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It’s so interesting to compare how Gilgamesh Wulfenbach and Tarvek Sturmvoraus interact with their positions of power and the responsibilities that come with them.
Cause you’ve got Gil as, like, a classic case of ‘born to be a Pulp Hero, forced to be an Evil Emperor’. He really just flat-out Does Not Enjoy anything to do with running the empire and would much rather have fun light-hearted adventures where he gets to be a straightforward good guy. The only reason why he keeps being Baron Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, ruler of the Wulfenbach Empire, is cause he does legitimately believes in his father’s reasoning that the Empire is the only way to keep some semblance of stability in Europa and that he’s the only qualified and righteous person to maintain that Empire. From his perspective, the only reason why he fights to maintain his power is just selflessness. The selfish thing would’ve been to abandon it to do the things that actually bring him joy.
And on the other hand, you’ve got Tarvek Sturmvoraus. And like, their circumstances aren’t actually all that different. Tarvek was also born into a position of power, forced into being the Villain (you have to be a schemer and kind of a terrible person to survive as a Valois), he was also molded since childhood (since before he was born, actually)
...into being the One Person Who Could Bring Stability to Eruopa. The main difference is that… Tarvek actually enjoys it. Even with all the family trauma and the occasional hint at self-loathing for being manipulative schemer, Tarvek does genuinely enjoy schemes and intrigue and maneuvering politically-complicated situations and being in charge and… basically all of the things that Gil hates doing but tolerates for the sake of the ‘Greater Good’ - Tarvek just revels in the opportunity to do it and do it well.
…Of course, this element of ‘responsibility’ and ‘for the greater good’ is part of why their two attitudes are so different. Like, since probably the moment Gil discovered he was Baron Wulfenbach’s son, this whole business of ruling the Empire was framed to him as a matter of duty for the sake of the whole of Europa. For Gil, being ‘in charge’ always meant worrying about the expectations of his father and the needs of others and trying his best to do right by them (whatever this IS actually doing right by them is maybe a different matter…But right now we are focusing on Gil’s intentions, which were always motivated by a sincere sense of duty).
Meanwhile, Tarvek… certainly the idea of making Europa less war-torn and chaotic is part of his motivation to become the new Storm King....
With the idea being that compared to the Wulfenbach Empire being built entirely out of intimidation and brute strength and refusing to play the traditional games of politics and monarchy (like retaining the ‘lesser’ title of Baron), an Empire built on the legacy of the Storm King will be seen as more legitimate and valid and thus lead to a more stable peace. Plus, he probably just flat-out sees himself as a more competent potential ruler than Gil is.
(He definitely did before they properly ‘re-met’, and by now most of this “oh, well done, Wulfenbach, I guess you are not as thick-headed as you seem lol” stuff is obviously just teasing, but I dunno if anything Gil did has ever crossed the line to “Oh, maybe he is legitimately Better at This than me….”)
… But also, like, if this was purely a matter of practicality and bringing stability to Europa he probably wouldn’t be banging on about Klaus being a ‘usurper’ and ‘illegitimate’ as much as he does. This is absolutely also about his aristocratic pride and Power, about how being the Storm King: Savior of Europa is good for his Ego. And unlike Gil, Tarvek definitely grew up surrounded by the idea of being powerful/being ‘in charge’ just means that you can do whatever the hell you want to the Little People.
Tarvek’s maybe not the Worst of the Lot, but, like… his original plan to ‘bring stability to Europa’ also apparently involved use of Lucrezia’s technology. He only started internalizing the idea of ‘horrific permanent mind-enslavement is bad when it happens to anyone and not just the Pretty Girl I Like’ in the middle of the Castle Heterodyne arc.
Tarvek definitely started kinda in the mindset of “being In Charge = having power = I do as I please” that existed alongside his more benevolent concerns and ‘this is for the greater good’ reasonings. And that also plays a part in why power and prestige is way more Desirable to him than it is to Gil. But also… through his misadventures with Agatha and with Gil, he IS unlearning these more Unscrupulous Ideas of power… and he’s still enjoying that stuff just as much. He just likes Doing Politics!
So, I mean, it feels like the Solution for both of their Conflicting Needs should be very easy. Gil is already learning that he does actually trust Tarvek…
Maybe he can also learn to trust him to do all of the political running-an-empire-shit he hates?
…but for this to work both of these boys would need to seriously get rid of their hang-ups about their pride and their Daddy Issues/Aristocratic Concepts of the Right to Rule. And that’s easier said than done. Maybe actually the Ideal Resolution for both of them might just be to let Tarvek discreetly handle all the Empire Shit that Gil hates doing via some sort of weird Evil Treacherous Advisor Roleplay???
