#g:blake

“Blake dresses cutely, same with with Rory. Maybe Austen. No guys come to mind.”

Blake, @blakegreerr

I don’t know why I’m even bothering with this. It’s not like I’ll actually give it to you. And you’re not even talking to me right now anyway so I doubt you’d read it. Plus, it’s not like some letter with all my feelings is going to change that. You hate me. I saw it in your face the day you walked out. You hate me which I totally deserve. I guess it happens when you catch your girlfriend cheating. I’m sure I’d hate you if the roles were reversed. I don’t know if I could forgive you, which is why I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I miss you so much. I woke up this morning. I don’t know, I just thought you were there. I was really excited like I was every time I woke up beside you, and then I remembered it all. I know it doesn’t change anything, but she meant nothing to me. Nothing. I don’t know why I did it. It was a stupid thing. Or I guess that’s not true. I mean it was stupid but I know why. I’ve always thought you were better than me. All our friends think it because you are. I guess I got sick of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, and I wanted to hurt you– because let’s face it… you’d have to one day realize you deserve better. Bobby did. Why wouldn’t you? I’m the bottom of the barrel. That’s why I quit working for Dante. You guys both deserve better than some piece of shit like me. At least at my new job I fit right in. I only started working there because I knew it’d piss you off if you ever found out. And now it’s some place I feel at home. It’s a strip joint. I know how stupid that sounds, but it makes me happy. If I can’t have you, at least I have this moment of peace. When I’m on stage, I just forget it all. Everything, even you. 

Anyway, this is ridiculous. All of it really. I shouldn’t be writing you some dumb letter. You should be here in my arms. But you’re not and that’s just something I’m going to live with for the rest of my life. I love you, Blake. God, I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. Fuck…