#guardianagent

john "living PR crisis" walker constantly convincing the public that he is dating each of his teammates:

It starts when the New Avengerz have like a really bad mission. A publicly bad mission. And they are trying to do damage control at a press conference. One of the more conservative-leaning reporters (who all only address their questions to John and maybe sometimes Bucky) starts asking questions like, "what has it been like going from being led by very decorated men in the military to being an Avenger under the leadership of Ms. Belova?" (basically implying Yelena is a bad leader because she is a woman). And John is. Just so tired and his body hurts and he is tired of being some weird pedestal for these annoying misogynistic racist people. So he just loses it. Starts ranting about how Yelena is the best leader he has ever had and that he would "follow her to hell and back without question you fucking losers."

And the press doesn't understand that John at his core really is that loyal when he trusts someone (and he has trusted Yelena since they got out of the vault together). So OF COURSE the press assumes that they are sleeping together.

None of the thunderbolts take it seriously--it's just some stupid gossip that will eventually pass on. (But Yelena does give John a hug when no one is around to thank him for supporting her).

Except.

It keeps happening.

Ava has a bad day spiraling about her childhood growing up in labs and John invites her to come with him during his visitation with his son. They all spend the day under the sun running around playing games before getting ice cream. The next day, the headlines read, "Current Avengers, John Walker and Ava Starr: Relationship Timeline (co-parenting?)."

And then, Bucky gets thrown into a wall during a mission, and John just freaks out, eyes glassy, and starts frantically petting him, making sure that he was okay. Someone takes a photo of John holding Bucky's face in his hands, looking terrified.

After that, during one of those PR "friendship test videos" (that all of them hate but Val forces them to do) Alexei and John are paired together and one of the questions is what is the other person's favorite food. And John's answer is not only right, but like insanely specific, i.e., the borscht from this shop in this random street in St. Petersburg, outside of which Alexei had his first kiss. Alexei talks alot, okay-and John had unfortunately asked what everyone's favorite food was as the resident cook and was plagued with a good enough memory even without the serum to remember every. single. word. Alexei said. (When this inevitably blows up, Yelena immediately makes fun of John for being such a whore that he goes for two generations in the same family).

Eventually, the press also start asking questions about who this random dude living with the team in the Avengerz tower is and John just immediately panics and say "he's my....guy?" (he had a blond moment and couldn't think of anything fast enough).

THUNDERBOLTS* SHIPS SORTER

disclaimer: i added (hopefully didn’t miss any) all the pairings except yelena/alexei for obvious reasons. let’s keep it chill, no hating on other ships, it’s just for fun, not a ship war.

Pairing: Little!Bob x Caretaker!Alexei x Little!John

Summary: Alexei takes John and Bob to a beach house owned by the New Avengers

Alexei peeks back in the rearview mirror of John’s truck, catching sight of the boy sitting in the back seats. His boy, Bob. John is sitting in the passenger seat next to him, drumming his fingers on the dashboard along to some rock song playing on the radio. Bob, sitting in his carseat, is snoozing away, soft breaths leaving him as he snuggles further into his warm sweater.

“Are we there yet?” John murmurs impatiently, starting to roll his window up and down over and over again, causing Alexei to reach over and press the child safety lock. John huffs, annoyed, more so than usual.

“Not yet, little one.” Alexei answers with a small sigh. He would typically be more energetic, but wrangling Bob, who was mentally around the age of 3 to 4 years old, the entire car ride was exhausting. John was able to take care of himself for the majority of the ride, being around 8 to 9 years old, he played on his old Game Boy while they cruised on the highway, only starting to talk again once they pulled off onto side streets.

“Not little!” John crosses his arms with a pout. His expression falters a little when Alexei pulls off onto a sand and gravel path, John letting out little giggles as the truck rumbles and bounces when they go over potholes and bumps.

“Right, right.” Alexei chuckles, peeling off onto a long driveway, narrowly dodging the mailbox, which likely has been hit before, and sits jutted out to the side. They had a lot more work to do to the place, but for now, it’s been functioning well as their little home away from home at the tower.

“House!” John cheers loudly, and Bob lets out a little whimper as the shout wakes him up, the younger boy reaching up to rub his eyes.

“Mmnn?” Bob yawns, his hand shifting down so he can slip his thumb into his mouth.

“Morning, little one. We are here.” The oldest of the group parks the car, instructing that John go and fetch their bags, which the energetic boy eagerly does. Alexei pulls open the back door, reaching inside the truck to release Bob from his car seat prison. The youngest boy is still half asleep, easily being picked up and held right on Alexei’s hip.