Let us never forget that time I was talking about Gil and Tarvek –doing some lite character analysis– in Kaja's chat and she looked at my comments and went like "wow I'm glad you guys are picking up on the hints we've been leaving about those two". I'm winning and I'm completely right about them and HA! I'll show them! I'll show them all!!!
So, I was trying to convince my sister to spend the next x weeks of her life reading Girl Genius, and I was going through the archives looking for scenes where Gil and Tarvek are flirting and manhandling each other. Turns out to be pretty easy: Are they both in a scene? Yes? Then they’re probably flirting and touching each other. Done.
Then I found these pages:
They don’t touch even once. Some flirting seems to be unavoidable, but it’s minimized. Suddenly they can behave around each other.
And the only factor I can think of to explain it is Seffie. They just automatically know not to do their thing in front of her. Because she’s an enemy schemer? She might actually have motive and ability to stop them heading down this path?
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So this was a multi-day group brainstorm. In 2019. About fem!Gil.
Due to the length of the discussion and lots of back-and-forth, I am not attributing individual quotes, in order to maintain some semblance of order. It also unfortunately means I will be scrapping some of the fun verbiage, but alas. The sacrifices we make.
Fem Gil still having short hair and a Brick Shithouse frame a la Klaus.
Zeetha's pretty muscley but she's built for more speed and general fighting than Gil's strength-based skillset.
Ok, but Klaus having a daughter, he’s probably going to want her to either remain single all her life or get married to a man he can control. Like Theo.
Klaus is Peak Overprotective and Controlling. It would end so badly.
He wouldn't just ship tho, this is setup up for nearly any arranged marriage of your choice.
From canon with male Gil: "should've married him off already."
he Won't Hesitate, because he's convinced he knows best and it'll keep Gil safe and that's what matters.
But a daughter marrying someone else might mean letting the empire go to someone out of his control, which is why he’d probably try to arrange marriage Gil off to one of the students
Abroad the ship
Consider: "Gil and Tarvek fuck up in Paris, there is an accidental pregnancy because Gil figured that if she wasn't getting laid anyway then why bother with Maiden's Weed? OH SHIT" plot time
I'm just picturing this with like. any ship of your choice arranged, but like 3 years post plot:
Zanta: you did what
Zeetha: hey sis do you need your husband killed because I can Do That
Gil: NO THANK YOU
Tarvek isn't pleased about knocking someone up!
You, like Me, know that adding aa toddler is one of the 5% remaining paths to additional chaos
this is a lot of stress and I love it
Klaus is NOT going to be pleased about Tarvek knocking up his daughter
He’d probably think it’s a plot by Tarvek to take over the Empire and claim the Storm King throne
Klaus: Gil, do you want an abortion?
Gil: if i get an abortion will you immediately marry me off to someone you picked
Klaus: …
Tarvek: an outsider may think that I have a girlfriend and a toddler
Tarvek: they would be wrong
Tarvek: I am caring for two toddlers
Gil: oh SHUT UP—
Tarvek wants to get married for reputation damage control, Klaus Does Not Want a Marriage.
Additionally, while Tarvek isn't pleased, his family is thrilled. It works perfectly for their plots.
Klaus: I have been informed that you impregnated my daughter.
Tarvek: Your WHAT.
Klaus: Now, as she appears to have some fondness for you, I will not be destroying you or your town.
Tarvek: I'm sorry can we go back to the part where Gil is your daughter.
Gil is 150% more prone to jumping headfirst into adventure danger while pregnant than Tarvek would be.
Tarvek is like 80% stress ulcers. He is Fretting. Gil has no sense of personal safety ever in her life.
Tarvek: please just. sit down
Gil, standing on the tip of the Awful Tower: Just another inch and I can reach the wire-
Gil, jokingly: Take responsibility for once!
Tarvek, sitting in his hoard of Infant Goods and preparing to buy more: what the fuck are you talking about
Gil wouldn't even be subtle about it which is HILARIOUS. just HI TARVEK PLEASE MARRY ME RIGHT NOW.
Now I'm imagining my "f!Tarvek panicked and married Gil because she thought her family was going to marry her to someone even worse" plot in reverse, and it's even funnier.
I am a FOOL. Male Tarvek as the damsel in distress and female Gil as the hero is SO FUNNY.
Gil: Well, now you gotta marry me.
Tarvek: I was supposed to have the most political marriage possible, I can't just--
Gil: ABOUT THAT
And mistresses are a thing lots of royals have, so. But then Gil gives him the best out possible.
Gil: Will you marry me if I can convince you that it's just as politically helpful as marrying some random princess?
