#gorou angst

Albedo

"Oh,"

He knew the time would come eventually but why was it such a shock to him all the same?

"...Show me, I'll make sure to create a bridge between your realm and mine..."

You ask if he can actually do that.

"...Not yet. But if it erases this goodbye...then I'll make it happen,"

Alhaitham

Was, as usual, reading a book when you told him.

"How? Are you sure this isn't one of those scams that you fall for too easily?"

You say no. You explain to him and eventually show him the portal.

He silently stares at it.

You move closer to the portal just to get a better look at it but he stops you by the wrist.

"You're not going in there by yourself. You don't know where it REALLY leads to, do you?"

Admittedly, you aren't 100% sure.

"Come on then," drags you by the wrist towards the portal. You're shocked and ask him what if he's unable to go back.

"...If you were able to arrive in this world, then logically there should be a way for me to return back... Either way it's not smart to let you go alone,"

Ayato

Smiles at you. "I see,"

"...I have no right to ask you to stay." moves closer to you, hand raises to touch your cheek gently. "...but in the time you've spent here by my side, I hope you know that this will always be your home too,"

Does not and will not stop you, even if it hurts him.

Baizhu

"Interesting,"

Doesn't seem fazed at all.

"You've told me quite a lot about the medical technology in your world, Y/N, I'm quite interested to see it,"

He seems to be saying that he'll go with you. You explain that you're not sure if he can come back to Teyvat.

"Oh," seems to finally connect the dots. "Oh, well that would be a problem, wouldn't it?" puts a hand to his chin, deep in thought.

"Ah, no matter, let's see where it leads me and we'll worry about the details later,"

Bennett

"S-So... You're leaving?"

Already looks like he's about to cry. You explain that you feel really conflicted.

Frowns, looks at the ground, refusing to look you in the eye.

"I-It's okay... You should go, really! You must miss your family and--"

can't even finish his sentence and starts crying.

"N-No! I'll be okay, I'm just really sad right now, but--" hiccups "but I'll be okay. Knowing that I met you and got to spend all that time with you... I'll be okay,"

Dainsleif

Knows what it means. Is deep in thought for quite some time before approaching you about it.

"...I sometimes wonder if there really is anything left for me in this world. What fuels me? Anger? Revenge? A search for answers? Yes... Perhaps I might be interested in following you to your world, partly just to see if this curse might be lifted from me if I enter a different realm but also partly because..."

he glances at you, then stares back out into the distance.

"...Partly because I've found the calm that I lost 500 years ago... and it's right here next to you,"

Diluc

"Congratulations," is his first word.

But it takes him a moment to think about what to say next.

"...I won't hold you back from what makes you happy Y/N. Family is... something to cherish,"

Will walk you to the portal but stop you just before entering it.

"If the portal closes..." he doesn't seem to know what to do nor say next.

You touch his hand and tell him you'll try and find a way back to visit. Grasps your hand back, the pained expression on his face finally shows up.

"...Then I'll find a way back to you too, I'll see you soon,"

Gaming

"When my dad and I used to fight, even though we were in the same town... I already felt so alone. I felt like he was so far away from me and didn't understand me, even though he was right there. I can't imagine how it might feel for you, actually being far away from them,"

You say that it does feel lonely sometimes but that he has made your time here so much more better. His eyes light up despite his sadness.

"I'm really happy to hear that!"

Is very much conflicted.

"...But it's okay if I'm sad too, right? It feels like a piece of me is getting ripped away Y/N,"

Gorou

"Back home, huh,"

he sighs in defeat and doesn't hide his disappointment.

"That's good. I'm happy for you, but..."

takes a deep breath in and sighs it out just as slow.

"...It just... feels like I'm waking up from a long, long dream," his eyes open to look at the sky. "...and now I don't know how to live in reality anymore,"

Ifa

Cacucu speaks first "Seriously, bro?"

"You're leaving? Just like that?"

He asked, astonished. You tell him it's really hard for you as well but you haven't seen your family in years.

"...Y-Yeah, you're right. Forget what I said," smiles through the hurt and puts on a brave front. "I'll take you to the portal then,"

but once you're there he repeatedly stalls. Asks if you want to play with that saurian over there, or pick some flowers for your family, or look at the stars over the usual hill one more time.

"...I can't do it," he finally says. "I can't pretend I'm okay with this. I'm not gunna stop you Y/N, but... just know that Cacucu and I will always wait for you to come back,"

Itto

"That's awesome! You get to see your family and friends again!"

It doesn't completely register in his mind that you might not come back at all.

"Whaddyou mean? Like, it only goes there but you can't come back here...? Oh,"

Processes it quite slowly.

"Well, then, guess we gotta do more things together before you go! Let's go to that festival next week! Oh! We should get a photo together! I heard there's also a special show next spring--"

Seems to digest it bit by bit.

