if there was pressure about being the first born ( aka the first boy, the carrier of the family name, etc. ) then either rizo never got the memo or he simply put it up on a wall and forgot about it for the rest of time.

sure, ferdinand would rather that rizo followed his footsteps. being interested in sports then later on being interested in medicine .. rizo never became interested in either, unless it was e-sports or a medical drama he could put on in the background while he typed his time away on his laptop or computer. but ferdinand later realized that rizo could still be successful with his chosen field, even if it was something he wasn’t quite used to.

nonetheless, it doesn’t mean that ferdinand lets rizo get away with everything. the twins’ bickering doesn’t sit well with him, no matter how minute, so he leaves anything regarding that to tani, who was more perceptive and more well-equipped to deal with it. he also just can’t deal with confrontation as well as he thinks he can, but if you ask him that, he’ll totally deny it.

( so it’s safe to say that ferdinand isn’t rizo’s favorite. but he can give a mean glare that rizo’s always appreciated! as long as it wasn’t towards him. )

tani was always going to be proud of her kids no matter what. rizo thought he could probably just stay in the guinto house forever and tani would still think he was cool, but he was fine moving on in life. he’d always love her cooking and her endless well of advice. nobody gives advice like tani guinto and rizo would always try to imitate that aspect of her, though he fails miserably and would end up saying something completely strange in the end.

of course, it didn’t mean that rizo could get away with everything when it came to her, either. not even tani could pick favorites and she always tried to be fair when mediating between rizo and mari’s endless arguments. of course, her time in gallagher have been helpful in her desk job at the c.i.a. but some of it also help when the twins still aren’t talking when dinnertime rolls around.

Cole has already decided that it would make the most sense for him to head back to England for such an important holiday, one he should seemingly spend with family. He’d much rather stay in Gallagher with his friends, especially since he doesn’t actually have family in London anymore, but he has a terrible façade to maintain. When he receives his letter from Mr. Stewart on the last day of the semester, however, now Cole has every intention of making it back to England.

Once he successfully gets back to Oxford without being noticed or followed, he quickly makes his way to Caledonia to march back to Stewart’s office and speak to the man he hasn’t seen since August. Cole’s not happy, because though his new instructions don’t say it in so many words, he can feel the slight jab at his skills, and it feels like a demotion. Mr. Stewart, to his credit, only smiles at the sight of his prodigy like nothing is wrong, welcoming him home with open arms. Suffice to say, it’s not a very pleasant interaction on Cole’s end, and when he leaves Oxford, it’s with added animosity.

Heading back to London, he relishes in a bit of peace to be alone in the city he loves. He spends time by himself at the beach that he and his parents used to frequent, and he thinks about what he’ll have to do to fix this mess he’s in. For one day at least, he meets up with one of his closest friends, and Cole is admittedly very happy to spend time with Owen in their hometown, bringing him out of his own misery a bit.

He left gifts for his friends still at Gallagher, as well as delivered ones to those who left campus. In an effort to best support her, Cole ordered every person on his list a hand-knitted gift from Luna’s Etsy shop, which is great for him because he honestly still doesn’t know how to pick out gifts! However, for Luna’s ( @lunaseongs ) gift he restocks her entire store with supplies and leaves her a hand-written thank you note with a huge tip. He’s not terribly close to Mags ( @magsrome ) and Dana ( @ofspeedinglights ), so he’s not sure what they might like, but he got them both some nice socks. Jas ( @jas-michaud ) receives a cute pair a mittens delivered to her in Canada! He gets Bash ( @whathebash ) a scarf so he can still chill outside without getting too cold. Rizo ( @rizosguin ) gets a nice beanie to keep his head warm! Owen ( @musaox ) gets a sweater-vest so that he can still show off his muscles, which is both a joke and not at the same time. He knows Kass ( @kassamigos ) is the type to enjoy cozy nights, so he gets her a blanket to stay warm by the fire. Mary ( @swiiftbladcs ) gets a lovely sweater as well as a silver family tree pendant necklace, because, well, that’s what he considers her now. Finally, he gets Val ( @valeriasfm ) a cardigan, because of the Taylor Swift song and also because he knows she will look very cute in it. It also comes with a matching necklace to Mary’s (as well as one for himself), a silver flower-wreath ring, and a note that he’s got one more surprise when he gets back.

Sam is, as always, excited to go home! He does honestly love it at Gallagher, but he loves his parents even more, and it’s always great to be back home again. It’s different this year, at least he didn’t have to wait to see Ingrid again, but he’s sure his parents are happy to have both of their kids home again. He’s at the helm of the road trip car as always, and it’s just what he needed after that first semester to feel way more at peace with Ingrid and Rei in the car, music blasting as he drives the admittedly short distance back to their city.

