‘Jackson: hi babe. rehearsals ran late again. i’ll come over soon.’

My heart lurched in my chest, and I unplugged my phone to text him back.

‘Y/n: it’s okay! just get that cute butt over here’

Chuckling at my ridiculous response I set my phone down, running a hand through my hair as the messy mix of calculus notes, homework and a thick textbook sprawled out on my kitchen table reminded me why I was so stressed. I took my seat once again, flipping the pencil through my fingers as I went back to the problem I was previously working on.

I was never one for math, and I made a point to stay away from it as much as possible. When the looming stress of having to deal with another math class had first altered my mood a few months ago, Jackson took clear notice. Even with his busy schedules; balancing his time between GOT7, forming Team Wang, and writing his new music, he made sure to sit down with me one night and calm me down. I always felt bad when he shifted his attention towards me; I knew he had more pressing matters clouding his thoughts that deserved his full attention. Even with JYPE prohibiting the guys from dating anyone while under contract, Jackson sneakily always found time, and a way, to see me whenever he could. I tried my best to show him I was okay during times of quiet panic but Jackson read right through me. He would always come over, even turning his phone off and demanding a quiet night in bed. I was thankful for his support, and I tried my best to reciprocate.

However, this past month was different. Jackson had released two new singles, ‘100 Ways’ and ‘Pretty Please’. Suddenly, his music presence grew substantially, receiving much more attention all across the globe. As excited as I was for him, I knew he was only going to get substantially more occupied, needing to continue to propel his name and music forward. So while Jackson’s been spending his days in the office, and nights in rehearsals for his new music videos, I’ve been at my apartment… studying calculus.

The minutes dragged on like molasses, my eyes physically straining to focus on the pages of work in front of me. My head rested on the palm of my hand, but as my eyes began to droop shut, I lowered my head onto the thick textbook on my right and dozed off.

—————

A soft, fuzzy material suddenly covered my body, the warmth and comfort waking me from my nap. An equally exhausted Jackson smiled at me, and realizing I wasn’t dreaming, I stood up in a flurry and wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, pressing myself against his large body as much as I possibly could. Burying my head into his neck, I breathed in the combination of cologne and sweat as yet another reassurance that he truly was back.

He chuckled at my reaction, “Hmm I don’t think you missed me too much.”

I hopped down, taking a step back to steady myself, “I thought you’d be too tired to come over.”

Walking over to the kitchen, I poured some water into his favorite mug I owned and placed it in the microwave, heating it up. Usually Jackson’s too stubborn to eat a full meal after a busy day of rehearsals, but a cup of tea turned into his go-to before bed. I rested my elbows on the counter, watching as he scooped my kitty into his big arms and cuddled with him.

“Nah, I wanted to come see you. I remember you mentioned you had an exam coming up, so I wanted to make sure you were okay…” His voice trailed off as he glanced over at my kitchen table, then back at me. “I’m glad I came.”

“Ha,” I stuck my tongue out at him, then going over to the microwave as it beeped, “I’ve been going over the study guide all week. If I see one more calc equation I think my brain is going to melt.”

Jackson set my cat back on the ground, and he scampered over to his spot on the couch. Walking over into my small kitchen, he grabbed a bottle of honey and a spoon as I handed him the mug.

“Thank you.” He said softly, kissing me once on the forehead as he continued on to prepare his drink, “You just need a break. You’ve been working so hard, let your brain relax.”

I propped myself up on the counter, crossing my legs and letting them dangle as he leaned attractively against the counter I was sitting on. Effortlessly attractive, might I add.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, “Relax? How do you suggest I do that?”

Jackson was silent for a moment, then his face lit up, “Come with me to my shoot tomorrow. You’ll be on set again, and you’ll get to see what I’ve been rehearsing.” He smiled cheekily, wanting me to be there as his personal cheerleader. Which I would easily do in a heartbeat… if it wasn’t for the exam.

I sighed, shifting my gaze to the faded gray wood that lined my kitchen floor, “I don’t know, Jackson… I should keep studying.”

