#funny fluff

Ah, esteemed patron! Seasons greetings!

My, my, "masterful work"? "Immaculate services"? You are going to make the Manager (myself) blush! We are absolutely delighted that our menu has pleased your palate.

And you have placed a Fluffcember reservation just in time!

Your order for Day 21: Penguins, featuring the lovable rascal Monsieur Ruggie Bucchi, is joyfully confirmed!

A "dish" that combines Ruggie's relentless teasing with a deeply specific, biological courtship ritual? Magnifique. Ruggie knows the value of everything—even a rock—and the fact that you are speaking a "language" of animal courtship to a Beastman is a flavor profile of pure genius.

We do hope this preview is to your satisfaction!

The Fluff family!

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Miguel: I truly go into househusband mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Sunny: This is a lie.

Sunny: I'm literally dating him. This is a lie.

Sunny: HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS?!

Okay I’m just gonna share this funny scene here because it’s like the perfect response and I have been struggling to figure out where to put it so here hope y’all enjoy.

One night…

Miguel: *reads the recipe Peter B. Parker gave him* Okay Miguel O’Hara, if you can figure out how to alter your own genetic code and figure out inter dimensional travel among other things then certainly you can-

An hour later…

Miguel: *coughing from the smoke while trying to put out a grease fire eventually just putting the lid on the pot* Okay Plan B

Earth 616, Parker Residence…

Peter BP: *gets a holo call from Miguel* Miguel, how’s-

Miguel: I burned it

Peter BP: Well if it burns a little-

Miguel: No Peter not a little its charred

Peter BP: Okay it can’t be that- *Miguel shows Peter BP the disaster in the kitchen and he’s shocked* How is it burnt and undercooked?! Oh my lord Aunt May would be rolling in her grave she saw how bad you botched her spaghetti dinner.

Miguel: Not helping Peter, anyway I can salvage this?

Peter BP: Nope. *hangs up*

Back in Miguel’s apartment….

Miguel: Maldito Sea!

Sunny: Miguel?

Miguel: Soleada! Heyyy, it’s not what it looks like.

Sunny: It looks like the man I love who claims he’s horrible at cooking, tried to make something and proved his point.

Miguel: Okay then it’s exactly what it looks like. *a rouge tomato that had splattered on the ceiling earlier falls and hits him*

Sunny: *snorts and tries to hold in laughter but fails*

Miguel: Oh you think that’s funny? *grabs sprayer hose*

Um, in case any of y’all are too young, here’s a helpful clue 🙃

* * * * *

Shouts rang out from the breakroom of the museum, finally giving you a clue as to where your boyfriend had been hiding.

Never in your wildest imaginings could you have conjured up the scene that assaulted your eyes as you opened the door.

Jed and Octavius were staring open-mouthed at Ahkmenrah who was covered in a lime-green, gooey substance. Atilla was still holding a bucket over Ahk’s head as his Huns and their whoops faded to buzz as everyone turned to look at you.

Thank you for the request! ❤️ I guess this is a bit NSFW-ish xD

Song: (G)i-dle - Latata

Jumin x MC

- You shouldn’t have made that bet with Seven.

- It was a simple bet: you two played Scrabble, and the loser must sing at the coming RFA party. The song will, naturally, be chosen by the winner.

- You shouldn’t have agreed to play.

- That’s right… it was because Seven repeatedly teased you. “Oh… is Mrs. Han afraid she would lose?”

- “O-of course I would never lose to you!”

- Worst decision ever.

- So now you end up upstage on your second party since joining the RFA (and your first since becoming Mrs. Han), holding a mic.

- The song Seven chose… (G)i-dle - Latata

- I have to sing a song with such embarrassing lyrics here? In front of all the guests? In front of my husband?!

- Even terrified is an understatement to what you’re feeling now. Although this party isn’t as public as the first, where you got engaged, there are still some respected guests here, as well as people affiliated with C&R!

- Your eyes catch Seven, who’s waving and whistling at you.

- Damn that kid…

- As for your husband, he is staring at the stage in some kind of an awe - it’s obvious this surprised him, and he’s excited to hear you sing.

- You shoot him a look, but he only smiles reassuringly at you.

- The music starts playing.

- Ah… the hell with it!

- “I-I’m… dedicating the song to m-my husband, Jumin Han.” Your voice is barely a whisper.

- This night with you, both of us like this

Passing time with you, spending time with you

- Some guests are starting to realize what song you are singing. Seven is laughing his ass off at the very back. You’re positive he is recording this.

- Only your husband is still in awe, totally clueless.

- Uh, oh… when we start to fall deeper

Hooked on that scent

It’s getting you all mixed up 

That’s right - more and more! 

Set it on fire as if we don’t have tomorrow

- His face starts to change; his smile disappears.

- Don’t be lazy, come to me baby 

Time is too short and this is still too basic

Dig a little deeper and make me more entranced

You can get drunk - who cares about tomorrow?

- He covers his face. 

- And you’re dead.

- When you get off the stage, everyone gives you standing ovation. But all you care about is Jumin.

- He’s not looking at you.

- “Jumin? I’m really sorry, it was Seven-”

- He pulls you backstage.

- “Jumin, are you angry?”

