Lately I’ve been mulling over the thought or concept of how fundie families set their children up for failure. I can’t speak to a wider or societal understanding of the concept, but I can speak to my own experiences. Much of my criticism comes from how children in fundamentalism are instructed to deal with authority figures. More specifically, how children are taught blind obedience to authority…

The pressure fundamentalist children and college age adults face in fundamentalism. And the how family and faith can influence your choices.

I’d like to go back and revisit a couple of ideas that I’ve touched on in the past. I had someone reach out to me and point me towards a recent newspaper article about Ballerina Farms.1 She also commented that a good subject line for a potential post would be “Fundamentalism and the Illusion of Choice.”2 If you haven’t read the The Times article it discusses “Ballerina Farms” and the life of the…

"Today, children are given too many choices too early." Gary Ezzo p215 "Growing Kids God's Way"

Houseproofing your children. And how to obtain instant obedience in your children - featuring Gary Ezzo's "Growing Kids God's Way" Chapters 8 and 9

Chapter 8 focuses on a child’s relationship with their peer, property, and nature. Much of the initial content I have no issue with. Gary states to instill a sense of compassion and love for others within your children. But he then follows quickly with statements that make it clear compassion and love for others is not enough. A child must also learn to act “with a servant’s heart” towards…

so apparently my dad was adamant about raising me w this one method called “babywise” and it was written by an absolute fucking monster gary ezzo w no pediatric or psychological creds whatsoever who lied about his credentials and got kicked out of MULTIPLE churches and his take was basically that:

yr supposed to get your infant baby on structured sleeping and eating times (like way before they’re developmentally able). like if they fall asleep while nursing u thump their feet. like. my dad did this

the feeding schedule doesn’t usually provide enough food and lots of ezzo babies have had failure to thrive and dangerous levels of dehydration babies are viewed as selfish little sinners for crying and parents are like instructed to ignore their baby’s cries (thankfully my mom used to sneak in when my dad was asleep and comfort me - I don’t remember this bc I wasn’t conscious but she told me).

the whole emphasis is like the moral training of BABIES so that they know they’re not the center of the universe. which is impossible. because they’re BABIES.

and like ezzo tells parents to not give the baby too much physical contact or unstructured playtime or basically anything good bc he’s an awful man

and when I look back on how they ACTUALLY raised me... there was a lot more love and understanding there than what ezzo recommends. but still. ezzo’s brainwashing shit was like the basis for my first year of life.

here’s an article on him

On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

Distinguished pediatrician Dr Robert Bucknam, M.D. and co-author Gary Ezzo are two of the world's leading experts on infant management concepts. In this revised 5th edition, they have updated their groundbreaking approach which has found favor with over six million parents in all 50 states and has been translated into 16 languages around the world. For over 20 years, On Becoming Babywise has been…

I am writing this update with a beautiful baby boy lying beside me!  Asher Allen James is almost 8 weeks old and am relieved to say that after feeding him at 11 pm last night, he didn't wake up until 6 am this morning!  This is perhaps why I am even attempting to write a short update due to the wonderful benefits of sleep for the brain.  Even though he's our second baby, I have found that with each one it is a mind blowing and stretching adjustment for the first few weeks.  Coming up to my first post partum check-up, I feel like I'm finally getting into a groove.

Before I run out of steam, I would like give a shout out to Babywise for making this sleeping pattern possible.  What a controversial topic to bring up at this dreary evening hour!  I don't have the time or energy to go into all the complexities of this issue, but I will give two disclaimers before I proceed (due to the HOT topic that it is).  Number 1:  Any young mom out there reading this, please do what you're confident with and listen to God.  Your baby will benefit more from that than guiltily trying to follow any principle that you don't fully support.  Number 2:  Babywise does not equal "cry it out".  It is a well studied, thought out and practiced way of helping a baby stabilize his or her metabolism, teaching a parent how to best direct a baby into healthy eating and sleeping habits and how to establish a peaceful home under God's government (to name a few).  For a more thorough overview of the Christian philosophy behind Babywise, refer to Preparation for Parenting: Bringing God's Order to Your Baby's Day and Restful Sleep to Your Baby's Night by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.

Now let me continue by saying, Teagan was the perfect Babywise baby.  Asher on the other hand, did not fit the mould, especially in his first few tender weeks.  So I have had a lot of time to grapple with questions of if I should keep implementing Babywise "tactics" or to try something else.  Well, I stuck with it and now, like clockwork, just as it says, he has started to sleep longer at night at the 8 week mark.  How do they know these things!  Those Ezzos!  My grappling also included ridding myself of any legalism that was still trying to cling to my mindsets.  See, Babywise can easily be misread as a rigid formula, putting pressure on mom and baby to preform properly or else live in guilt and failure.  How horrible!  Who would want to do that!?  This is not the message of it at all.  On the contrary, assessing baby's needs and meeting them are top priority.  They even say that flexibility is paramount.  Most importantly, it encourages a parent not to operate solely out of emotion (ie. as soon as baby cries rush in and pick him up because of an emotional response to the cry).  Learn what the different cries mean, stop for a moment and assess, ask God what to do, act out of wisdom.  In essence, operate in a way where the "soulish" realm does not control, but the Spirit.  And, since there is so much misunderstanding about this, I must add that obviously, if a baby cries, most likely a parent will be checking on them, comforting them, changing their diaper, responding in some way- but taking a moment to assess out of wisdom what to do.  This insight on top of a beautiful routine that plays out through the day equals freedom and sanity for me.

So there it is.  It is my blog so I am allowed to heap praise on the controversial Babywise.  Everyone can gasp now.  No one can actually throw tomatoes and get a hook to pull me off stage though thankfully because this is my small soap box in cyberspace.

As for Asher, he is one SWEET baby- a chubby little guy who smiles all the time (when he's not sleeping!).  We just love him.  His name means happy and blessed and so we are!  His sister loves him too.  Welcome to the family ASHER!!!!