#ftm tips

Hair problems:

~ lookup androgynous haircuts on Pinterest (cause that way you can save the pics you want and easily delete the search if you have parental controls) with the length you want and ask for that haircut. We want an androgynous look because stricter parents are more willing for that compared completely chopping it down.

~ if they say no like mine did or you want to keep like long for cultural reasons, throw it into a low ponytail or man bun. Just channel your inner metal head or hippy in you and you’re set man! You can even pull a Sally Face and throw them up in pigtails if you want to. Depending on your hair type you can also do certain types of braids that suit them.

~ HAIRSTYLES TO AVOID: a shag or layered bob, especially with bangs, frames the face too much in a “soft” way. Face framing layers, it’s like the oldest trick in the book to look more feminine, especially curtain bangs. Anything high on your head like ponytails or buns (this is coming from someone who has done a little cheer and dance before realizing they’re trans and looked fem as hell like that). Highlights, avoid them like the plague—when have we ever seen a dude with highlights in his hair??

~ HAIRSTYLES TO GET (if allowed): shaved sides, they emphasize your jawline and is a classic. Crew cuts give a more sharpened or “military” look if you want that vibe. Do boxy/square-layer cuts if you do want to fame your face is better. If you want a Lord Farquad look, that’s fine, do a blunt straight bob. Undercuts are masculinizing as hell and are just always a yummy option. Long, unlayered hair is actually surprisingly masc because it’s not styled. Micro bangs can also be seen as masc, most straight guys hate that shit so it must mean something, right?

Clothing issues:

~ If you have an older brother, try to see if you can sneak a hand-me-down or two here or there. If you are the oldest, try going to thrift stores to get them. You can buy them new, but if you are on a budget, that’s my main recommendation!

~ Some parents (like mine) want to shop with you to get clothes. If that’s the case, get things that may look fem, but can be styled masculine. For example, cargo pants, mid/low-rise pants, button up shirts, graphic tees, larger sweatshirts. There’s probably more, but you get the gist. Just make sure they’re darker or more neutral colors

~ Shoes are another thing that really help. Converse, vans, and other sneakers can do wonder for feeling more masc. I got myself platform sneakers that gave me an extra inch or two of height and I wear them almost every day because of it. Sometimes Crocs are also good in case your parents don’t like you wearing “boy shoes”

~ Accessories are like little sprinkles. If you have any face piercings, most of them can also be seen as masculine, but maybe just wear stud earrings depending how many you have on each ear. I’m all for funky earrings and jewelry, but most of the world still sorta thinks in binary even if subconsciously, so the more stereotypical the better. Keep your nails short and if you like nail polish, again neutral tones are best! A watch is peak masc accessorizing because I’ve hardly seen any watch ads targeted to women, it’s always men. Something that has always given me euphoria is a chain. It doesn’t even have to be expensive. I diy-ed my wallet chain and got my necklace chain somewhere for under $15. Who cares if my skin turns green it’ll just end up making me look like the Hulk!

Makeup things:

~ Whether you prefer or (like me) was forced into wearing makeup, I got tips. Now, I don’t do contour because I want as little makeup as possible on my face due to sensory issues, but I can help with other things. To start, ditch the blush. I only keep mine when going to formal events because I am still in the closet and can’t safely transition or come out yet. But blush and highlighter is the most feminizing thing you can do to yourself.

~ I only use concealer and a finishing powder, but don’t forget to use setting spray and a good primer. I like to use e.l.f. but everyone’s skin is different and what works for you might not work for someone else. Use the bare minimum of concealer to cover your more reddish/uneven tones of your face if you have any. After that, just grab a bunch of that powder and put it on, it typically reduces the shine and we want that because shiny faces typically = feminine. You can use a little concealer on your lips to reduce the redness there too, but only apply chapstick if you need something to help with dryness.

~ I’m not one for eyeliner because I don’t want to stab my eye out, but when it comes to mascara, just get the thickening version. I use drugstore makeup if it’s not an e.l.f. product and so I don’t really know if they have the same brand i have currently. But thicker typically can be seen as shorter and straighter, giving a more masculine look. I tried to skip out on that, but my mom doesn’t allow that (I know I’m a pushover) so if your mom is the same than always go for the thicker than the longer.

Other things:

~ posture, fix it. Yes, I know slouching feels better in terms of hiding your chest. But, come on, dude. You’re a man! Men have confident postures, or at least laidback. Watch the men in your life and on the street and watch how they walk and carry themselves.

~ Speaking and how to change that. I’ve only recently started doing voice training, but if you can’t do that for whatever reason, talk more from the jaw/chest than the nose/head. Look it up if it seems confusing because it is sort of hard to explain. But it works in singing too, you have a chest voice and a head voice and so if you just figure out how to transfer singing from your chest to talking, it might help.

~ For the love of God, work out your shoulders and biceps. At the very least do that and build out your back. Even if it makes you look butch until you fully come out. A bigger back and broader shoulders are typically tied to masculine traits. And also, if you are a ftm guy who already has big shoulders, I am so jealous and you need to seriously hit the gym. Or look up at home work outs (again, on Pinterest and make a board for it) and follow that!

~ Now you may be asking, why am I pushing so much of the Pinterest research? Well, on my phone, I have parental controls that don’t allow me to delete search history if they ever want to go through my phone. If they already know about Pinterest and that it’s where you get recipes and outfit inspos they probably won’t check it. You can also delete search history there too on the app, making it easier to cover your tracks. Another thing, even though I HATE ai, the app for ChatGPT can work as a make-shift search engine for yourself if you have any lgbtqia+ questions that can also be easily deleted. I’ve manage to find out that Spencer’s sells cheap binders for $20 or so and that they work pretty well. I actually found a video on Pinterest when looking for binders and searched up the price on ChatGPT. So they work pretty well hand in hand when in a pinch.

~ Find queer friends and tell them that you are questioning if you’re not 100% confident, but also let them know about your situation with your parents. I’ve had some queer friends where we both had strict parents, but we’re figuring out that I was bi and they were pan. We never dated, but to have someone to talk to and just say “Hey, I tried this and I feel like this. Do you ever feel like that or is this just me?” can honestly be so good for you. Or you can already be confident in your identity which is fantastic because then you can be your authentic self around them. Now, that’s not to say you can’t have straight friends who can also be there for you. However, especially when you live in the Midwest or the Bible Belt in America (like me) there is a lot of religious/queerphobic people that makes it harder to see who’s more open minded and accepting. Now, sometimes there are homo/transphobic queer people out there too. Personally I’ve had better experiences with feeling more comfortable around queer people than straight people, but everyone’s different.