#genxian

Mothers of the groom 

Everlie’s eyes ran over Attie from head to toe, stopping on her stomach for no more than a second. She couldn’t stop. Every part of Attie was worn and roughed by time. Premature wrinkles framed her eyes. They hadn’t been there before. Or maybe they had, she hadn’t really payed much attention lately. She knew her own face had aged in the last couple of weeks. It wasn’t just their youth that was stolen from them. Dreams that never came true. Wishes that went unanswered. Time was a bitch, and childhood never lasted. They had to grow up sooner or later, and it was time that they did, she supposed. Time for taking over the world had long since passed.

“Let’s do it.” Her voice surprised both of them, herself mostly. She hadn’t meant to say anything out loud, but it came out before she could stop herself.

“Do what?” Attie asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Let’s leave. Me and you. We can make that dream of yours a reality. We could be a family. Let’s leave and go away. Just us.” For a second Attie was silent, but then she let out a sharp laugh, pushing herself off the ground.

“Right, that would be nice.” She uttered stodgily. Everlie followed her quickly to her feet, getting in front of her before she could trail off.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I,” Attie snapped. “Ev, we can’t run away together. You’re parents hate me enough as it is, if we left, they would have me arrested for kidnapping. It’s a wonderful dream, but that’s all it is.” Everlie placed her hands on either side of Attie’s shoulders, her eyes more intense than she had ever seen them before, a dark forest green on a moonless night. Attie swallowed hard, unable to look away.

“I can’t stay here, Atticus. I am drowning. I have to get out before I stop breathing. You always told me you would take me away, that we would run away together. Please, do this for me. Get me out of here. I want to leave, with you, both of you. They’ll think I’m in New York. I’ll call them and tell them I went ahead with the program. We can do this. Me and you, and the baby. Together.” Atticus was silent for so long, Everlie’s chest began to ache. She felt like all the air in the room had suddenly been whisked away from the wind outside. For too long, she felt like Attie was going to disappear again. For the past two weeks she’s been waiting for her to leave, to decide to go back to the city without her. And now, it would be the last straw. If she lost Attie again, then she wasn’t sure how she could handle it, not on top of everything. For a long moment, that’s exactly what she thought was going to happen. She just knew that Attius was going to say no, and that would be the end of it. But she instead she leaned down and placed a breath of a kiss on Everlie’s parted lips before leaning back out again, her face pulled together tightly.

“I’ve hurt you—“ She whispered, biting down sharply on her bottom lip. Everlie brushed her deep orange hair out of her eyes, now holding her face in both hands. “I always hurt you—“

“I know, but I’ve hurt you too. We both hurt each other. It took me loosing you, Attie, to realize what’s important. And I don’t care anymore about labels, or people knowing that we’re together. I just care about you. And if we’re together that’s all I care about. We can take things as slow as you want. Hell, I don’t even care if you don’t want to be with me that way. I just know, I can’t lose you again, Attie. Please—“

Attie sucked in sharply. “I don’t want to lose you either…your family, E…you don’t want to lose them. I know you. You don’t want to do this to them—“

“I don’t. But I know if I stay here with them hovering over me all the time, I’m going to push them away, and I’ll lose them regardless. This is what I want, Atticus. I want to leave here with you like we’ve always planned. We can take over the world like when we were kids. Our world. Our life---“ She crushed her lips to Attie’s, not thinking anymore, just needing, wanting. She didn’t care if it was selfish, she probably was being. But after everything that’s happened, she need to be selfish for one second. She wanted Atticus Mae Temple every day every second for the rest of her life. She just needed her to want the same thing.

“Okay.” Attie breathed against Everlie’s lips. “Screw it. Let’s do it. Me and you, forever. But first,” She held Ev at arm’s length for face split in two with the biggest smile she had seen on her in a long time. “We can’t go tonight. You have to get your meds. I’m not taking you anywhere without your prescriptions, Everlie. I’ve got to do something before I go. I want to see my m-mom one last time before we put this town in the rearview…and you need to get your things. Okay?”

“Okay, and then we leave, right?”

