#goalchaser

Turn aspirations into action🚀

Dream big and tackle your goals with the spirit of a champion! 🏆🏈

When I cannot get myself out of bed. When I'm so mentally tired, and my brain has dropped any hope for living, not even coffee or some super caffeinated soda drinks can make more lucid. I'm just in the fog, in an unreachable place in my mind.

Those are the bad days. But, there are good days too.

My first, real, good day after almost 15 years with undetectable depression, was when, just after started medication, I woke up and didn't feel tired, no foggy mind, no body exhaustion... I even cried, I couldn't remember that sensation anymore.

I've been happy those years; lovely family, had nephews (6) that get me crazy when they are all together, married the love of my life, have wonderful in-laws that make feel so cherished and loved too, husband got good job, no problems of making the ends meet.

Come to live in a quiet and loving town, in-laws super near... Got a dog, a big good boy... I was happy, I was sure of it, but the fog never left me, always crawling in my mind, making my body exhausted and my mind absent...

That's endogenous depression for you.

I'll have to fight it all my life, there is no trigger, no tragic lost of loved one, money problems, family abuse, lack of opportunities... Just, my mind is broken, and I have to live with it. Good news? My life IS really amazing, I don't want to brag too much but, it's true, I didn't experience something so traumatic that made me this way.

It's just I have one loose screw since birth, but that didn't stop me from having and amazing childhood, funny teenager years, go to university, get my degree, met the love of my life... It's just the fog, that never clears. It's having, literally, headaches almost constantly, go to sleep with horrible headache, first thing I notice when I wake up, the headache. They always stayed for two weeks or more, never dissappearing, never going better. No medication working...

And even so, even all this, I was happy.

Turns out, when my depression hit the maximum peak, after an horrible work experience, that we finally discovered the problem. It's been three years already, I've been working non-stop since then, having the support and love of all my family.

My husband is the breadwinner, he accepted me since the start, and now I'm out the work force, just working in myself. New healthy habits, medication readjustment 'till we get the sweet spot, rediscovering the things I loved to do, crying out loud for getting back the sensation of enjoying a hobby...

I don't know who I really am. I've had depression all my life and I actually don't know a lot of things about myself.

"Caminante, son tus huellas el camino y nada más; caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar" - Antonio Machado.