"...Right, you won't be here next spring, I guess..."

Kaeya

"I see,"

Kaeya states, smiling a little.

"I suppose it was just about time. You've stuck with me, what? Three years now?"

A silence fills the air as he realizes it's actually been three years.

"...Three years. That's actually a long time. It's a little unfair then isn't it? You're leaving and you have no idea whatsoever how long you're gunna leave me for,"

tilts your chin up to face him and whispers to you.

"Leave me something of yours, something to tell me that this wasn't all a dream. That these three years meant something to you too,"

Kazuha

"Hm..."

He sighs, solemn. But a faint smile is on his lips.

"Home is a great place, Y/N. We only appreciate it that much more when it's gone,"

Has a very genuine smile on his face.

"I suppose... Letting go is also a form of love, right?"

Kinich

"The world is a really big place,"

he says, almost without thinking.

"So I doubt it's a coincidence that our paths crossed. Though it was strange at first, I have to admit I've gotten used to you now,"

he stares off into the distance, almost as if asking the universe,

"...Am I just supposed to accept that our paths will now diverge?"

Lyney

Deflects the attention away from him. "...Lynette and Freminet aren't gunna take this well..."

You ask how HE feels about it. He doesn't answer immediately.

"I... think you know how I feel, Y/N,"

his hands start to wave and maneuver into a magic trick.

"Three years ago, I wasn't expecting you to come knocking at The House of the Hearth,"

he snaps his fingers.

"Neither did Lynette nor Freminet... But, what a joy it was to stay in your company,"

his hand does a little shake and a Rainbow Rose appears in it, he hands it over to you.

"It wouldn't be fair for us to deprive others of the joy you bring,"

Neuvillette

Makes sure that it is indeed a true way for you to get home before saying anything about it.

"I'm aware that the portal may close as soon as you walk through it,"

he says, levelling his gaze towards you.

"Though there is sorrow... there was also much pleasure in the opportunity to know you,"

the sky seems to darken and you hear a far off rumble.

"I would not ask you to choose between me and your family Y/N, but I hope you know--"

doesn't finish his sentence and droplets start to slowly fall from the sky, hitting yours and his face.

Ororon

"Oh! That's perfect, I was just thinking that my radishes were about to go bad. Maybe you can take some home?"

you explain that you might not come back and might not see him ever again.

Thinks for a second.

"...I'll just visit you in your dreams! The Night Kingdom's really in tune to people's dreams, you know?"

You say that it might not work in your world. He waves you off nonchalantly.

"Of course it will, The Night Kingdom reaches everywhere. I'll see you tonight then, let's make it a picnic, sweet dreams!"

asks Citlali to make sure he can still visit you in your dreams.

Scaramouche

"...The hell?"

Is clearly aggravated.

"After three whole years of you tailing me like a puppy dog, a solution pops out of nowhere? Sounds like bullshit to me,"

Is sceptical but asks you to lead him to the portal.

"Alright, point it out,"

Attempts to destroy the said portal.

Tartaglia

Somewhat contemplating on just keeping you for himself by making you think that the portal disappeared

"Stay,"

he knows what he's asking of you. Knows that it's selfish. So he doesn't meet your eyes.

"Can't you?"

back hugs you and buries his head into your neck.

"...Then, just for a few more days, can it just be you and me?"

Tighnari

"Interesting!"

Sees it as a studying opportunity.

"Why of all times would it open up now? Perhaps we can take a look together,"

sees it and does seem curious by the portal, but does not hesitate to send you home.

"It's only right for me to be the one to escort you back, after all, I'm the one who found you that day three years ago in the forest too,"

He doesn't seem to be too sad and you ask if he's okay.

"...For the most part, yes. I'm confident we can find a way back between our worlds,"

Wriothesley

"Here I thought you were gunna stay here forever, it's been nice to have an extra set of hands helping me out,"

seemed happy at first but his mood dwindles the more he thinks about it.

"Can you blame me for being upset? Who's going to make me my morning tea now?"

You playfully ask if that's the only thing he's worried about.

"Course not," he stays silent for a bit.

"It's the emptiness you'll leave. How quiet it's going to be, and how I know I'll keep seeing you in the littlest of things,"

Xiao

"...So be it, are you getting ready to go back?"

you say yes but you say that you do it with a heavy heart. He doesn't say anything.

He makes up some type of excuse and lets you know that he can't bring you to the portal...but also says that if you really need him, you can call his name.

In reality he had nothing to do, he just didn't know how to say goodbye.

You did call his name and he appears in front of you, black smoke dissipating.

