#frodefille

@ohhcalamities said: that's terrible, you have all the right to be upset about potentially seeing him. I hope you don't, and if he's there try not to let him ruin your day. You can always avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist. Hope it all goes well! 💖

@milarca said: oh jeez that sounds awful I'm so sorry 😰😰😰

@brendaonao3 said: It's not stupid at all - your trauma is your trauma, and this is dredging up some very deep-seated feelings <3 but just remember to take a deep breath and remind yourself where you are in life now, and all the beautiful things you have and how you *survived* and *thrived* in spite of him, and hopefully the will ease the knot (love you!!!)

@froidefille said: I don't think it's stupid, I think it's just how trauma works. Your feelings are valid, 100%! Im sorry you feel bad :( but you are awesome and you can do this. Try to have fun just to spite the douche :P Remember even some random person online thinks you're awesome not to mention you'll have your family there to support you💕 I hope you'll feel better and have fun at the wedding XOXO

First of all, you folks are 100% awesome. I actually hopped on right now to update what happened this weekend and found all these kind words. Thank you so much for all your support and encouragement! It's so greatly appreciated.

I made the post the night before we were leaving to head back home for the wedding so ya'll know how nervous I already was. Lemme tell you, yesterday afternoon before I even started getting ready I was feeling awful. At first, I thought it was normal me-not-feeling-well nonsense since I typically get that way before any sort of social event. Then I remembered again why i was so nervous and it made even more sense that I was actually trembling most of the day.

But!

I did what I could to calm myself down. Y'know, breathing exercises and taking a warm shower and drinking lots of water. Stuff like that. Then started to get ready, and when I was through I was positively thrilled with how I looked.

My dress fit and flattered my body perfectly. My sister outdid herself with my make-up and I couldn't believe how great it looked. My hair was fine even without getting it done for the day.

When we got there, we (me, my husband, and makeup-sister) were standing in the lobby talking for a bit and at some point, I happened to glance around and my heart/stomach fell to the floor. Sure enough, he was there. I s2g my blood ran cold and I panicked. On the inside, at least.

According to both my husband and sister, the only reason they knew that something happened was because of how well they know me. Which, I guess means, no one else could've been able to tell, including him. I did everything I could to keep my cool while he stared at me...so effing awkwardly.

It was painfully obvious that he felt uncomfortable. And I wasn't even the one to point that out. I was thinking it but wondered if it was hopeful thinking and then both my sisters said it. He was also there without anyone and when he went up to dance (horribly) he mostly danced...with his beer. At one point, my parents came back to the table and were like "Look at this, you're sitting here having fun with your husband and sisters, and he's up there...dancing by himself. I think you win."

While I was acutely aware of him the entire time and there were horrible knots in my stomach, it was like he didn't even exist to me. I cannot tell you how many times I walked by him on my way to the bar or something and went by like he was any other guest there that I didn't know. Make-up-sister said that he looked at me every time I was near him and every time he passed our table.