#fuckucancer

This year challenged me in ways I never imagined it too... I spent the whole year worrying about my brother and living in an imaginary world that everything would be okay. I isolated myself on so many occasions, I listened to what I wanted too but never what was actually going on. I lost my mind this year... taking care of someone sick is mentally and emotionally exhausting., some days I felt like my pain didn't matter and I HAD to be strong. When I say I lost my mind I actually felt there was times I was numb to any pain or emotions, I didn't know how to feel and emotions would come out heavy or not at all... if that makes any sense. I kind of felt like who am I to be complaining about anything when my brother just got diagnosed with terminal cancer. I day I was told it was terminal and there was nothing anyone can do. I didn't accept it, I spent days and nights researching ways I could find my own cure. (sounds dumb but I was so determined) The first couple nights I didn't sleep or eat. I would go to work everyday and smile and make people smile. It felt better that way. I was so angry, I couldn't comprehend how it had gotten this bad.,, how can he be okay and then not within a couple months? everyday got harder, everyday I would pray and cry. I spent everyday wishing it was me and not him. I always kept him smiling, even on his lowest days I always knew how to make him laugh. Seeing him smile even just even a smirk used to brighten up my whole day. I spent my summer doing whatever I can to make my brother smile and to keep him comfortable thinking that when the hard times pass us by that our relationship with each other with only get stronger. At 25 most people are spending their summer// weekends out and getting drunk... I spent mine watching movies and playing video games with my brother and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. Without him. I don't feel like myself. I feel angry all the time. Healing from this is hard. Anyone that his been around me this past year.. I thank you and I love you, in no way was this year easy. I was torn, broken, lost. crazy, angry and I am now learning to pick up the pieces and form into a stronger person. I don’t want to be become this bitter person. I want the loneliness to subside, its a hard feeling to describe. I am not trying to fill this void but instead trying to heal from it and become a better person for my brother and for myself. I would like to become a better daughter.. a better sister, a better friend and a better lover. Life has taken away the two most important men I have known my whole life and from this I will prove to be stronger and wiser. I will seek healing and I will be myself again.

A before and after picture. Just sharing... I am fighting stage 3 Breast Cancer and I look good doing it

I hate having breast cancer... it’s so aggravating. My hair is falling out in chunks and it’s starting to make me depressed. I only wish to get better but I keep getting side effects from the chemo therapy. One year of this shit...

#meinersterZopf juhuu....mein erster zopf seit der #Chemo. endlich endlich endlich... unfassbar wie Glücklich Haare machen können. genau vor zwei Jahren um die Zeit war ich komplett kahl. heute einen mega Lockenkopf am Start der sich kaum bändigen lässt. #chemolocken nennt sich das. der zopf wird zwar mit einigen haarspangen und betongel fixiert...aaaber es ist ein Zopf ! #survivor #fuckucancer #inyourass 🤙

I have just been in the worst mood ever today! Everyone and everything is annoying the hell out of me. I just found out that my 10 year old dog has cancer, so now I pretty much want to punch a hole through my wall and cry... That is all...