#funny dnd

"What the 'ells are we meant to do? Can you even kill somethin' that's already dead?"

"I have no idea, but they will keep chasing us no matter what we do, so it doesn't exactly seem like we have much choice."

"At least it's a really cool way to die, I guess."

Gwen sighed sharply before taking hold of the helm once again. Her eyebrows furrowed, and her eyes narrowed with determination. She turned the wheel as far and as quickly as she could. The vessel made a complete U-turn until it was side by side with the undead crew. The three girls could see them much closer now.

There were about ten or twelve of them. Each one in varying levels of decay. Some had no arms, some had no eyes, some had no feet, some had half a leg, and others had half a head. Yet no matter the condition they were in, each rattled and groaned and held up their weapons.

"This is insane." Gwen said to herself.

"Just the way I roll." Rusty responded, grinning like a madwoman, "RIMSBY! CAPTAIN'S ORDERS: MAN THE CANNONS!"

"Aye-eye, yup yup, man the cannons, part of the crew, captain's orders." They heard faintly as Rimsby moved to the gun deck.

400 sighed and grabbed her rapier once more. Rusty, this time, pulled a shortbow and a quiver of arrows. Gwen, as always, readied her pistol. Rusty looked at the girl and rolled her eyes as the undead began putting a plank between the two ships.

"You're serious? What are you gonna do with that? For the last time, it ain't got any ammunition!"

"And for the last time," Gwen began, shaking off her jacket and tossing it to one side, "It doesn't need any."

Gwen stood at the end of the plank with a stance neither Rusty nor 400 had seen so far. Her voice was suddenly so serious and authoritative, commanding the respect of the other two girls with little to no effort at all.

"Rusty, you attack from far away. Keep an eye out for them finding other ways onto the ship so we don't get surrounded. 400, after I attack, I'll back off. I want you to draw their attention and attack at close range while I have your back and also attack their main way onto the ship. Everyone understand?"

"Uh-"

"Um-"

"Good."

With that, Gwen took a deep breath and pointed her gun at the first undead. Her eyes seemed to shine and glow before a flash of orange blasted from them.

And she pulled the trigger.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. A blast of haunting light shot forward. The air around it crackled like a shattered mirror. The mere presence of it sent shivers up Rusty's and 400's backs, as it was like nothing they'd felt before. Its power was strong and unnatural. The beam streaked towards the first undead pirate, hitting him like a bag of bricks. His sunken, rotting eyes rolled back as his joints detached from one another, and his body parts fell one after the other into the cold ocean beneath them.

Gwen stood proudly, giving a cold stare to the rest of the undead, while Rusty was motionless and stunned into silence. Even 400 was a little intimidated. However, their silence was quickly interrupted.

"What are you two doing?! Get into your positions!"

"Aye-aye!" 400 called.

"Aye-aye!" Rusty repeated before muttering to herself, "thought I was the captain..."

Just as Gwen described, the girls all fell into place. She moved towards the ratlines, climbing up a little to get a good vantage point before continuing her fire at the pirates. 400 stood just of the middle of the main deck near the plank, slicing harshly at each creature that came near her. Her raven hair flowed through the air like the untamed tides as she attacked them, moving with a strange and oxymoronic combination of savage brutality and nimble elegance.

All the while, Rusty stayed near the back of all the commotion, firing her arrows with accuracy like a falcon. The Eladrin's feet were motionless. Bravery practically dripped from her very being. Any undead that dared even look at her were either fired down by her or Guinevere. All the while, Rimsby manned the cannons like a trained artillerist, blasting holes into the opposing ship and sending any straggling monsters down to their doom.

