#gaining independence

General Infos 📋 :

Name: Anton 👦

Age: 18 | born in April 2007

Gender: binary transmale 🏳️‍⚧️♂️ (out since September 2018 | Name legally changed since February 2025)

Where I'm from: Austria 🇦🇹

Which languages I speak: English 🇬🇧 & German 🇩🇪

My conditions ♿️ :

(higher end of LSN / H-LSN) autism 🧩

Adhd 🦋

Ocd ⌛️

Anxiety disorder 😨

Ptsd 💥

Eye nystagmus 👀 (A condition which causes 24/7 involuntary eye movements. I have 30% of normal vision because of it)

(I don't know if I still fit the criteria for anxiety disorder and ocd but I still have symptoms of it)

My life situation 🏡⚒️ :

I live at a group home for mentally ill people since April the 4th 2025. From 25th April 2024 to 4th April 2025 I lived at a care home for intellectual disabled people but it wasn't a long term solution because I'm not intellectually disabled. From Monday to Thursday, I'm usually at a daycenter for 4 hours each day.

There are some issues at the new care home but I see it in a positive way. I see it as a motivation to reach my goal. My goal is the become more independent and mentaly stable to become it for semi independent living and living without a legal guardian. My independence and mental health improvement significantly in the last to months.

Why you will find old videos or messages from me where I said I'm MSN 🧩♿️ :

For relatively long time I thought I would be MSN autistic because I thought I couldn't do things I can do in reality. I developed like a MSN autistic person due to a good meant behaviour of my mom. She didn't animate me to be independent to reduce stress and at my first care home I thought it would be good for me to not do IADLS and get help with some ADLS to reduce stress and I also thought I couldn't to the tasks enough to stay healthy. Due to the new care home which animates me to be independent I realised that I'm LSN autistic. But it's not sure if I really was MSN at some point on my life or not.

I often say I was MSN because it's much easier/shorter than explaining this whole story and I also share a lot of experiences with MSN people due to living like that for the biggest part of my life.

My special connection to the topic military 🪖🎖🔫 :

I have a special connection to the topic military and military music 🎵🪖 . The topic military gives me motivation and military music also gives me motivation and can keep me calm / calm me down because military music is a kind of music which is slow and does not suddenly get faster or louder.

For me the topic military also has a spiritual aspect I feel like my soul was made to be in a soldier's body. I know I can't become a soldier but this imagination is really helpful. It hFelps me to stay motivated and be independent.

Information: People are allowed to asked me questions but I decide what I answer especially by some questions about the topic military music I feel unsafe to answer them.

Other Stuff 🙂 :

- My special interest are the topics military 🪖 and disability ♿️

- I like it to go into the woods 🌲🌲🌲

- I have a comfort item called Nilschwein. He is a plushie pig but he looks a bit like an hippo. Nilpferd means hippo in German and Schwein means pig in German.

I post about me gaining independence and mental stability but please keep in mind most higher support needs autistics never will reach the things I reach and that's okay and the experiences of higher support needs autistics also should be included ln the autism community.

I make much less posts than I used to due to engaging with the topic military, going into the woods and doing IADLS.

Links 📱:

Tiktok:

Insta:

When you hear the word “abuse”, what do you think of?

I, myself, picture black eyes and bruises. I picture blue and red flashing lights. I picture terrified eyes and mouse-like behavior.

Those are examples of what I was taught to recognize as abuse.

I never would have pictured it as crying myself to sleep - every. single. night.

I never pictured abuse as begging and pleading to be loved by someone who was so clearly supposed to do so naturally.

I never pictured it as constant stress. Never pictured hating and dreading the weekends.

I most certainly never in a million years pictured it as being too scared to be pregnant by my partner, so scared I could never love the child of the man who wrecked me.

It’s invisible abuse. The kind that ruins the spirit, the heart, and the mind. It’s poison.

So real and so ignored.

So criticized by the rest of the world so it becomes a joke, nonexistent.

That might be why it took me so long to accept it in the first place. 

This is real. And this is not okay.

This is Day One. This is the day I accept what is happening and this is the day that I decide to change my future.

I am a mother of 3 beautiful kids. I am a daughter of the Most High King. I am beauty and grace and I will kick you in the face.

My goal is to document this journey - my decision to leave my abuse boyfriend, the man I thought I was supposed to marry. 

My hope is that somewhere down the line, I can look back and see all that I had accomplished and remember not to falter. I can do all things through Christ and I can’t wait to see what he has in store for me.

My hope is that someone else will come across my musings and find the will and strength to pull themselves out of their situation.

In the beginning of March autism basically was my whole identity, and my everyday life was immensely impacted by my autism. Since the beginning of March and especially since the beginning of April, I changed a lot, and it feels good. I want to tell you about my change.

