#genderplural

Written in 2018. So this conversation has been going on for a long time, I guess.

We've got a word for the particular blend of problems that binary transwomen have--transmisogyny. We've got words for the problems sets faced by transmascs, like transandrophobia or transmisandry. At this point, I don't know which one is more accepted.

Is there actually word for the problems faced by people who are genuinely operating outside the binary?

According to this article, the best predictor of DID is a disorganized attachment style. You can get one of those with no outright abuse or neglect. Maybe getting stuck in the hospital, or isolated from family, or having a parent have to leave or have major anxiety. It happens in the first few years of life, when you might have no memory of it.

So what?

So people who can say with perfect confidence that they didn't experience childhood trauma can have DID.

Because what happened is far outside the usual definition of trauma. And it's before conscious memory.

So when you are attacking self described endos, some of them are also DID systems.

And attacking them for being honest doesn't help them get help. Requiring that someone remember or acknowledge trauma to get help is literally deadly.

Please stop punishing people for being different than you.

But it does also support the idea that DID is traumagenic, if you change how you define and understand trauma pretty dramatically, and remind us that neurogenic is traumagenic in the same way a bi girl can be sapphic.

The article was published in this

Which is an incredible source for actually getting a handle on some of the science and controversy. Obviously, the field is really young and they are still figuring things out, so newer scholarship is good, but it decisively refuted the iatrogenic model and pointed out a lot of key problems with the DSMIV as well.

Of course this doesn't address spiritual systems that the DSM recognizes but doesn't pathologize, because they are trying not to be cultural chauvinists and there's not enough research to know what to say.

Please understand, the scientists know they are still learning and don't have solid answer either.

I describe my attraction pattern as queer, not pan or Omni, because I am primarily attracted to people who display a mix of gender characteristics. Essentially, I am gay--I am attracted to people who are like me in some way.

And I have never felt less like a part of the queer community than today.

Between the discourse on here, and Twitter, and TikTok, it's just really clear that the queer community hates me. They have decided either that

my identity is not a real thing and I am just using it to feel special, or

That it's something I am opting into to try to escape my position as an oppressor, or

Since I am someone who doesn't face the same kind of oppression that other people do, any misgendering or cruelty is punching up and justified, any expression of sadness or hurt on my part is whitewomantears™ or transmisogyny, any desire to take up space on my part is morally wrong, and honestly, my whole existence is kind of cringe.

And it just feels like.

It feels like the moment when a group with relational bullying is choosing a new target, has decided which member of the in-group they are going to push out, and make suffer for wanting to belong.

I mean, the whole queer community is ripping itself apart anyway. Terfs and transphobes against trans people. New puritans against anyone slightly not respectable. The ace discourse. Transfemmes and trans women against anyone who is TME. And the un-deconstructed or under deconstructed white supremacy and racism/colorism, misogyny, ableism, classism, and american-centrism that everyone is carrying around in their heads. I shouldn't be surprised.

Maybe it's just privilege to surprised that the queer community decided to push /me/ out. That the trans community is comfortable misgendering *me* after all the talk about how it's important to gender people correctly.

People have mental structures and social agreements that tell them who it's ok to be cruel to. And then they are cruel to them.

And once someone has decided to make you a target, nothing you can do or say matters.

You will never be enough for the people who hate you.

But I really, really want to believe it's just a vocal minority that think white people can't be non-binary, or that non-transitioning non-binary people aren't trans, or that afab people are so privileged they can't be hurt by trans women.

That we aren't actually getting pushed out, the way the queer community reacted to terfs, and acephobes, and transmeds, and new puritans before, to say nope, trans people and ace people and all trans people and kinksters belong here.

We are coining genderplural to describe being plural and how that affects gender. It's our word for us. (We don't know of anyone else describing this as anything more specific than neuroqueer, which is very broad, or genderfluid/bigender/trigender, which are inadequate.)

Any kind of plural or system can use this term.

Essentially, it describes the idea that there are multiple, distinct genders linked to distinct identities associated with the body.

As promised, genderplural icon. Your system can customize which colors are meaningful, use inner and outer loops to indicate body presentation vs. internal identity, and even switch them up based on who is fronting.

I thought part of being a bisexual was feeling like a boy sometimes. Like, yeah, you are around a girl you like, and your whole relationship to your body changes, even your hips feel different.

And sometimes you just feel like that not around a girl. Like, you are hanging out with your guy friends, and you are like, here we are, just bros.

And sometimes when you are around the boy you like or whatever, you are definitely a girl. Or when you have a swishy skirt.

And that's just what bisexuality is, I thought, having no one to compare notes with until college, and almost no one then.