"...Until our paths meet again Y/N. Even across worlds, I'll be listening for my name on your lips... Maybe if I listen hard enough, it'll bring me to you again,"

End

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Desperate hands clasped your own, drawing your gaze towards the generals face. His features crumpled, ears and golden tail pressed low.

"y/n..." He starts, looking for all the world like he's struggling to gather his strength. Trying to choke out some words unbeholden to you.

"yes..?" You prompt, a little unsure of where this was going.

"what is it about me that isn't good enough?"

His voice cracks, wavering at the edges. Shaky and fragile and looking for all the world like he was about to fall apart at the seams.

"wha-"

"don't." He cuts you off, "i don't want to know what you find so flawed about me."

He chokes on his pain, throat closing around the emotion. He's turning to leave before you can even respond, before you can tell him that wasn't what you thought at all.

The rain sprinkle down in ever gloomy inazuma really hammered home that you fucked up.

Diluc

It was a silly discussion, it had all started because Kaeya visited Angel's Share, I don't know at what point they started talking about past issues and I ended up involved in the talk. After the cavalry captain finished his drink, he left, almost as if it was Diluc who kicked him out. "You didn't have to throw him out like that..." He didn't answer anything, didn't even look at me. He left me sitting at the bar, watching as the last customers left and he finished his turn cleaning the glasses. I tried to distract myself with any nonsense, avoiding thinking about the behavior my boyfriend was having. Nervous, I started playing with my hands, breaking the corners of my nails the longer he took to give me a little look. "Diluc" He cut me off speaking "You shouldn't have gotten into the conversation" He wiped his hands on the rag and walked out from behind the bar, grabbing his coat and heading for the door, ready to close. "I don't get it, why can't you treat him right for once" "Drop the subject, let's go now" "He's your brother, you're too hard on him" I reached over to pick up my coat as well, glancing over as Diluc clenched the keys inside his fist. "I said, drop the subject." He threw open the door, causing a blast of air to hit us both. He stood still in the doorway, waiting for me to come out, then closed it. I heard the sound of the keys going into his coat as I watched him in the darkness of the Mondstadt night, the only light was from the moon, illuminating his face with sharp features, he wasn't liking the situation. I decided to drop the subject for a while, I didn't want us to arrive at the Dawn Winery angry either.

On the way back neither of you spoke, if he was already quite reserved, now he was being even more so.

When the wind picked up in intensity again you felt your coat lift, letting the cold creep in. He noticed it, hesitating between coming closer and hugging you with all his strength or whether to continue on his way as fast as possible so that you would be warm in the fireplace.

He might be upset about the situation that happened between Kaeya and him a while ago, but he would never be with you. That's why he was trying to get as far away from you as possible.

Once at home, you saw him go straight up to your room, leaving you talking to one of the maids, who was asking you what you would prefer for dinner. You didn't know what to answer, all you wanted to do was bury yourself under the silk sheets and cry.

She noticed, concerned, and offered you tea or an infusion so you could relax. You didn't refuse, thanked her and went straight to the fireplace, curling up among the cushions and blankets.

While I was finishing my berries tea and repressing the tears that were fighting to come out of my eyes, I heard some footsteps, I guessed it was the girl who spoke to me before. With a last sip of the cup I left it on the coffee table and then I felt a weight sink onto the sofa, pulling back a blanket and crawling under it. Diluc opened his arms and looked straight into my eyes "I thought you had fallen asleep already or were doing paperwork" I tucked my head into his chest, trying to act mature, I knew I would die of embarrassment if he realized I was having such a hard time over a silly little confrontation like that. He tangled his hands in my hair, stroking my scalp and leaving a kiss over my head "Sorry, I know I shouldn't have behaved like this." At that moment I broke on him, tears fell, and I held onto the sides of his pajama shirt tightly. "Shhh, don't cry. We're fine, right?" He pressed me even tighter against his body, waiting for a response that would reassure him too. "Yes, we're fine," I tried to talk between hiccups and heavy breaths. He took my cheek with his left hand and raised my chin. He kissed me tenderly and reburied me where I was before, falling asleep by the fire, between casual caresses and kisses on the cheeks.

Childe

I only cared about him and I knew he cared about me too, but I was really worried that something might happen to him for being part of the Fatui, on top of that in such a high position. The first time I saw him arrive with deep wounds I knew something wasn't right, but he denied everything, saying that they would pass and that I shouldn't get upset. How could I not?

"It's okay, it's not the first time I've arrived like this" He spoke between his teeth while taking off his layers of clothes, stained with a red color. I didn't even know what to answer him, I just ran to the bathroom to look for bandages or something that could help him.