I felt my body beginning to get hot, my palms getting clammy at the thought of having to take my exam next week. I subconsciously began to crack each of the knuckles of my fingers; Jackson noting this and immediately recognizing I was beginning to mentally spiral.

“Hey,” He set his mug down, grabbing both my hands in his, “Baby, you need to give yourself a break. If you overwork yourself you’ll crash, and I don’t want to see you so burnt out again.”

The pleading look in his big brown eyes lowered my guard. Only once before over the course of our relationship had Jackson ever witnessed when I had a mental break. It was when I was first beginning to work for a TV show, and I had about a two week period that were consistently overnight shoots. Every early morning I’d get home and crash on the first soft surface that I could find. In the beginning I was able to at least make it to my bed, but when Jackson woke up one morning and found me sound asleep on the carpet in the living room, he had persuaded me to drop the show to get my sleeping schedule in order and helped me find other stable work.

He continued to stare directly into my eyes, hoping for some sort of sign that his worried pleas would change my mind. And as always, they did.

“Fine.” I gave in. “But only because I’m itching to get back on set again.” I admitted; I couldn’t even remember the last time I was on a professional set since my studies started back up again.

Jackson’s boyish grin extended across his face, and he squished my face in between his big hands as he pressed his lips onto mine, “Yes! You’re going to love it.”

A few months prior Jackson had released a song called ‘100 Ways’. He had been obsessively busy in the recording studio, working late into the night to perfect his new sound. BamBam had only heard a few of the lyrics, but was quick to tell me when he couldn’t help but connect the dots. ‘They’re definitely about you’ He had bragged to me over our bi-monthly ramen dinners, ‘Jackson’s crazy about you’. There was apparently another song he was releasing as well, but when it came to his music, Jackson was so ominous that he’d never let me hear anything until he was sure it was finished. I didn’t mind the secrecy, I had quickly learned how much of a perfectionist he was and would be frustrated with himself if he thought even for a second I didn’t like his new songs if they weren't completely ready— even though I always loved everything he’s written. Perhaps except Papillon.

I hopped off the counter, slugging my way over to the kitchen table full of the calculus mess as Jackson finished his tea. While he quickly washed his mug and left it to dry I tried my best to reorganize my notes, leaving the table somewhat better than the way I had previously left it.

“I am going to take a shower,” Jackson cooed, pressing his large body up against mine, putting his arms around my waist from behind and softly nibbling my earlobe, “And you should join me.”

I set my hands on top of his, interlocking our fingers but ultimately unwrapping his hold on me, “I am way too tired tonight.” I placed a hand on his left cheek, leaning up and giving his right one a quick peck, “But I’ll be in bed.”

Jackson’s eyebrows furrowed, his lips pouting out in disappointment. He sulked behind me as we both made our way into my bedroom, Jackson continuing to the bathroom as I let my body crash onto the mattress in the center of the room. The door of the bathroom closed a little louder than I expected, slightly jolting me. I figured it was nothing, and continued my nightly routine. Loungewear, off. Jackson’s t-shirt, on. I crawled under my dark gray covers, pulling the blanket half way up as I clung onto my pillow and buried my face into it. The soft hum of the shower water running served as the perfect lull as the stress and exhaustion from today slowly faded.

After a few minutes the door finally creaked open, and I turned my head to watch as a slightly damp-haired Jackson silently made his way into the bedroom, sliding on only a clean pair of boxers. Avoiding eye contact with me, he placed the towel on the rack in the bathroom, and walked back out once more, clicking the light off and laying beside me. His back was turned towards me, and not even a simple ‘goodnight’ escaped him.

