Jul 26, 2018
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#sober in a foreign country and my thoughts are racing even though i'm exhausted i cant sleep#im so down i feel like my life is in pieces and i have no idea how to build shit#never thought i'd be alone at this age#greatnowimcrying#dont even have a best friend and i know it's because of my shitty patterns and lack of motivation to live#my closest friend and i haven't talked in a couple of weeks cause i felt like she didnt care enough#so i told her and i#the response i got was im sorry you feel like that and a shrug#im pretty much at the edge of giving up on other people and finding a basement or a hole in the ground for me to stay in#people keep breaking my heart and idk what to do about it#is it me thats breaking my own heart by giving too much of a shit#i just#i can't fucking take being alone and stuck with these thoughts and i fucking ughhhhhh need to go back to therapy and pick my self up#i hate that i have to start over again cause i ruined it again#i had so many good options but i only choose the shitty ones and problem is at the time i thought it was all good#i'm so broken and dumb#i hate that love for others is one of the only reasons i try anymore tbh and me being on my own pretty much means i stopped trying#ugh being sober sucks my thoughts are overwhelming#i mean no one even knows im over here apart from my family#no one to tell tbh#anyway tomorrow i'm gonna swim for the first time in years and i hope it'll be a good relaxing day cause i can't take this#doubt it cause i can't sleep so i'll be exhausted again#so yeah holiday woohoo only no wooho cause no one like me hehehe#im gonna stop being pathetic and try to go to sleep again#not complaining about being here btw im just overwhelmed#ugh night#personal#oh btw its my birthday tomorrow#fucking great
