#geargrinders

Dual Action Passenger

For those folks who refuse to drive, but want to make all the "driver-like" decisions and comments...I have 2 words for ya. Shut the fu...Shut Up! Allow me to set the ground rules for ya:

- if you must speak, it should be along the lines of general conversation, giving productive directions, or a request to stop for food or the bathroom (please note that number of those request are limited). THAT'S IT! I certainly don't need play by play commentary on my driving and every single little thing I'm doing. "You're going too slow, you're going too fast, why are you in this lane, maybe you should be more careful, are you watching the other cars on the road, I don't know how you can focus with the music so loud, don't even think about answering that phone while you're driving." SHUT CHO ASS UP!

- you do not make any modifications to the car's climate/conditions which are going to drastically change the comfort level for the driver. I understand if you don't want to be in a freezing cold car or a burning hot car, but if you feel the temperature is going too far to one extreme then either try to find a median for both travelers to enjoy or ask the driver if you can make a temporary change. Don't just take it upon yourself to make the change like there isn't someone else in the car.

- THE RADIO! Very similar to the last point in that you have to find a happy median for both travelers to enjoy. Don't think that just because you're NOT DRIVING you automatically qualify to be the DJ! You couldn't be more wrong! Any seasoned driver will either already have their playlist locked and loaded, setup their stations on Pandora, or will be perfectly fine with listening to whatever is on the radio. It isn't until the driver bestows upon you the prestigious title of travel DJ, that you actually become the DJ! Don't get demoted before you even get the position.

- DO NOT PUT YOUR FUC DAMN FEET ON THE DASHBOARD! Reason 1 - you're blocking the drivers side view mirror. 2 - you're fogging up the windshield. 3 - no one wants to see your damn crusty ass feet so keep them things on the floor where they were intended to be. Shoulda sat in the back if you wanted to stretch your legs and all that. SMH!

Slow in the left

Everyone knows that the left lane on any American road is SPECIFICALLY DESIGNATED for people passing and those who are driving faster then the other cars on the road. DO NOT...I repeat DO NOT decide to get in that lane and go slower then anyone else in any of the other lanes! To avoid getting all sorts of nasty looks, cussed out, possibly into an accident...kindly exit stage right.

Ghost merger

People! It is 100% imperative that you use all the functions your vehicle has to offer to keep things safe and civil on these highways and byways. Don't think just because you thought about moving over to the next lane it is perfectly OK to do so without signaling. Give me the damn heads up before you start moving ya jerk!

Thug pedestrians

Pedestrians really take this "The pedestrian always has the right of way" statement way too far! If you're light is red and mines is green then there no way in hell YOU have the right of way and I don't give a damn what anyone says! Red = STOP motherfuc jerk! And to take a more logical approach to this situation...I'm in a car and you're on foot. If you really want to go head to head who do you think will be at the disadvantage if we collide? Don't be stupid! Wait yo ass on that curb until the coast is clear!

Peeping Tom

It really disturbs me when I speak to people on the phone and they have NO CLUE just how obnoxious they're being. Let me advise you on things you should NOT do:

- whatever hole you decide to breathe out of (whether it be mouth or nose), PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT THE RECEIVER IS NOT DIRECTLY ON THAT HOLE! I don't want to fucking hear you breathing all loud in my ear!

- if you are eating I should not be able to hear EVERY SINGLE BITE YOU TAKE! Move the phone away for sec so you can get your snack on and then put the receiver back up to your face

- piggy backing on the last point, I should not hear you drinking as well! Like every each sip you take and then hearing you swallow! Seriously? Are you a retard or something?

- all types of random noises! No snorting, coughing, sneezing etc. MOVE THE PHONE AWAY FROM YOUR FACE!

*shifting gears slightly*

- if you are above the age of 21, you need not have a ring back tone! I don't want to hear Jodeci or French Montana or Taylor Swift while I wait for you to answer your phone. A simple ring will do fine

- if you are above the age of 21 and still feel it necessary to have these long drawn out greetingS with music playing in the background, you need to remove that IMMEDIATELY! Don't nobody want to hear that!

- Food talkers

I find it annoying and borderline gross when people talk with food don't know how to talk with food in their mouth. Granted you shouldn't be doing it anyway, but I'd be the biggest of the hypocrites if I didn't confess to partaking in the act. I just find it gross when someone has a mouth full of food and decide they want to take part in conversation. There's food flying everywhere, the person is licking their lips all crazy (which doesn't do anything but smear food all over their mouth)...it's just a mess LITERALLY!

