#grubfuckerstuck

When ED finds out that Kit is going to hunt down and kill Fef, ED tries to stop him. Tries, and fails. Fef's such a highblood, tho, they have plenty of time to talk as she's dying...

ED- Fef! Oh god, Fef- *crouches next to her, kneeling in the pool of her blood* *pulls her head into his lap, brushing her hair back* Fef! Fef... *eyes clenched tight but open staring into her closed ones, trying not to cry*

Fef- Er...i... dan?

ED- Fef! Oh god, Fef, it's alright. Fef, it's okay, love...

Fef- *eyes still closed, a confused frown on her lips* Water you doing here...

ED- I'm here for you, Fef. I'm... *eyes close, tears escaping* I'm so sorry- *single, gasping sob* Oh god, Fef, I'm- *suddenly stops*

Fef- *had put her hand on ED's cheek, weakly*

ED- *eyes closed, trying to ignore the feeling of her blood on his cheek*

Fef- Shhh, Erid-an... *rubs with her thumb, making streaks in the blood* Never... Apologize. Stand strong, and-

ED- *finishes, sadly* Always remember... I love you. And will support and care for you... *slight sniffle, his hand cupping the one on his cheek* No matter what.

Fef- *weak, happy smile* That's right...

ED- *the hand on his cheek is falling, he clenches onto it harder, keeping it on him* I love you, Fef...

Fef- *whispers, barely a breath* Eridan... I love... You... *head falls to the side, breathing shallow*

ED- *swallows hard, closing his eyes, holding tighter onto her hand, his other running through the front of her hair*

Fef- ... *weakly* Sollux...?

ED- Hm? *glances to her*

Fef- *happy smile on her lips, her eyes closed, head to the side* Hi, Soll...ux...

ED- ...

Fef- I missed... You too... *other hand reaches out, in front of herself* Can't you see him, Eridan?

ED- ... Yeah. Yeah, I see him. 

Fef- *broken laugh* He's... Flipping you off. *gasping sob, smiling widely* He says... He misses you. But- but he's taking care of everyone. 

ED- Everyone?

Fef- Aradia, and... Nepeta... Terezi, and- and our wrigglers... Oh, look at them, Eri-*gasp*dan... They're so happy to be together...

ED- *shaking voice, trying desperately to hold back his tears* Yeah... I bet they are, Fef. 

Fef- *happy smile fades, turning serious* Sollux... You want me to go with you...?

ED- *closes eyes, blinking hard for a moment before opening them, looking into Fef's eyes, the brushing of her hair continuing*

Fef- Is it... Alright, Eridan?

ED- Yeah... Go ahead, Fef... Whatever you want.

Fef- *happy sigh* Thank you, Eridan... I love you... *hand on Ed's face presses harder, pulling his face down*

ED- *bends over, kissing Fef gently*

Fef- *returning the kiss, although barely* *breaks away slightly, whispering:* I love you... *kisses him again, as much pressure as she can muster, which isn't much*

ED- *his lips are trembling, he can't help it- he's gotta keep the tears in somehow* *kissing her tenderly, a couple stray tears leaving his closed eyes, landing on Fef's face*

Fef- *with a final, faltering kiss, the hand on ED's cheek goes limp, the other falling unceremoniously onto her lap*

It had been a long day. Eridan hadn’t left Sollux’s side, save for quick trips to the load gaper or to prepare his food. Eridan had been there for a solid three days now. Feferi was supposed to be by, supposed to take over, to give Eridan a reprieve. Eridan didn’t want it, anyway. So it’s okay that Feferi had that meeting with her board.

It was hard being Empress.

It was hard and nobody understood.

Sollux was sitting on the couch, half-focused on the book Eridan had been reading to him. A coping mechanism introduced by Terezi and agreed-upon by Gamzee- the mindless task kept Eridan’s mind busy, but his hands free to hang onto Sollux’s hand, something he did now.