He was angry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

all around flower boy, park jinyoung. mr. reliable and perfect. here he was, soft snores coming from the younger, limbs entangled over mark’s small frame. jinyoung slept over after a full day’s worth of schedules and mark couldn’t be any happier. it’s been a while since he was able to spend any private time alone with him. jinyoung’s been busy with juggling his new drama and promotions that mark felt like he was about to be left behind. if it weren’t for milo at his side, he would have gone crazy. He still wonders how someone as perfect as park jinyoung can be with a quiet simple guy like mark tuan. 

what does jinyoung see in me? why didn’t he accept jackson’s advances? he really didn’t know what it was. jackson and jinyoung were almost inseparable on screen, but away from all the lights and cameras, he belonged to mark. The other members were fully aware of their relationship too. even youngjae teased them from time to time. it was pretty new, but nothing out of the ordinary. in between takes or makeup touches, the flirting was quite subtle. From the small pecks on the cheek to the hugs around the waist. the staff probably thought it was just fanservice to be caught on camera, but the others knew it was something more than that whenever they send couple selcas to the groupchat. jackson was their number one fan, reacting with the laughing emojis whenever jinyoung sends a picture of mark, clueless and shirtless with tons of eggplant and drip emojis around him. 

mark decided to send one of jinyoung sleeping, his plump lips parted slightly and a sliver of dried drool peering from the side of his cheek. surely, yugyeom would reply with an ew gross hyung it’s too early in the morning for that or a i was wondering why you guys didn’t join us last night ;) from bambam. even though the relationship seemed pretty new, it still felt like it’s been months that they were cuddling each other, holding hands nonchalantly, and whispering sweet compliments to each other’s ears. mark doesn’t think they’re in the honeymoon phase anymore, but he can’t help but feel warm and radiant with the boy in his embrace. 

“good morning sunshine” jinyoung cooed. His eyes still slightly closed, adjusting to the bright morning light. a shy smile grew on mark’s face as he placed a soft kiss on jinyoung’s forehead. 

“you got a little something on your face, handsome.” mark licked his finger and wiped away the dried drool of jinyoung’s cheek. a couple of buzzes went off and jinyoung lazily searched for his phone. mark continued caressing strands of his hair when jinyoung’s eyes shot up at him. 

“yah! whenever I send pictures of you, at least you look good!” 

"Wahhhhhh~~~ It’s so refreshing!” I stretched as Youngjae and I walked off the plane. The weather back home is so pretty; full of heat but yet still windy. “Isn’t it good to be back?” I asked, turning around to see Youngjae carry both of our luggage.

“Uh- huh!” He grunts dropping my stuff onto the ground. 

“Hey!” I yelled in alarm, taking off my shades. “Why did you do that?”

His hand comes over his shoulder to rub the aching pain. “Sorry,” He apologizes.  "…but, I was dying…“ He exhaled exhaustively walking to me. ”…to hold my baby.“ He whispers, smiling meanwhile he cups my face before planting a light kiss on me.

I pushed him away quickly and struck his shoulders. "Don’t do that. People are staring.” I blushed, putting the shades quickly back on.

He pouts. “It’s not like they don’t approve my affection towards you." 

Youngjae chuckles before grabbing his stuff. "They know I’m not that innocent anyways!”

“Whatever, Youngjae!” I shouted from behind and dragged my luggage as I chased after him. “Oooff- why did you stop?” I asked when I bumped into him.

“Are you sure they’re here to pick us up?” He asks. His eyes were scanning the crowd of people blocking the paths, waiting for their loved one or so. “…‘Cause I don’t see them anywhere.”

I looked across the crowd of people and frown.“They might be running late. You know, traffic or so.” I reassured.

“Damn it. I’m tired and just want to sleep.” He yawns, walking his over to set his things beside the metal bench and lying down. “You’re not coming?” He asks, looking at me who was still in the middle of the walkway.

“I’m coming.” I softly smiled and made way for being his pillow as he rests for a bit. I toyed with his hair as he crosses he arms and finds a comfortable spot.

It wasn’t long, and I’m sure Youngjae has already fallen asleep. There was a sudden chill beside me and I tried not to shudder. I tried not to notice it. I tried to remain calm, but I stiffened and bit my lip nervously.

I turned around to what’s bothering me and that’s when I saw it. Her hair was stinking wet, like odor, and parts of it slicked back. Her face pale white and with her long dark black hair that stuck to her face. She was breathing in towards my neck as if she was trying to catch my attention. Her lips were sealed dark blue and under her eyes were pitch black dark circles. Her teeth yellow with her decaying gums. She smiled creepily when she realizes that she’s caught my attention.