Once back, I could see him sitting up, pressing his hands against his abdomen and letting out little moans of pain. "Tartaglia, this is not good. I don't like you coming back like this, it can't be right" "I promise you, it is. It's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me" He tried to let out a laugh, but a cough came out instead. "That's why it's not! Who assures me you'll come back alive?" He lowered his gaze, taking the bandages from my hand and putting them on by himself. "I'll come back every time, it hurts me that you doubt me" "Stop joking! I know you're an adult enough to do what you want and take care of yourself. I just want- well, never mind."

The feeling of pressure on my stomach made it impossible for me to even carry on a conversation. I left the room, heading into the bedroom and closing the door behind me. Several more groans came to be heard and then footsteps. The front door slamming shut made me jump in my position, I couldn't believe he had gone out again, was it my fault?

Childe hadn't had a good day and if you started a fight he knew it wasn't going to get any better. So when he saw you disappear into your room he decided to go outside to get some air and let off steam.

Maybe wanting to put his thoughts in order, or let you put yours in order. Either way, he preferred it to yell at you.

He had been thinking about it, and it was true to a certain extent what you were saying, what if one day he didn't come back alive? Now that the Fatuis had been closer to the dead than at any other time, he was beginning to see that clearly. He didn't want to abandon his family, let alone you.

With the quickest pace he could, he walked back to the door of your house, entering as he thought of only one thing: to stay by your side for the rest of his life.

You didn't hear the sound of his footsteps or even the sound of the door opening, you only felt how two arms embraced you from behind, turning you into the small spoon.

I tried to turn around, but he held me tightly when he noticed and pressed kisses down the back of my neck and shoulders. "I'll try to go more carefully" I took a deep breath at his words, it was just what I wanted to hear him say. "Promise me?" "Of course, I still have things left to do with you" He went back to doling out kisses and this time he did let me turn around, I kissed him passionately, happy and calm that it hadn't ended badly. "What things?" "I'm a family man, don't you think?"

Gorou

Maybe he took that reaction just from the shock of the moment, maybe because he'd had a particularly bad day, or maybe simply because he was worried about losing me.

"But I want- I need to help" "My answer is still going to be no, and if I don't accept it, no one else can do anything" He turned mid-sentence to begin removing his armor garments. Steady movements and a scowl. Even if I wanted to trick myself into not believing his words, I was right, it was the general. "Please, Gorou, I know I can do more" "All you do is enough" I brought my hand towards his direction, trying to grab his forearm. "People are dying and the only thing you seem to be worried about is me not getting out of here!" his ears perked up, he turned around again, coming face to face. "Are you listening to yourself? I've already said it, the answer is final!"

He released his grip on me and went straight to our provisional room in the camp, leaving me alone amidst the now not at all soothing silence after the discussion. I was sure more than one person outside could have heard him. Thousands of previous ideas went over in my mind again: going without him knowing, arriving at a training on the spur of the moment, asking Kokomi or the rest of the troops for help… or telling him directly, which hadn't gone as expected.

I could have gone after him to keep insisting, but with the mood we were both in at the moment I didn't think that was the best idea. Grabbing a small jacket and putting my shoes back on, I left the cabin, hoping not to make too much noise with the door, if Gorou wouldn't let me go, I would go on my own.

As much as you tried to act as mature as possible, helplessness was starting to grow in the bottom of your chest and a tear rolled down your cheek.

The weather was not favorable either, the storm could be heard in the distance, closer and closer to the camp. You clutched your jacket tightly, holding your arms against your chest to try to keep warm, and when the first drops fell you could no longer tell if it was tears or rain dripping down your face.

You realized that it wasn't worth it to stay outside, you would get sick and give your boyfriend more reasons to keep you away from the battle, so without further ado you headed back to the warmth of the cabin.

A voice calling your name startled you, Gorou was at the door with a worried look on his face, he rushed to your now shivering body and grabbed you in his arms, pulling you both inside.

Once in the bathroom he began to remove your layers of clothing as he turned on the hot water faucet. He left a kiss on your forehead and ran his hands over your soaked cheeks, from the snap back to reality and the heaviness you could feel on your eyelids, you understood that they were tears.

Albedo

‘Be patient with him’ is what you always tell yourself as you follow Albedo up the mountain for another excursion to Dragonspine for who knows what and archons know what for. You hadn’t known what you were setting yourself up for when you decided to pursue a relationship with the very handsome but very stand-offish alchemist from the Knights of Favonius. True, your relationship with him had its very sweet moments of cooking with him and him sketching you, but those were rare and hard to come by- especially from Albedo. Part of it was the fact that he was not human and his pursuit of understanding also included human emotion which made it difficult to discern whether or not his sweet words and gentle manner were genuine or a form of fabrication for his studies. Sometimes he’d even use you for his experiments; odd contraptions strapped to your head, shivering in his open lab in Dragonspine, drinking odd concoctions that you fear may kill you.

