"Bug on Her Back"
Pairing: Fem!Reader x Bakugo x Kirishima (Poly)
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Domestic, Crack
Warnings: Pregnancy humor, language, fart jokes, domestic chaos, affectionate bullying
A/n, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING WHEN I WROTE THIS, OMG😭
Pt 2
Pt 3
Your belly had officially become a continent. A wobbling, massive, unfairly heavy continent of baby—and as you grunted, trying for the third time to sit up on your own, you cursed the name of both your boyfriends.
You were stuck.
Again.
On your back, arms flailing like a helpless June bug.
"Fuckin'—Katsuki!" you screeched, trying to rock yourself like a sea lion in labor.
Katsuki Bakugo wheeled around the corner, holding a spoon and still chewing on what looked like leftover curry. The second he saw you floundering on your back, limbs twitching uselessly, he died.
"HAHAHAHA—again?! Oh my god," he bent over, absolutely wheezing, his entire body shaking as he howled.
“You’re such an ass!” you shouted, kicking your heel in his general direction but missing by several lightyears. “Stop laughing and help me, damn it!”
“Nope. Not until I get Kirishima to see this.” He wiped tears from his eyes, still giggling like a gremlin. “You look like a turtle flipped over in a Mario game.”
“YOU’RE A TURTLE!”
“Babe,” Kirishima said, peeking in through the door with an apron on and flour dusting his biceps, “why are you yelling again—OH, damn, she’s down?”
Bakugo slapped the wall. “SHE’S DOWN.”
“I’M STILL HERE, YOU KNOW,” you growled, red-faced, belly rising like a sun in the middle of your living room rug.
The two of them doubled over. Kirishima dropped his wooden spoon somewhere behind the couch and actually snorted. Bakugo was filming.
"I'm gonna send this to Deku—"
"BAKUGO KATSUKI I SWEAR TO GOD—"
But he was gone, running into the hallway, cackling like a man possessed.
You laid there, stewing. Literally. Your body was a furnace, the baby was karate-chopping your bladder, and you were now internally plotting their deaths.
Vengeance Comes in the Form of Flatulence
Later that night, peace had returned. Somewhat.
You were sprawled sideways on the couch, head resting on Kirishima's muscular thigh, his hand gently rubbing your scalp. He kissed your temple and cooed, “You feelin’ better, sunshine?”
“No.”
“Aw, come on, baby,” Bakugo said, flopping down beside Kirishima with a bowl of popcorn. “You looked so majestic, crawling like that.”
“I hope you both choke on popcorn.”
They laughed again.
You simmered.
That’s when you felt it. Deep in your core. A rumble. A warning.
You looked at them.
They looked at you.
"What?" Kirishima said.
"...Nothing." You smiled.
Bakugo squinted. "Why're you smilin' like that?"
"I love you guys so much."
They were suspicious now. Bakugo leaned away slightly, and Kirishima raised an eyebrow.
“Is she about to—wait—wait.”
But it was too late.
With the force of divine retribution, you lifted a leg—and let it rip.
A pregnancy fart.
The kind with depth. The kind that had been bubbling in your overworked intestines for hours. A fart from the ninth circle of maternal hell.
“OH MY—” Bakugo leaped off the couch, face contorting like he’d been pepper sprayed. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”
“BRO IT’S IN MY SHIRT—” Kirishima shouted, flailing, nearly knocking over the lamp as he tried to fan himself.
You were wheezing. Crying. Your entire body shaking as you laughed, clutching your belly like it would fall off. “REVENGE, BITCHES!”
Bakugo had run halfway across the room. “YOU TOXIC, CRAWLING, GODDAMN MUTANT—”
“You filmed me,” you panted. “You laughed while I was helpless. This was earned.”
“You weaponized your ass!”
Kirishima, tears in his eyes, still coughing, collapsed onto the carpet. “Bro… she aimed that like a missile.”
Bakugo pointed at you, jaw slack. “You’re evil. We created a monster.”
“Correction,” you said smugly, “you put a monster inside me. And now she’s gassy.”
Kirishima rolled onto his side, groaning, "I think my soul left my body."
Peace Restored… Kinda
After airing out the room and lighting every candle in the house, the three of you curled up in the bedroom. Bakugo grumbled as he sprayed Febreze directly at your butt. “I swear to god, if you Dutch oven us tonight, I’m sleeping in the tub.”
“Then maybe don’t laugh when I get stuck like a roly-poly,” you snapped, but you were grinning.
Kirishima spooned your side, one arm over your belly, whispering sweet nothings to your unborn daughter. Bakugo grumbled on your other side, tugging the blanket over you all.
And just as the lights went out…
Pppppbbbbttt.
“OH MY—”
“AGAIN?!”
You smiled into your pillow. “Sleep tight, boys.”
The End.
(And yes, you will fart during labor. They deserve to be afraid.)
