#grieving groups

M Offered Me Tough Love as I Grieved

M often gave me tough love as I grieved. During a pity party, M challenged me to choose to live. She said it wasn’t easy, I’d have to frequently make the decision to counter the violence of the emotional storms I experienced. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again where M helped me make it through another emotional storm:

“I’ve never experienced emotional storms with…

A Shared Experience of Grief Taught Me About Grieving

A Shared Experience of Grief Taught Me About Grieving

I found a grieving group that worked for me. I was the only male in a room of 20 women. These women became my teachers and my inspiration. They taught me about courage, strength, and compassion. I share part of that experience in this excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Love Again:

I listened to a woman openly cry while telling the…

When Grieving Strikes, There is no Turning Back

Willie Nelson sang, “It’s not something you get over, but it’s something you get through.” His words clearly describe grieving. When grieving hits, it leaves a permanent scar. The wound heals, but the scar remains. It’s the way it is. Here is a an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again: 

“Grief hits like a lightning bolt. My world crashed on top of me after Babe’s death. I…

Nothing in Life Prepares One to Grieve

A woman who lost her husband of 49 years pulled me aside after I spoke at a meeting and said, “Ray, no one knows until they know.” I knew she was speaking about the intense suffering associated with her grief. Grieving had taken hold of her. I understood. I journaled about my grief when it first struck me in Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. Here is an excerpt from my journal.

“Nothing in…

I’ve spoken to hundreds of people who grieve and face a similar experience as me. Each of us, who deeply loved the person we lost, feel our pain at a visceral level. The indescribable depths of the pain are akin to a dense cloud blocking the sun. One begins to wonder if the sun will ever shine. M helped me to break away the dense cloud by recalling good memories of Babe. Here is an excerpt from D…

Sometimes There is No Anwer to “Why?”

Have you asked Why? I did throughout the depths of my grieving, thousands of times, and never found an answer. I asked M, “Why?” She gently guided me with her wisdom. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again: 

“I keep asking why. I never find an answer. I find only anger and sadness. I might as well try to stop the tide from rising.”

M nodded, and said, “Exactly, Ray.…

We Are All Wounded

M became an indispensable guide during the height of my grieving. At one point, where I was wallowing in self pity, she challenged me to make peace with the past. I reacted predictably and spoke of my wounds. I forgot, for a moment, M also suffered a similar loss. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:

“We are all wounded, Ray. Wounds heal and leave scars. We all carry…

There Will Be Another Season

There was a time during the depths of my grieving when I felt as if I were drowning. M and I went for a walk in nearby park. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again where she helped me through the moment:

“M didn’t answer right away. Instead, she stopped and pulled out her iPhone, turning to the wild flowers just off the trail’s edge.

“I love wild flowers. I must take…