Gwen fired with ferocity. The power she had been so afraid of and had tried to hard to use as little as possible now coursed through her like nothing she'd ever felt before. Like her blood was buzzing. 400 felt so comfortable. She knew deep down that missing the Spawn House was a bad thing, but she'd be lying if the lack of combat training made her a little upset. Killing enemies, battling for success, a desperate attempt for survival...it was just like in a dungeon, and it excited her. Rusty grinned with the thrill of battle - it was just like being back on her old ship again. Deep down, she had been paranoid that she wouldn't be able to pirate properly without her old crew, but taking over a ship with Gwen and 400 from a crew of undead monsters? It was perfect. Pure, aggressive buccaneering in its truest form.

~~~

"Well...that was...a first..." Gwen panted, having climbed down from the ratlines and laid down on the floor.

"Definitely...something off...the bucket list..." 400 responded, sitting up against the mast and using one of the discarded skeleton hands to scratch her back.

"It was on...your bucket list to...fight zombies?"

"Yeah...not yours?"

"Wasn't in my top ten...put it that way..."

400 and Gwen laughed breathlessly. The latter turned to her Eladrin companion, who was pulling the few arrows that hadn't landed in a body that was now in the ocean.

"You okay over there? You're...uncharacteristically quiet."

"We should search the ship for bounty." Rusty responded, acting like Gwen hadn't even spoken.

400 and Gwen looked at one another with confused expressions before shrugging and following Rusty onto the boat they just took down. Luckily, it hadn't quite begun to sink properly, so they did still have a small pocket of time to pillage the wreck before it was too late. The three of them rummaged through the captains quarters, the gun deck, rolled over the water casks, the magazine, then finally made it to the cargo hold.

The three began searching through when Rusty finally spoke up again, "So...Gwen...what exactly is that gun?"

Gwen froze up. She sighed and leaned against the chest she was just about to search through. She'd been trying to ignore her powers for a while until they were needed to complete her life's task. Now, however, there was no more hiding it.

"It um...well it's just a regular gun really but...I may have made it into um...anarcanefocus..."

"What was that last part?"

"An...arcane focus. Y'know like a staff or a magic wand."

"So, you're like a wizard or somethin'?"

"...or something..."

"Tell us. Now. That crap wasn't normal. We both felt it, right 400?"

Gwen and Rusty turned to their half-arachnid companion, who looked incredibly uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Yeah...I felt it."

"Okay, fine! But we need to get off this ship first. It's a long story, and I'd rather tell you when we're above water."

"Fine. But I wanna 'ear about all of it."

"And I'll tell you."

Rusty nodded before grabbing as much cargo as she could carry while Gwen and 400 did the same. After a while, they'd tied the cargo down, searched the corpses before throwing them overboard, and then ordered Rimsby to make them a small meal to get their strength back up. Once the three had finished eating, Gwen looked down nervously at her empty plate while Rusty and 400 looked at her expectantly.

"Okay so...It was when I was about sixteen. My dad and I were kidnapped by a secret organisation that my stepmother at the time used to be a part of before she left and hid from them."

"That...is not where I thought that was goin'."

"Yeah. Turns out that the organisation was illegally making um...Simic Hybrids."

"Simic huh?"

"I've heard of them," 400 spoke up, "It's a little similar to the breeding slaves back home. People are merged with sea creatures like squids or crabs to be turned into super-soldiers. Except Simics are usually voluntary."

"Emphasis on 'usually'." Gwen added on, "Since my dad was a Sea Elf and I was half, they thought we might be the first successful candidates. I don't remember much other than the procedure. To put it simply, I didn't think it was possible to be in so much pain. Next thing I knew, my dad and I were at the bottom of the ocean. There were so...many...bodies...I think they thought we had died or something, so they just...threw us away. I begged whatever could possibly be out there to help me and my dad live, and suddenly the chains we were bound in just...exploded. If that wasn't crazy enough, we got caught in my crew's fishing net. That's how we became part of our crew in the first place."

Gwen took a break to breathe and take a sip of water. 400 and Rusty looked at each other in disbelief and complete silence. After a few moments of silence, Gwen plucked up the courage to speak again.

"After about a week or two of being part of the crew, I went out to speak with Legless- he's a member of the crew that I was-...close with. Anyway, he went to sleep below the deck, and I saw a ship in the distance. It wasn't really sailing, more like floating, and the crew all looked like ghosts. One, who I assume was the captain, was some weird...thing made purely of light. But the light was cold...like some sort of weird whirlpool of horribleness. He offered me a contract."

"What? Why'd 'e do that-?" Rusty suddenly stopped, piecing things together, "...'e's the one that broke your chains." 

"Yup. The contract offered me powers that would allow me to take down those...monsters that stole mine, my dad's, and my stepmother's lives. In exchange for my soul and eternal servitude aboard his ship."

"So...when you destroy that place...you're gonna die?" 400 asked.

"Well...no...our discussion was interrupted. My soul is still in my body. The creature took...my dad..."

"Gods above..." Rusty gasped, her eyes going wide.

"He insisted the creature take his soul instead of mine. That's why I absolutely have to destroy those idiots. I don't know what that thing will do to my dad's soul if I don't, and no one should ever have to go through what we went through anymore. Plus...maybe if I do it, I'll lose these horrible powers, and that thing will give me back my dad..."

"I bloody 'ope so."

"Gwen." 400 began, her eyes darkening and her hand gripping her tankard to tightly Gwen was sure it would shatter, "I swear to you, I will make sure that every single person in that backwards organisation suffers ten times the amount you and your father did combined." 

"That makes two of us. We're gonna get these guys, Gwen. I mean it."

Gwen felt her eyes fill with tears as she looked at her two new crewmates and saw the sincerity in their eyes. Even Rusty, who took absolutely nothing seriously, was promising to help her in her quest. She was so wrapped up in the moment that the poor girl hadn't even noticed she'd started crying. Rusty laughed and shook her head as she walked over to her to give a very masculine side-hug, which Gwen returned happily by wrapping her arms around her. 400 crept over and awkwardly patted Gwen's head before Rusty grabbed her arm and pulled her into the hug, too.

"I say we've all earned a drink." Rusty spoke up after the hug.

"But we-," Gwen interrupted herself, sniffling and wiping her eyes, "aren't old enough. Plus, there's n-none here."

"First of all, you seein' any law enforcers? 'Cause I ain't. Secondly, water wasn't the only thing that were in those barrels." Rusty said with a smirk, "Rimsby! Pour us all a rum, would ya?"

"Yup yup, rum for the crew, part of the crew. Pour the rum. Rimsby."