“Tomorrow morning. Meet me here at ten. Make sure you have everything you need.” She placed a hand on her stomach, Everlie smiling down at the bump. “We’ll, both, see you soon.”

♫ ♫ ♫

“Oh God, honey no—“ Ianthe brushed the tears from her cheeks, which only smudged her morning makeup, which she must have just applied. Gen’s hair was still up in a hair tie, stray fly-aways sticking to the sides of her head. Something had disturbed them from their morning routine. The phone rang in her ears. She swallowed hard as Gen and Ianthe shared a look.

“You should come and sit down, sweetie…” Gen tried to usher her towards the couch, but the thought of moving made Everlie sick to her stomach.

“Just tell me. What’s wrong?” She searched both of her parents eyes once more; Ianthe’s were closed, letting more tears slip through, Gen had all but composed herself, but she seemed to be the one who had the most strength to break whatever it was they had to tell her. Everlie braced herself, as much as she could. But nothing could have prepared her for what her mother was about to say.

“There’s been a terrible accident, E-Everlie.” Unbearable pause followed. “Early this morning….Attie’s car f-flew off the bridge headed out of town.” Everlie blinked. Her throat closed, her ears filled with hot blood, unable to hear a single word her mother was continuing to say. She spoke to Everlie, but she could no longer hear her. Ev turned quickly, her hand on the doorknob before Gen and Ianthe both came forward to pull her away from the storm. She struggled against them.

“I-I have to get to the h—hospital. I h-have to see her—“ She stumbled over her words, her hands shaking too much to even fumble with the metal knob. Ianthe pulled her back around till she was facing her parents again, agony consuming both of their faces, even though they were trying to be strong for her.

“Honey….Sweetie she’s…t—there was nothing the—they could d—do. She’s gone.”  

Everlie blinked away from Ianthe, and passed Gen’s hooded eyes. She pulled free from them both and stepped backwards again until she hit the cool glass of their front door. More thunder shook her very core, but she didn’t jump this time. She only stared in awe at her parents until breathing proved too much and suddenly her lungs were on fire once more. She covered her mouth with both of her hands, shaking her head as if to remove any source of truth from Ianthe’s words, or to keep her mind on something so she didn’t have to think anymore. An unexpected sob escaped through the cracks and it was like a spark igniting a torrential downpour. She bent over herself letting the words wash over her, the grief consume her whole. Gen was there in a second pulling her daughter into her arms, rocking her like when she was a child. This was the first time they had hugged in so long she had forgotten what it was like to have her mother comfort her again. Ianthe’s hand rubbed gentle circles around her back trying to keep Everlie from seeing her bottom lip quiver. But she noticed it. She noticed it all in hyper detail the way her mother’s watched her for any signs of her breaking, any signs that she might disappear too. She sucked in hard and then again and again, but no air seemed to reach her lungs, an awful desperate gagging noise coming from her throat. Gen’s grip on her only tightened.

“Breath, Everlie, breath!” She hissed, trying to get her daughter to straighten up, but the act was too tiresome, and breathing was too much work. Everlie finally clicking together what it was that they had told her, pushed her mother’s off of her, back against the door once more. Gen and Ianthe’s hands stilled in the air like a painting, tortured soul captured in the oils.

“You’re lying.” She finally managed to squeak out. “Both of you. It-it’s what you do. You lie. She’s not—she can’t be.” Gen took a step forward but Everlie recoiled again, nowhere else to go but harder against the door. “She’s at the tree house. We’re meeting there. She’s there. You’ll see—“ Before she could say another world, Everlie turned and bolted through the door and out into the horrendous downpour, hope, for a moment, still alight inside her chest.

♫ ♫ ♫

She had made it to the bottom steps before she hit her first snag. Leo, their greying mutt, came bouncing up towards her, itching for a rub between the ears. His high pitched yelps rang through the house, overpowering the wailing that loomed just outside. Quickly she bent down, and pat the pup on the head, which subdued him for a quiet moment before tiptoeing gingerly towards the front door. Her hand was outreached for the doorknob when the creak of floorboards sent waves of nausea through her stomach.