- Can't live without my phone

I think when you're out to eat with someone (depending on the role the person plays in your life), that is not the time to be constantly your phone, reading a magazine/newspaper, etc... I am guilty of this but the extent of my phone checking is usually pulling it half way out of my pocket to see who called or messaged me. For the most part, I try to make a conscious effort to not be on my phone while breaking bread with someone. On top of everything else, IT'S RUDE. So what if your company is boring or there is awkward silence...WHY DON'T YOU STRIKE UP CONVERSATION!? DUH!

- Nosy bodies

When I go out to eat the main thing I'm focused on is what I'm eating and then what I'm drinking. I don't have time to be all focused on everyone else and what's going on with them (even though I am very observant of my surroundings). While out to eat these are the things I definitely don't want to hear nor do I care about:

"do you think these people were here that much longer then us?"

"did you hear what she said to him?"

"oooo...that looks good. What do you think they ordered? Looks like it taste good right?"

"I don't remember those people being here before us! Why are they being seated?!" "Maybe they had a reservation." "No because they shouldn't have been seated in the waiting area if that was the case" *so now your a restaurant seating guru*

"how come they gave those people bread and not us?" "Do you want bread?" "No, but they should have given it to us like they did for them!"

MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

- Nasty patrons

When at a venue where you are counting on someone to bring you unharmed food (food without any foreign ingredients), it would be in your best interest to be some kind of nice to your waiter/waitress. They forgot to refill your drink, they took your order down wrong, they bring you something that you didn't ask for, etc.. It's ok...they aren't perfect and there is a very pleasant and diplomatic way of going about the situation. I firmly believe that these folks are banking on getting a tip and the nicer they are the more generous you'll be so they have no reason to intentionally make your visit unpleasant. Please keep that in mind before you decide to blow up on your server. Ok, so you're a street child and you just have to keep it real at all cost and will not let your servers mistakes go unnoticed. Well think of it like this...the nastier you are to them, the nastier they will be to your food. It's not how things should be done, but that's reality.

*Repost from my old blog*

 Please bare with me while I go through several stories explaining why I can't stand beggars. Story #1 - A Slice of Maternity Pie *ahem* So I'm heading out of my job for lunch when I receive a text from a good friend of mines who works in the same area. The text was nothing special...basically a, "grabbing a slice with a co-worker..." type of deal. Undecided about what I was going to have for lunch, I chose to tag along with my friend and her co-worker. Met up with them at the pizza spot, placed my order, and began to chow down. Everything was going good...pizza was good conversation was good...an ideal lunch. Like all good things, my hour was coming to an end so we began cleaning up our area. Suddenly this pregnant girl appears out of what seemed to be nowhere. She stands on the side of our table and holds up this index card with some writing on it. Not even caring about what her sign says (because regardless of what she managed to transcribe onto her index card, I knew it spelled...I'M BEGGING FOR SOMETHING!) I immediately start shaking my head no hoping this would signal her away from us. Needless to say, that didn't work because she stood there, speaking whatever language she was speaking, and continued to ask for money. Long story short, she managed to get a dollar from our table (NOT my dollar either) and then proceeded to go around to every other table asking for money. *fin* Might not really mean anything to anyone else, but this type of shit pisses me the hell off! Why you ask? Well for several reason: 1 - WHY are you going to come into a place where people are just trying to dine and kill time and beg for money? You couldn't wait outside and ask me before or after I left for money? You had to come all into my personal space, WHILE I'M EATING (huge no no), and beg for money? Strike 1 2 - WHY are you using your pregnancy as a means for getting sympathy? Call me cold, mean, rude...whatever! But you throwing your fat belly in my face trying to get me to give you pity cash ain't gonna work over here sister because my immediate thought is, "was she a beggar before she got pregnant? Beggars are having sex?" If you wasn't smart enough to not get pregnant while "homeless" then I can't give you the benefit of the doubt and think that you're going to be smart enough to do anything productive with this money you are asking for. Just doesn't add up to me...so when things don't make sense I shut down and clench my pockets. Strike 2 3 - As clean and well kept as you are you sure don't seem like you're too down and out. Granted I don't know the details of the situation, but when your clothes look like they were recently purchased...I get a little skeptical. Strike 3 4 - YOU'RE NOT EVEN SPEAKING ENGLISH! So you come up to me while I'm eating...you're pregnant, begging for money, looking like you just finished shopping in Old Navy, and can't even speak my language? You're outta here! Keep it moving toots! Better get the father of your child for some money because I don't have it for you sister.

