Even after 12 years I’m still processing Ground Zeroes. It was the first and last game I bought on release day. It offended me so deeply that I became disinterested in the entire series that I loved for 5 years. I loved and still love peace walker the most out of any game I’ve ever played. I loved Paz and Chico as if they were real people. The setting of Ground Zeroes was especially shocking for me as a brown Muslim who was 5 years old when 9/11 happened. I would often hear about the enhanced interrogation at Guantanamo Bay on the news as a child. It felt like Kojima was specifically trying to hurt me with that game. In 2019 I became very depressed and began playing Phantom Pain purely for gameplay. It was what I needed at the time. I would play GTA 5 for hedonistic fun and as a safe space to role-play. For something more structured and meditative I would play Phantom Pain. Now with all the knowledge of hindsight, I’m beginning to realize the genius of Kojima. Phantom Pain’s narrative is steeped in post traumatic stress disorder. But it’s also an escape. A solitary vacation in Afghanistan and Africa. A game that implores you to meditate and observe before engaging with the objective at hand. Almost healing in a way.