My heart thumped a million times faster and I looked around. Everywhere were people with pale decaying faces, no. They weren’t people, they were ghosts. I couldn’t even see the crowds of people anymore. The place has gone cold and dark all of a sudden. My hands trembled as it reached back towards Youngjae who was still sleeping peacefully.

“You don’t want to do that.” The woman beside me spoke with a dark raspy and ugly tone. Her breath stank and smelled like novocaine.

I didn’t want to reply back. I didn’t dare to. My hand only went out to reach Youngjae’s that was lying peacefully on his chest.

“Don’t. Do..! that!” The woman screamed and screeched sharply into my ears, making all the everyone who looked like her in the building shot their eyes at me, glaring daringly. Their eyes sent warnings for me to not do it, as each one of them took a step closer and closer to me.

I quickly grabbed Youngjae’s hand, holding it tightly as I shut my eyes, hoping to wake him up.

Youngjae shot up within a second. “What happened?”

I opened my eyes carefully, scanning around.. they were gone. The place was back to normal, warm and sunny. There was the crowd again, the million conversations and converse filled the room again.

“What’s wrong? HanBi-ah. You look pale white, are you okay?” Youngjae’s hands quickly came over to shake my shoulders.

I dart back to him with wet eyes after being able to scan the area. “Huh-?” I swallowed dryly and coughed a bit.

Youngjae gave me a worried look, scrunching his brows slightly and slowly turned to look behind him. to where I was looking. “So-something wrong?” He asked looking back at me, a little frightened at why I was acting the way I was.

“N-no,” I whispered in relief. “I thought… I just thought I saw something.”

“That’s a relief. Come on, we should go.” He grunts, grabbing our luggage. “They’re probably here by now.” He looks at his watch and smiled. Helping me get up, he guided us to the exit and out to the parking lot.

“Mom!” I shouted instantly when I saw her. 

“Oh my, HanBi!” She hugged me tightly before hugging Youngjae.

“Come here, son!” My dad patted his back and Youngjae bowed gladly.

“Come on, I can’t wait to get home,” I said happily. “Let’s go out for lunch today,” I smiled excitedly. 

“About that…” My mom pouted.“Sorry honey. Youngjae’s parents and we are having a meeting tomorrow morning in Jeju, that’s why we are leaving to depart just now.” She explains, grabbing her things out of the trunk.

I frowned a bit but glanced up. “That’s fine. Maybe later on. But I don’t want to be home alone while I’m back.”

She rubbed my arms and smiled. “Actually, I was thinking if it was okay for you two to stay together over at the Choi’s residence. Staying home alone in the big house makes me feel… unsafe.”

I looked at my mom and back at Youngjae who was already smirking at me. “But, mom-!”

“Coco’s there too. I bet she’ll miss you lots.” My mom cut me off and shoved me in the car as my dad and Youngjae threw our belongings in the back.

“But Coco doesn’t even like me,” I whined.

“Stop with the buts and whining, will you? It’s good to have the both of you together while we’re away.”

“We’ve been overseas together, living together for 4 years!” I fought back, not getting the point why it’s such a good thing. “What else is good for the both of us?” I complained unhappily.

My mom kept quiet and didn’t reply for a moment. I noticed how the mood had changed and I realized I must’ve stepped over the line. “I-I’m sorry. I just… miss you guys. A lot.” I apologized.

“I missed you too.” She turned back to me, with her teary eyes.

“Why are you crying?” I asked worriedly. “Di-did I say something wrong?”

“No, no. I was just relieved that you’re back home safe and sound.” She patted my head.

“Are you sure? Is anything bothering you? …Work?”

“That’s not it, honey. I just.. missed you, so much.” She pulls me into a tight hug before my dad opened the side door.

“Okay, everything is packed. Let’s take you guys home. Shall we?” Youngjae smiled.

“Wait for Mr. Kim to come back from the washroom. He’ll get you home. Oh, and be safe.” My dad patted Youngjae’s back and starting rolling their things in the cart.