---------------------------------------------------

Story #2 - The Beggar That Was a Chooser *deep breath* So about 2-3 weekends ago I'm sitting in the house on a Saturday morning, burnt out from the night before, and trying to figure out how I'm going to go about my day. Actually, I was trying to figure out how I was going to start my day because I had ZERO energy! After much bs-ing around I get the bright idea to go and get me a haircut...all good plans start with a nice haircut. Managed to muster up enough energy to get some clothes on and then I head out. Starving, I decide to go to the pizza spot right by the train that I needed to head downtown to my barber (funny how all these beggar stories revolve around me in a pizza shop...SMH). Get in the pizza shop, place my order, and I'm waiting. The place wasn't all that crowded so my food was ready damn near as soon as I placed the order. Pay for my food and then grab a seat. I make myself comfortable, season up my slices, and get ready to DEVOUR this pizza. Right when I'm about to bite into my food, damn phone rings and it's my mother (you know this isn't going to be a quick convo). So now I'm trying to eat my slices and talk to my mother while exhausted from the night before. All of a sudden I look up and there's this rough ass looking dude trying to get my attention. So I look at him and he's trying to get me to either: 1 - get me to buy him a slice. 2 - give him the untouched slice that I had left. 3 - give him a piece of my untouched slice. I quickly wave him off because I'm just not in the mood. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm on the phone, and here you are bullshitting trying to get food out of me. Hoping my wave off would have gotten rid of him (which it didn't), it only made him more persistent. Bobbing up and down and rubbing his stomach talking about how hungry he is...shit was pathetic. So, I look at the slice that I've just about finished and figure since I'm going to throw it away anyway I might as well give it to someone who's supposedly hungry. I tell him he can have the one I'm damn near finished with and do you know what this mother fucker had the nerve to say to me? "I want a piece from the other slice..." Wait a minute jack! You don't get to beg AND choose...like WTF you think this is? Burger King? Naturally, I would have just ignored him after that but since I was not in my right mind I made him a rather fair counter-offer. "You can take this or nothing..." Not being stupid, he takes the almost eaten slice. But that's not it...how about he takes the portion of a slice that I gave him and rips off the part where my mouth touched. LMFAO! Seriously dude!? I would think that my germs would be the lease of his problems since HE IS THE ONE BEGGING FOR FOOD! Don't get me wrong, I'm very germ conscious myself and I don't eat/drink off of everyone. But I'm inclined to think that if I was in a down and out position where I was begging random people for things, germs would be somewhere on the bottom of my list of concerns. *fin* How the hell are you picky about what you're begging for? Dude! YOU'RE BEGGING! If I find it in my heart to give you ANYTHING you either take it or leave it. You don't tell me about what you want...correction...I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT! I don't HAVE to give you shit...please remember that!

--------------------------------------------

Story #3 - Bar Invader *sigh* Last week Friday, when the clock hit 8 (got stuck with the late shift), I RAN out of here like a bat out of hell. Ran out of here so fast that I forgot everything that I needed to bring home with me. Kinda tight but no big deal. In efforts to make lemonade out of lemons I figured that I would go home and change, go back to my job to get my things and then hit up a bar in the area for some grub, some brewS, and some March Madness...I mean the weather was nice so why be cooped up in the house right? Managed to get a buddy of mine to come along so that kinda boosted the fun factor for me. Got home, changed my clothes, walked around outside for a bit, picked up my homeboy, trooped it to the job, got my papers, and was off to the bar. Didn't have to roam around for long before we found this Irish pub that was going to be our venue for the night. We get in, find a table, get some drinks, order some food, and watch some basketball. In the midst of the hanging out, some random lady comes from outside and walks right up to our table. I peeped her before she even came into the bar so I already knew what time it was. She makes her way to our table and says, "I'm stranded! Can you help me get back home?" I responded to her the same way I respond to most begging for something..."I AIN'T GOT IT!" I will admit, she was way less persistent then the other jerks that were begging, but still. Don't come in my personal space while I'm eating and drinking to ask me for some money! SMH! *fin* One HUGE issue I have with this lady is this...you come up to me and your pitch is, "I'm stranded, can you help me get home?..." right? Now my question/issue is, HOW THE F DID YOU GET HERE!?!?!?!? Never in all my life have I gone ANYWHERE without multiple plans of how to get back to where I came from. And even if my plans don't pan out and my options are failing me...I ALWAYS have enough for a cab (at least that's what I tell the taxi driver). How did you make it from point A to point B? Were you kidnapped by ninjas who coincidentally took your money and train pass? And if you really are "stranded" and need to get back home, why are you asking people in a BAR that is located nowhere near a train for money? Shouldn't you be trying to hop a turnstile or sneak onto a train and hide in the bathroom or find a kindhearted train conductor to give your sob story to? Shit, why don't you just walk it? I mean it is nice outside *Kanye Shrug*

------------------------------------------------