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We Got This

Equity, Access, and the Quest to Be Who Our Students Need Us To Be

by Cornelius Minor

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Chapter 1 (part 2/2)

its 530 where i am and i’m just up reflecting on the known fact that i’m going to be 25 in 1 day and this is the year where i’m actually excited to be alive. so much has gone on in my life that i completely numbed myself from all happiness and internal joy that i just walked the earth wanting to die..wanting to escape..wanting to be elsewhere besides in my body. i hated to breathe, i hated to smile, eat, breathe. things in the past were so rocky that all i had was my laptop and the hopes that me and my doggy, yugi, would come together again and we be at peace again away from the world and all of its bullshit. and it happened. it happened, oh my god it happened. i moved out of an abusive home, i found a job i absolutely love, i’ve met amazing people who i call my friends, i live in an amazing apartment with a partner who supports me and loves me every step of the way despite how rocky outside circumstances have been, i‘m back in school, and best of all.. i have my dog. i have him here. people probably wouldn’t understand the bond between a dog and its owner and to be honest i never did because i was so used to loss that i never opened myself up to the gain. and i gained two dogs that changed my life and showed me how to care for someone else. to actually give a shit about someone else besides myself. i still mourn yuki. i mourn him everyday but i feel him with me. i feel him in my heart and i feel him on our car rides. i feel his spirit and i don’t care what anyone says, when a dog loves you and i mean really loves you they’ll never leave you. but just a reflection of 2017 going into early 2018 i’m definitely not the same person i was. i’ve opened myself to be a better person. to love, to linger in my joys and to embrace my pains. i’m exploring myself and i’m opening myself up to what makes my heart smile and what’s true to me. in opening my heart i’ve welcomed such great souls into my life that have brought me such joy and i’ve expelled those that have served their purpose in my past life. i’ve felt myself die, yes. my former selves die every single day because i’m open to changing and open to rebirth. i’ve walked backwards a few times but i walked away in a continuous way that will help me. i... i am so happy. i’m happy to see the beauty of life after so much darkness. i actually took these few days running back and forth giving a shit about ME and ensuring that I WAS HAPPY. that ME. FIRST AND FOREMOST. WAS HAPPY. my god.... i remember the me from all those years lost and i felt myself at home. i felt beautiful.. and no its not just the external but i made myself a priority. i made sure i looked and felt nice. i was grateful for the patience i gave myself and to be  honest when i was high... i felt so full of life. i’m grateful for these lessons.. i’m ready to be happy. and finally moving forward.