Before he left, handed his gifts to their respective recipients, making sure to catch them before anyone leaves campus. His roommates are of course first, giving Julian ( @julixneaton), Anya ( @ofanya ), and Aileen ( @aileenmacnee ) each a box of homemade brownies and a Christmas card attached (yes, it’s his family’s Christmas card but he thinks it works). He wasn’t sure whether to get Ting ( @tingzhao ) a gift but he saw this plush from We Bare Bears and had to get it because it reminded him of the pin she always wears. He also stops by the labs and hands Kiki ( @jjamppong ) her gift, which are some magnifying glasses (just pretend they’re her favorite color: red) that he imagines will come in handy with all her projects! He brings the last presents home with him to be opened on Christmas Day. For Rei ( @reignregine ), he found this cool jean jacket and packages it along with a bunch of patches to get it started (she doesn’t have to add them all, but he insists on this cactus one because he says that’s him). And for Ingrid ( @ingridsong ), he got that cute new BMO dock for her Switch and some more brush pens for her artwork! Finally he tells her a new gaming chair is being delivered to Gallagher so she can start to have at least somewhat as cool a set-up at school as she does at home.

Being back at home for a good minute, even if just for a handful of days, gives him time to breathe. Sam is confident he can take on boot camp pretty well this year, so he does his best not to think about school at all. Instead, he focuses on his hobbies, picking up his camera and his guitar again, and he hangs out with Ingrid and Rei as much as they’ll let him. His parents talk to him of course about how he’s doing at Gallagher, and they always leave the conversation open to him to ever admit he doesn’t want to do it anymore, but Sam is still as determined as ever to stick with it, and he still loves what he does despite how hard it can be.

Christmas is great as it always is with the Songs, though he and Ingrid had planned to head back for the New Year’s Eve party. He’ll miss Rei while she stays in Great Falls, but he thinks it’s important to participate in the school’s activities, and he thinks Ingrid should get to experience them too! Although, he is watching like a hawk in case anything happens because he would absolutely lose his mind if she were ever in harm’s way. But anyway, party time!

on  the  evening  after  their  last  final  on  the  twenty-third  calendar  day  of  december,  the  eaton-black  brothers  catch  a  plane  home  to  london  to  celebrate  the  holiday  with  family.  it’s  the  sort  of  break  you’d  expect  ---  paper  crowns,  christmas  crackers,  plenty  of  alcohol,  and  a  tasty,  home-cooked  feast.  the  knights  stop  by  at  some  point  during  christmas,  and  everyone  exchanges  gifs.  this  year,  charlie  really  did  try  his  best  to  put  together  a  decent  set  of  presents  for  everyone  ...  only  he’s  not  very  tasteful  when  it  comes  to  things  like  this,  and  he  often  consulted  google  /  tik  tok  for  ideas.

see  :  charlie’s  google  search  history  ...

a  brief  list  of  presents  he  gave  out  on  christmas  :

his  dads:  an  air  fryer  uwu  he  probably  was  the  first  one  to  use  it  and  made  fried  pickles  for  everyone,  it’s  calm  !!

@ofthomas​:  a  personalized  guitar  strap  with  lyrics  from  his  favorite  song  carved  into  it  🥺

@sloanesfm​:  a  necklace  with  both  their  birth  stones  (  bc  she’s  his  rock  <3  )  +  mid-century  lucite  foil  candles  bc  he  found  them  in  a  vintage  shop  and  thought  they  were  the  coolest  !

@skylarsfm​:  a  quartz  crystal  table  lamp  +  candle  from  roseville  ...  yes  he  stole  the  candle  idea  from  sloane,  bc  apparently  their  dorm  needs  better  vibes  ??

future  christina  says  YES  charles  got  something  for  anya  his  bff  !  uhm  it  was  probably  as  diy  as  he  possibly  could  manage,  perhaps  a  cute  wittle  apron  or  something  like  that.  thx

If Priya had it her way, she would be doing the same thing she did during Thanksgiving, which is spending the holiday not at home. Or maybe she ought to have figured out some trip abroad and had an excuse planned not to come home, but she didn’t think that far ahead. At her father’s insistence, she flies to New York for only Christmas Eve and Christmas day, even though she knows it’s not going to be great. It’s their second Christmas without her mom, and last year’s did not go smoothly either.