Tarvek: As far as I know your father is Teufel so--
Gil: That story is fake and I can do you better.
(If it happens early enough, Aaronev is too distracted by the fallout to kill Anevka)
Gil: do you need a fainting couch
Gil: have I damaged your dainty noble nerves
Tarvek: apparently you also have noble nerves
With girl Tarvek this scenario still needs so much work but girl Gil is just having the crown fall out of the sky and into your lap. THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY.
You get the empire and a potential future heir in one fell swoop basically oh my god
Gil: I mean he keeps asking me my opinion on which of the fifty families I should be married off to anyway, so
(I would like to think that having a daughter would mean he'd actually ASK for an opinion first, but it's still Klaus so he's still arranging it himself)
Tarvek is like. 70% dying of stress and 30% trying to figure out the best way to break the news to Martellus so he can avoid dying but still enjoy his cousin's fucking expression.
Martellus frothing at the mouth bc like
"YOU KNOCKED UP THE HEIR TO THE EMPIRE BY ACCIDENT???"
Tarvek: I THOUGHT IT WAS HATE SEX
Gil: We were also kind of drunk
Tarvek literally just has all his life dreams dumped in his lap.
And then. a year later his new wife seduces the heterodyne girl,,,
(it's the rules, if only either Gil or Tarvek is a girl, the one who's a girl is the one who's first to the punch re: Agatha)
Re f!Gil being the one to seduce Agatha: okay but bold of you to assume that Gil is romantically competent in any universe.
Bold of you to assume Gil is the one seducing Agatha and not the other way around
Gil absolutely did not seduce Agatha by being romantically competent.
But she didn't propose a shotgun marriage to piss off Klaus because she's already married.
Gil seduced Agatha by dropping her out of an airship, fighting with her, and then NOT trying to elope with her because: married.
Gil is the embodiment of disaster bi A:SFSIDJHF:SDUGH: GIL REPLACED ZEETHA AS THE BI AWAKENING
Never underestimate Gil's power to put foot in mouth.
Gil: oh my god we should get married! my husband would love you!
Agatha, who's spent the past day realizing that she's into women: your WHAT?
[gasp] There are family dinners.
Klaus intimidating his son-in-law.
OKAY BUT CONSIDER:
- Von Pinn's opinion on the baby
- Agatha meeting Gil's baby.
- Castle Heterodyne trying to decide how to treat the Gilvek baby if Agatha's already decided she likes both of the parents.
- Gil is seduced while holding a baby
- Gil made Agatha promise not to tell Tarvek the baby ended up on the plane. because Tarvek would be SO MAD
- why are we letting Gil be a parent again
- Klaus running the empire while holding a baby.
- Klaus bringing out the baby harness he carried Gil around Europa in. And using it for his grandchild.
Tarvek: speaking as, uh, me, I can say with certainty that you definitely do not count as a good father
Klaus: I did alright with you!
Gil: Doubt ™
Still better than Aaronev though
Klaus is one of the few parents in girl genius who would be Upset to be told that he wasn’t a good parent, which ironically is one of the things that MAKES him better than Aaronev
Still better than Aaronev
Low, low bar
But slightly harder to jump over when he hasn't killed Anevka
Prof:
What name baby………………..
I vote some variant of Nicole
Because you get the triple combo of 1. Colette 2. Klaus and 3. Andronicus (backwards) as namesakes.
KLAUS TEACHES GIL AND TARVEK HOW TO CHANGE DIAPERS. LIKE. IT BECOMES NECESSARY AND THEY REALIZE NEITHER OF THEM KNOWS WHAT TO DO and it's the most awkward family bonding moment.
Baby is named Otilia.
(Alas, they don't know Von Pinn is Otilia yet when baby comes around.)
AUNTY ZEETHA
Zeetha is upset because she already took on Agatha as a zumil and this baby might be her relative but not her daughter, so she can't take care of training, but it might be too late to drag Gil back to Skifander so Zanta can do her part and—
In this au Klaus just grabbed the child that looked more like him and ran.
(Klaus grabbed the child that wouldn't have famously green hair)
Assuming that Klaus isn’t Zanta’s zumil.
Gil can train her own daughter but she wasn't trained in a true kolee-dok-zumil system
Gil can train her own daughter I think.
dw Zeetha, Klaus taught Gil up… decently well?
Well enough that Gil can pick stuff up without technically being taught by you
CRASH COURSE COMBAT WITH YOUR LONG LOST MOM
Concept: there’s a TWIN LOOPHOLE that means Zeetha could train her niece
Because twins means that they’re BASICALLY same person or something, like a split soul or something, I’m not entirely sure I’m just throwing the concept out there
Zeetha: I'm claiming my right as your sister to train your daughter in her grandmother's place
Gil: my WHAT
Gil's daughter is her daughter too
in Zeetha's eyes
Ok, you know who would approve of Gil/ Tarvek marriage? Von Pinn, that’s who.
