#ftm parent

08/12/2020 TOP SURGERY

⚠️⚠️⚠️BIG TW FOR NEEDLES AND HOSPITAL STAFF, POSSIBLE LANGUAGE, DETAILS FOR GORE AND ALL THAT YUCK STUFF-- PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION ⚠️⚠️⚠️

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I've decided to start writing this stuff down because things are occuring so fast. This post will most likely be divided into parts later on or subjects that I think need/deserve a individual category.

When I first entered the Patient room for sign up/check in there was maybe two other people in the room. They were Elderly patients. After waiting my turn in line, it turns out I had filled out all of my information completely on the phone interview so this process would be fast. I was taken through these silver elevators and to the second floor. I then proceeded to make my way to the ambulatory surgery bay. (I'm not completely sure why they were separated from the general surgery area but it's alright). Here I was taken back and weighed. Definitely shocked about my gain (201.6 lbs) and once I heal up I plan on losing weight. As I'm sitting into probably about hour 10-12 of recovery I still haven't weighed myself again. Anyways, after getting undressed and put into my horribly ugly yellow hospital gown- I waited for my nurse to come back; they took my vitals and put me in a back room to get comfy, they place compression socks on me that went up to my knees (it helps prevent blood clots) they then gave me regular grip socks (you know the ones) over my compression socks. Over both pairs of socks they put white sleeves that frequently squeeze your leg from bottom to top periodically. (It's similar to a blood pressure machine being on loop just wayyyyy softer.) A separate nurse came in and started my IV with just regular fluid and then an antibiotic. This same nurse proceeded to push a anti-clot medication into my thigh and WHEN I TELL YOU THAT BURNED LIKE 8 PITS OF HELL. (anyways....)

So, I waited until about 1:15 when my surgeon came in and told me to disrobe but let my gown catch on my wrists on the way down. He proceeded to place marks as to where the incisions would go. As he is doing this- I proceed to talk about how I wanted to know how much weight would be taken off. I also explained that I was into gore and taxidermy (so it wouldn't seem weird about me asking for weight and pictures) and we laughed because his son is too. (Son of a surgeon is into gore who would've known?) He finished up placing his ink where he liked and asked me to look down as he explained what each incisions purpose were. Happily, I gave him a smile, the okay, and a chicken wing. (Can't hug bc of Covid-19 so we improvised.)

My surgeon then explained than an anesthesiologist would be in shortly to ask me some questions and inform me on what was happening next. She was very sweet and we joked about how most men (like her husband- her words not mine) are basically big babies when it comes to needles and getting what they want. However, she said that I was very nice and maybe one of the quietest, most compliant patient she's ever had. As we are talking a RN comes in and help explain some stuff, asks the questions again, etc. They both leave and about five minutes later they tell me were ready to go to the operation room.

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⚠️⚠️⚠️Big TW for needles and hospital staff, possible language, details for Gore and all that yuck stuff please read with caution.⚠️⚠️⚠️

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Hello again, I am typing this up as I am trying to remember exactly happened I remember leaving off on the nurses leaving me in a room and about five minutes later they came back and told me that it was time to go to the operation room. I did not hear exactly what they said at first so I thought we were just going to another room to wait, but however we just ended up going straight to the operation room they ended up laying me down on the table and stretching my arms out so I looked like I was being crucified on this operation table. They asked me a few questions as one of the nurses administered the general anesthetic. Or anesthesia I guess it would be technically called. As I’m talking they are trying to keep me on a happy note before I drift off into sleep. From what I know is that I went under pretty quickly I heard that I had stopped breathing while I was under and my heart rate had dropped. I was intubated so my throat was pretty sore when I came to. When I came to I was already in my recovery room, the surgeon did not see me after that I can remember I did see my nurses before they left for their shift being over. 

When I did come to- because I had not eaten anything prior to midnight or had anything to drink since three in the morning, I was so thirsty my throat felt like it was screaming at me to have some sort of moisture. And I noticed when I talk to that my voice was really scratchy and I sounded like I had been smoking a pack every day since I was born. I am mediately asked for water and the nurses were very sweet to comply they administered my pain meds in my antibiotics without me even asking. I do remember turning on the TV to try and focus on something other than the beeping of the monitors going on as they were checking my vitals again. They had let me know about me going Under in the Operation room and I was a little bit surprised. They then asked if I wanted something to eat about this time I think it was about five or 6 o’clock my surgery took about four hours which they thought it would take about two. And they ended up taking my mask that was left over to the laboratory to check and see if they were any lumps or cysts that were there and needed to be tested because my mother has breast cancer.

It didn’t even occur to me to look down at my chest because I was still out of it, but as soon as I did I started sobbing my eyes out it was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen and I couldn’t even see the skin. I immediately called my mom and started bawling my eyes out even more and told her that “I’m flat, I’m really flat!” at this point I could hear my mom crying and saying that she was so proud of me and she was glad that I made it through alright. The nurses came in to change my bandages and I was able to snap a photo of my swollen yet freshly operated on chest.  I remember after getting off the phone with my mom I had to use the bathroom and I’m pretty sure they put a catheter in while I was on the operation table, but as soon as I tried to stand up it took three nurses to help me up and use the bathroom because I had no balance whatsoever. They did eventually help me get to the bathroom but however I could not go to the restroom like I plan to I felt like I had to but I just couldn’t.

When I came back into the room they got me all comfortable make sure I was sitting up and made sure that my neck was propped up and I asked for some food, they came in and brought me whatever I wanted. The nurses that I had overnight really super sweet and they genuinely cared about the patient’s well-being and I would highly recommend my recovery Hospital to anyone who is in New York State. I ended up staying overnight because of how long the surgery took and how much of it took a toll on my body. I only got about one hour of sleep consecutively because I had to be constantly woken up to get medicine and fluids and to make sure that my blood pressure and vitals were okay.  I will be talking about the next morning and recovery on my next post, however I’m getting tired because of the pain medicine I’m on right now and I am about 48 hours into recovery right now so I’m writing this while it’s still fresh in my mind. If anybody does have any questions please feel free to ask. 

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It’s official! Yesterday June 7, 2018 with the guidance of my dr I gave myself my first shot of testosterone!

I’ve faced a fair amount of barriers in starting my medical transition, so I did reach a point where I wondered if anything would happen for me. I’ve also just generally had a rough time personally lately so this happening is feeling extra significant. Like it’s maybe the first thing of many to fall into place for me.

As for the rest of my medical transition there’s been lots going on there too. I had my third appointment with the psychiatrist which led to a gender dysphoria diagnosis, a top surgery referral (!), and the final piece to my name and gender marker change journey. Now I am able to change all my legal documents to reflect who I actually am.

Since I’m trying to make this a place where I record my transition perhaps writing about the waiting I’m experiencing right now is an idea.

I’m waiting to see a psychiatrist, or for my family dr to prescribe me t (we aren’t sure if she will). So I’m waiting, which is hard for loads of reasons. The big one being I feel stagnant. This is not a comfortable feeling for me. I’m very much an action person. I just want to get on with it and have something happen.