It’s worth it, you’d always think when you see Albedo’s eyes shine and his lips curl into a smile when he discovers something new or if his hypothesis is correct. It’s worth it if it meant that you were making Albedo happy; even if it meant that you yourself had never felt more unloved.

‘Be patient with him’ drained the life out of you each time you asked if Albedo wanted to go out somewhere with you, but he would say ‘no’ and say, ‘I’m busy’. It drained you as you watched him react more to his experiments than when being with you. It drained you when you’d get your hopes up as Albedo called for you only for the same hope to be crushed when it was for a lab test.

“Albedo, can we please do something nice for once? You’re always working, and I want to spend some time alone with you.” You said as you stood at the foot of his lab when he called you in for help with another experiment.

“Well, we’re spending some time alone right now.” He said as you listened to the clink of test tubes for a potion he was going to make you drink.

“I’m serious, Bedo.” You said, crossing your arms from the cold and irritation. Albedo glanced at you and saw your annoyed expression but still turned away.

“I have a hard time understanding what you want from me, Y/N,” He said, setting down his clipboard, his back still turned and attention drawn away.

“Of course you don’t. You wouldn't understand how I’d feel anyways,” You said. “You’re not human.” As soon as the words came out of your mouth, you looked up to see Albedo staring at you blankly. Through the trick of the eye, the corners of his lips twitched and his hands formed into a fist. You half expected him to be upset with you while the other half expected him to be upset with himself. But he showed no emotion as you two stared. It was too late for you to take your words when you realized you meant what you said- as hurtful as it was, your patience with him ran thin and you were tired of pretending the lack of intimacy was acceptable- even for Albedo. And so, you wordlessly turned to leave him alone in his cold, open lab. As he watched you leave, he knew it was a sign your fleeting relationship was done; but Albedo felt something prickling in his skin.

‘Strange. This isn’t what cold feels like.’ It was different. It was hot, searing, and burning. Gradual, slow and torturous that it felt intentional. It ran from his chest and pulsed throughout his skin. Something within him ached so terribly as he tried so desperately to find a cure for this ravenous madness that made him drag himself and heave across the table. Your expression is what got him- the shock in your face when you said what you said but the immediate switch to emptiness- the way he recognized was the same expression he wore around you. Worst of all were your words echoing throughout his mind. You’re not human.

“Is this… what they call heartache?” Intense was the word Albedo was looking for. In your entire relationship, he felt some form of intensity, the giddiness when you stroked your hand through his hair or gave him compliments for his work- but nothing was comparable to the pain that coursed through him right now. He knew he wasn’t human, but why does he feel so alive? Why is his hollow shell suddenly flooding with so many things he couldn’t possibly understand? Then he remembers you. You were loving, your gestures so unfeigned and manners so human- something Albedo couldn’t understand yet but longed for- more so now than he had ever had.

“Y/N, it hurts,” He says as he grabs at his head and whispers into the table. Hot tears stream from his eyes, a new trick so foreign to him that he feels like a child discovering what it’s like to feel empathy. Something real. And he had never felt more real, more human, when he was with you. You had taught him the euphoria of what it means to have human emotion, the joy that comes with love, and the utter devastation when Albedo finally discovered what it meant, what it felt, to have someone you love tear away at you like a pack of wolves. To be exposed to the raw emotions that was heartbreak. It hurt so much but he loved it.

He loved you.

“It hurts, Y/N,” Albedo called to you smiling, as if announcing a groundbreaking discovery of the century. He needed you now more than ever- not for experiments, not for confirmation of theories, he needed you. To tell you what he felt, what you made him feel, how good it was no matter the hurt. But it was too late. You had given him everything he needed to know about connections and bonds and the joy that came with them- yet you had no love left to give him. He would destroy the world to get it back if it meant the pain would stop. If it meant he’d start over and give you the love you deserve.

Thoma

Thoma was the perfect lover; the man every parent wished for their child, the man every grandparent loved having over, the man others would kill for but Thoma would discourage them. You don’t know how lucky you found yourself when Thoma bashfully gave you a plate of tricolor dango he made by himself as a way to ask you out. Your relationship was seen by others as more than perfect, more than beautiful. Prying eyes would watch as Thoma would hold the umbrella over your head and give you his coat on a rainy day as you two walked down the street; Inazuman girls would seethe with jealousy as Thoma would plant a kiss on your forehead in front of them, his smile bursting wide when you’d return in; the older women in town would compliment you both and ask about marriage, children and the works while you two would turn red and look away in embarrassment at the questions. Everyone on the outside thought you two were perfect.

You knew a little differently. No relationship was perfect. Each one had cracks and problems as every relationship would. You and Thoma rarely argued and it was mostly for something small and insignificant like who forgot to do the laundry, but nothing big ever happens. In fact, every squabble always ends with an apology. The only problem you two had was work. Thoma was almost always busy working for the Kamisato Clan and sure, you had your fair share of labor, but sometimes it was getting ridiculous.

