“If I had to choose anyone to help me bury a body, eat dinner with, or watch television with, it would be you, every time for everything.”

“Because even though you drove me crazy, I wanted to skate with you.”

“I looked at him, watching as he tipped his head closer to mine and said, “And I love you.”

He’d said it again.

“I love you so much I spend all day with you, and it still isn’t enough for me,” he kept going.

I stopped breathing.

“I love you so much, if I can’t skate with you, I don’t want to skate with anyone else.”

Holy. Fuck.

“I love you so fucking much, Jasmine, that if I broke my ankle during a program, I would get up and finish it for you, to get you what you’ve always wanted.”

It was love. All I could feel was love.

I was going to cry. I was going to fucking cry. Right. Then.

“You mean so much to me that that’s why whatever happens doesn’t really matter to me. Not like it used to. Not like it ever will again,” he finished, pressing his forehead against mine, his eyes intense and heartbreaking. “You’re not ever going to be anyone else’s partner. Not while I’m alive, Meatball. I will drag your stubborn, beautiful ass kicking and screaming back to me because nobody else will ever be good enough for you.”

“And then Ivan ended me. He ended every worry I’d ever had about there being someone after him. He did it right there with the tip of his nose touching my own and his forehead against mine too. “Because I’m okay with you having ten other people be your favorite. But you’re always going to be my favorite person,” he finished. “Always. No matter what.” I blinked so fast, I couldn’t help but let my eyes fill up with tears. “I… I’m not good….” His smile was so gentle, so sweet, it took half my soul with it. “I know,” he whispered before he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, the bottom of his chin going to the top of my head. And he hugged me, and then hugged me for even longer, even as tears slipped out of my eyes and wet his shirt.”

“I loved Ivan so much, I didn’t think it was possible to love him any more.”

“He pressed our mouths together like they were meant to be like that”

“We do everything good together. You know that.”

“I love the way you smile, I want to tell you to do it more often, but I don’t.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t give it to everyone. And I don’t plan on sharing you.”

“I was dead asleep when something—or someone—hit my forehead. Hard. Then that something—or someone—hit me three more times, one right after the other. It was the fact that there was a rhythm to it that had me snapping my eyes open. Someone was knocking on my forehead. And that someone was Ivan. Ivan who was leaning over me, his fist held just a couple inches away from my face. He was smirking. At me.”

“I’ve won two gold medals.”

“You don’t say,”

“Yeah, Not one. Two. A few world championships too.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” “Some people think I’m the best.”

“Who?”

“Lots of people.”

“I mean… I guess you’re pretty cool too.”

“You guess?”

“But she can’t pick me up like you do.”

“You’ve got a point, Meatball. I’m easier to look at though.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Nobody else is going to take as good of care of you as I will.”

“There was a pause. “I’m a catch.”

“A catch and release.”

“Asshole, Eat shit.”

“Got you,”

“Shut up, You’re a pain in the ass.”

He laughed. “That’ll never get old.”

“Fuck off.”

“No thanks.”

“What are you looking at?”

“You.”

“You think I don’t know you?”

“You. Matter. To. Me. You. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you because of me,”

“You’ve been in my life for thirteen years. How could you not think I don’t care about you? We fuck around with each other because we both like it. Because there’s nobody else we can fuck around with that can handle it… I don’t want anything to happen to your stubborn, mouthy, mean ass. My partner or not my partner. Do we have that clear?”

ivan: “You almost look sweet when you’re sleeping.”

ivan: “I said almost.”

“Ivan held out his hand, and I didn’t think much of it as I slipped my hand into his and leaned into his side without thinking about it. I was used to it, I could tell myself. I was used to being right up against him. It felt more natural than it should have.”

“That good?”

“So good, I could fall asleep like this.”

“I’ll rub your back some more when we get back,”

“Promise?”

“Promise. But when I get sick, you’re going to have to return the favor.”

“Sure. Uh-huh.”

“Promise?”

“Come here,”

“No”

“Let me give you a hug.”

Shame burned me inside out, and I tried to take another step forward, but the hands on me didn’t let me go anywhere.

“Let me,”

“I don’t want a fucking hug, Ivan. Okay?”

“Well, too fucking bad,”

“And he hugged me. He hugged me so tight to him I couldn’t breathe”

“The girl I know, the Jasmine I know, isn’t scared of shit. She doesn’t give up, and that’s the girl people will always remember. The one who is there time after time. You’d win and keep trying to win afterward. That’s the girl I know. The one I partnered up with. The one I think is the best—and you better not ever ask me to repeat that because I won’t. I don’t know what happened to you earlier, but whatever it was, you need to move past it. You need to remember what you’re capable of. What you are. You make every sacrifice worth it. You make every penny worth it. Do you understand me?”

“You and me, Meatball. We’re going to win if that’s what you need. Understand me?”

“He’d probably hugged me for ten minutes straight as I’d calmed down and slowly, in tiny bits and pieces, gotten grounded.”

“I could see it in his face every time he looked at me. Those crystal clear almost sky blue eyes roamed over my face every time we were in front of each other. For one tiny millisecond the first time I caught him watching me, I thought about looking away. But I didn’t. I refused to.”

“Those eyes were focused on mine as his grin only grew and he said, “What I want to know is…” I blinked, not sure what he was about to ask. “What is a can of a whoop-ass and where can I get one?” I didn’t mean to smile, and I sure as hell didn’t want to. But I couldn’t help it. I smiled so wide my cheeks instantly hurt and said the only thing that came to mind, “You’re an idiot.”