Probably scold Gil about her raising her better than to get knocked up before marriage.
Bfjckfndj she would also like. SO BE #DONE WHEN SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE PREGNANCY
“Ah yes, he is descended from Andronicus after all. -_- A shame, I thought better of him.”
(what if baby is a boy? Tarvek’s paranoia about assassins would increase 1000-fold, a male heir would be such a target)
Tarvek: EXCUSE YOU it's JUST ONE I'm still better than Andronicus!
Gil: It better be
(well. just one getting knocked up outside of marriage)
BANG WANTS TO BABYSIT!
BABYSITTER BANG
AUNTIE BANG
TANTIE BANG-BANG
DUPREE THE BODYGUARD
BODYGUARD BANG
Auntie Bang is the most terrifying concept I love it immensely
Bang gets named godmother? Yes
NO BABYSITTER BANG
AUNTIE BANG IS A GOOD
Bang: I never understood the hype about babies. Then I met Gil’s stupid baby and now if anything happened to this crying snotball I’d kill everyone in the room
Audience: …and then yourself?
Bang: why would I kill myself? That's dumb.
Bang: then I’d go find one of the madboys to see if the baby was rez-able, obviously
She'd just stab anyone who touched either of them
forget Klaus, Tarvek Fears Bang
Bang IS sentimental about the Bab and trying to hide it, but ALSO she's noticed that SO many people keep trying to kill it? It's like a MAGNET for "People Bang can kill brutally without Gil making the :/ at her"
I really want Bang to be the honorary aunt to any children Gil has in any canon or AU. It's not like she cares about Gil or his stupid kid okay.
Tarvek loves Gil but regrets ever getting involved with Gil's family, because they're all terrifying. (And yes Bang counts as part of the family.)
Gil encourages her stabbing these people nastily and immediately it’s great!!!
YES THAT TOO
Oh man, Bang is 100% excited to kill the attempted assassins
Also! She is very ready to teach the baby how to kill assassins!
Normally everyone considers Bang to be a Terrible Influence but like, Tarvek: "No, no, this is actually better than how I learned similar lessons in my family."
Gil: No knives ‘til the baby is 6
Tarvek: Isn't that a bit old? I had my first knife at four.
Gil: do I look like I know what a good knife age is
somebody help these poor people
Oh man, Bang 100% gives Tarvek a shovel talk.
The talk would involve more actual shovel less talk
She would, but she'd give him the talk while he was buried up to his neck in sand
[everyone screaming about two babies, and various characters holding them]
Wait. There's a very important baby fact we're ignoring here.
Fraternal twins run in families on the mother's side.
TWO baby!!!!!!
Bang with babies strapped to the front and back
Bang doing the "You know what's better than one baby?" [turns around] "TWO BABIES"
Bang and Klaus, teaching the babies Entirely Different Horrible Things that nobody wants the babies to know yet
Tarvek: we only picked out one name
Gil, tired: Nikolas for the boy, Nicole for the girl
Tarvek: honey no
Klaus: You should give the girl a name that starts with Z.
Xena
Zophia i
Zillyhoo
Gil: what if I name her Zola after my frien-
Tarvek, who got let in on the Storm King bullshit: HAHAHA UH. N. No.
(Sentimentality means he Tells Gil Things)
Gil: Wait why should we na--
Klaus: A tradition on your mother's side. Your sister--
Gil: MY WHAT
Gil thought she was done with birth and then there was a whole second baby she is not in the mood for patiently hearing anybody out.
Gil: I HAVE A SISTER?!
Klaus: yes your mother's country didn't like twins-
Gil: are you telling me you knew this might happen and didn't tell us LET ME AT HIM
Tarvek has to prevent his wife from killing his father-in-law. Who happens to be the baron he spent years planning to depose. His life is hard. He has so many regrets.
Tarvek, idly and while cleaning his glasses: "oh noooo, dear, stahp. don't patricide. it's a no no."
Tarvek: what about Alexandra, but we spell it with a Z.
Gil: Zandra is a stupid name.
Zulenna: 🙋🏽♀️
Tarvek: we could name it after Zulenna
Gil: absolutely not
Gil either saddles his kid with a TERRIBLE name or like. Suggests naming the kid after Zoing because morphine painkillers or something.
Gil: Zebadiah
Tarvek: …no, the girl gets the Z name.
