#gender failure

SAME! god. i have so much to say about the ways phil fails gender actually. it's a different way of navigating gender than dan's, which. i think i have made it deeply clear how much dan's way of navigating and exploring gender means to me. but like!!!

gender is socially constructed. man and woman are categories that most people fall into, and the way those categories are defined is decided collectively. and like—the most broadly accepted definitions of man and woman in western society include heterosexual attraction and presenting gender in a way that is appealing to the opposite binary sex/presenting gender in the way most acceptable to patriarchy. that makes all queerness gender nonconformity.

there's different degrees of it, of course—i'm not saying there's no cis queer people, or that all lgba+ people are actively gender nonconforming. there's self determination in claiming trans & nonbinary identity! that's not something i'm going to apply to people who don't claim it. and there's assimilationist lgbta+ people of all identities putting a lot of energy into conforming to cishet expectations of gender performance.

what i'm saying is that in the eyes of many, to be anything but cishet is inherently a failure to perform gender "correctly". on a really base level, that's why the misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia can't be effectively fought against in isolation, and why our liberation can only be acchieved through solidarity.

which like. this is perhaps not the point of my reply to this ask, but it's the framework that allows me to articulate WHY i'm so insane abt phil and gender, even if his is a quieter transgression from expectation than dan's?

like phil's emphatic "no!" on whether or not he's a man? it makes sense! he's not, not in the way manhood is defined by so, so many people. phil's gender is that he's gay. i don't think he personally registers that as something besides cisness, but like, it's something deeply relatable to me in my transness! it's a cool queer way of existing and identifying!

idc if it was a joke in the video! that's also some real shit! welcome to den does gender studies about dan and phil. please keep talking to me about these things forever.

hell yeah, we love butches in this house

and femmes

"Being a girl was something that never really happened for me." —Rae Spoon

Ivan E. Coyote and Rae Spoon are accomplished, award-winning writers, musicians, and performers; they are also both admitted "gender failures." In their first collaborative book, Ivan and Rae explore and expose their failed attempts at fitting into the gender binary, and how ultimately our expectations and assumptions around traditional gender roles fail us all.

Based on their acclaimed 2012 live show that toured across the United States and in Europe, Gender Failure is a poignant collection of autobiographical essays, lyrics, and images documenting Ivan and Rae's personal journeys from gender failure to gender enlightenment. Equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking, it's a book that will touch LGBTQ readers and others, revealing, with candor and insight, that gender comes in more than two sizes.

Ivan E. Coyote is the author of six story collections and the award-winning novel Bow Grip, and is co-editor of Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. Ivan frequently performs at high schools, universities, and festivals across North America.