~~~

"Way hay and up she rises! Way hay and up she rises! Wey hay and up she rises! Early in the morning!" Gwen, 400, and Rusty all sang together, holding tankards of rum.

The three collapsed in a pile after finishing the shanty and burst out laughing. 400 was now wearing Gwen's hat, and Rusty's bandana was keeping her hair tied back into a lazy ponytail. Rusty sighed happily and drank the last few drops of her drink.

"Y'know what? Screw me old crew, you lot are way more fun to hang out with. An' that includes you, Rimsby!" She slurred, raising her empty tankard to the man who nodded in acknowledgement but gave no other response.

"I would bring you two onto my ship," Gwen began, "And you could join my crew instead! And we'd sing all the time!"

"Nah, not for me. Once you're sorted, Gwen, I'm off back home to my lady." 400 said with a faint smile before drinking the last of her rum.

"Aww that's so nice! You like, proper love her and stuff." Rusty commented, smiling giddily.

"Would you love her if you were twenty-one?" Gwen asked.

"Uhh...maybe, but I wouldn't tell her til she was an adult too."

"Mmm...yeah that's good...I think so too."

Rusty and 400 looked at each other with confused expressions before bursting out laughing. After a little while longer of chatting and singing, they began to debate who would take the first shift of steering the ship as they slept. Gwen drew the shortest straw, so she walked up onto the main deck and leaned against the helm. She was still a little dizzy, but as the hours passed, she slowly began to sober up.