“Where we were to be for the rest of our lives,” Eridan finished solemnly, closing the book gently. Sollux’s wizened face expressed slight joy, a smile on his lips. “Alright, let’s see what’s next…” But Sollux waved his hand, dismissing the idea. Eridan was used to this, and waited patiently for the teasing comment about how he needed a reprieve from his horrendous voice, which Eridan would reply to with some blindness crack.

But it wasn’t coming.

Sollux reached up to his face, pulling off his glasses. He handed them towards Eridan, who took them with slightly shaking hands. He opened his mouth to object, but Sollux interrupted him, quietly.

“It’th not like they're doing me much good anyway.” Sollux shifted his shoulders slightly, a weak shrug. “Bethideth, who elthe would even want 'em?”

“What about Fef?” Eridan asked, concerned about his matespirit’s well-being.

“The'th got enough to worry about…” Sollux groaned lightly, his eyes clenching shut as he shifted again, opening and blinking balefully at Eridan.

“I’m sorry she couldn't come today, Sol.” It was her day to be here. She was supposed to have today off from her Imperial duties, but she didn’t.

“It'th alright…” The corners of Sollux’s mouth turned up in a smile. “I’ll thee you guyth thoon.” His smile turned to a smirk, appreciating his own joke.

Eridan chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “How many times do I have to tell you? Making blind jokes is my j— Sol?“ Sollux looked… different. His eyes are closed peacefully, the smirk still hanging on his lips. “Sollux?” Eridan hesitantly spoke, reaching a fragile hand toward his face, not quite touching him.

But Sollux’s ears are as deaf as his eyes are blind, and the lifeforce leaves him.

“S… Sollux…” Eridan moaned lightly, tears flowing from his eyes, finally broken free after the sweeps of holding them back, running down his cheeks. As he sobs, a single tear hits Sollux’s glasses, running down the blue lens morosely.

————

Eridan is perched on the steps of Sollux’s hivestem, the glasses hung loosely in his hand. His tears had dried up hours ago, and he had taken the time to clean his face, organize his thoughts a bit, paying no mind to the corpse sitting on the couch. As soon as Feferi said her goodbye, he would call the cleaners to collect him, to prepare him for the proper grievance ceremony.

But Feferi wasn’t home yet.

He waited.

“Eridan?” a quiet and kind voice asked. Feferi’s. Eridan blinked awake- he must have dozed off- and sat up, looking up at Madame Empress.

“Hey, Fef,” Eridan says, his voice cracking with the sadness of loss.

“What are you doing on his porch…” Feferi asks, bewilderment in her voice. The suitcase at her side clenches tighter in her fist as Eridan stands, placing Sollux’s glasses on his forehead for safekeeping. He stands before Feferi, his hands going to her arms, comforting.

“Fef…” he begins, sadly, but Feferi is shaking her head, tears springing forth.

“What are you doing on his porch-“ Feferi is crying now, her suitcase falling to the ground as her hands go to cup her face, fingers held tight over her nose and trembling lips. “Where’s Sollux… I…” Eridan says nothing, is only silently supportive, running his hands on her arms. “Oh… Oh cod, no!” She throws her arms around Eridan’s form, holding him close to her, crying hard into his shoulder. “Oh cod, Sollux, oh-“ she’s whining between sobs. “Sollux!”

Although he had no tears left, Eridan wished he could cry with her, to mourn him as they both saw fit. The best he could do was be supportive, to be the moirail he never could. So he held her, until long after her tears dried up as well.

————

“I motherfuckin’ told you, bro, no special treatment!” Gamzee’s complaint brought Eridan out of his stupor. They were at the pizza place where Gamzee’s late matespirit, Tavros, had found employment. Even though Tavros was no longer of this world, Gamzee was still a regular fixture at the restaurant.