Since she’ll be gone for those two days, she makes sure to leave her gifts in the right dorm room, and express-ship the ones who are off-campus. Trinity ( @trinibarra ) gets a plethora of items, mostly because Priya enjoys spoiling her. She receives a Prada bag, a Chanel perfume, and a cute new motorcycle helmet. For Juno ( @bencvolence ), she scored these gorgeous Louis Vuitton loafers that she just thinks will look so good on her and with her uniform. Margot ( @margotlusignan ) gets a Versace wallet (with a little matching keyring, you know, for the car keys)! She hadn’t been planning on getting Mary ( @swiiftbladcs ) a gift, just because she wasn't sure if they were that close, but then she saw this Miu Miu headband, and it reminded her of a princess, so. For Raina ( @rainafms ), Calypso ( @calypsomarshall ), and Bea ( @beafitz ), she gets them each a pair of Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses (click on your name!), and buys the whole dorm a coffee machine and mini fridge! She loves those girls, honestly they could ask for anything for the dorm and Priya would consider it done.

Back in New York, sure enough, moments with her father are tense and awkward, and she hates that they have the same stubborn head that refuses to let the other win. If they had her mother still around, they’d be able to laugh off any negative feeling and simply be happy to be with family for the holidays. Then again, if her mother were still around, there wouldn’t even be any negative feelings at all. Seeing her extended family and members of the foundation’s board is also unpleasant, as they’re all dancing around the way she dresses, the way she talks, the way she acts, until finally it’s another family argument, of course. To their credit, Priya’s fuse is short, and she’s quick to lose her temper at them, only making matters worse. When she inevitable storms away, she hears the same warnings as always: that she’d better get her act together or say goodbye to her future and her money.

As soon as Christmas Day is over, she hops back on the private jet and heads back to Gallagher, where Virginia’s calmer and quainter atmosphere honestly does a lot to help her feel at ease again. She definitely lounges about and seeks attention from anyone who would give it to her. Once Trinity also returns, she grabs her and doesn’t let her go, forcing her to hang out and keep her company. She is very ready to get drunk at the NYE party and not at all ready for boot camp!

This is strange, the feeling of lost. While Cyrus wasn’t his friend or anyone close to him, he was still a fellow student. He’s heard of the deaths during the spring semester and over summer break, how the students just expect for someone to lose their life while attending Gallagher. Death shouldn’t be the norm, not while you’re in school, that’s what he thinks. Out in the field, actually working as an agent, death is something you prepare yourself for. But as a student who’s simply learning? You should be safe and feel safe while at school.

“They’re traumatized,” he says to himself, staring outside of his cab window. “Normal students wouldn’t think like that, agents in training or not.”

He feels bad for them, the Gallagher students, but he would never say that out loud. The others would only look at him strangely, think that he’s gone soft. Honestly, he’s sure that they already see him as soft, weak even because of his relationship with Gigi. Which he guesses is fair, maybe he is soft but what’s wrong with that. Not like he’s the only one in relationship with someone or even keeps another person close to them.

Maybe they’re all soft and none of them wanted to admit it? Who even cares at this point.

His cab comes to a stop, the driver telling him that they arrive at his stop. Stepping out of it, he thanks the other as he drives away, before he turns to look at his surroundings. North Berwick, still the same small town that he’s grown up in. With the same neighbors, homes, and barking dogs. And that very similar dark red, two story house whos ground plan he memorized. Of course he did, it’s his home after all.

Unlocking the door and walking inside, Carmichael is met with an abnormally quiet house. “I thought he was going to be here,” he says to himself, closing the door behind him. “I guess I was wro—“

His words fall short, as he hears someone say “ ow “ farther into the house. Tilting his head to the side, he goes to where the voice came from, careful steps taking him to the kitchen. There, he sees an all too familiar back, one similar to his own. “Allister?” He calls out, the other’s actions pausing before he turns around. In that moment, Carmichael is met with a face that mirrors his own. With the same long brown hair and deep blue eyes filled with curiosity and fire. Eyes and smile that instantly lit up at the sight of the older boy.

“Carmie, you’re home!” And in a flash, the younger of the two throws his arms around his brother, bringing him in a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Carmichael doesn’t hesitate to hug him back, pulling him in tightly. When was the last time they were able to hug like this, July maybe? He misses it, his brother, breathing and able to walk on his own. Alive and well.

Allister is the first one to pull away, a wide grin on his face as he looks over his older brother. “Look at you! You look good— wow, I can’t believe you look better in that shirt than I do.”

He laughs gently at that, shaking his head at the others words. “No way, I can’t pull off your clothes like you do,” Carmichael assures him. “Your crop tops? Still can’t do them, I feel weird in them.”

“That’s just your inner toxic masculinity talking! You’ll get used to them in no time.”

“This is coming from the straight twin, I see…”

“Why you…”

Jabs and nudges, loud laughter, smiles, eyes that shine brightly, and an instant connection that the two missed. The Davis brothers are back together and nothing could top that moment of serotonin for them. “Come on, I’ll help you unpack! We can talk while we do so, oh, tell me all about Gallagher.”