'Maybe, but I wouldn't tell her til she was an adult too.'

"Maybe...but I doubt he'll find me...he probably thinks I'm dead anyway..." She muttered to herself.

Gwen jumped when she felt hands on her shoulders and instinctively pulled out her pistol, turning around at almost light speed, to point it at whoever was behind her. Alas, it was just Rimsby...holding a blanket. Without a care for the fact that Gwen was armed, he once again moved towards her...and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders.

"Warm up, yup yup yup. Part of the crew, Rimsby, blanket, yup yup." He said afterwards as he began to walk away.

Gwen pulled the blanket around herself tightly. He was such a strange man. He had no awareness, but then sometimes he did. What were the Navy doing with him? Was he born like that, or did something happen? No, it couldn't be. 400 held him at the edge of her blade, genuinely looking like she was about to kill him, and there was not a thought behind his eyes. Yet he can cook, he can clean, he can man cannons...very odd.

It was a beautifully calm night. Gwen felt so strangely relaxed despite everything. She really was so happy 400 and Rusty were there. Even though the latter was chaotic and irresponsible, Gwen was so glad she agreed to accompany her. She would have been completely alone without her new friends.

"Not too long now..."

400 took over night watch to allow Gwen to get some sleep, followed by Rusty a few hours later. Rusty pulled out her ship's log and scribbled down some notes of what had transpired the past few days before flipping to the very back of the book and smiling, drawing an X.

~~~

"WAKEY WAKEY, SAILORS! WE'RE 'ERE!"

Gwen and 400 both groaned, sitting up and stretching sluggishly.

"Can we agree, we never let Rusty take the last watch?"

"Agreed. She's way too loud..."

The two girls climbed up to the main deck to see they were indeed approaching land. The two late risers were unfamiliar with the area. Rusty commanded the two of them as they approached the coast, telling them to tie up sails, slow the oars, and lower the anchor. Soon, a mighty crunch sound echoed through the salty air as the ship docked on the sand. Rusty lowered a rope ladder to allow her and Gwen to climb down. Meanwhile, 400 simply climbed down the side of the ship without any need for a ladder.

Rusty led the three of them over to a simple-looking hut which stood alone by the beach before stopping a few feet away, "By the way, you two, whatever you do; Don't touch anythin'. Got it?"

"Aye-aye."

"Yeah, got it."

Rusty nodded before walking over to the door, "Gee, I wonder if there just so 'appens to be a kind lady in this little 'ut."

A few seconds after Rusty spoke, the sound of bottles clicking, chairs dragging, and footsteps could be heard from inside. The door slowly opened to reveal a dirty-looking Dwarf woman. Her dress looked like several patches of random fabrics, all stitched together into one mis-matching garment, and was covered in dust, random pieces of lace, and cobwebs. She was adorned in jewellery made up of several different types of bones, which all looked like they belonged to different animals. Her hair was about as messy as the rest of her, tied up in different types of braids, some of it was beaded, some locks were straight while others looked crimped, and among her hair were feathers and one beetle which seemed quite content.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't little Rusty." The woman greeted, her voice was smooth and exotic.

"'Ey, less of the little, ey? It's nice to see you too. Mind if we come in?"

"Of course not." The woman said, smiling and opening the door further as she stepped to one side.

Rusty led the other two through the door. Gwen crouched down, placing her hand on the doorframe to make sure she didn't hit her head.

"Ow..." She whispered to herself.

Rusty turned to look at her, "What 'appened?"

"Nothing, I'm okay." Gwen assured her, walking further into the house.

"I don't think I'm gonna fit through here." 400 commented, looking at the Dwarf-sized door.

The Dwarf turned to face 400 before her eyes widened, "My, my, a Drow and an Arachne. Such a union, why you look just like Her."

"Excuse me-" 400 began angrily.

"And then there's you. You hold a power you don't understand...Guinevere Allen-Carter." She said, looking Gwen in the eyes.

"How...how do you know that?"

Rusty suddenly turned to Gwen and grabbed her hand, having noticed a scratch on it, "You 'urt yourself on the door."

"That's all she needs."

"So...I suppose we should probably introduce ourselves properly?"

Gwen looked at her new companions expectantly. The other two Elfish girls looked at one another, shrugged, and turned back to Gwen. The latter tucked some of her 'hair' behind her ears before taking a breath.

"Okay, I suppose I'll start. My name is Gwen, my crew calls me Snook. I'm a Half-elf-...well...I suppose...not anymore...but I used to be. My father was a Sea Elf, and my mother was a Human. I've been a pirate for just under a year now, and I like it, but...there's something I have to do before I get too wrapped up in enjoying things. I'd rather not discuss it right now, though, if that's okay."

The other two listened to her keenly until the very last word.

"S'pose I'll go next. My name's not important. My crew calls me Rusty. I'm an Autumn Eladrin, I've been piratin' for about three years, and I love it. Don't wanna do nothin' else."

Gwen nodded and listened, feeling a little bashful that her introduction was so long in comparison to Rusty's.

"My turn, uh...my name is 400, and I don't have a crew. I'm mostly Arachne, but my mother was...or is, I suppose, a Drow Elf. I've been pirating for less than a day, and I have no opinion on it. I like dungeoneering, and as of right now, that's all I want to do in life...that and be with my girlfriend."

"You 'ave a girl?" Rusty asked.

"You sound so surprised."

"Well, yeah, I mean. The opinion o' Drow folk ain't exactly positive 'round these parts."

"I've heard...but she's...different. She doesn't care what I am or where I came from. Just the kind of person I choose to be, I guess."

"That's so sweet." Gwen chimed in, smiling.

"Yeah...she is."

"So, I gotta ask. What's life like over there?" Rusty piped up, leaning back against the mast with one leg stretched out on front and the other bend to the side.

"Over where?" 400 asked.

"Y'know, Mung. That's where you're from, right?"

"Oh, yeah. I don't know, it's not that different, I don't think. I don't know much, though, I mean, I was raised in the Spawn House, so."

"The what?" Gwen enquired, her eyes widening with concern.

"The Spawn House. Y'know where the kids from selective breeding are raised to be like soldiers and other stuff."

Rusty and Gwen looked at 400 in silence...looked at one another, just to make sure the other was equally horrified...then looked back at 400. The Arachne slowly realised based on their expressions.

"You guys don't have that, do you?"

Gwen and Rusty just slowly shook their heads before Gwen put two dots together, "Wait, selectively bred? So, you were...?"

"Yeah, my mother was a Drow Elf breeder. My father, I guess, was an Aracnhe. I didn't get told much, but apparently; they were happy when they captured him. They had never bred with an Arachne before. They wanted to selectively breed and make offspring that resemble Lolth as much as possible."

"That...is...psychotic."

"Is it?"

"Yes!"

"Wait, so how do you guys make soldiers?"

"We train 'em...like when they're adults."

"Really? But that's so late in life, they'll be weak. Those women should be trained right from the start."

"Well, a lot of people don't know they want to be soldiers until later in life."

"Yeah, plus most of 'em aren't women, long-legs."

"What do you mean? Of course they're women."

"Actually, Rusty's right. It's a pretty male-dominated field. Traditionally anyway, but it's starting to fizzle out now."

"Wait, so you don't train soldiers 'til they're adults, and to make matters worse, they're male soldiers? Oh gods, do not tell me your society is a..." 400 lowered her voice before speaking again, "...patriarchy."

"Aye, it is."

400 looked like she'd just been slapped in the face. Neither Gwen nor Rusty could believe how different things were for 400 growing up.

"So, you were made to be a soldier?" Gwen asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

"Hm? Oh yeah, I suppose. They wanted to train me to be pretty much anything. They were so happy when I came out looking like this. They probably would have made more like me if the Arachne didn't escape."

"He escaped? 'Ey, good for 'im."

"Yeah, that's how I got out, too. Some Drow prison guard went crazy or something. Freed a bunch of the slaves. The wardens were so concerned about keeping the Spawn House slaves in that they didn't really do anything to prevent me from getting out."

"Did you say slaves?"

"...you guys don't do that either?"

"No! Not at all. And if they do, it's heavily frowned upon."

"Huh. I guess we are pretty different, then."

"Just a bit."

The three of them laughed a little at that. Such an unlikely trio with varying pasts, and yet here they were together. Sailing the seas, all with a different goal in mind.

"So, uh, Gwen. You said you have some quest to do?"

"Yes...I don't want to go into much detail, but I need to find something...a place. I have unfinished business with the people inside."

"Edgy. So, is that where we're going?"

"Yes, as long as Rusty holds up her end of the deal."

"'Ey, I will, I told ya I'd 'elp you and I'm gonna, so jus-"

"Shh!" 400 suddenly hissed.

"What is it-?" Gwen whispered.

"Shh! Listen. Do you hear that?"

The three were silent until a low grumbling could be heard. Gwen and 400 both turned to Rusty, who looked at both of them like they were idiots.

"Yeah, great instincts, I'm shakin' in me boots. Beware, beware the sound of my stomach growlin'."

Before either could retort, a clattering sound was heard. So quiet that if the waves or wind were even slightly more enthusiastic, they wouldn't have heard it.

"Okay, I 'eard it that time."

"Oh, did you? Did you really?" 400 asked sarcastically.

"Guys! Later!" Gwen whispered, angrily, "There's someone else on this ship."

All of the Elfish girls drew their weapons. 400 unsheathed a pristine, beautiful rapier. Rusty equipped a surprisingly well-kept bow, and an arrow from her quiver. Gwen took her Flintlock pistol out of its holster. Rusty took the lead, slowly descending each staircase to the lower decks, silently gesturing for 400 and Gwen to follow when she knew the area was safe. Soon, the trio reached the very bottom deck. There was no more clattering, but they could hear other sounds and could hear them a lot more clearly. Shuffling, muttering, footsteps, but they could also smell something.

"That smells so good." Rusty whispered.

"Shh. It could be a trap. Ready?" Gwen whispered back.

"Ready," 400 replied, "Three...two...one!"

"ARRGGHH!"

Each Elf leapt out from the staircase, growling, baring teeth, and brandishing their weapons, looking around like hungry, feral dogs hunting a rabbit. Then, they finally spotted the culprit...though it seemed that he somehow hadn't spotted them. It was a Human, by the looks of him, and he appeared to be rummaging around quite nervously and setting a table. He was still wittering and muttering away to himself.

"What...?" Rusty asked, completely baffled.

"I...do not know." Gwen responded, lowering her gun.

"Maybe 'e's not scared 'cause 'e knows yer gun ain't loaded."

"Shut up. What do we do with him?"

"He's a trespasser. There's only one thing we can do," 400 said, her voice going deep and dark, sending chills up Gwen's back, "Having him here is a risk to us. Dead men tell no tales." She finished coldly, charging towards the man.

"Wait, what?"

"400 STOP!"

"Argh!"

400 swung her blade, slicing cleanly through the air before altering her grip so the sword was parallel to her forearm and held it up against the man's throat. The metal was so close to the man. A brisk wind probably would have been enough force to tear the skin of his throat.

And yet...nothing. No reaction at all. It was as if 400 wasn't even there.

"Huh. I guess he's not a threat then." She said, far too calmly, as she stepped back from him.

