#genderfluid tips

this could just be me lmao, but DO NOT donate your fem clothes if you feel masc for longer than usual. or vice versa.

keeping a gender journal is something that can be really helpful to actually look back on and see how it changes (and also have proof of fluidity for when you begin to think "hmm actually im just a trans girl. nothing else." no, you probably aren't. you felt completely boy/nonbinary/etc just a month ago, and thats okay.)

basically it can be really hard to embrace that your gender is not static, especially if your gender stays stable for a slightly longer period. it took me so long to stop rotating between "im a girl always" "no, im a boy always" "actually, im nonbinary always" to just admit im genderfluid.

also, make genderfluid content. you don't have to show it to anyone, but sometimes it can really help to make poetry or art or write a story about being fluid and your experience in particular. i have an easy avenue for this since i write fanfiction (haven't published any of it yet lmao) and i just hit my favorite characters with my genderfluid beam and go nuts

follow people who are genderfluid, read genderfluid books, maybe join a genderfluid discord server (there are barely any, so actually maybe make one), try to make genderfluid friends. you are not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way.

if you have plushies or anything similar, make them genderfluid. i have a genderfluid squishmallow who i use she/they pronouns for, and a little husky that switches between he/she. idk it just helps sometimes lol

some of us change gender daily, or multiple times a day. some of us change gender only a couple times a year, or even less. we're all different and that's fine.

tips for presentation:

if you have a day when you can't figure out gender, go neutral clothing-wise

take little things to ease dysphoria if you switch when you're out somewhere (ex. lipgloss, eyeliner, leather bracelet, etc)

if you can, get pronoun pins. seriously, get pronoun pins (or a colored bracelet for subtlety or if you're not out). you can wear multiple at a time, you can switch them whenever you need to. you aren't a burden if your pronouns change. you don't have to stick to they/them to be easy for people.

if you can, get a versatile hairstyle that you can make suit your gender no matter what. if you cant, try to get a hairstyle that makes you the least dysphoric overall.

if you are organized enough, separate your clothes based on gender/what you feel comfy wearing on different days. do not pressure yourself to fit stereotypes. some people can only feel comfortable in skirts when theyre boys, so they only wear skirts on boy days. do what works for you.

it's kinda complicated, but if you can expand your vocal range to sound more fem or masc depending on how you feel, it can help. alternatively, vocal train to make it more androgynous.

keep makeup wipes with you in case you need to take it off part way through being out. basically, make it as easy as possible to be able to change/tweak your presentation if necessary.

this could just be me, but having lots of hoodies in different colors and styles will save your life

sometimes you might have "blender days", which is what i call it when your gender feels like its in a blender in a bad way and you can't tell at all what it is, everything feels wrong, it's changing like every 10 minutes, etc. tbh on these days all i can do is put on sweats and a hoodie and feel dysphoric. listen to music if it helps. do a hobby.

non-clothing items can help a lot. a blue tshirt and jeans can be whatever you want it to be based on what you wear it with. (ex. sneakers/ballet flats, leather bracelet/sparkly necklace, baseball cap/eyeliner)

and lastly: YOU ARE AMAZING. keep being you, keep being incredible, and know that being genderfluid is a gift. be proud to be who you are, have fun, know that you are unique and special and wonderful!! we're ever-changing, and that's awesome. you are precious. i love you.

🩷🤍💜🖤💙

dont wanna link my tumblr, but my name is kiley if you want to attach a name to this!

Okay this is a lot more than I was expecting LMAO /pos

I exist lmao. 

School’s been kicking my butt.

So, body language is very important in passing. Traditionally, men and women have different styles of walking and presenting themselves. 

Men tend to walk with their hips pointing forward, chest up, as well as a wider walk. Hands in pockets or swinging gently by the side. 

Women tend to walk with more of a swing in their hips, a little bit more of runway style steps, hands swinging by side. 

A random tip that works for me is pointing my feet more inward when I want to seem female and pointing my feet slightly more outward when I want to seem male. 

An easy way to learn more is simply just studying the people around you and see what styles of walking click better. Then, try putting them into practice. 

Another thing that I use is simply listening to music that makes me want to strut around my room, then analyzing how that strut feels and whether it’s more masculine or feminine. 

Idk if somone else feels like this, but I'd appreciate if someone had a solution to it!!

i definitely understand feeling like your gender somehow isn't valid because of your traits or hobbies or likes or presentation.

so how to deal with it?

disclaimer that often it takes some time to get over internalized transphobia, just keep working at it and reminding yourself that you are valid and can be whoever you want to be. forever.

ok first of all: everything gendered is totally arbitrary. there is nothing that is inherently masculine or feminine, technically. humans just like to make categories and put labels on things even when there's no true meaning or reason behind it. if you lived in a different country or a different time period, different things would be considered masculine. different things would be considered feminine. it truly doesn't matter in the scheme of who you are. whether you're a girl who likes tech or a guy who collects american girl dolls, you're still your gender.

second of all: do a little thought exercise for me and think of it in terms of other people. flip the genders - for instance, if a girl was really into weightlifting and other "masculine" hobbies, she'd just be a tomboy or butch girl. you would still respect her as a girl, right? and if you knew a guy who likes frills and pretty things, wouldn't you still respect him as a guy? why should it be any different for you? i mean this in a completely positive way - you are not the specialest person in the world, and that's a good thing. and i have to tell myself this too lmao. there is nothing that makes you so fundamentally different from other people that you don't deserve your gender and identity respected regardless of how you present.

third of all: look for cis men who are really feminine. look for cis men who are just kinda feminine. look for feminine men. find media with gender-non-conforming characters. there are plenty of them. number one: it will make you feel more normal. number two: would you question their identity because of how they present or what they like? no. at least i hope not lol.

fourth, maybe: create OCs that are like you. create art about your experience. find other people who are genderfluid and like feminine things. find friends who you know will accept and respect your identity. remind yourself that you deserve to be respected.

p.s. my younger brother has a bed full of plushies, wears makeup sometimes, and owns a corset that im lowkey jealous of but i can't steal bcos we don't wear the same size *pouts grumpily*. my ex-boyfriend liked skirts and split dyed his hair white and red. boys are all different. you're as valid as a boy/masc person (when you are one) as everyone else.

Masc

Femme

Warm

Honestly same, I've gotten better at this but not by much, which can be kind of frustrating lol. I think if this is happening to you a lot, the best strategy is to just dress as androgynously as you can, so that if your gender changes throughout the day you'll still be somewhat comfortable.

Hey everyone I know I haven't been posting much. Reason 1 is that I've been really busy, and reason 2 is that I don't really know what to post about. I've been having a hard time coming up with things to talk about and I'd like to know what you want to see.

I want this to be a place where people can feel comfortable asking questions and won't be met with negativity or friction, even people who think the gender is only a binary thing.