At first you didn’t mind- you understood how the Kamisato siblings relied their trust on Thoma and you admired it even. Some things about his work however drew the line when you would be left alone in the middle of the street, waving half-heartedly goodbye to your lover as he is called in for another commission. Most tea dates you two had at Komore Tea House were with Ayaka and you grew to be friends with the girl- but you sometimes felt like a third wheel between them. Sometimes you would wake up in the middle of the night to Thoma hastily leaving to do something for the Estate. Hell, the only real dates you two ever had were doing chores around the Estate’s yard and Inazuma. You were getting tired. You spent little to no time with Thoma; despite how loving he was, how caring and generous and perfect, you can’t help but feel unloved if he dedicated his time to someone that wasn’t you. As selfish as that may have sounded, the issue has drawn on for too long.

While the crickets chirped silently, your hand in Thoma’s as you two walked to the Estate for the eighth time this week. The atmosphere made it feel like you two were out for a nice walk, when in fact, you were out to do another commission. Thoma noticed your tightening grasp on his hand as he stopped to look at you.

“Is there anything bothering you, Y/N?” Your fear of losing him bubbled in your chest and you wanted nothing more than for you to be able to express yourself without prying eyes and listening guards. This seemed to be the perfect time to do so.

“If you had to choose me, or the Kamisato Clan, who would you prioritize?” You asked, chest rising and falling as you watched Thoma struggle to say something. You should’ve worded it differently, but you had already given him the ultimatum and his answer was clear. You nodded and lowered your head, hearing Ayaka call out to him from a distance. Thoma pulled you close but you didn’t move, savoring the last time you might ever be this close to him.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” was all Thoma could say, his voice and body shaking. Before he could do anything else, you buried your head in his neck and whispered,

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Thoma.” finally looping your hands around his waist. I need more time, I can’t let you go. “I love you, but I can’t…” You wondered if you were being selfish- if you were willing to sacrifice such a loving man and a wonderful relationship because you felt unfulfilled. Maybe you were, but Thoma only pulled you closer, and you, for the first time in your relationship, withdrew from him. Hearing Ayaka call out to him once more, Thoma didn’t stir and only held onto your wrist, eyes begging for you to stay. But you stepped back and looked at him pitifully.

“I think someone else needs you right now.” You said, stepping back again. “Goodbye, Thoma.” While you turned to leave, you glanced back to see his figure fading away to the Kamisato Estate. What you didn’t know is that Thoma was the one to need you this time. His heart aching at your words, the realization finally hitting him that you had felt so unloved. He remembers the days you would soothe his joints and muscles, make him lunches on days and dinner by nights, the way you would nod understandingly as he ranted and raved about his day. You’ve given him your time and company, while he returned it by not doing the same. Thoma turned around to find you gone and wanted so badly to get you back. But work called for him, and you had already left. If only his loyalty would favor you, but in the end, you had been the second option.

Gorou

Gorou had always been busy; now more than ever with the civil war that’s been rampaging Inazuma. You did what you could to help with the Resistance and Gorou was extremely grateful for you. You could see the toll it took on him to lead an Army and at the same time handle everything else with their excellent strategist, Divine Priestess Kokomi. You encouraged him to take breaks with you once in a while, but his stubbornness persisted, and he would work day and night to ensure swift victories against the Shogun’s Army.

It was only when he would lose sleep over worrying about the latest advancements and number of casualties did you really start to worry. Gorou would be up late into the night and well into the evening, hunched over a map, his ears twitching in annoyance and even your massages wouldn’t be enough to soothe his tense muscles. On times he would relent and take calming breaks with you, he would be immediately ordered to the front lines by Kokomi or other soldiers, and they would have to apologize on his behalf.

“Gorou, I know we need to win this war, but I think you’ll perform better if you take a little rest.” You said as you watched your lover fit into his armor. “Come, have some tea with me.”

“I can’t right now, Y/N, Her Excellency is calling me up to help and you know I can’t pass up this opportunity to gain some sort of foothold against the Shogunate Army.” It was hard to convince him not to leave, even harder to make him rest. But he needed to do what had to be done. You had no choice but to let him go.

“Alright, I’ll be having tea out near the shores.” You said, wishing him good luck as Gorou plants a soft kiss on your cheek and storms off. “Be safe, Gorou.” The waters of Inazuma’s beaches were always your favorite- soft sands meeting the rolling waves clear enough that you could see the eels, crabs and shells from below. Nothing could disturb your peace. Not long after you set up the tea table on the beach, you notice a group of the Shogun’s army nearing your spot. Strange, you think, they’re beyond enemy lines. Calm and composed, you only watch as the soldiers circle you.