“What isn’t there to like?”

“They’re loud.”

“You’re loud.”

“They have tantrums sometimes.”

I glanced up at the ceiling. “It still sounds like you’re describing yourself.”

“They cry.”

“Shut up. I don’t ever cry,”

“Whining… crying… same thing.”

“You’re such a liar.”

“God forbid, you have kids with someone that’s not perfect. Dumbass.”

“Right?”

“They might come out short, with mean, squinty, little eyes, a big mouth, heavy bones, and a bad attitude.”

“I hope you get abducted by aliens.”

“You would miss me.”

“Meh. I know I’d get to see you again someday—”

“—in hell.”

“His eyes met mine. And they didn’t go anywhere.”

“I can pinch you if you start to argue with him,” I couldn’t help but give him a smile. “I’m sure you’d pinch me even if I didn’t argue with him.”

“Ivan leaned back on his hands, his grin widening. “Meatball, you know I can. I’m not scared of you. You like my face too much to punch it.” What an idiot. An idiot. And I only egged him on by snickering because I wasn’t about to laugh and make it that much worse. “One of these days, I’m going to shove my foot up your ass so you can keep that in check.” “You can try.”

“You should be proud of her for never giving up on her dreams. You should be proud of her for being true to herself. I would be.”

“And the other man, the one whose appreciation and respect I had told myself for so long didn’t matter, seemed to think the world of me.”

“You’re enough. You will always be enough. Hear me?”

“I believe in you. In us. Regardless of what happens, you will always be the best partner I’ve ever had. You’ll always be the hardest working person I’ve ever known. There will only ever be you.”

His affection, his words, his belief were just… too much. They were too everything. And I was so greedy, I needed them. I needed them like I needed to breath.

“I’d give you every ribbon, trophy, medal, anything at my house or at the LC if it meant something, I’ll give you anything you want if you stop crying.”

“And then he cut me off. With his mouth. His lips pressed to mine. Surged to mine. Covered them. Hard. And then he kissed my upper lip between his while I was still trying to figure out what the fuck was happening. Ivan was kissing me. Kissing me.”

“He pressed his warm cotton candy pink lips to mine like he’d done it a thousand times before and would do it a thousand times again”

“We’ll win.” His gaze went even more intense as he said, with no hesitation, “You’re goddamn right we will.” He pressed his mouth, so quick, so hard against me, I didn’t have a chance to react until he pulled back an inch and said, hoarsely, his fingers threading through the damp hair right above the nape of my neck, “I’ll drag you back on the ice if I have to, Jasmine. I swear on my life.”

“I loved him.

jasmine: “Partner for what?”

ivan: “To skate pairs, What did you think? For square dancing?”

jasmine: “In a year, I’ll pull my voodoo doll of you out of its box and go back to sticking needles into your black heart.”

ivan: “The one I have of you is still sitting on my nightstand.”

jasmine: “I hope your hair falls out.”

ivan: “I hope—”

coach: “What is wrong with both of you?”

“Neither one of us said a word, but our eyes met. And I mouthed you suck. And he whispered back with his pale pink mouth, you suck more. I moved my lips at Ivan again. Eat shit. His tongue tapped at the inside of his cheek. Then he opened his mouth. I’m looking at it.”

ivan: “She don’t have to marry me or have my kid… right, Lee? Or did I miss that?”

jasmine: “I wouldn’t have your kid if you paid me a million dollars.”

“I trust you to not post a picture of me naked,”“Why would I do that? Nobody wants to see that anyway.”

“Get in, loser.”

“Did you just quote—”

“I don’t have all day. Let’s go.”

“You promise you won’t kill me?”

“I promise if I do, it’ll be quick and painless.”

“I’m going to take a picture of your license plate so if my body comes up missing, they’ll check your car for my DNA.”

“I have bleach”

“Thank you,”

“Don’t sound so excited,”

“Which bridge do you live under and how do we get there?”

“I can’t stand you.”

“Take a picture, it lasts longer,”

“I will. I think the encyclopedia needs an entry on Assholes and could use your picture as an example.”

“Ouch.”

“Oh please.”

“What? You don’t think you could hurt me?”

“You need a heart for it to hurt.”

“Ouch, Jasmine. Really. I have a heart.”

“It doesn’t count if it’s made out of sticks and stones”

“She’s going to kill us.”

“Call her and tell her,”

“You call and tell her,”

She’s your sister.”

“She’s your only friend.”

“Asshole, Let’s flip a coin to see who should do it.”

“No.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Me neither.”

“Don’t be a pussy and do it,”

“Sounds like I’m not the only pussy,”

“I want to do this shoot with you, not by myself. With you. As a team”

“The second the two hands landed on my shoulders, I jumped, unexpectedly. And when his mouth lowered to where his lips hovered just over mine, I definitely didn’t move either.”

“We’ll do it like we always do.”

“The hand on my bare wrist gave it a shake. “Come on, Meatball. You and me. We’ll make everybody jealous with our work-of-art asses.”

“There’s my Meatball,” he said in almost a whisper, his fingers loosening from around my wrist until they were slipping through mine, holding our hands together like we had done it a thousand times. Because we had. “We’re doing this, right? Together?”

“Hopefully my hand doesn’t slip.” “Hopefully I don’t lose my balance and my foot goes up your ass—”