“I’ve already told you everything—“

“Yeah, in our chat and over the phone but it’s not the same! I want to hear you talk about in real time, to see your reactions about everything,” Allister says, already taking the lead to the stairs. “Come on, I need something that isn’t hospital gossip.”

“There’s such a thing as hospital gossip?”

“Yes and it’s terrible. I mean, it’s interesting but only for so long.” A dramatic sigh leaves his lips just as Carmichael just rolls his eyes. “Now come on, tell me everything!”

So he does exactly that, tells Allister everything. About his progress when it comes to the mission, to the people he’s met, to working with the other agents, and also his classes. Allister listens carefully as he pulls out shirts and pants from the suitcase, creating a separate pile for dirty and clean. He’s focused, not just on the task at hand but also the words leaving his older brother’s mouth. Carmichael knows that he’s storing each information quietly into little mental drawers in his head. For someone so destructive and disorganized, he’s somehow good at what he does. Carmichael wishes that he was like that too.

“So Cecilia knows, about us?” Allister asks as his brother nodded his head. “Oh boy, this doesn’t sound too good for me. I bet she’s extremely angry.”

“Oh, you don’t even know the half of it.” Though, Carmichael takes most of that anger is at Allister than him. Well, actually at both of the Davis twins. “She said that she won’t tell Eva and Cole, so it’ll be a secret between us.”

A moment of silence as Allister picks up the dirty pile and places it into a hamper. “Trust her, Cecilia isn’t the type to break a promise like that,” he says, talking as if he and the younger Casragi are close. “If she told that she won’t, then believe her.”

“And what if she does?”

“Then kill her.”

His heart stops, eyes growing wide at the serious tone and expression that his brother is displaying. But only seconds later that the younger boy cracks, laughing hysterically. “I’m just kidding,” he says in between laughs. “If she tells then she tells, no need to go crazy over it.”

It’s a joke and he should laugh at it but he can’t bring himself to do so. He’s reminded of Suzume, the Japanese princess that pins him to the wall in one of the secret passageways. How she tells him that he tried to murder her years ago, that she could never forget his voice or accent. Of course, he doesn’t believe her, unable to even fathom that Allister Davis could even try to assassinate someone. But hearing his brother’s voice, seeing the look in his eyes and how serious he was, he almost believed it. Because that joke sounded too real, as if he’s already done this before.

And it scares Carmichael for a minute, that Suzume could be right. That his younger brother, the goofy and dumbass twin, had done it. But the thought doesn’t last for long as he shakes the idea away. He knows his brother, better than anyone else in the world. Carmichael knew everything about Allister, he trusts the younger boy. Why would he trust the words of some random girl?

“Just hope that you’re able to get into the school’s system before the two find out your true identity. Don’t want them screwing up your name mid conversation.” Clearing his throat, Allister put on his best British accent, pretending to be Cole in that moment. “Oh hey, Carmichael there you— Oh, bloody hell, I meant Allister not Carmichael. Let’s hope that no one else heard that.”

He laughs then but it’s softer and not as strong. Almost forced. Worry clouds his senses. Worry, doubt, questioning, all of it. He wants to ask his brother about it but he couldn’t figure out how to say it. So he leaves it out, the information about Suzume and his failed assissnation. He’ll do some research on it later, whenever he gets the chance.

“Are you hungry? Because I am.” Carmichael stands to his feet. “Let’s go out into the town, yeah?”

“Yes, of course, you don’t have to ask me twice!”

. . .

The rest of the day is spent looking around their small town like old times. Talking to their neighbors, going to the grocery store together, and then eating out. Despite his own tiredness and desire to just rest, Carmichael remains awake, enjoying his time with his brother.

He doesn’t say it but seeing others at Gallagher with their siblings, especially twins, made him miss Allister even more. It’s like the old times again, where they’re inseparable, glued to the hip like when they were children. One of the locals even made a comment about that. “Haven’t you boys tried to spend anytime apart?” The twins gave each other a look, trying their hardest not to snicker loudly.

If only he knew.

Carmichael took notice of how his brother was walking that night. How the other walked with more care and slower than usual. He would take his time, sometimes even falling behind the other, to where Carmichael had to slow down for him.

Oh, how much have changed since the accident.

When they finally arrived back home, a movie was put on in attempt to watch it. But Carmichael ends up falling asleep on the couch after ten minutes. By the time he does wake up, it was when the TV was shut off and a blanket was placed over him.

The next morning rolls around, being the start of Christmas day. Gifts are exchanged between the two boys, Allister going first as he pulls out a large bag. “I swear to God, Al, if it’s something weird—“

“It’s not, I promise! You’re going to love it!”