“What seems to be the issue?” You ask, your heart racing in fear.

“You’re the lover of the Resistance Army’s general.” One soldier said, pointing a spear at you. “Comply now if you know what’s best for you.” Slowly, you sipped your tea and looked at the men that surrounded you, weapons in hand ready to fight. You yourself had no vision and were willing to fight until the end- if it meant that you would be of help to Gorou.

“I have no Vision to surrender, nor do I have any intentions of giving out any secrets for you.” You said, setting down your cup as the men stepped forward. “But if you must do what you need to, make sure the news reaches enemy lines. Tell them General Gorou is out for revenge.”

That night, the mood in the camp was unusually depressing for the Resistance Army camp as the soldiers pushed at each other when General Gorou came in from another surge. He ordered for his men to send the injured to the infirmary and once he arrived there, there was no need for his soldiers to tell him what had happened.

There lying lifeless on a bamboo mat was you- eyes closed, mouth parted slightly as if you were deep into sleep. But you neither moved nor was your heartbeat present in your chest. Gorou stopped in his tracks as his soldiers could do nothing but watch him crumple into a wailing mess beside you. You lay unmoving. The others did their best to clean you- under your fingers were the sands you spent your days on, sea water dried on your skin and blood clung to your shirt and face. Yet Gorou couldn’t help but smile through the tears. You look as beautiful as ever, Y/N.

“What is the meaning of this!?” He yelled, grabbing your cold hands. “Why wasn’t anyone with them!?” Gorou realized how odd that may have sounded- he was the one that should have been with you because you called him out there. He should have protected you, but he didn’t show, he never does. Now you’re dead and he feels as if your blood was on his hands.

“I should’ve been with them…” For weeks, Gorou has led the Resistance Army to push on, keep fighting, to end this once and for all. It’s not what you would have wanted but if it weren’t for this damned war, you would have still been alive. It was a comfort to Gorou to know that he’s fighting in your name, slaughtering soldiers left and right and exhausting what’s left of the energy he thinks should have been spent with you. He kept your word unknown to him- that he seeks revenge for what the enemy has done to you. Even he knows deep in his mind that you would disprove of his actions; it was too late for that now if you weren’t by his side to tell him it’s ok to stop fighting.

Aether

Aether is always out into the world of Teyvat in his conquest to find answers, truth and especially his sister. You wonder sometimes if you are a factor that’s been holding him down or slowing his path even though he has reassured you countless of times that you aren’t. Still, it was hard not to tell yourself that you may be a burden when Aether’s strength and experience out in the world is vastly different from yours. After all, he wasn’t from this world. Yet you and the rest of the other nations held a lot of trust in Aether- too much trust in fact that your worry about him seemed to rival that. It was worrying because Aether never seemed to stop; always working, always fighting, always on the go to find some semblance about where his sister was or what she’s doing with the Abyss Order. Whether it be fighting an Old God or jumping from one dimension to another, Aether seemed to be everywhere except with you. Some things in his life you couldn’t understand, but you had faith in him and didn’t say anything else as you followed him throughout his journey. Even in places you can’t follow, you make sure to him that he always has a place to come home to in your arms.

That was until you notice something shift in him that worry only worsened. You knew deep down that he was getting tired of constantly being thrown around to help and expect to fix everything when really, all he wished for was to be reunited with someone he loved. You understood the bond he and his twin shared, something unbreakable, but sometimes you selfishly wished that Aether could stay with you a little longer. You loved him after all-, but doubt clung in your mind that maybe he didn't share the same love you had towards him. He would encounter you sometimes after a rough day, a rough week, a rough month even and you would greet him with open arms to tend to his wounds and feed him and Paimon until the next day he would leave, and you wouldn't know when he would come back. Sometimes you wished if he would settle in with you, give the adventure a break and calm down for a while- but before you could even bring it up, he would say that there is no home if his sister isn’t by his side. Then doubts would come to your mind again and you’d wonder if you were of any help to him at all.

When you had met Aether, you were a traveler yourself and a part of the Adventurer’s Guild. You had seen him talking with Katherine about another mission to some unknown land, and being one with an Adventurer’s heart, you volunteered yourself to be Aether’s companion. And because you wanted to know the famed Traveler from another world. After that, you found yourself growing closer with him when he shared his stories around Teyvat; how he fought with Stormterror, his spars with a Fatui Harbinger, and the simple quests of planting flowers in Dragonspine. You were intrigued and enthralled by all this and asked Aether if you could join his party. You have some experience in fighting and navigation and his little friend Paimon found it to be quite exciting. With a charming smile, Aether said yes and you two had been adventuring ever since.