“You too, dad. Take care.” Youngjae smiled and bowed, bidding a goodbye.

My eyes widened. “Did you? Did you just call my dad your dad?” I pointed, and they just all laughed. “Wait isn’t this going too far?” I asked a little stunned. “…Too fast?” I continued when they all ignored me and laughed.

“Oh don’t joke like that, baby! We’re getting engaged this weekend!” Youngjae smiled.

“Wa-what? Mom! Dad! Guys?!” My eyes looked at my parents who smiled and chuckled weakly.

“Yes, honey! You’re getting engaged this weekend!” They laughed hugging me with the widest grin ever.

“Wai- You guys didn’t tell me about this…” I looked back at them confused about what to say. I wasn’t sure if I was excited.. or wasn’t ready.

“We wanted it to be a surprise, actually.” My mom replied.

“A surprise? For me? The soon-to-be-bride surprise?! I should plan it all up when I’m ready!” I complained.

“Hanbi-ah…” Youngjae looked at me as if he grew hurt.

“I-I’m.. sorry.” My eyes drew back down to my feet. “I didn’t mean to say that… I just am not ready for this… I just..” I looked back up at them, and all I could see in their eyes were just disappointment.

“Honey, can we talk about this later? We have to leave for the flight right now. Oh, and before I forget. This man here is your new personal butler. Kim Yugyeom. Treat him well, he’s a year younger than you. ”

“…Right.” My voice lowered and I was hurt. They didn’t wait for me to finish up what I was saying. They didn’t want to hear what I had in mind. Work, work, work. They always chose work over me.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go get some rest first. We’ll clear things out afterward. Okay?” Youngjae placed his hands around my waist and walked us into the car. “The Choi’s residence.” He ordered and we rode silently.

—–

“Youngjae, just why didn’t you tell me?” I looked down at the dark green yard at the back, while the sun sets off, and sat my cup of water down beside me.

“What do you mean, not tell you?” He sat down on the bed and loosened his tie.

“How long have you known about this and not tell me?” I crossed my arms and turned to face him. “Before we left to study abroad? Just when we got here?”

“Ever since the end of high school, I guess.” He lied down on the bed and sighed. Youngjae placed his hands behind his head and rested his eyes.

“And no one ever mentioned this to me? It’s been planned on so long.” I walked over to him and laid beside him. Placing my hand just over his chest, I looked up at his tired face with a sad pout. “Four years already and I’m only knowing now? Isn’t that too unfair?” I got up and sat on top of him. 

“What are you doing…” He grumbled sleepily.

“Trying to get even.” I unbuttoned his shirt slowly and chuckled. “I’m the main act and yet I’m the last to know?”

He got up and placed his forehead over mine. “I’ve been patient this whole time, to not tell you.” He smiled and puckered his lips.

“But still,” I replied with half lidded eyes. “What if I’m not ready to be engaged yet? Isn’t it too fast for me to take it all in? I mean, you could’ve informed me… oh I don’t know months before?! Years?!” I got up from his lap and turned away getting angrier with just the thought of it. The thought of how everyone’s rushing me and all. It was supposed to be a proper family plan for an engagement. It’s like I’m being forced to do this when I don’t even know what’s going on.

“Oh come on, babe.” His hand brushes against my arm.

“I don’t know, Youngjae… I just wish I knew a little earlier.” I turned to look at him and noticed his distressed face. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I feel like I’m not ready for this… We just finished studying overseas and we’re finally back here again. Why can’t we just enjoy our time together here before being engaged and all?” I took his hand in mine and looked into his eyes deeply. “Why does it have to be pushed like this?"I whispered.

"I-… I don’t know Hanbi-ah. I didn’t decide it. It was our parents. It’s what they want and… I want.” He sat me down and massaged my shoulders. “Is it not what you want?” He asks.

I stopped his hands. “It’s not what I want right now.”

“Look, why don’t we sleep it off right now. And we can figure it out later in the morning?” He suggests.

I looked at my hands that were resting on my lap, frustrated. “I want to clear it out now.” I sighed.