#grey-asexual

aro & ace books: grey-ace & acespec

either specifically grey-ace, or where they're clearly some sort of ambiguously acespec (but not specifically demi). Ambiguity either from the setting/writing/context, or the character is questioning/unsure.

find grey-aroace/aroacespec books here, and demisexual here

A Letter to the Luminous Deep - sff duology, ace or acespec coded MCs (2/4), m/f

The Hands of the Emperor/At The Feet of the Sun - high fantasy series, greyace/acespec man MC, m/m qpr

After the Dragons - scifi novella, maybe greyace MC (1/2), m/m

Nophek Gloss - scifi trilogy, acespec (maybe arospec) man MC, maybe acespec woman MC

She Who Became The Sun - historical fantasy duology, nonbinary acespec MC (1/2*),

The Unbalancing - high fantasy novella, demi/greyace nonbinary MC (1/2)

Bloody Spade - YA urban fantasy, greyace/acespec girl MC (1/4), m/f

The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester - YA contemporary/paranormal - nonbinary MC 'on the ace spectrum'

Kiss Me Maybe - contemporary romance, explicitly grey-ace lesbian MC, f/f

#aspec books / aspec database / tumblr masterpost

Shay, she/her. She's my favorite as far as like inherent physical appearance goes (though Saigh is a close second). My beautiful assassin :)

Also Dero's older sister, callback to his sheet on hers. they love each other <3 and dero is so annoying

I understand that human experience does not fit into neatly divided boxes and i get that its a good thing but it would be soooo much fucking easier if i could just read a checklist and get told if im ace or gray or demi or whatever the fuck is going on with this whole mess

Its been literal years. The entirety of figuring out where i am in regards of gender and romantic shit took mere months, and its been over three FUCKING years. Simply is not fair

The worst part is im not comfortable with just slapping an ‘acespec’ on there and going, no, because i dont care about the actual label, i just want to understand how my own fucking emotions work >:/

Catch me desperately clinging to ‘non-sam aro’ like a lifeline so i dont have to figure out how my sexuality works ever

@booksandteaonarainydayislife, you had asked “In real life, is it not possible for people to be ace due to trauma? Like, would someone who experienced a traumatic event that made it impossible for them to feel sexual attraction not be considered ace?”

This isn’t a clear yes and no answer, which is why I had to make a new post about it. Also, I would like to say that I had been recently education on this new term I am going to explain from the replies from this post (x), I am no way an expert on this, someone asked for my opinion, and here it is, so if anyone who is more experienced/has this sexuality wants to add on, please do so kindly.

I learned that there is a term called “Caedsexual”, which is described as “ is a micro label on the asexual spectrum which describes an individual who identified as allosexual—or not a part of the asexual spectrum—at one point in their lives, but are now on the asexual spectrum due to past trauma. This label should only be used by those who are survivors of these past experience.” I am not sure how recent this term is, but as there is a term for it, people should start using this if this is what they mean when they headcanon a character as “asexual”, when really they mean caedsexual.

Caedsexual is part of the ace spectrum, but it would still be considered incorrect to refer to someone who identifies as this as simply asexual, in my opinion, because not every asexual person is such because of trauma. For example, I am demisexual, I would say I am on the ace-spectrum, but I am not asexual. As I had talked in the post I linked above, the problem with identifying certain characters as asexual and say that it’s due to trauma is because so often, having experienced it myself, is that have a hard time believing those on the ace-spectrum that we are this way not because of trauma. Many people who are on the ace-spectrum suffer prejudice because people will assume that they are ace because of trauma and will try to convince the aces that they need therapy, that maybe they just need to find the right person and they’ll no longer be ace. Some allo-sexual people feel that somehow there ace-spectrum people are “broken” and need “fixing”, which is not true, but when you get people who misidentify certain characters or people as asexual because of trauma and it fuels the myth that we somehow need to be fixed in order to be “proper humans”, because the notion that sex/romance are not necessary for a happy life is crazy to them. Some people are ace the same way some people are gay, they just are, and people should respect that.