“B-But- come on, Gamzee, she’s the Empress.” The manager was a reedy little thing, a blue blooded dear friend of Gamzee’s. “I can’t charge her!” Feferi hadn’t said anything throughout the exchange, focused on the glasses delicately poised on her fingertips, studying them. Gamzee threw an arm up, groaning in exasperation.

“Your motherfuckin’ place, bro.”

“You’re too right it is. I’ll have your pizzas out in a bit.” Gamzee watched the manager go, then dismissed himself with a grunt of ‘gotta visit the gaper’, leaving Eridan and Feferi alone.

Eridan hadn’t let her go. Not since that day. As they sat now, both on one side of the booth, his hand was rested on her knee, comforting in its presence. Feferi’s hands were still busy with the glasses, wanting to memorize everything about them without running the risk of hurting them.

“I’m making the top drawer a my desk a memory area for him,” Eridan murmured, watching the glasses intently. “Those’ll go in there… They’ll be safe.” Feferi nodded.

“I don’t want anything happening to these…” she said quietly, reaching into her bag and producing a hard-shell case from Eridan’s collection. Deftly putting them away, she sighs, leaning back in the booth, taking Eridan’s hand. They exchange sad smiles until Gamzee comes back, flopping himself in the bench across from them.

Light conversation (never about anything too intense or anything quadrant-related) precedes the pizza. The manager places Gamzee’s first, then places the second. Feferi had ordered herself a cheese, anchovy and banana pepper pizza. What was surprising, and causing the sea trolls to stare, open mouthed, was the layout of the peppers. Sollux’s sign.

Eridan was immediately thrown back in time, to the last time he had been here, eating a troll’s sign on the pizza.

“Tavbro came up with the idea,” Gamzee began, flipping out his phone to snap a quick picture of the memorial pie. “Every bite you take, you gotta think of a happy thought… Something about him, or just in general. And then, when you finish your piece… You have to tell a story, a happy memory. Doesn’t matter who it’s with. Just something you’re gonna motherfucking cherish for the rest of your days.”

Eridan explains the procedure to Feferi as he takes his first slice. At his first bite, his mind fills with Sollux. The way he moved or spoke, his personality, his abilities, his love, his hate… Eridan let the feelings of all of it fill him up with each hasty bite. He wanted to share a story.

“Tho when I met thol-“ Gamzee laughs, a single low ‘honk’, and tapps Eridan on the top of the head with his fork.

“Swallow, bro. Show some motherfucking decorum.” Eridan swallows heavily, then begins again.

“When I met Sol, I was on a hate-date with Vriska. She’d called me Dualscar for the fiftieth time that night, and it was starting to upset me. I was thinking that if only I knew someone better for my quadrants, I’d leave her. And that’s when I met Sol.” A genuine smile breaks on Eridan’s face, his eyes glazing over with reminiscence. “I threatened Karkat- that’s what started it, and Sollux stopped me with his psionics. Ah…” He sighs wistfully. “Lightning.” There was a slight shudder to his form as he reached for another slice.

Feferi had not touched hers.

“What’s wrong, Fef? Not hungry?” Gamzee asks, looking towards the Empress.

“N-No, I am-“ Feferi hesitated. “I just… Can’t think of anything happy right now… I don’t want to break the rules…”

“Anythin’, Fef,” Gamzee said, smiling kindly. “The way the sun looks on the motherfucking sea.” Feferi smiles slightly and took a bite of her pizza. “Let’s see… Ah. How proud you are of your new culling system.” Another bite.

“The way Sol’s face would light up when he heard your voice,” Eridan offers, a slight smile on his lips. Feferi nodds, biting again. “The way he’d insist we cut up his sandwich- Always in triangles. And it had to be perfect glubbin’ triangles, too. He’d get out the ruler.” Feferi giggles to herself lightly, biting again.