Gil: switch it up
Tarvek giving Klaus a death glare because they had emergency names picked out for either gender and then Klaus had to go and give them one of the weirdest restrictions available.
Or they just name her after Z, because Arabic names are cool. It sounds like "Zeetha."
Zita
I like the V better
same, Ziva
Zita just makes me think of Ziti
Zilla
Zaida
I'm just picturing them going with Nicole because it's less connected to the root names, and doing z for the boy, solely because I want them to have everyone thinking the baby is named after them.
Zanna! Like Zanta but also pulling from Suzanna.
WAIT
Gil asks Klaus what her mom’s name is because “what if we wanna name the baby after her :(“ and that gets Klaus to actually FESS UP TO SOMETHIN
like if they do Nikolas that just seems more to be after Klaus? idk
Tarvek's family: naming the kid after Andronicus is just rubbing it in
Klaus: silently is filled with joy and emotions but doesn't give anything away
Colette: :DDDDD
What if the baby girl’s middle name is Von Pinn?
If we wanna go full Sturmvoraus shouldn't we mash it with another name to bring confusion and anger to the hearts of all who try to figure it out?
Go fully into the Slavic Names angle the Sturmvoraus family has, go with Nikola or Nikolai?
(Literally half the guys in my generation of the local Serbian-American families we know are named Nikola.)
(It's a Very Common Name.)
Anyway. I'm still into Butch Gil benching her hubby. Like. Buff girl gonna show off for the dude in distress in her life.
Universal reaction among the school is "I'm not surprised Gil got knocked up, I'm just surprised Tarvek is the one who did it"
Out of all the current & former students, Tarvek is at the bottom of the "accidentally knocks someone up" list
Tarvek got drunk one (1) time and gave a passionate lecture about the importance of birth control that was quoted back at him so many times after the whole pregnancy thing went down
because a man who suffers this much from his ancestor not keeping it in his pants has Strong Opinions
In Gil's defense, she forgot. In everyone's defense "Gil" "common sense" come on Tarvek.
In Tarvek's defense, he was convinced that Gil knew to drink Maiden's Weed.
In everyone else's defense, why the fuck would you make an assumption on this instead of asking.
Also in Gil's defense, Tarvek was the first time she got any. If she wasn't getting laid, then birth control didn't matter. (She was getting laid but most of it didn't need birth control. Ifya know what I mean.)
(Everyone in their class just thought Tarvek was gay.)
Everyone who didn’t know them well just thought they were BOTH gay and the whole thing is a total shock to most of the university.
(“wait, Sturmvoraus knocked someone up? are you sure? well who was it, then?” “…..SERIOUSLY?”)
There is absolutely a betting pool entry for "Who will kill the other first" for Gil and Tarvek, and the long-shot option at 100000000 to 1 was "They elope with a shotgun wedding"
of course she's the one who guessed
But if he was going to accidentally knock anyone up, it was going to be Gil
And Colette collects plenty of winnings among the students in Paris.
They got her back by winning the "When will Colette break through" betting pool
Everyone assumed they were gay/lesbian solidarity. Well. Rivalry. Not solidarity. These idiots fight like cats and dogs in any universe
“Aravis also had many quarrels (and, I’m afraid even fights) with Cor, but they always made it up again: so that years later, when they were grown up they were so used to quarreling and making it up again that they got married so as to go on doing it more conveniently.” –C.S. Lewis
Turned out they were Bi-furious at each other.
I like the idea that they transition smoothly from "Fight all the time" to "Can't keep their hands off each other" and "Everyone knocks on the supply closets now to give them time to get their clothes back in order"
Also I keep imagining the "Hold my flower" meme except it's Gil handing off whichever baby she's got to Tarvek, so he's holding both, and rolling up her sleeves to kick some ass while Tarvek gets to stay far enough away to keep the kids safe and not get blood on his new shoes.
Zulenna probably helps Bang stab the assassins sent after the Babs and I’m actually into it tbh???
I just really like the idea of Gil carrying her kids around and then just.
"Hold my baby"
"I've got the baby, please don't cause an international incident"
"OH I'M GONNA CAUSE AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT"
"Kids, please don't watch your mother this time."
Consider Tarvek eventually gives up and ends up being the one carrying both babies all the time
No, Gil still wants to hold her kids, she just wants Tarvek to be on the boring end of treaty room fights.
Not ALL the time, Gil LOVES holding the babies, they trade off all the time
It's just that, of the two of them, Gil is better in a straight-up brawl and Tarvek is more likely to be able to sneakily kill someone while pretending to be helplessly stuck holding babies
the babies love auntie Vi
Also, also also, Violetta playing nursemaid and both hating and loving it. Loving it, because Tarvek assigned her permanently to the babies and Gil. Hating it, because Gil is STILL a tomboy and she STILL doesn't get Fancy Dress Parties!