I lived the life of an L-MSN to M-MSN autistic person because I thought I would need this help now. My ADL and IADL skills are L-MSN to M-LSN. I gained a lot of independence, and in the beginning, I was extremely scared that doing things independent would be extreme suffering for me, but it the opposite is the case. This independence brings me joy. Doing ADLs and IADLs is also a good distraction, which prevents my brain from thinking negative thoughts.

How my IADL and ADL skills improved

I had a bit help with dressing at least on time a day in March. Now I dress myself independently every time. I had someone with me and a bit help with showering every time I showered in March . Now, I shower completely independently every time I shower. I had someone with me and a bit help with toothbrushing every time I brushed my tooth in March, and I only brushed my teeth once a day and only flossed a bit. Now, I brush my tooth independently 2 times every day and floss all teeth. Food preparation except for some very little things was completed for me in March. Now make my breakfast and dinner independently and try out cooking easy things / help with cooking because I want to learn it. Shopping was nearly ever completed for me without me. Now I shop on my own. I shop the bigger part on Saturday there a caretaker drives with me to the grocery store but I search and pay my stuff on my own and when something is out of storage I can go to the grocery store on my own and buy it. I can even ask a salesman in the grocery store or a salesman at the pharmacy for a specific thing I need. Nearly the whole housekeeping was completed for me. Now I clean multiples a week in my room or changing tasks like vacuuming, cleaning the toilet thing , washing up the floor and other stuff. My laundry was completed by a caretaker, and I helped minimally. Now, I do my laundry completely on my own. I don't left the plot of the care home on my own. No I can go to the supermarket on my own and O even go for walks in the woods.

My mental health and mindset also changed.

How My mental health and Mindset changed

I had death wish thoughs every day multiple times a day. Now I have no or only 1-2 deathwishthoughs each day.I had very often negative thoughts. Now I have them much more seldom. I had psychosomatic pain for multiple hours a day. Now I have some days without psychosomatic pain and when I have it I only have it for short time.I didn’t wanted any change , hated independence and saw it as my point of life was it to be severely disabled and in need of care because of restrictive thinking. Now I want change , I like independence and my goal is it to life semi independent in 1-2 years and my environment sees this as a realistic goal. I saw it as unfair and hated it that how my life and how good it will be depends on my own behaviour although I was never asked if I want to be born before birth. Now it feels good that my life is in my own hands and I want to make a good life out of it. I had meltdowns around 3 times a week. Now I had 1 meltdown a week in the last weeks, and it’s mostly really short.

A way of thinking I had this week which made me proud of myself because I thought very different in the End of March is that @aa-aaronsautism (I mention you because I think it will maybe help you to gain followers) told me that the out patient care service comes to him today and he is nervous. On the next day I asked him how it was. He told me it was okay, but the support worker was rushing because of the staff shortage in the care system. My thoughts in this moment were that I want to become able to live outside of the care system to make place for people who need it more urgent than I.

(I now one person cant change the staff shortage in the care system but I think people who read this will understand the principle of my thoughts.) That way of thinking made me really proud of myself because in March I was still really scared of getting my official care needs categorisation set down in summer (which will definitely happen but now it’s good for me.) and it made me happy when the boss of my former care home told my mom that he thinks my official care needs will much more likely get set higher because of the care I thought I would need at this point. I thought this way because my thoughts were so fixated on being disabled and in need of care due to restricted thinking.

Some thoughts I have because of my development

Due to my good development and my significant decrease of careneeds I worry more about my base limitations. I mean limitations that can not change which is basically my eye nystagmus and in some kind also the fact that I’m a transboy. I’m mildly visual impaired due to a condition called eye nystagmus. The condition let’s my eyes wiggle 24/7 uncontrollably. I have 30% vision because of it. I’m not allowed to make a drivers license because of my sight. This let’s me worry in some way but I try to think it will be okay. I can use public transportation, or at least I know I can learn it and will learn it at some point, and I’m allowed to drive a bike and also an e-bike. I’m worrying about being trans because I’m scared that I won’t get accepted by strangers as a man. I currently can’t access gender affirming care due to my mom, who is my legal guardian. I also don’t have much dysphoria, but I worry more and have a bit more dysphoria in the last time because bigger problems are out of my life, but I hope it will be good later in life. I try to think it's not important what strangers think I definitely will have friends who accept me. Using public toilets is the point which lets me worry the most.

I want to add a thing to the title of the post. I know autism can’t go away, but I mean, it feels like I wouldn’t have autism in comparison. I mean the comparison to living like L-MSN to M-MSN people and now having L-LSN to M-LSN but I also now my life is still far away from normal because I live at a group home and I don’t work a normal job. I’m at a day centre and only 4 days a week for 4 hours a day.

In the morning I went to the grocery store with my shopping trolley to buy the ingredients. I only bought some ingredients because we already had the others at the group home and I was allowed to use them. It was raining but I wanted to go by foot the male more steps today.