“Everlie—“ Her mother spoke, voice hoarse, probably from sleeping. On her toes, Everlie didn’t turn back, thinking of the first thing that came to her mind, anything so she didn’t have to listen to another lecture.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you—just going to the library…to sketch,” She finished, hoping that the tremor in her voice didn’t give away the slightest indication of her plans. But before she could open the door another voice spoke, soft and hoarse as well.

“Everlie, honey—“ A bolt of lightning shot through the sky like a series of veins in the human body, brightening the otherwise dark living room. She turned her head back to finally take a look at her parents, taken back by their appearance. For a second she was stunned, but quickly thoughts of Attie waiting for her at the treehouse put her body back into motion. She forced a smile at the wide, red eyed women in front of her to showcase the truth of her story.

“I’ll be back before dinner. See ya.” She went to turn around one more, but Gen rushed forward to take her arm, stopping her in her tracks. Instinctively, Everlie yanked her arm free, holding it to her chest like her touch was fire. She tried to ignore the hurt in her mother’s eyes, but it was too overpowering, she couldn’t, and deep inside of her chest, a familiar pain surfaced.

“Wait, please, we need to talk to you—“ Gen looked back at Ianthe, who took a step forward, sniffling.

“Sweetie, there’s….something horrible—“ Ianthe shook her head, covering her mouth with one of her hands as she let fresh new tears roll down her cheeks. Everlie took a step back, puzzled by her parent’s reaction. So consumed by her plan to run away she had no room for understanding, until she saw more tears fall from Gen’s eyes that her stomach dropped from below her.

“W—what’s wrong? What happened?” Everlie asked, panic rising up in her throat. She was seconds away from starting to yell, that Gen stood still like a statue, controlling the sobs that seemed to flow freely.

“T-there’s been an accident.” She whispered just as another crash of lightening shook the house, making all three woman jump in turn, and Leo start barking at the invisible intruder. Everlie darted back and forth from both her parents, taking in the signs.

On the verge of hysterics, “J-jonah? F-flynn?” Her eyes were stinging, her mind racing with possible explanations, running through all her siblings, her family, everyone.

♫ ♫ ♫

Two hours. Everlie had two hours till she was free. It was bubbling up insider her, threatening to escape, she could no longer contain the joy she felt when thinking about leaving. She hadn’t slept a wink the night before, her every moment consumed by ideas and visions of what their life would be like once they were finally gone, and finally together. She rolled out of bed around seven, showered slowly, taking her time to shampoo and condition her hair. She took the time to fix her hair nicely as well, not that it mattered.

Around eight thirty it began. A thunderstorm that controlled the skies with an iron fist rolled in over the small town, taking every inch of sunshine and warmth along with it. Wind howled outside, making the trees in front of their house bang against the windows and paneling like a monster trying to get inside. The ominous clouds that hung over her, sheltered darkness in her beating heart, but even then, Everlie didn’t let the weather take away her happiness, or the excitement to finally set flight to a dream she’s held on to since childhood. Around nine o’clock, the phone rang through the house, which stopped Everlie’s heart entirely. At first she thought that somehow, someone got word of their plan and it was about to come crashing down. She listened through the silent house, but only came up with the sounds of bone shattering thunder and the whistle of wind right outside her bedroom window. 

This was it. With her parents distracted, this was her chance. She still had an hour, but she could no longer hold her excitement in check. With one more nostalgic look around her empty bedroom, Everlie creaked open her door, and descended down the stairs.

♫ ♫ ♫

“A-Attie?” “Attie!?” “Atticus!?”

♫ ♫ ♫

“Do you regret finding out?” Everlie asked, her voice a murmur against Attie’s shoulder. She traced her finger tip along her skin, finding the outline of the tattoo they shared. She smiled against Atticus thinking of the perfect day she had stored away in her memories, forever hers to keep. Attie shifted her weight leaning further back Ev’s chest.

“I know it’s not really that accurate, but I mean, it makes it more real, you know? It’s like…I finally can accept that there really is this…thing inside of me…it just makes it scarier.” Everlie nodded her head, pressing a lingering kiss on her shoulder blade, and on the side of her head. Her hands trailed down to hold where Atticus’ swollen stomach pushed against the tight tank she swore. Under her touch, Attie tensed before her hand came down to rest on top of Everlie, more than once trying to move it away.