(The babies go through a fancy tea party stage at around age 5, Auntie Vi is in heaven)
Violetta gets to be the bridesmaid at the wedding and gets to wear a pretty dress
CONSIDER: Klaus being amused that New Parent To Twins Tarvek is too exhausted to actually cause any trouble.
OKAY I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT GHOST ANDRONICUS WATCHING ALL THIS AND BEING LIKE "wow I can’t believe the boy had it in him" BUT THEN I THOUGHT
TARVEK TOTALLY KICKED ANDRONICUS' ASS IN TERMS OF MARRIAGE. HE GETS THE EMPIRE AND THE HETERODYNE GIRL. EAT THAT ANDRONICUS.
Tarvek doesn’t have those Skifander No Sleep Tactics
that’s what Klaus thinks anyway
Von Pinn has 0 problem with this
Klaus insists that Tarvek take a proper hand in raising his children
Makes sure Von Pinn is informed of this.
And also makes sure that Von Pinn knows to make sure that Tarvek gets adequate sleep
Tarvek doesn't have the slightest clue what a Good Family looks like though, he's certainly dedicated to trying though
he's trying so hard. not to fuck his children up.
Tarvek: so…. no knives until they’re at least…. two? Three???
Oh god they’re teen parents, too, aren’t they? if this is pre-anevka-getting clankified.
they’re like 19 jesus christ that’s a baby with babies augh
Probably aggressively doing everything themselves because they don't trust anyone else
like. Gil trusts Klaus with the kids' safety but not their mental well-being. Tarvek trusts Vi but nobody else.
AUNTIE ANEVKA
Tarvek: probably no poison resistance training until like 10??? But what if someone tries to poison them BEFORE THEN????
Klaus: I developed a few solutions for poison resistance pre 6 actually
Gil: ………
I don't think she likes children but. She's got a tiny soft spot for Tarvek.
Like that one part of the reinforced steel that didn't mix properly and it's not going to break or bend but it's still a little weaker than the rest of the sword.
So if Tarvek decided to have politically advantageous children at an unfortunately young age, Anevka is going to at least show up to the baptism and birthday parties or whatever the Big Important Things are.
I mostly skimmed, did anyone decide on a suitably pretentious and symbolic name for Gil?
Gilgamesha
Klaus WOULD
I’m feeling Persephone but also that doesn’t sound similar at all, so idk.
Andronica
Fem Gil is [Timmie] we've covered this
NinGilin? So you can still get Gil? List of Mesopotamian deities
Re: Ningilin:also Gil being named after the goddess of mongooses.
BORGHILD f Norwegian, Norse Mythology
Derived from the Old Norse elements borg "fortification" and hildr "battle". In Norse mythology she was the wife of Sigmund. Maybe? Could be shortened as Gil
Now I’m imagining Agatha winning her way into their good graces by just being Good with the Twins. She doesn’t realize whose kids they are! She just wanted to distract them. She is the only one present with positive parenting role models they need her.
They'd marry Agatha just out of convenience because oh my god its such a relief to have a third person to rotate onto the "get babies to sleep" schedule. Though, Agatha doesn't get roped in until she shows up on CW, which means Toddlers instead of Babies.
Tarvek meets Agatha bc he’s chasing an escaped toddler who was searching for mom and wandered into the lab.
Agatha: you two need rest I can get them to sleep :)
and then Gil and Tarvek get woken up at 2am because Agatha is in a spark fugue and the babies are somehow in tiny lab coats and helping her develop some kind of new applesauce
Oh man, Gil going to Beetleburg as a vacation from parenting.THEY'RE ALL YOURS FOR THE WEEK, TARVEK, I'M GONNA GO DO BIG IMPORTANT EMPIRE STUFF
I just had a Happy Thought of Adam and Lilith coming to the castle to Find Agatha but when they find her she's reading to the twins and they just…. take over nanny mode.
Klaus goes to yell but Lilith is just “SHHHHHHHH they’re SLEEPING”
Klaus knows, for a FACT, that Adam and Lilith aren't a threat with children in the line of fire, and they don't trust Klaus but… he isn't reacting badly, and the Klaus they knew would never be a threat to children….. (it buys them Time, to talk it out and Be Reasonable People)
Besides "Those are my Grandchildren" explains a lot of why Klaus would be willing to Conquer and Pacify Europa
Klaus: I love you but please step away from my grandchildren
I had a thought today and that thought was: Gil, in Paris, canonly knew several showgirls who married rich men and proceeded to pretend they didn't know him (which is why he didn't think it was weird when Zola disappeared off the face if the Earth), but in the context of female Gil getting married to Tarvek this is unbelievably funny.