He’s not too sure about that but doesn’t say anything else. Pulling apart the wrapping paper and then opening the box, his movements come to a pause at what’s inside. “You got me… a skateboard.”

“Not just any skateboard, a signed skateboard! And it’s custom made with your virus logo on it, turn it over.”

Pulling it out of the box completely, he turns the skateboard over to see what his brother is referring to. And right there, he’s met with the logo that he created at the age of ten. It’s a creepy smiley face with drips leaking from it’s mouth, eyes, and the bottom of its face. Right above it is Sam Beckett’s signature. “H-how did you get this?”

Allister shrugs his shoulder, obviously proud of his purchase. “Oh, you know. I just reached out to my best friend Sam and he signed it with no problem.”

Carmichael smiles. “Thank you, Al, I really appreciate it.” Putting the skateboard to the side, he then pulled out his gift for his brother. “Here’s yours, hopefully you’ll like it.”

“I’ll love anything you get me.” Beat. “Unless it’s clothes, I would kindly ask you to return them. Sorry, Carmie, I just can’t trust you when it comes to— Oh.”

It’s in the middle of his rambling that he sees the gift. A beautifully painted picture of Allister and Carmichael Davis, from when they were fifteen. One of their best pictures where the two boys had shoved cake into each other’s face, angry with each other over something stupid. But seeing how ridiculous they both looked, the boys laughed loudly, their anger instantly disappearing. Without their knowing, Montgomery had snapped a picture of that moment.

It became one of Carmichael’s favorite pictures with his brother.

“How did you—“

“Let’s just say that I know an artist.”

The two laugh at their words, gifts are put away, clothes are put on, and they’re both out the door. There’s one member of their family that they’re missing so of course they have to go see him.

“Oh, you got a text,” Allister says, phone in his hand as Carmichael drives them to the hospital out of town. “From Gigi, oh, your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Allister says, smirking. “She’s my girlfriend, thanks for reminding me.”

He doesn’t like that either, frowning slightly at his brother’s words. “Whatever. What did she send?”

“Just a generic Merry Christmas text and her saying thanks for the gift— what did you get her?”

“Just jewelry, nothing much.”

But it was much to him. Gigi was his first friend from Gallagher and someone who he cared for deeply. He still remembered how she tried to help him find his earring, how serious she was that day. Because of that moment, and many others, he got her earrings. Very small and simple, he was sure that she would throw it out after one use.

Carmichael wants to offer the idea that him and Allister have. Where one wears one earring and the other wears the second one. Though, he realizes how that might be too much for a relationship that wasn’t even real, so he went against it. Swallowing that idea into the depth of his mind.

“I told her Merry Christmas and that she’s welcome,” Allister says. “Anything else you would like me to send, Mr. Boyfriend?”

“Al, shut up!” But the younger of the two doesn’t, he’s laughing loudly at his brother’s reaction. It was not that funny, goodness.

Time goes on until they’re at the hospital and are able to see Montgomery. Carmichael gives him his gift, which is a painted picture of Montgomery with Eleanor when she was still alive. The two were so young and proud, even despite their living conditions. It’s definitely one of Carmichael’s favorite pictures of the duo, so it’s no wonder that he gets it painted. Allister gives him a gift too though Montgomery doesn’t like it too much. But it doesn’t matter too much, as long as they’re all safe and soft.

The rest of Christmas becomes just him cooking as Allister cleans. Time is set to the side to FaceTime Gigi and letting her talk to Allister pretending to be Carmichael Davis. It’s strange, being here to watch his brother pretend to be him. So used to seeing it over the phone, this is completely different. It makes him feel nauseous for a bit that he’s glad that he’s able to take the phone from the other and go to his room.

He almost makes the mistake of going into the room belonging to Carmichael Davis, that he remembers to go to the one belonging to Allister Davis. There he talks to the other for a bit, just sharing details about their winter breaks and Christmas gifts that they got. He thanks her for his gift ( whatever the fuck it is ) and she thanks him for hers.

He’s happy right then and there. But the happiness doesn’t last long as his brother knocks on his door, asking if they can talk. So he hangs up on Gigi, telling her that she’s more than welcome to call him later whenever she wanted.

“What’s up?” Carmichael asks, throwing the phone onto the bed.

“We never got to talk about the mission in full,” Allister says, putting on a serious demeanor. “Has Mr. Stewart given you further instructions?”

“Yeah, it’s right here.” He goes into his book bag, pulling out the letter that he received just before leaving Gallagher. Giving it to Allister, he watches as the other carefully reads over the letter. “My mission is still the same, nothing about it has changed.”

