#fukichi

me and me lovely husband × me and my dad

Nikolai = bird of freedom flower

Sigma = white lily

Bram = monkey orchid

Fukichi = poppy

I'm rereading these scenes and I've got a real good impression of their relationship and it's kinda gay.

Like imagine starting a war, doing terrorism, and other evil acts because your childhood crush said no to going to war with you.

Kinda sounds like what child would do.

Or, What Will Akugatawa choose? (The title of this meta is a song reference.)

But let’s jump in. The overarching theme of this entire arc seems to be about identity. In this latest chapter, Akutagawa and Atsushi got their asses kicked as expected by following their WWSD plan: What Would Soukoku Do? 

The solution to beating Fukichi isn’t found in WWSD nor is it found in what Fukichi predicts: they need to find it in what what they can do. Both Akutagawa and Atsushi can’t be defined by other people if they’re to grow in their arcs. Yet, this is precisely at the root of both of their flaws. Akutagawa is still defining himself by what Dazai thinks of him:

And Atsushi, as Akutagawa himself points out numerous times, defines himself not just by comparing hismelf to Akutagawa...

but also by what his abuser/orphan master thinks of him...

...and also what people as a whole think of him. He needs permission to live.

Both Atsushi and Akutagawa need to grow into self-actualization, in which they recognize that they are both their own people who can make their own decisions. They can choose to live just because they exist, not only when someone tells them they can. Akutagawa may have yelled that at Atsushi way back in the Port Mafia arc, but the irony is this is Akutagawa’s problem too: he just only seeks it from Dazai. 

Akutagawa claims that he hates Atsushi for believing he needs permission tolive. This claim is a projection of Akutagawa’s own somewhat-repressed self-hatred. Repression and self-hatred are both common elements in Akutagawa’s arc: for the former, think about how Rashomon, his strength, literally comes from something that covers him and he’s afraid to remove it even to bathe; for the latter, consider that Akutagawa often refers to himself as a dog yet is noted to hate dogs:

Akutagawa projects the parts of himself he doesn’t like onto Atsushi (who does the exact same thing to him; hence, they are each others’ Jungian shadow). Akutagawa projects what he wants to be onto Dazai. The irony of the latter, of course, is that Dazai himself struggles to desire to live and struggles with purpose just as much as his two proteges do. Which brings me to this scene:

Fukichi treating Atsushi like an object to hurt Akutagawa has two meanings. Firstly, it symbolizes exactly what Dazai did to Akutagawa when he was (in his mind) weak, and secondly, it illustrates what Akutagawa himself has done in treating Atsushi like a thing to be bought and sold and traded.

Dazai used Akutagawa for his strength, recruiting him for Rashomon, and then abandoned him, not caring how hurt Akutagawa was from not just the abandonment, but the abuse Dazai put Akutagawa through. (Canonically, said abuse includes mock executions.) He used Akutagawa for his strength, and then tossed him aside like trash. (Lest you think I’m ragging on Dazai, know that I love him and have written this about his arc.) 

Akutagawa then repeated this cycle by treating Atsushi as a thing, defining him by his ability (even now, he still refers to Atsushi as “Jinko,” or “weretiger”), previously capturing him on the whims of others who want him for his ability. However, keep in mind that Akutagawa has not only been treated similarly, but he does not necessarily see himself as anything different. He objectifies himself, calculating his value to what he can do with Rashomon just much as he sums up Atsushi as “Jinko.” 

Thus, Fukichi telling Akutagawa to kill Atsushi is like asking Akutagawa to do away with the part of himself that is weak, that questions his purpose, that wants to honor Dazai more than it wants anything else. It’s asking Akutagawa to cheat, if you will, to find an easy path back to Dazai’s side by hurting his weak side and pretending it doesn’t exist. Fukichi is asking Akutagawa to repress himself even further and to commit the ultimate act of self-hatred: killing a shadow. But at its core, Fukichi is asking Akutagawa who he wants to be: does he want to be Dazai, like he thinks he does? 

See, notably Dazai did not keep his word when he abandoned Akutagawa, yet Akutagawa insists he is a man of his word. Fukichi offering Akutagawa a fast-track to ostensibly earning Dazai’s praise, via becoming just like Dazai (also keep in mind Dazai alienating Chuuya from the Sheep, which can be seen as a parallel to Akutagawa wanting to remove Atsushi from Dazai’s life)--is an excellent challenge for Akutagawa. 

Killing Atsushi will not work, because there is a part of Akutagawa that has not given up the desperate desire for value in his own life. He knows this.