#goinghome

if theres one thing that makes me instantly excited its detectives and yes a one-panel gag DOES count @goinghomecomic

Whenever I think about travelling to see my family & friends, I always get thoughts about how foreign I might feel in the place where I'm from. I am fully aware that there are plenty of immigrants that are constantly homesick which leads to being happy and confident when it comes to travelling to the place where they grew up. Unfortunately, I am not one of them, I always have doubts, and many times visiting Latvia felt like a chore even though I do in fact love the country I'm from.

But I have always felt that I never really belonged in my hometown which is why moving to Norway was so easy in the first place. Each trip to Latvia had been giving me anxiety for the past nearly 6 years until my most recent trip which happened after 3 years of not visiting at all. That was finally the experience that I could call fully fun.

Don't get me wrong, my past visits were great as well, but there was always this bitter aftertaste because of small things that happened. Or constant anxiety about what could happen. I clearly remember counting days till I would return back to my routine in Norway. I was willing to kiss the Norwegian soil the moment I stepped on it. That just didn't feel right.

As I am typing this text right now, I also feel how the tables have turned. For the first time ever I felt I was dreading coming back to Norway. Not in a too substantial way. Simply because it meant returning to my routine, my stress & the worries that everyone has. Basically the real "coming back from vacation" experience. How did it change so much?

Well, probably not visiting motherland for 3 years had something to do with it. I felt like I was suddenly disconnected from my past worries there. I felt free, sort of? I was not reminiscing too much. I was experiencing new things or re-discovering old ones instead.

It truly felt like a real vacation for once. At the same time it also was my first great experience of "going home". I can't really say "going home" without using brackets because I have reached the point of Norway being my main home quite long ago.

A few more things made the most recent visit very special. I can talk about the tourist experience I've had (and I mean real tourist activities, not just taking a stroll in the Old Town once), I can talk about how a lot of things changed including my family moving away (but not far at all) from my place of growing up. Or I can talk about the people that have been surrounding me. That's actually a very interesting bit.

Besides my family, I haven't spent time with a single person who I used to hang out with before my moving to Norway. All of them are the people I had been acquainted with for some years before that, but we actually became very close only during past 5 years. There is some special sort of magic in that.

Not being defined by the kind of person I used to be; not being haunted by the ghosts of the past (this sounds more dramatic than I meant it lol); still getting to know each other as adults instead of just catching up and bringing up irrelevant memories.. I can go on, but what I really need to say is that I really appreciated how it felt.

Adult friendships that are not based on growing up together are so cool and precious. You end up getting close with people when your own persona is almost fully established, & setting up the right boundaries. You're not feeling vulnerable because you do indeed have a decent judgement on who's here to gain something from you & hurt you or who's here to be here for you as you are here for them. And if we're talking adult friendships within my most recent experience, one thing I really appreciate is how relaxing it feels to spend time with the people I've become really close with only during past few years. You're just straight up vibing, you spend time learning & experiencing new things together which inevitably leads to discussing them in process or afterwards, so you get to know each other on a different level which feels so great. At the same time it's also wonderful to spend time together in silence, just enjoying the weather, the views, the music — everything that surrounds you, knowing that there is a big chance you're perceiving this exact moment in a very similar way.

Another interesting thing to experience was seeing how my family has changed. I mean, they literally grew up. That often is a very stressful bit because before each visit it always feels like they are going to treat you as a kid you were when you moved away. But it was just not cool of me to underestimate them like that, to be honest. I grew up and so did they. I have my own life, habits & views, and they respect it. They are more fun to spend time with as we're reaching the age of deeper mutual understanding even though I have always enjoyed their company. All I felt while spending time with them was warmth & comfort.

Finally, I have to mention how the choice of season really affected this trip. Being in Latvia in October is something I wish to do more often (sucks that there's only one October per year, right?). Not only it's great to enjoy the falling leaves of all possible colors & crisp cold air, but it's also very inspirational. This period there has always been my favourite, I don't remember a single October in Latvia in my life I didn't enjoy. I do romanticise this period & it seems to romanticise me back.

Answering the question that I posed in the title, namely 'Going home or visiting your homeland?' is very difficult. In one hand, it was a completely new experience, full of activities that locals usually don't do, nor do the immigrants who really come home (instead, they simply run errands most of their time in their hometown what I used to do too). On the other hand, this was the cosiest experience that I definitely associated with the great comfort of coming back home.