You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm trying to imagine Zola's reaction to the Buff Chick who kept saving her getting married to "her" Storm King.
Gil "meets" so many girls she knows who worked in bars and cannot admit how she knows any of them
How many of those girls fondly remember Gil as Obliviously Garnering Lesbian Crushes From The Bar Girls And Never Actually Doing Anything About Them
Tarvek: wow I'm impressed with all the families you've made connections with so quickly
Gil: yeah some of my friends married into them
Tarvek: ah. I see.
She's gonna have to hyphenate her name so I have no doubt everybody knows within three days
Gil probably has to clarify about being the Baron's kid
And not just like. Marrying high by virtue of having snagged a guy she shared classes with.
Do you think Tarvek hyphenates, or is he called "Tarvek Sturmvoraus, the [appropriate title]-consort Wulfenbach"
Gil: I need to keep being a Wulfenbach.
Tarvek: You could hyphenate.
Gil: Haha. Ha. No. I'm heir to the empire, my dad will murder you even harder if I take your name at all.
I feel like. Everyone does it differently.
And he's just at a point where he's too tired to care beyond "Did they mention I'm Storm King somewhere in there? Yeah? Great, that's all I care about."
Does this AU still have Gil and Tarvek addressing each other mostly by last name like Private School British Boys? Even after they're married.
Gil: They said you were my concubine.
Tarvek: Did they say I was Storm King?
Gil: I mean yeah but--
Tarvek: THEN I DON'T CARE I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN THREE DAYS GIL
They have a particular tone that indicates whether it's an "Annoyed with you" last-naming or an "Affectionate" last-naming.
They've been married five years, still address each other by last name, everyone around them is tired.
"Do you call him Sturmvoraus all the time?"
"I called him Tarvek when I was yelling at him for ending up in the hospital with some obscure poison again."
"…do you call him Sturmvoraus in bed?"
"I don't see how that's any of your business, Bang!"
I just. have the mental image of everyone's reactions if Tarvek were to call Klaus "father" even once and it's amazing. I'm dying.
Is it an accident or is it intentional and deadpan
I'm split between "accidental, claps hands over mouth, mutual agreement to never speak of it again (but Gil absolutely does)" and "very intentional to emphasize son-in-law status, thus sparking Maximum Klaus Rage"
either way Gil splutters in shock and dismay, Bang is absolutely cracking up, and Tarvek and Klaus are just holding unfortunate eye contact.
Neither of them wanted This but neither is gonna be the first to look away.
Zoing breaks the tension by tugging on one of their pantlegs to offer tea
Oh my gosh Zoing absolutely has completely adopted Tarvek as one of his own
Would this result in Bang and Anevka meeting, or would Tarvek do everything possible to stop that because he knows they’ll get along exactly like a house on fire
I'm always down for "Bang and Anevka meet, Tarvek proceeds to have a breakdown"
Tarvek gripped Gil's shoulders and stared her in the eye. "You don't understand, Gil. Either one of them will die, or somebody else will die."
If there are babies, then Tarvek might be too distracted to care
Was Bang Gil's maid of honor?
[excited noises] THE SARI THAT THE FASHION CLANK DESIGNED FOR HER SO SHE COULD BE FANCY AND FIGHTY AT THE SAME TIME
Bang: I'm not doing this cuz I care or anything, and if you try to get me in a dress I will stab you
Gil: of course, I'm not an idiot
Who was Tarvek's best man? Was it Tweedle solely for the purpose of rubbing this in his face.
trying to do a double date and see about going poly but look what's not happening now
Did Theo and Sleipnir host an unofficial wedding afterparty?
and Gil was super bitter because she's PREGNANT what kind of assholes do this for a shotgun wedding she can't drink Theo why-
All of Tarvek's not-Gil friends in canon are women. Especially Paris era.
Is Gil still friends with Wooster? I want to say yes and with basically zero changes to their actual dynamic.
Because Gil just. Is 95% the same person as in canon.
Wooster gets stuck with babysitting duty.
Tarvek: you are aware he's a spy right????
Gil: of course I’m not an idiot. this way I can keep an eye on him, plus I like him.
Tarvek: …well played, Wulfenbach
Sometimes Gil finds out that Anevka offered to watch the twins and panics and sends Wooster to 'help her out' because nobody really trusts Anevka to be a good or even neutral influence
Anevka offered to watch them One time when they were small, then did not do so again until they were about 12
She's never seen a kitchen she definitely was not prepared for infants. or toddlers.