When I came home I waited 45 minutes because it was too early to start.

Then I started. At first I peeled the potatoes and other vegetables and cut it into small pieces. Than I cooked them in a pot. And added water with a cube for making soup inside (I can't find the English name. Edit: it are bullions thanks to kiku). Then I let it cook for some time and then I cut the sausage to the pot. Later I added salt and such stuff.

The soup was yummy.

Low support needs disabled and what it means for me.

Low support needs disabled is a new feeling of life for me.

I was medium supportneeds disabled or at least I thought it the whole time I don't know if I really was it or if and my envious just thought I wouldn't be able do to most IADLs and some ADLs enough to stay healthy and safe

Being low support needs disabled is so different. It's a whole new feeling if life for me.

I can go for a walk completely on my own even in the woods.

I can go to the grocery store when I want something.

I can go to the shopping centre without having a sensory overload or at least only after a long time.

I can do my laundry or clean something

I can talk to strangers if I have a specific question.

I can shower and dress myself every time on my own.

I'm much more mentally stable

I have significantly less meltdowns

I can change my bed sheets.

I can go by bus to the next city.

Basic infos

Name: Anton

Age: 18 | born on 5th April 2007

Conditions:

- LSN autism 🧩♾️ (read the blue text please⬇️)

- adhd 🦋

- anxiety disorder 😨

- ptsd 💥

- ocd 🧠

- infantile eye nystagmus 👁 [a condition which lets my eyes wiggle 24/7 automatically. I'm nearly visually impaired due to it.]

Gender: binary transmale 🏳️‍⚧️♂️ (out since September 2018 , name legally changed since March 2025)

Other queer stuff: I'm (completely) aroace 🏳️‍🌈

My life situation

I live at a care home for mentally ill people since 4th April 2025. Before that I have lived in a care home for intellectual disableds for around one year but it wasn't a long term solution for my federal state because I'm not intellectual disabled. I was at a sheltered workplace from December 2022 to the day I moved out of my former care home but I was just there to have care takers while day the last year so it was more like a day center for me. Now I'm at a day center.

My goal is to develop better life skills, self-control skills, and a better mental health in the next months to be fit for semi independent living as soon as possible. I feel not so good at the new care home, but I hope it's a motivation for me to get fit for semi independent living.

Why are there post on my account where I said I would be MSN ?

Because I really thought I would be MSN. Due to a good meant behaviour of my mom when I lived with her (she didn't motivate me to independence. She didn't forbid me to do things independently but if I wanted she just did it for me helped me.) and due to really thinking, it would be helpful for me to reduce stress due to letting people help me with some ADLS and letting most IADLs be completed for me I development like an MSN autistic person. I don't know if I really was really MSN autistic at some point in my life, but probably I'm it not anymore since more than 1-2 years.

I'm honest. I was already thinking if I'm really MSN in the last year, but I was to scared of a changing label because of restricted thinking. This also made me scared of symptom improvement.

But now I overcome my fear and say that I'm LSN autistic. If I'm L , M, or H LSN, is unclear for me. I need to try which IADLs work and which do not, but I think it's unlikely that I'm L-LSN.

I will mark post about gaining independence and working on myself with the hashtag #soldierboyswaytoindependence

I'm LSN but I will never talk bad about the higher support needs autism community. There are a lot of people who really are MSN , MSN-HSN or HSN. I will talk about my symptom improvements due to medication and using strategies and I also will talk about gaining independence but to the people who read this hold in mind that there are so much autistic people who never can learn the things I learn.

My connection to the topic military 🪖

I have a special connection to the topic military. It gives me energy , motivation and hope. I feel like my soul was made to be in the body of a soldier. I know I never will be able to be a soldier, but this belief gives me motivation, hope, and energy, so it's helpful. I listen to military music because engaging with the topic military is helpful for me and because it's calming for me because it's a slow kind of music that mostly doesn't get suddenly faster or louder. I call myself in my head things like Soldierboy, Solboy, or Soldatenjunge, which ist basically the German version of Soldierboy.

Other stuff about me

- I'm interested in the topics disability ♿️ and military 🪖 but I also have a good general knowledge in most areas.

(I need to be careful with engaging with the topic disability to not fall back into restricted thinking.)

- I have a plushie pig as my comfort item. It's called Nilschwein 🐷.. The name comes from the german words Nilpferd (hippo) and Schwein (pig) because Nilschwein is a pig that looks a bit like a hippo.

- I wear eardefenders with built in Bluetooth nearly my whole wake time but often only on one ear because it reduces sensory input but I also hear my environment.

More independence also works in other areas in the last time, for example, making breakfast or putting my clothes on.

I'm also more motivated to think positively and try strategies like distraction or listening to music against my deathwishthoughs.

Update: