catching/falling/following

me: haha it’s fine i’ve read that before so it will have no effect on me but i’ll reread it

also me as soon as i read the word “dearest”:

never feeling man enough for them, always feeling like his brother and father used his appearance as a girl to their advantage for things like hunting and researching ("that guy'd be more likely to talk to you, sammy" and always stuffing his head in books at the library while the men went out and did things)

always feeling never quite a part of the family with dean and dad and all their masculinity, and even when it was toxic sam yearned to feel that free, and then sam finally left for college and started being more of who he was, and when jess called him good boy for the first time it felt like puzzle pieces settling into place <3

dean who finds sam very different when he comes and gets him in the pilot, sam keeps abashedly correcting him on it's sam and it's him, dean, not her, and sam feels itchy in his own skin again like he's 15 and he considers, for a single moment, going back into the closet just to make things a little easier—