“I guess that’s a good thing…” Allister says, handing the letter back to him. “I wouldn’t expect him to give us a new direction, it would be pointless. We’re the only hackers on the team, it wouldn’t make any sense for him to do that.”

Carmichael doesn’t let the pronouns that his brother uses go over his head, how the other made this about them. About Agent A/C instead of Agent Carmichael. “I know but I’ll be able to get through it, just trust me.”

“I’m not sure about that.” He raises an eyebrow, watching as Allister crosses his arm over his chest and closes his eyes, deep in thought. “If you couldn’t get through the system this semester then who knows if you’ll be able to in the spring.”

His jaw tightens at that. “You don’t think I’m capable enough to do this?”

“Honestly? I don’t,” Allister says. “Which there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just more difficult than either of us were expecting. I should be able to get through, don’t worry.”

“Oh wow, thanks,” Carmichael says, frowning deeply at this point. His mind was reeling and heart is racing as the words fall from his mouth. “Happy to know that you actually believe in me.”

“I do believe in you but—“

“But. But!” Carmichael’s voice is raising, catching both him and Allister off guard. “But he says! But as in he’s going to disregard his previous message about me. But! But what, Allister?”

The other boy furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because you don’t believe in me,” he continues. “You don’t believe that I can do this.”

“I do believe in you—“

“But you said but! That means you don’t!”

“No, I do believe—“

“But—“

“I—“

“But—“

“Carmichael—“

“But—“

“Would you shut the fuck up and let me talk!”

It was a game, a power struggle between the two of them, as they try to one up the other person the entire time. Their anger showing in their expressions and voices. Carmichael wants to feel silly for letting his emotions get the best of him, to break away and apologize but he cant. Because these are emotions and thoughts that have been sticking with him for months now. Of feeling unworthy, unwanted, incapable, and more when compared to his brother. So to have the other say that, he cuts him deeply. Deeper than anything else.

“God, what’s gotten into you? Why are you angry at me?”

“Because you think that you’re better than me,” Carmichael says, getting into the other’s personal bubble. “You don’t think that I can do this like you, that I’m going to fuck this mission up.”

“I never said that—“

“You implied it! You implied that I would mess up and get us all caught—“

“God, Carmichael, now you’re just putting words into my fucking mouth. I did not imply that or anything.” He can see it, the passion in the others eyes, the fire that burns brightly and violently. Of how hot it was and how it could easily consume him. He should’ve stepped back, not test the other anymore than he was but he doesn’t stop. He keeps pushing because he’s a fucking idiot.

“You did imply it, that’s why you want to switch back.” Something he does not want to happen. “Because you just know that you can wrap this mission up faster than anyone else. Way faster than me apparently. Admit it, that you think that you’re better than me.”

“No, I won’t—“

“Admit it—“

“Carmie—“

“Admit it!”

“Car—“

“Admit—“

“Okay, fucking fine, yes I think that I’m better than you. No, I know that I’m better than you,” Allister says, giving into his own rage and chaos. “It’s not like you were put onto this mission in the first place. Mr. Stewart put me in, not. This is my mission so yeah, I should be the one to go back and finish it.”

There it is. He switches from “ our “ to just “ my “, of course he would. Because it’s their mission when it’s Carmichael out there but it’s only his mission when Allister is the one out there. “Are you happy now?” Allister says, voice lowering just as quickly as his change into the rage and chaos. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

It is but at the same it isn’t, he’s not sure anymore. He’s silent, eyes hard and cold as Allister just sighs deeply before putting on a smile, attempting to lighten the mood. “Look, I’m sorry for saying all of that and I do believe in you. It’s just… Mr. Stewart did give me this mission because he knows that I can do this so that’s why I’m acting like this, that’s all.” He reaches for the others' hands, squeezing them gently. “Now come on, let’s go downstairs and start cooking, I’m starving.”

He tries to pull Carmichael to the door but the other doesn’t try to budge. So grounded and feet rooted into the ground, he doesn’t want to go anywhere. There’s a numb and hollow feeling in his chest that he hates it here. The numbness travels throughout his body, controlling each part of him. Mouth included as words that he’s been trying to keep to himself fall out.

“Is it true that you tried to assassinate Suzume Minamoto?”

Allister goes still and tense, his grip around Carmichael’s wrist going limp. “How do you know that name?”

He doesn’t mean to say it, he wanted to figure it out for himself and to see if it’s actually true or not that. But the words are already out of his mouth and there’s no going back. Especially when Allister doesn’t try to deny it. “So is it true?”

“Carmichael,” he says, disregarding the other’s question. “How the fuck do you know that name?”

“S-she’s a student at Gallagher,” Carmichael says, pulling his wrist away from the other. “I met her, well, apparently she said that we already knew each other. That she could never forget my face or my accent, even said my full name without me introducing myself. Well, she said your name, Allister Davis.” It has a bitter taste to it. “So answer me, is it true that you tried to assassinate her?”

The look is back, the one from earlier when he joked about murdering Cecilia. “It’s true,” he says. “Emphasis on ‘ tried ‘ since obviously she’s walking around still. More of a reason why I should go to Gallagher so I can finish the job, or maybe I should notify her father about this.”

“Are you fucking serious right?” Carmichael shouts, obviously appalled at the others' words. “You want to go back to assassinate her again? Are you fucking crazy?”

“She knows who I am, Carmichael! We have to get rid of her so she doesn’t get in the way of the mission.”

“No, we can’t do that. One has already died, Allister, they’re undergoing an investigation right now. If you murder her then you’ll only make the situation worse for the team.”

“Minamoto walking about, alive and well, will make the situation worse, trust me,” Allister says, the wheels in his head turning. “I need to get rid of her—“

“Stop talking like you’re a fucking assassin, Allister.” His chest is tight and he feels nauseous because of this. “We’re agents, double agents to be specific. We don’t murder people—“

“I’ll do anything for Caledonia.”

And he grows silent, no words able to fall out. “Do you want to know the difference between us?” Allister continues. “The reason why Montgomery comes to me for missions is simple: they come to me because I’m not afraid to die. I’m not like you, a boy who fears death. I’m the boy that death fears.

“That’s what makes me a better agent and so loyal to Caledonia because I’ll put my life on the line for it. That’s why I’m the better agent because of—“

He punches him, right in the mouth with no sort of hesitation. Allister falls to the ground, not expecting it, before his eyes cloud over with anger.

The commence the fighting that breaks out. The two boys throwing and punching at each other. Allister is still weak but puts up a fight. It’s Carmichael who gets the most punches in and wins, throwing his brother down to the ground one last time. They’re both breathing heavily, eyes watching each other before Carmichael walks out of the room, going straight for his own.

. . .

He doesn’t sleep that night, he can’t actually. Instead, he’s packing his bag again, just putting random clothes into it, not even caring to figure out which belonged to Allister Davis and what belonged to Carmichael Davis. He just throws it into the suitcase before wheeling it downstairs. He found a plane ticket to head back to the states at the last minute, it cost him a lot of money but he didn’t care. He needed to get out of this fucking house.

Once downstairs, he pulls out his phone and calls Gigi because honestly, he just needs to talk to someone. And the main person he usually reaches out to is the one he’s pissed at.

“Hey babe,” she says once she answers. “What’s up? Why are you calling me so late?”

“Just wanted to tell you that I’m leaving Scotland early,” Carmichael tells her, looking out the living room window to see if his ride is waiting for him. “There’s been a change of plans.”

“What, why? Did something happen?”

Hands run through his hair, groaning softly. “I just… I got into a huge fight with… Carmie. A really bad fight where we both said some hurtful things about each other. Don’t really feel comfortable with staying here anymore.”

“Are you serious right now? Do you want me to go after him for you? Because you know I can and will.”

He laughs gently at her words, grateful that she wants to fight in his honor. Though, he’s not sure if he likes it that she wants to fight ‘ Carmichael Davis ‘. “No, it’s alright, seriously,” he tells her. “I kinda already did that already….”

“OMG, you fought your brother? Like, a physical fight?”

“Why do you sound so surprise—“

“I don’t know, you just don’t seem like the type to hurt someone! I just see you as that weak computer nerd—“

Their conversation over the next few minutes revolves around the two of them joking and poking fun at each other. It’s something he needed to pull his mind away from his argument with Allister and he’s glad that Gigi doesn’t ask him about it, though, he knows that she will once they’re back on campus. And it’s not like he can open up to her about it, about the real reason why he fought with his brother. He would just have to come up with a lie until then.

“My ride’s outside,” Carmichael says to her, sitting up from the couch. “I’ll text you when I get to Gallagher.”

“Okay,” Gigi says. “You know, if you want, I can meet you there too—“

“No, enjoy your break, I know that you’ve been looking forward to this. I’ll just see you when you get back,” he tells her. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so.” A beat before she continues. “Hey Allister?”

“Hm?”

“I’m here for you, you know that right?”

He doesn’t say anything at first, just blinking a few times before smiling widely. Not an Allister Davis smile but a genuine Carmichael Davis smile, one that he doesn’t display that often. “I know,” he says. “And I’m here for you, Gigi.”