Anevka's not allowed near screaming children
Back to Tarvek calling Klaus ‘dad’ I sorta like the idea that the first time is accidental, bc that leaves Klaus with the awkward realization that on some level Tarvek probably does think of him that way.
…okay but sleepy Tarvek calling Von Pinn 'mom' tho
Tarvek bangs on Von Pinn's door at 3am with a baby in each arm. "Mom help us please"
I’m not sure how to describe the noise I just made, just know it was a reaction of PURE DELIGHT
I just realized that baby in each arm also means that "banging on the door" was probably done with a foot so
even better image
Tarvek just strolling into an important meeting with somebody and calling Klaus father to establish dominance though like i live for it being both emotional and totally political when he does it
Literally kicking the door down.
He was too tired to hide that Smoke Knight Strength.
He forgot he could do that.
Shit.
Anevka, internally: Oh good, Tarvek's completely divorced himself from our father, it's time to fulfill my dreams of becoming a self-made orphan.
Aaronev: Herr Baron-
Tarvek: Oh hello, father
Aaronev: hello--
Tarvek: I wasn't talking to you
Oh my gosh I just realized Tarvek would want clanknevka on CW with him there's no way he'd trust leaving her with Aaronev?
I think it was established, or at least I suggested it? That Aaronev was so distracted by "my son is marrying the Baron's daughter due to an accidental pregnancy" that he never got around to putting Anevka in the throne.
They had to go make an appearance at a big fancy wedding so the plans got pushed back and. Uh. After the wedding, if she even THOUGHT he might try Anevka would just go. “Ah. It’s Murder Time.”
Ah right, because Paris
My brain defaults to "almost canon if not recently stated otherwise"
Rest in pieces Aaronev, long live the lady of Sturmhalten.
Anevka's brother is married to the heir to the Empire and she's going to leverage that all she can to get away with that self-defense case.
He deserves it and she's getting off scot-free.
She does have to dial it back on the other sadism, though, Tarvek's already been caught having a yelling match with her about it and Gil's getting suspicious
I don't know what Tarvek did but it fits
A conversation between siblings
Anevka: why would you do that!
Tarvek: why did you do that
Anevka: you know why I did that!
Tarvek: then you know why I did that.
I'm trying to imagine like. Gilvek attempting pillow talk in this situation… Except it goes the same way most Gilvek pillow talk does, which is that they attempt it, get awkward, and then distract themselves into arguing about some scientific minutiae for three hours.
I vote that they actually get emotionally vulnerable with each other. Stuff like, talking about their insecurities, and the problems they have with their family, and stuff like that, and then they end up holding each other and each trying to comfort the other
Anevka not being put in the throne does explain a bit abt why
Eventually, maybe?
But like. Not in the early days of the marriage, I think.
They're still trying to adjust to "this wasn't just an intense rivalry with a one night stand we refuse to acknowledge"
1) she thinks Tarvek would mind her killing Aaronev
2) she cares abt what anyone thinks abt her killing Aaronev
Anevka also waits a long ass time to kill her dad in canon, which is very surprising to me
Anevka: I can totally claim that with your marriage I finally felt safe from the hands of the Baron in terms of potential repercussions from hiding my father's crimes, and I can use those crimes and his alliance with the Geisters as the proof for why I was reticent to come forward earlier!
Violetta: Run that by me again?
Anevka: The Baron won't punish me for hiding things because I'm now part of the family and also because I can say I felt trapped by my father and his allies, and he won't punish me for killing father because I can cite that fear and also his crimes as a reasonable cause for his murder.
The other issue with killing her dad is how to do it w/o being killed by geisters.
Yeah…. I generally assume she was like. Not a fan of the idea of what Klaus would do once she'd done it?
And that's why she and Tarvek set up a plan that needed someone as a scapegoat?
Yeah. But even with just her, now that she's got a place to leave to (especially if she figures out her body is dead & she's more mobile?) she could prooobably kill Aaronev and fuck off before the geisters notice.
Bring the remainder of Bang’s pirate crew along?
Also, you can get Von Pinn to join in by mentioning that this is a Lu plot
Well, we've said a few times that Aaronev never got around to putting Anevka in the machine because he was too distracted by The Gilvek Situation
So she's like. She's more mobile but she has less built-in weapons to kill her dad. And less of a built-in excuse.
Oooh, right. Forgot.
Yeah, she could probably kill him somehow and leave before anyone notices.
Especially with something like Natural Causes
Anevka (and probably Tarvek): Oh. No. So tragic. I'm devastated.
Anevka (receiving the news that her father is dead): oh no, how could this happen?
(It’s said very monotonously)
Anevka: oh no, yet another fulminicide. When will family politics ever settle down.