It was amazing for a while- the thrill of it all, the experience you gained and the places you couldn’t dream of being in. For the longest time in your life, you felt happy, and you fell in love. It took a while for you to realize your feelings for the mysterious Traveler but once it became clear, your uncertainty only grew and your feelings along with it. You wanted nothing more than to settle down with him, but you knew in your heart that he has no intention of doing that until he finds his sister. With that you felt the need to push your feelings aside until it became unbearable. You wanted to stay with him but wanted to be far from him because your feelings overshadowed your willingness to keep going. One day, you’ve decided that it was time for your adventure to end.

“Aren’t you coming?” Aether asked as you two exited your home. You stopped at the door frame and looked at him sadly. He noticed your expression and pursed his lips. “Is everything okay, Y/N?” You wondered if it would be selfish of you to beg him to stay. One thing you admired so greatly about Aether was his selflessness, to put his needs aside if it meant if would help another. But you knew well that if he stayed, he would only be held down.

“Yes… I’m fine but, I think I’ll hold off on the commissions for a while.” You said, barely a whisper. Usually, Aether would convince you to come with him and tell you that you're a great help- but he only stepped closer and held out his hand.

“If you wish to see me again,” He said. “You know where to find me.” You nodded and held his hand in yours. Aether looked down at it and you could feel his fingers pulling away from your grip.

“Go find your sister.” Was all you said. With that, Aether nodded and ran. Only Paimon was the one to look back at you and wave goodbye. The only thing you could do was to cry silently and watch the man you loved go. It was clear from the start that his restlessness was unwavering, and he would stop at nothing to get back the only comfort of home he has known. That comfort wasn’t you, and you were more than happy to let Aether go even if it meant his love for you was as short lived as your time together.

Kazuha

You fell in love with Kazuha’s beautiful words and gentle manner. He was more than closed off when you met him on Captain Beidou’s ship, and you gathered little about this strange new individual. He was an outlaw of Inazuma, barely escaping the Shogun’s Army who was out to get him when he boarded the Alcor; now he recites poems whenever he can and warns the crew of coming storms. You were fascinated by him and listened when he would sit at the mast and recite his beautifully crafted poems. Once you asked him to recite one for you and you could see his eyes glimmer against the sunset when he would tell you about the rolling waves and the cradling breeze. After that, you found yourself talking more and more with the young samurai that the crew began to notice that they would pester and tease you about him. Kazuha only took note of that and made sure to make some of his poems about you. You were close enough now that Kazuha began to open up- about his past, his love of traveling, and the tragedy he has witnessed back at home and why he’s so adamant about never going back. You found yourself becoming conflicted then.

As much as you enjoyed seeing the world with Kazuha, you missed your home terribly. You missed being able to wake up to the gentle chirp of birds in the morning, the accessibility of food from the shops, the calmness of it all. As much as you loved the hectic anger of the sea or the pleasing calm that came with new places, you would love nothing more than to settle down with Kazuha. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with him; waking up to him in the morning, making food with him, the domesticity of it all. But you knew Kazuha- he wouldn’t give up his life of wandering for the world- even if that meant his entire world was you. Besides, he wasn’t ready to go back to normalcy when the only normal thing he had before his life now was of his friend- and staying in the place that took him away made Kazuha retract from conversations relating to it. Even when he had gotten closure from his quest to find a new wielder to his friend’s Vision- which had been him all along- he was more compelled to go out into the world and find life anew to erase the old memories once and for all.

When the Alcor finally docked on Inazuma after the borders opened up again, you were reluctant to leave but you knew in your heart that you belonged someplace else. Only when the ship set out to sea again did you see Kazuha clinging to the ends of the boat, yelling your name desperately as if you could only wave goodbye.

“I’ll come back to you, Y/N!” Was what you would hear time and time again. You cried at every sunset watching the Alcor leave while you and Kazuha watched each other wave goodbye until the other would fade from view. He would come and go- tell you stories about his latest travels and bring you things from around the world. Though his time was short lived, you savored every moment you could spend with him. But even though Kazuha kept his promise to return to you, you knew well that his heart was set out to sea, and you were tired of waiting for a day that would never come. One time when he had returned, you introduced him to your lover and you noticed Kazuha’s expression dropped as he excused himself to go help with unloading the shipments. Before you would go out into the docks to once again wave him goodbye, Kazuha wasn’t there to yell out your name. The next time you two had seen each other was months after the first time he wasn’t there to see you set him off.

“Why couldn’t you wait for me, Y/N?” Was the first thing Kazuha asked you once he stepped foot onto the harbor. You were surprised by this. You waited for months, years even, for the day that Kazuha may come home to you finally. Maybe it was the other way around- that he had waited for you to once again board the ship with him. But both of you knew you had separate lives to live.