So, if you want to say that Kaz and/or Inej, or any other character in fact, identify as being caedsexual because of trauma, that would be correct, but saying that a character is asexual because of trauma is incorrect and helps to fuel the harmful notion that everyone who falls under the ace-spectrum is there because of trauma. They are not interchangeable and I don’t think people should say someone is asexual when they mean caedsexual. I hope that makes sense, and like I said, I am not a huge expert on caedseuxality, but this is from the observations and thoughts on this whole thing.

The protagonist pressed back against the kitchen shelf – eyes wide, limbs trembling. They were not leaping into the succubus’s arms, but they couldn’t run for the door either. Some innate force was holding them back.

They’d been questioning lately, if they were grey-ace. What a hell of a way to have it confirmed.

“Come on, sweetness.” The succubus waltzed closer. “Just give in to me. You know you want to.” Their eyes were a gorgeous sky-after-sunset purple. The protagonist’s favorite color.

They had watched their friends fall, one after the other, to these monsters. None of them had even been able to put up a fight. And, now that the protagonist was cornered, they understood. Even with this newfound layer of protection, it was hard to look anywhere but those eyes.

They tried, fingers straining, to reach for the clay sugar jar on the shelf.

Two years ago, the succubi hordes had descended upon the world. Grotesque monsters hidden beneath a beautiful veneer, they seduced humans to breed their demonic offspring, or otherwise just to eat people’s souls. But really, they could do anything they wanted with the people under their control.

Including force them to reveal the location of the other survivors.

The succubus was right in front of them, now. “I’ll make it good for you, promise. Gentle.” They grinned. “Or rough. However you like.” They put a hand on the protagonist’s arm, making them half shiver, half flinch. “Just tell me where that human colony of yours is, and you can have all of me.”

“F-fuck,” it was hard to get the words out, “a cactus.”

The succubus grabbed the back of the protagonist’s head, and rammed their faces together in a kiss.

The protagonist’s mind flashed white, and for a second, they were sure they were gone.

Then they smashed the jar against the succubus’s head.

Still reeling, they tripped and stumbled over the creature’s body, and fled off into the wilderness.

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So, first of all, this post is not suppose to discourage anyone from coming out (I’m not even sure if anyone is reading this, lol..) It’s just that I see a lot of coming out storys of asexuals that seem really positive. Which is great, don’t get me wrong. But they seem so different from my own experience, that I often feel kinda lonely with it. So, in case anyone is feeling the same out there, I wanna share my story.. and just finally get it off my chest..

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For the longest time, I thought I was simply prude. That’s what everyone told me since I can remember even. I’m not sex-repulsed, but never got why people talked so high about sex and seemed to have the hots for someone they barely know all the time. And I felt really uncomfortable hearing about or being asked about it. Around 7 years ago, I learned about asexuality, but the core information that I got was - asexuals hate sex. It’s discusting.. sex-repulsed. That’s not 100% how I felt so it didn’t click immediately. A few month later, I talked with a good friend about all the terms there are now to describe your orientation. She shared her own feelings and when it was my turn, she was like.. “How about you? I kinda get an asexual vibe from you..?” and since it was the most fitting thing at the time I was like “..yeah, I guess..?”. That’s when I really actually realized for the first time that people are not just exaggerate when they are talking about sex and attraction, but that I’M actually missing something.. So I read more about the topic. I learned that there is more to asexuality than hating sex, but it still seemed like that was what it’s like for 99% of the aces. I found out about gray-aces and went with that term, but still felt so out of place.. My boyfriend (which I just met a few weeks pre-’I guess I’m ace then!?’) was part of my journy and gladly very understanding. We researched together, he never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want to do, even though he is.. so not asexual.. But.. and I know he didn’t mean it that way.. there was always this ‘But what if..’. - But what if we just tried this or that, maybe it will change - But what if you just need more time, maybe it will change - But what if you get more comfortable with yourself, maybe it will change He never ever said any of these things, but it was there, between the lines. Maybe it was really just honest curiosity, but again, I felt.. not taken seriously. Just like back when everyone was calling me prude. - Oh just wait till you find the right one - Once you’ve tried it, you’ll want more