“How peaceful he’d look on the piano,” Feferi mumbles through another bite. Her slice was gone. She stares at her empty plate, a thoughtful pout on her lips. “Oh!” She looks up, excitedly. “The night that Sollux and I watched the one about the ship that struck the iceberg and had that whole princess and the pauper lowblood/highblood romance story? We curled up under a blanket on the couch, sharing a bowl of popcorn… I cried at the ending and he just held me, not saying anything, not making fun of me for being so silly…” Feferi’s smile falters. “It wasn’t fair… If he had been one caste higher, he could have survived floating in the ocean…” Eridan’s hand goes to Feferi’s shoulder, patting it lightly.

“We watched that movie about the seadweller who falls in love with a lowblooded landdweller? She gives up her gills and fins to be with him, and it’s a cartoon?” Eridan’s asking Feferi, to see if she remembers the one. She does. “I serenaded Sol with that one.” Feferi laughs, a hand going to her lips, stifling slightly. “He did not find it so funny. I thought it was glubbin’ perfect.”

Silence falls over the table, the three of them staring at the pizza with its two slices missing. Eridan reaches for his glass, holding it up to the middle of the table, the condensation dripping onto the circle.

“To Sol.” Feferi smiles, picks up her glass, and holds it next to his.

“To Sollux.” Gamzee picks up his, clinking their glasses together.

“To motherfucking Solbro.” The three take a sip in honor of their dear kismesis, moirail and friend, then lay their glasses back on the table, pulling off more pieces.

You are sitting on the edge of your pool, sparkling clear, the bottom inlaid with the fuschia of your blood. Kicking lightly, feeling the currents on your toes, you lean your head back, relaxed. Yes, this place was certainly a good one to escape with your thoughts. Your reflection block, this haven on your ship, was your favorite place. Much better than the Helmsman’s block which always left you feeling horribly sad. Like… There was something you were missing in your life. For some reason, seeing the psionic helmsman, his eyes blue and red, focused and dedicated, the psionics arching around the room… Always made you feel… Regretful? That wasn’t the word, but that’s the closest you had.

You felt the same way when approaching the library, where all of your books are kept, and the office and title for your right-hand troll, Her Imperious Consort, a seadweller troll directly under you on the hemospectrum. Intelligent, diligent, and dedicated to you and you alone- she was your best friend and your most relied-upon contact.

Still. There was a time when someone else filled that title… There must have been. Her Imperious Consort was so young, and you had ruled for so long. The wriggler-hood of your rule must have had another. But for the life of you… You cannot recall.

Your quadrants are empty. You are Matron to no one. You’re unable to be Matron for any new culled wrigglers, but you can’t recall why. You know your quadrants had trolls, long ago… You had a moirail, and a matespirit. Your moirail died, long before your rule. Was… Was it a man or a woman? What caste were they in. What was their name…

And your matespirit…

You stand, dripping water on the polished surface. Crossing to a bench, you lift a fuzzy white towel and dry off your lower extremities from their dip in the pool. As you work, you think.

Your matespirit. Was it a male? You recall the ring you always wear around your neck, but have no inclination to do so besides the fact that you’ve always worn it, as long as you remember. EA <3 FP is the inscription, the gems gone, all missing except for the red heart and your fuschia on the side. EA… What could it stand for? It must be your matespirit… Your perhaps late matespirit… But who were they?

Why do psionics fill you with such loss? The teal-blooded troll that busies himself in your library- why does his presence always dampen your spirits? There is a green-blooded troll, the culled wriggler of Her Imperious Consort. She’s blind. Why does this result in a loss of faith.

You wish you knew. You wished you could remember.

You stand, unrolling your pants, ensuring they are settled and wrinkle-free on your person.

You move slowly. It had been a long life. But you were close to Alternia now, your home planet. Perhaps a visit to a park could make things a bit better. You wanted to visit the city- to see the gleam of the moon off of the communal hive stems that seemed familiar for some reason. To visit the justice building, attempt to discover why that location hurt you so. Perhaps make an out-of-city field trip to the Correctional Institution.

To try to remember.