- But for someone who’s supposed to be angry, he kisses your mouth… hungrily. Despite your confusion, you kiss him back.

- When he lets go, you can see the sparkle in his eyes. “That was… inspiring, love.”

- What?

- Guess who’s not sleeping tonight?

Even I am embarrassed as I write this HAHAHA xD hope you like it!

Request Guidelines

Master list

Sometimes I hate every single

Stupid word you say

Sometimes I wanna slap you

In your whole face

There is no one quite like you

You push all my buttons down

I know life would suck without you

At the same time

I wanna hug you

I wanna wrap my hands around your neck

You’re an idiot and I love you

And you make me so mad

@ellelan I MADE IT FLUFF.

“You’re not serious,” Jack muttered, staring incredulous at John across the table. All eyes were on him as John shrugged.

“I meant it,” he grinned.

“You lost a bet…a joke, I might add, and now you’re going to proposition James Flint?” Jack demanded and John chuckled, shrugging again. 

“Why not?” he asked, taking a drink of his beer. Jack stared at, gaping rather like a fish before he shook his head and sat back, raising his hands.

“I don’t need to know anything else, just…he’s your best friend, John, don’t go screwing it up, will you?” he said and John nodded.

“If this messes up our friendship I guess we’re not best friends,” he chuckled, draining his glass and nodding to Jack as he stood, leaving the bar and grinning into the cool night air as he walked the few blocks to James house, ringing the doorbell.

James answered, eyebrows raised and feet bare, a t-shirt thrown on with his sweats and his long hair loose and hastily pushed back from his eyes. 

“Hey,” John grinned, cocking one hip. “I lost a bet.”

James blinked, then rolled his eyes pulling the door open to let John in.

“What is it this time? Swim naked in the shark tank?” he asked, knowing that when John and Charles started betting it usually got strange and ugly, fast.

“Well…” John grinned. “That’s certainly one way to put it.”

Without preamble he leaned over and kissed James, one hand raising to rest on his cheek, eyes drifting shut after a moment. James froze, his brain blank, his hands hovering awkwardly in the air until John pulled back. He blinked a few times, searching John’s face, seeing only curiosity there and he frowned.

“That’s it?” he asked. “You lost a bet and had to kiss me?” He was no longer impressed with Charles and his dares.

“Well, technically I was supposed to proposition you, you know, for sex, and I think kissing you out of the blue counts,” John grinned with a shrug. His heart was hammering but he did his best to keep an easy smile on his face, as if none of this was having any effect on him.

“Here’s my question,” James muttered, brushing past John, nodding at the coatrack for him to take off his jacket and shoes. “Do you actually want to proposition me, or is that just the bet?”

John considered lie or truth for a moment as he hung his coat and toed off his shoes, accepting the glass of whiskey James passed him as James downed his own. He allowed his eyes to sweep over James’ body, his face open, until his eyes met James’ and he smiled softly.

“I do,” he said quietly, almost hesitantly.

James nodded, setting his tumbler down with a clink and taking John’s when he’d emptied it. He turned, staring hard at John for long moments, his face unreadable before he nodded again.

“About fucking time,” he said and John only had a moment to be surprised as James’ hands curled into his hair and tugged him forward, kissing him desperately. 

John gasped, his hands grabbing at James’ arms, stepping into his space so their bodies pressed together, moaning as James’ arm looped around him and tugged him close. 

“Bedroom, now, clothes off,” James muttered between kisses and John nodded, stumbling backward as they stripped one another, mouths hardly leaving one another for a second. By the time they tumbled on the bed they were naked, except for one sock that John couldn’t be bothered to get rid of, not when James had a hand around him and was stroking him while he sucked a bruise in his neck.

“Fuck,” John groaned, arching his hips up and James took them both in one hand, stroking them together, heat building between them at lighting speed as beads of sweat appeared on their skin.

James gasped when John arched, one leg wrapping around him and hands falling to grip his ass tightly, grinding them together. 

“You have no idea what I’ve wanted to do to you,” James whispered against his ear, panting as his hand moved faster. Neither one of them was going to last, but that was alright. He finally had John here, naked in his bed, skin burning against his, his hair splayed out on the pillow like a halo. 

“Fuck, you can do anything to me, just let me do anything to you,” John gasped, already shaking as his body began to tense.

“Anything. Fuck, John, anything you want,” James growled and John arched, crying as his cock pulsed, his release coating James’ hand and slicking the way for him to speed his hand, gasping only moments later as he came.

Panting, James collapsed half on John and John easily tangled them together, his lips seeking out James’ again, kissing him slowly and leisurely until it became too uncomfortable. Carefully they detangled and cleaned themselves up before crawling into bed and curling together, both yawning. It was almost two in the morning after all. 

“I’m going to fuck you in the morning,” James said softly against John’s ear and John hummed, pulling himself even closer as he nuzzled against James’ skin.

“Not if I fuck you first,” he mumbled and James laughed loudly, his heart soaring as he tucked John carefully into his arms.

“Mouthy little shit,” he chuckled and John grinned against his neck.

“I’ll show you mouthy you-” John was cut off as James kissed him again, effectively shutting him up, grinning against his mouth.