm. You’d catch yourself doing it now, in meetings or in conversation, taking that brief, silent beat, the Erwin pause- before continuing. 

X | eXes: Do they talk about their past relationships? How do they handle the knowledge of their partners' exes? 

The topic of past lovers is one that holds little weight in Erwin’s mind. It isn’t born from a place of arrogance or indifference towards your history, but rather from a profound and focused sense of realism. His own romantic past is a brief, closed chapter, a footnote in the much larger text of his life dedicated to the Scouts. There was Marie, of course. A kind woman who represented a different path, a quiet life of comfort he could have chosen. But he didn’t. He chose to instead prove his father’s theories and the burden of his own ambition, and he had made his peace with that long ago. He thinks of her rarely, and only with a distant, almost analytical sense of what that alternative life might have looked like. There is no nostalgia. For Erwin, a decided matter is a settled matter. 

This is precisely why the knowledge of your exes doesn’t provoke even a flicker of jealousy or insecurity in him. To dwell on the past, to dissect relationships that have clearly ended, is an idiotic use of his time, a luxury a man like him simply does not have. You have chosen to stand by his side, to share his bed, to offer him a comfort he never thought he’d find. That is the only fact that holds any meaning. 

If you were to bring up an old memory, perhaps in a moment of late-night vulnerability or casual storytelling, he would listen with the same focused attention he gives all your words. He wouldn’t interrupt, his expression would remain neutral and open, taking in the information as simply another part of the map that is you. 

 He would file it away, understanding a little more about you, but he would never feel threatened by the ghosts of men who couldn’t keep you. He might, in a moment of quiet confidence, even muse on it aloud. He’d pull you a little closer, his hand a steady weight on your back, and his voice would be a low, calm rumble. 

 “It seems they failed to appreciate what they had,” he’d say, the words not a boast but a simple statement of fact. “But their loss is the one piece of fortune I will never question. It brought you here.” 

Y | Yearning: Who misses the other the most? Can they be away from their partner for long? 

Let's be real here, you probably think about him more when you're apart. You’re the one counting the days on a mental calendar, your mind wandering during drills to wonder if he’s eaten or if he’s buried himself under a mountain of reports. You feel his absence like a physical thing, a quiet spot in the barracks that’s just too quiet. 

But Erwin? He’d go into it thinking it’s fine, totally manageable. Business as usual. And for the first day, it is. He’s Commander Erwin Smith, he’s got a nation to worry about; he doesn't have the luxury to sit around pining. He’d power through meetings, delegate missions, and write up strategies without a hitch. He’d even seem perfectly normal, maybe even a little more focused than usual. 

But then the day would end. The door to his office would close, and the silence would really settle in. And that’s when it would hit him. The room feels too big. The bed feels too empty. He’d pour a drink and find himself staring at the chair you usually curl up in, and his mood would just… sour. Not in a dramatic way. He wouldn’t sigh dramatically or anything. He’d just feel a persistent, low-level irritability that he can’t quite pinpoint the cause of. Everything is just slightly off. His thoughts, usually so single-minded, would keep drifting back to you without his permission. He’d wonder if you’re safe, if you’re warm, what you might be doing right then. He’d find himself reaching for the little trinket you left on his desk, a small ceramic bird you had gotten together at the market, just to fidget with it. 

So, who misses the other more? It’s a tie, but it looks totally different for either of you. You wear your heart on your sleeve; you feel the distance keenly and openly. Erwin, though? He doesn't even realize he’s missed you until the moment you’re back and he feels this wave of quiet relief wash over him. The tension in his shoulders finally easing when he sees you. He can absolutely function without you for long stretches, the world doesn’t stop turning because he’s a little lovesick. But he’s not happy about it. Not one bit. He gets quiet and withdrawn, and Levi might even snap at him to "stop moping and drink your tea, it’s pathetic." 

Z | Zzz: What are their sleep habits like as a couple? Do they cuddle, sprawl, fall asleep mid-conversation? 

The little routine you have with Erwin is your favorite part of the day, or rather night. Erwin would be sitting on side of the bed, pulling at the end of his bolo tie, the dark cord from his neck, and placed it neatly on the drawers besides the bed. He'd then reach for the buttons of the cuffs of his shirt when you]d step in between his legs, looking down at him with a knowing grin while he only sighed his hands coming up to hold your wrists with a gentle force, never enough to make you feel trapped, “No darling, not toni-” you’d only shush him in response, pulling your hands away from his grip, grabbing his face instead, squeezing his cheeks between your thumbs and index fingers. 

 “Shh... you’ll be fine commander.” you’d say, unable to hold back a giggle, your hands leaving his face and fingers threading through his meticulously parted hair, fingers shuffling the soft golden strands. The perfect side part and the neatly combed hair was a thing of the past, now there was only the unruly mop of blonde hair that used to be Erwins’s hair. Erwin was still the entire time, even after you pulled your hands away, grinning at your handy work. 

 “Darling...” the word was in such a drawn out and exasperated manner that an involuntarily laugh left you which only earned you a long look from Erwin, he could glare all he wanted, heh hadn’t ever stopped you from messing his hair up. It was your routine by this point. “Can’t let my commander go to sleep looking all neat and proper.” 

He also definitely snores, not too often, maybe like twice a night but on the rare occasion that he does, it’s LOUD you’d be wrapped in his arms, using one of his arms as a pillow, the muscles of his bicep a perfect cushion, when suddenly you’d feel this low rumble pull you from your sleep, followed by an impossible rightening of his arms around you, crushing you to his chest. 

 “Erwin-” you’d say, forcing out the words, hands coming up to try and push against his chest or peel his arms away from your frame, which momentarily worked, before his arms went tighter than before, this time with a sleepy mumble from him. “The supply route regarding- crafted steel... Sina is inefficient...”  

A jumble of words really, but enough to show he wasn’t freed from his duties even in his sleep. And nothing you could do would wake this man up. Of course, in a serious situation where he needs his clarity, on an expedition or sorts, he’d wake up in a heartbeat, awakened by even the snap of a twig. But when he’s with you? Well, he’s obviously going to feel a lot safer in his own quarters, with you in his arms. So, you best believe he’s not waking up until his internal clock registers that it’s morning, and that he can feel the warm rays of sunshine on his face. 

“You already are.”