"What the Hells was that 400?!"

"I was testing him, making sure he's actually as dense as he looks. Men on the verge of death are the most honest people you'll find, so I had to make it look real."

"You're both insane."

"'Ey, what did I do?"

Gwen rolled her eyes and approached the man, who had moved away from 400 and was now washing dishes, "Sir? Are you alright? What's your name?"

"Feed the crew, yes yes. Oh good, feed the ship. Yup yup yup, feed the crew." He muttered aloud.

"Do you think he's deaf?" Gwen asked, looking at him curiously.

"I dunno, lemme try somethin'. ATTEN-TION!" Rusty declared, stomping her food against the floor.

The human immediately dropped what he was doing and stood with impeccable posture, saluting and staring off into space.

"Okay, that's fun. So 'e can 'ear us then."

"Apparently so. Um...at ease, sir." Gwen instructed, timidly.

The man resumed his cleaning. 400 approached the table and took a deep breath in before sighing with delight.

"That smells amazing."

"It really does."

"And I'm bloody 'ungry. 'E did say 'feed the crew', right?"

"He did...but what if it's poisoned?"

"Good point. Uh, Rusty, do that thing again. Try to ask him to eat something."

"ATTEN-TION!"

The man stopped and saluted again. Rusty thought for a moment before speaking again, a rare occurrence.

"Captain's orders. Eat something off this table."

"Captain's orders, yip yup, captain. Eat the food, feed the crew." The man muttered, marching to the table before taking a fork, scooping some mashed potatoes that looked perfectly creamy and warm, and eating it. The three watched as he swallowed the food and then stood at attention once more, awaiting further command.

"At ease, lad." Rusty commanded, allowing the man to resume cleaning once again.

The three girls looked at one another for no more than two seconds before scrambling to the table and filling their plates, wolfing down the food like they'd never eaten in their lives.

"This is incredible!"

"Way better than me crew's normal cookin'."

"I could eat this for days."

"Looks like you're about to. That's a bloody big portion, 400."

"I'm easily twice the size of you. Bigger body, bigger meals."

"Ah, makes sense."

After a while, Rusty spoke up once again, gesturing with a head tilt towards their new friend, "So, what are we gonna do with 'im?"

"I don't know...I mean, he doesn't exactly seem like much of a threat at the moment, so maybe he can just...stay?"

"He keeps mentioning cleaning the ship and looking after the crew. Is that what those Navy soldiers had him doing?" 400 wondered aloud before taking a savage bite out of a chicken leg.

"Maybe, but at the same time, it doesn't seem like he's here against his will. No chains or anything, he could just grab a rowboat and leave whenever he wants, but he doesn't."

"Like a willing slave." 400 said, nodding.

"Can we please not use that word?" Gwen pleaded.

"What? 'Willing'?"

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Plus," Rusty interjected, "It means less work for us to do 'round this boat. We need all the 'ands we can get."

"True. Speaking of, how long until the navy finds this ship and turns us in."

"No worries, I already put us on a course to a trustworthy ally on land. She'll 'ave this thing lookin' like no Navy soldier ever breathed within sixty miles of the thing."

"Except for the self-rowing features."

"Say we 'ad it custom made. We are pirates, after all. You can get anythin' with money, right?"

"I hate to say it, but you do have a point."

"You worry too much, Gwen. Chill your gills, let yourself just relax."

Gwen sighed and put down her knife and fork before eating, "You're probably right. I just...it's hard to relax without my crew...I don't even know if they're alive."

"I'm sure they're fine," 400 said awkwardly; it was clear she wasn't too well-versed in comforting people.

Gwen smiled and nodded, "I hope so."

Rusty and 400 soon followed Gwen in putting down their knives and forks, the former and latter both leaning back in their seats, while 400 leaned against the wall. The Human wasted no time in clearing the table after them and beginning to tidy.

