#gracy talks

your girl passed her exit exam from nursing school! unofficially I have my BSN (bachelor of science in nursing) for the next 2 weeks until I formally graduate, get pinned and recite the Nightingale pledge. 

I’ve got some big news, but let’s get some stuff out of the way first!

I’m about to hit my second month in nursing school and can you believe I’m almost done with my first semester??? Since we’re technically an eleven month program, I’m nine months away from graduating!!! School has been very rewarding, especially during clinicals. I’m work alongside assigned RNs and pretty much doing everything in my current curriculum; right now, it’s medication administration and small procedures. I’m the enema and catheter queen in class XD 

I’ve been neglecting anything OC related because I’m just so preoccupied with school. I have had tests every single week on top of clinicals and the insane amount of homework assigned. By the time I have a breather, it’s usually spent sleeping, gaming to decompress, or just logging in some socializing/hangouts with family, friends or him. Yup...apparently we’re still...something? hahahah ~O_O~

I just celebrated my birthday recently and it was a memorable one yet. A new chapter in my life and this was a first for many things. I had an early Pacific Rim viewing party with my Weeb Regime loves, my classmates kept greeting me every day for almost a week, got tipsy and watched Thor: Love and Thunder and on top of all of that, your girl still had a test she had to study for. The dreaded birthday I was anticipating on whether or not he remembered had a *blank* ending....but I’ll leave it at that :)

In November (or possibly December because I’m going to finalize the date with my stylist), I’m planning on dying my virgin hair...midnight blue! Not a full coverage, but a balayage instead because I’m worried about the roots growing out and I barely got by with permission from school. This is in preparation for what will be happening later in December :) The down payment is set and now I just need to finalize on the date. Luckily I apply for my second semester classes next week so I can let my stylist know ASAP.

Now the big news!

I have almost all of December with a couple weeks of January off from school and that means...I bit the fucking bullet and bought a plane ticket for the Philippines with my aunt and cousin. Why you ask? Well...I’m going to surprise visit my special someone, K***, for two weeks! From Dec. 23 (technically the 25th because it takes two days to travel thanks to freaking time zones) to Jan 9, we will have Christmas and New Years together with our families. He has no clue I’m planning on surprising him and he is under the impression that my belated birthday gifts for him will be given by my little cousin. I hope to keep it that way >:) I can’t believe I am even doing this and I’m so excited for my diabolical plan to be put into action. 

*insert fort minor song* bwhahaha, i couldn’t help it.

so i know i don’t owe anyone an explanation over what i do with my life outside of the screen, but i do feel like it’s fair that i don’t appear like i am ghosting anyone, especially my loves. i want to be honest about this aspect about myself.

first off, i was busy november and early december because of school related deadlines but it’s all ogre now (sorry, i had to throw that in). second, i went to la for a bts concert and came back simping hard for my seven husbands...real hard...so hard....very much hard. in a moment of weakness, i created bts stan accounts while crying as i watched replays of the concert, which has consumed me. third....

in short: i am done with certain behaviors. 

i kept feeding into toxic mindsets before but now, i don’t want to appease that sort of behavior anymore. i became consumed with making sure others are cared for before myself to the point where they believe they solely deserved it. as a result, i nearly lost all passion for anything of mine and nothing would come into fruition because said passion would go to protecting people’s ego to indicate their “worth”.

but that part of me is over and done with.

i would like to repeat this chant for myself: i am not responsible for making sure your ego is taken cared of. i am not a number for you to squeal over just to feel better about yourself. i am a person with feelings and ideas that would like the same respect that i give to you. 

what i am trying to ultimately say is: people are not stepping stones for others to use in order to advance and i am learning the hard way of what it means to be a stepping stone. i am cutting this toxic cycle. i am not indulging in this any longer because it leads to a sense of superiority and warped sense of entitlement. 

i want to move on from that part of me and start learning to love creating again. i have been silent on anything oc related in a while so please be kind and gentle as i slowly start to get the gears cranking again. recently, i have rediscovered what a babe andrew garfield is and whoops....clumsy me...an oc appeared and joined the pile. thank you rory for sparking something in me that i couldn’t help but give in to. 

k.a.n. you deserve so much more than what i am, but the fact that you never gave up on me makes my grinch heart realize that you love me for me despite my shortcomings. you give me inspiration/hope/love/etc and i aspire to be great like you. how you do it effortlessly makes me love you even more. i am always appreciative and forever grateful to wake up every day to you and go to sleep to you. 

here’s to moving forward with my recovery. it’s small steps of learning to love myself again, but i know that the group 

p.s. time zones suck. 

*drum roll*

I got into nursing school! :D 

This was unexpected news and I honestly didn’t expect it; to be honest, I nearly forgot that I applied hahaha. With the semi-bad timing of everything, I have been preoccupied planning for very personal events (IYKYK...) on top of working extra to save up some extra cash WHILE getting some of the admission stuff done like vaccinations/financial aid/health insurance/etc. 

OC Bingo literally slipped through my fingers because I would end up exhausted by the end of the day from working/school related errands and I have been taking daily walks to relieve my stress from recent events. I will do my best to get through my list, although I will most likely be doing asks because of time constraints. I really wanted to do edits, but literally every second (unless it’s the ungodly hours) is occupied with me doing something important. 

Someone please stop me hahaha