#gender performance

Onto my main talking point, I think that gender is a performance. I'm somebody who is non-binary, so I don't really have a preference towards masculinity or femininity. Androgyny is something that I can appreciate on anybody. However, when I am watching Hudson it is a very obvious performance. How he engages with the world, his team of women, and with other men. I have noticed that he seems to be performing masculinity in a way that is not natural to him. When I first engaged with his content, I saw, the original CRAVE Canadian promo videos and also the Canadian press. So, when I compare that to his "switch up", that went off when he started doing US promo my thoughts began to percolate. Just as he has curated his social media he has with personal in other interviews. I was like, "Wow, he sounds completely different!" I didn't want to say anything for a while because obviously we don't want to push anybody out of the closet. (Trust me I've been there, everyone knew I was gay before I'd admit it to anyone. Raised as a Southern Baptist Hotep 💀) Also, he's somebody who said he doesn't want to talk about his sexuality. That's something that I can respect. Yet, over the past couple of weeks, I noticed this "switch back" to the more soft-spoken way that he was with the original introduction to himself.

Another quote:

"Despite all the societal gender bantering, my perspective is that our social systems and constructs are still all about instilling traditional gender norms and most of us fall in line with that. But my gut tells me that for many of us those norms, the falling in line, that identity doesn’t fit. Yet, we perform. Our secret, real self hides behind the alter ego. In the context of a comic book story, this performance may be a necessary one. But, in the real world, I wonder if our Clark Kents inhibit our Supermen... I’ll be 60 this year and I still dig superhero stories. I think, for the most part, me and my alter ego have integrated over the years. Life is certainly simpler that way. What a hassle it is to keep the secret and to always be performing. Might as well just be me. How about you?" - Shaun Emerson

So this is what I am gathering... In the beginning, when you listen to how he speaks, he is more open and airy. He is more "honest" with what he is saying, or even earnest. His words are very floaty, the way that he connects ideas is natural. As we progress through the promo, you start to see a deepening, a darkening of his voice. He's adding more base, speaking slower and more gravel-y. I joked with some mutuals that it seems like he has a 1,000 yard stare when he is doing this performance. I am always hyper analytical and love to notice the minor details. I already did a tally on many of these so I just did a cursory listen.

I will assume all mic have quality that is equal to spread my point. Now, comparing the voice that he did with the Heated Rivalry Archive Vs his most recent video with Vanity Fair. It's basically the same. A complete return to form, no? His vocality is super similar!

I also looked at the video that he did with Jacob and Connor for the air hockey bit. Then comparing that to how he spoke on The Shift News, which was the Canadian press. You can see the shift and how his demeanor changed already. Compare the audio in AH @ 0:48 to TSN @ 4:19. I could argue he sounds like an entirely different man. He is overall much more introspective, reserved, and spoke much less than before.

OK, going back to American media: TeenVogue and a little bit of BuzzFeed! He is less restricted with his mannerisms, he is very flamboyant and expressive. He's playing up "something" for our entertainment. The vocal deepening and slow cadence is still there but he does more with his face/hands/body. The performance policing is there but not as much as with CA press. He is a master at code-switching, he can be just enough silly during the "fun" interviews, but he locks himself down in serious places.

I know he's problematic but we get excellent insight on his true perspective for the question Connor asked during SUE. I have no comment.

"There are a lot of things I tried at the wrong time that just didn't feel right. Um, I can't remember anything that I just found really embarrassing. You know, I've, I've seen people react to their fashion over the years and they've been very embarrassed, but that's sort of the point of fashion is just trying things. And, um you know, life is inherently embarrassing and progress is inherently embarrassing to try and change. And um it's it's kind of yeah it is I, I like the idea of fashion as a way to express how you're feeling, the mood you're in. Um, but I would say the only thing that I found embarrassing is when, um, I was trying things to fit in or trying things that didn't feel authentic to me. Um, and sometimes I'm okay to go out my way to be like, 'Oh, I hope to become this a little bit more in an aspirational way', but when it's in a more sort of um fitting in type of way, I, I find that just regrettably embarrassing."

So basically what I'm saying is, as you watch through these videos. His mannerisms, his vocal tone, his cadence. As well as his body language in facial expressions, the amount of eye contact. This is something that is changing throughout all of these videos. It's definitely a performance which I respect. There's a lot he shares and confirms in the Wonderland Magazine interview:

"Since I was a child. I went to a performing arts elementary school. My mum was like, ‘Science school or art school?’ And I picked art so I could act, draw, and dance. I didn’t really want to sing. I’m okay at singing, but I’m not very good. But I love dancing and performing. I loved painting and drawing. ... But the closest I’ve come to crying with gratitude was when I was on Evan Ross Katz’s podcast and he got Michelle Williams on the line. She called into the podcast and was like, ‘I’m a fan of your work.’ I couldn’t really hear what she said. As soon as she said her name, I fucking blacked out. I was on the verge of tears, ready to combust. I had to hold everything down so I wouldn’t be in inconsolable sobs for the rest of the interview. Then Evan goes, ‘How does it feel that the people who inspired you might now be inspired by you?’ And I was just choking everything down, using all my willpower. I almost sobbed. That was the biggest pinch-me moment. I think I was trying to show another side of myself after Heated Rivalry. I have a cocky side – ‘Fuck you, this is me’ – but I also have a soft, quiet, scared side. I decided to show that. All Hudson had to give, Hudson gave. I need rest. I need movies and books. Artists are sponges. You soak things up and pour them into work. These events feel like preparation for things I don’t even want to do. I love fashion, but no one’s handing me a needle and asking me to make a dress. I want to act, direct, write – and I have no time for that. ... There’s no routine, and routine breeds mental structure. I don’t have that right now, and it sucks." - Hudson Williams

When we talk about masculinity in a social context, it is a social construct, a performance. The concept in itself is so vague and there's no real "checklist". It can leave many masc people or men feelin lost or directionless, lonely, even. It's a spectrum, masculinity, femininity androgyny, and just things completely outside of the gender norm. Hudson said that he's a guy who did a lot of deconstruction, and he's not really too attached to one style or another. He's willing to try anything. So, it's ultimately very interesting to see the pigeon-holing that happened during the press run. I know is something to make him marketable and appealing to the masses. Anyway this has gone on a while and I don't want it forever in draft purgatory.