#gostars

I dont consider myself a prominent blog in hockey tumblr but I know the right thing to do is speak out, especially out of respect for my fellow hockey tumblrs and anyone who is hurting. And I apologize for not doing so sooner, as I had to gather my thoughts and come off all the emotions.

The reason I needed to take a day was bc Jamie Benn was such an idol for me. I've been staying off of Instagram for months now and off Twitter for years so I apologize that I've only now realized all these things going around.

Like I said, he was such an idol for me. Checking his tags and seeing gifs of him and reading about him gave me so much joy and honestly, it helped me through a rough breakup. It helped distract me and brought me so much joy, I would check his tags multiple times every day. It gave me an escape from reality for just a little bit and made it easier on my heart. For that very reason, I idolized him and, of course like many of us do, painted a perfect picture of what I imagined him to be like. Obviously, I never knew him in real life. And that's where this crushed me to pieces.

Not to sound dramatic, but I genuinely felt a bit like I was going through another heart break/break up. I wanted so badly to deny the truth that was suddenly staring back at my face and filling my feed yesterday. I genuinely can't explain how much love I had for this player and just how soul crushing it was to see his true colors.

I devoted my blog to him, I watched so many of their games, all his videos, literally had a folder in my camera roll devoted to gifs of him. So as ridiculous and first-world as this may sound, it was almost as if I had to mourn for a few hours.

I am just beyond heart broken and so SO disappointed. And even a bit embarrassed that I didn't realize any of these things before. Once again sounding hella dramatic, but I've learned from past real life experiences that people can be so blinded by love, even if its just a "fangirl," idolizing kind of love.

I absolutely do not feel comfortable supporting him anymore in any way. My heart goes out to those that have been impacted and/or hurt by this, big or small, in any way.

Please forgive me if you see things of him on my blog. I've had this blog for years and the things I reblogged during those years had brought me lots of happiness. Like I said, from this point on, I will no longer support him.

Lastly, I truly apologize if anything that I said comes off wrong or offends anyone. Really trying to figure out how to word everything properly but sometimes you just can't.

Dallas Stars: #GoStars...

Jamie Benn

San Jose, CA