"Wait, has he eaten?" Gwen asked.

"No idea." 400 answered.

The pair looked at Rusty expectantly, who groaned and rolled her eyes before sitting up, "Fine! ATTEN-TION!"

The Human saluted once again.

"Captain's orders: Eat this food until you're full."

"Aye-aye, captains orders. Yup yup yup, eat the food, eat my fill, yup captain." The Human muttered, sitting in an empty seat and eating, still with his completely blank gaze.

"Lights are on but no one's 'ome." Rusty commented, "What are we gonna call 'im?"

"He's not a stray dog." Gwen protested.

"I mean...kinda is, in a way." 400 said with a shrug.

"Hmmm...Oi, mate, you got a name?"

"Captain's orders, eat 'til full. Part of the crew, yup yup yup."

"Huh. What about Yupyup?"

"No, that's a terrible name."

"Servant?"

"No."

"Grub?"

"No."

"Creature?"

"No!"

"Rimsby?"

"N-...what?"

"I dunno, it just popped into me 'ead. Not bad though, 'ey?"

"Hmm..."

"Kinda suits him in a weird way. He looks like a Rimsby...whatever that means."

"Okay then, Rimsby it is." Gwen finally agreed.

"Oi," Rusty called over, "Captain's orders: You answer to Rimsby now, got it?"

"Yup yup, captain's orders. Rimsby, part of the crew, yup yup yup."

The three girls laughed together before resuming ship maintenance after Rimsby had finished eating and began cleaning up after them all. Gwen finished her duties with a heavy sigh, feeling achy and tired. Her yellow eyes scanned the ship for the other two but didn't see them anywhere, so she climbed up to the Crow's Nest.

Her and Legless would hang out there on her old ship all the time. Being so high above the rest of the crew, the salty air filling their noses, how quiet it was, and how it felt like they were a gull soaring freely in the evening sky...it was so peaceful.

Gwen watched the ocean behind them as their vessel moved towards the first destination. Wherever that was. Her privacy was only short-lived, however, as she heard many footsteps approaching her.

"What are you doing?" 400 asked.

"Oh, hi, um...I'm not really doing anything, I'm just...I don't know."

"Okay."

"Are you okay? What brings you up here?"

"I just like climbing stuff...and I guess it seemed cool up here."

"It's very cool up here. Like nothing can get you."

400 paused and looked at Gwen for a while before she spoke again, "Are you sad about something?"

"I...yes. I'm just still worried about my crew, I guess. I know they're probably fine, but it's weird being so alone."

"Hm..." It seemed like 400 was done speaking until she turned to face the opposite way to Gwen, looking in the direction the ship was moving, "Is that them?"

Gwen spun around eagerly to see a ship approaching theirs. She fumbled to grab her spyglass and take a closer look but then deflated a little with disappointment.

"No, that's not-" Gwen sighed before suddenly coming to a halt, "...what the...oh my-"

"What? What's happening?"

Gwen said nothing as she lowered the spyglass, slowly extending her arm out to 400 for her to take it and have a look herself. 400 gave her Half-Elf companion a confused look before taking the spyglass and lifting it up to her eye. At first, it seemed like any other pirate ship.

Then she looked a little closer.

"RUSTY! GET YOUR ARSE ONTO THE DECK NOW!" The Arachne shouted, giving the spyglass back to Gwen and scuttling back down from the Crow's Nest.

Gwen followed closely behind 400, just as Rusty arrived on the main deck, "What's all the fuss about?"

"A ship, dead ahead!" Gwen warned, heading to the helm to steer away from it.

Her efforts, however, were futile. Despite Gwen turning away and pressing the controls to row at full power, the other ship was following them. Locked on like an orca hunting a fish.

"They're right on our tail. What do we do?!" 400 growled, pacing angrily.

"What's your guys' problem?"

"There's pirates following us!"

"And? We're also pirates, Gwen. If they give us trouble, we'll just off 'em."

Gwen turned to look Rusty directly in her eyes. Her face darkened, her expression grew serious, and her voice was cold and low.