“I like the idea of a little you running around. It reminds me of when we were kids, if that makes sense.” Attie cocked her head, smiling up at Everlie, but it was sad which made Everlie’s smile fade. “I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” She shook her head, sighing.

“No, it’s okay. I think I need to talk about it. Unless it makes you uncomfortable.” Everlie’s brows furrowed together.

“Why would you think that?” She asked.

“I mean, you’re kind of in love with a girl, who’s pregnant by…god knows who. Isn’t it weird for you?” She brushed another kiss on her temple, tightening her grip around the red head’s waist.

“A little,” She admitted. “But I love you, every part of you.” Everlie waited a second, chewing on the inside of her cheek before finding the right words. “H-have you decided? I mean, what you’re going to do?” Attie sat forward so she was no longer leaning against Everlie, which made the breeze from outside only emphasize the space between them.

Attie picked at her nails as she spoke, strained and coarse. “No. I know what I don’t want, though. I-I don’t want to get a…you know. After what you told me about your birth mother. It just doesn’t seem right anymore. I couldn’t do that.” It was Everlie’s turn to fidget, her body warming at the mention.

“So you’re thinking of putting her up for adoption?” Everlie couldn’t look up at Attie, even though she was now watching her, with a fragment of a smile on her face.

“You’re certain it’s a girl?” Everlie shrugged noncommittally.

“Like I said, I like the idea of a little you running around. Complete with red hair and a fiery personality.” Atticus turned around so they were facing each other now. She lifted Everlie’s chin up so they were looking one another in the eyes, the air suddenly stilling, the wind outside silent.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Ev nodded. “I can’t…stop thinking about it…It’s normal, I know, but…I dream about a baby almost every night. I dream that I keep it, and…it’s so tiny…sometimes you’re there, and we’re…like this little family and we raise the baby together. I think…I think that this baby could be a fresh start. I think I could really start my life over and be a different person. I want to do right by her, I just don’t know what that means yet.” Everlie’s face softened before she grabbed hold of Attie’s face in her hands, searching her eyes, her thumbs brushing the sides of her cheeks.

“If you decided to keep her, I know you would be one amazing ass mother. If you decide to give her up, then you did what you thought was best. And that just goes to show you really did care about her all along…” Everlie’s voice was distant, her train of thought somewhere else entirely. 

“Hey, look at me. How are you holding up, E?”

Everlie did, look up, as she ran a hand through her bangs, leaning back against the sofa, her eyes closing softly. A loud howl crept through the small wooden room, making the small girl jump. “I’m better.” Attie raised her eyebrows, which Everlie tried to ignore but ultimately failed. “I don’t know. I’m—I’m angry…all the time…and I don’t know how not to be. I haven’t had a conversation with either of my mom’s that didn’t end up in fighting since I found out, and it’s k-killing me. I miss them, but every time they try to talk to me they give me this look…pitty, guilt…I can’t help it but I just blow up on them. I know they’re trying, but…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She placed her head in her hands, rubbing at her tired eyes. Attie rubbed small circles on Everlie’s back to sooth her.

“Nothings wrong with you. You’re upset. You have a right to be. It’s just going to take time for you to learn to cope. You have to learn to live with this shitty situation that’s been put on your shoulders. How’s Jo handling it by the way?” Everlie groaned deep into her palms.

“I don’t even know. I can’t talk to him about it. I’m a horrible sister, but I keep avoiding him. I feel like I’m in a nightmare, Attie, and I don’t know how to wake up anymore.” Atticus pulled Everlie into her arms, leaning their heads together.

“I know what you mean.” She whispered, letting out a sour laugh. “When did our lives go to shit, E? I remember when we were younger, and things were easier. We were just kids wanting to conquer the world…we should have taken over this town when we had the chance, before time took away our innocence.”

♫ ♫ ♫

“Tomorrow?” Everlie asked, her voice shaking with excitement and nerves. Attie’s smile brightened up the small tree house.  “Tomorrow,” She whispered. “Everlie...I love you, you know that right?” “I know. I love you too, Atticus.”