The two hang up and he grabs his luggage to leave the house. As he rounds the corner, he’s met with Allister standing in front of the door, giving the other a hard stare. The corner of his mouth is no longer bleeding which is good, he guesses. “You’re leaving.” It’s a statement not a question.

“Obviously enough since I’m not welcomed here.”

Allister opens his mouth, ready to say something to make it worse but stops himself. Instead, he just unlocks and opens the door. “Then leave,” he says. “And remember this Carmichael. You’re on your own from this point on. If you fuck up, it’s on you so good luck with my mission.”

Carmichael shoves the other out of his way, walking out of the door and to the car waiting for him. No byes or love you’s are said, the two boys just leave each other on a bad note. The door is slammed shut and the car pulls away, neither one of them looking back at the other.

And in this moment in the car, away from his brother and Gigi, it’s when he finally brings himself to think about what happened. How his own insecurities got the best of him, pouring and spilling before his brother, prompting the other to admit that he was better. Just because Carmichael Davis is weak, constantly pushing himself down as he compares himself to his brother. No one else is comparing the two, other than him!

But it doesn’t excuse how others genuinely like the other more and trust him with things. From Montgomery and Mr. Stewart who gives Allister missions, ones where he basically puts his life on the line every time. How Gigi, Ting, and Cecilia like the personality belonging to Allister than his own. That even Cole and Eva likes this version of him more than anything else, that the two like Allister over Carmichael. Or maybe it’s his version of Allister that they like but either way, it’s Allister Davis over Carmichael Davis.

And he hates that so much.

Then final piece to this fucking puzzle is the fact that his brother tried to assassinate someone years ago. How he swore up and down that his brother would never, ever do such a thing. But there he was, standing there and admitting to his crime, not even ashamed of it. ‘ they come to me because i’m not afraid to die ‘, the words replay over and over in his head.

It feels as though he’s finally meeting his brother for the first time. He’s always sworn that he knew everything about Allister, that he knew every little secret and small fact about him. But this, right here and now? He feels like a stranger when it comes to his own twin brother. Nothing about him makes sense anymore, he’s not even sure if he can trust the fucking guidebook that the two of them made for each other. It’s probably filled with fucking lies too!

What more is the other hiding from him, he wants to know. He needs to know because what the fuck even is the point of no secrets between family? Between brothers, between twins? Because all of this is absolute—

A tear hits the back of his hand, pulling him away from his thoughts. He didn’t even know that he was crying, so out of it, so numb. And they don’t stop either, the tears continue to fall like a soft stream before pouring out. No matter how much he tries to wipe them away, they keep coming. He finally gives in, just letting the tears continue to fall and his head down, not wanting the driver to see him so vulnerable.

That’s how he feels, vulnerable. Weak, useless, incapable, insecure, dumb, unloved, broken, and so many more things.

as a sentimental person bea loved giving gifts, and in the lead up to the holidays she spent a lot of time acquiring presents to give to the people most important to her. she gave small tins of homemade cookies to all of her friends, but she wanted to do things in addition to that. for @mirasutton she got a bracelet featuring amethyst, mira’s birthstone, and a framed picture of the two of them in berlin. she gave @margotlusignan a pair of driving gloves, @honeybelon a fountain pen for her calligraphy, @ariabeck a pair of platform shoes to add to her collection, @jemfisch a set of guitar picks, and @peachesfm a book of christmas-themes ghost stories. she got coordinating slippers for the residents of room 308, @rainafms @calypsomarshall @dailypriya, as well as matching santa hats for mango and trixie. one present stayed hidden in her desk drawer: a leather-bound copy of the princess bride that she knew she would never give to @dxnnyboi but that she couldn’t stop herself from buying anyway. 

bea wasn’t in a good place when the semester ended, and she was mostly glad to be going home. she drove up to massachusetts with mira, glad to have her best friend with her to help keep her sane during the nine hour drive. there was something very comforting about being able to talk and listen to sad music as they got further and further away from a place that bea really needed a break from. after dropping mira off she took the ferry to nantucket, finally home after a painfully long day.

the holidays had been difficult for bea since her mother’s disappearance. there was an empty place at their table and a hole in their hearts that nothing could fill. bea and her grandmother had always been close - areta raised her just as much as her mother did. being away from her for most of the year was hard and she cherished the time they had together, but things were undeniably different. she and her grandmother decorated their tree, trying to stay composed as they rifled through handmade ornaments that held memories of her mother. they baked cookies in silence and pretended that the reason they weren’t speaking was so that they could listen to the classical music on the radio. they looked at old photographs and held each other’s hands tightly, hoping that everything left unsaid would be understood. bea had planned to teach herself how to play songs from evermore (i’m sorry) while she was home and she spent hours at the piano, singing until she cried and her grandmother made her stop.