this outfit↑

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89549446

Your meeting ends and you shut your laptop. You feel a bit desolate, maybe numb, at your desk now that your last class of the day is over. You filled your notebooks with notes and little tips, didn’t miss any class today, and you did your best to participate in every single one of them! You know you did well, but it’s hard to have faith in just yourself after years of abuse and degradation. You’re far away from your abusers now, but it still left a massive hole in your heart that yearns to be filled with praise and approval. You want to talk about what you learned and did, just acknowledged for your existence.

So, you close your notebook and rise from your desk to put away your notebook in its proper place. Then, your pencils go back where they belong and you plug your laptop in. You glance around the room to make sure it’s all tidy, think over if anything else is urgent for today- nothing is, all your assignments are done on schedule-, then make your way out of your bedroom. Daddy will make it better, if he’s not busy.

You make your way down the stairs of his house to go find your fiance of a few years. You glance to the kitchen and don’t see him, but Slyvia is getting a drink and you have to greet her. She stops and blinks at you, then gets another drink.

“Love?” Frederick says from behind you, actually silent for once despite his cane. 

You startle and whip around to see them, then relax in his presence. He glances at his cat, then back at you. He tilts his head, seeming to already clock your emotional state before you could say a damn thing.

“What happened?”

You look away, feeling so stupid now for feeling so disappointed in yourself when there’s no reason to. You were good today. You were always good and you tried. Why must we feel so empty and sad? 

“Can I have time with Daddy tonight?” You ask with a shaky voice, your throat tightening automatically with a fear of rejection.

Frederick sighs, you recoil from the tone of it, but he steps closer, “Yes. You’re going to have to give me a while to shower first though. Can you wait, sweetheart?”

You nod and come closer, aching to touch him. He switches his cane from his left hand to his right to pull you into a side hug with a peck to your forehead. 

“Thank you. Do you find feeding the girls? Their bowl seems low.”

“I can.” You reply, leaning into his warmth.

“Good boy. If you want to make Daddy real happy, load the dishwasher too. The housemaid had to call off and I had a long day.”

You nod, your cheek squished against his shoulder, and you feel a need to put down your needs from his words. You couldn’t help it, you were so scared of upsetting someone you loved and who gave you validation.

“If it’s been a bad day, I can-”

Frederick pulls back, releasing his embrace to grab your neck gently with his left hand instead, “Ah-! Don’t you pull that. You asked for something, don’t you shove down your emotions. Do you know how bad bottling your feelings is? You do know- I’ve spanked some sense into you before over this.”

You look away, embarrassed flush coming to burn your face, but you just nod and take it. He’s hypocritical, but he’s right. It just doesn’t make sense that he can’t do the same for himself, but now is really not the time to pick a fight over it. You need Daddy tonight.

“Did you not learn last time?”

“I did learn, Daddy.”

“Then, what’s going to happen tonight?”

“Going to let you shower and do some chores, then talk to you..”

“There you go.” Frederick praises and releases your neck from his light grasp.

He cups your cheek to bring you closer for another head kiss, “Be a good boy and get going. I’ll come find you.”

You do, exhaling with relief that he isn’t frustrated as you expected. You always worry that you’re pushing too far, even with your emotional needs. You had to shove it down for so long out of safety that expressing them feels dangerous still, regardless of how sweet Frederick gets when you call him Daddy and ask for him. It makes him feel special. Maybe you weren’t taking more than giving..

Frederick’s cane taps along the stairs as he goes up them, a hand on the railing to also steady himself. You hear the bedroom door open, then another, and the shower starts over the course of a few minutes. You want to be behaved, good, and follow his instructions. You walk around Sylvia to open up a tub that stores their dry food, adding a bit more to their bowl with the designated scooper. Margaret comes rushing in at the sound, just shrieking from excitement. It made you giggle. Apparently when Frederick first got her, he could see her spine and hip bones. She’s put on a few pounds over the years of having her, but still meows just the same at the sound of food being refilled. Sylvia steps back and lets her nibble at the dry kibble first while you shut the tub. You glance to the pantry and think of another good boy thing to do, giving them some wet food so Daddy doesn’t have to do it later. You reach for a can and open it with Sylvia rubbing between both of your legs. She mrrps and trills, staring up with anticipation and big pupils. You get another dish of theirs to put it in, then set it down. Margaret also gets the first taste of it before moving to let Sylvia in, who always waits so patiently. You toss the empty can in the trash and make your way to the sink to busy yourself with dishes while Frederick decompresses in the shower.

______________________________

“So, what occured caused all of this turmoil?” Frederick comes around the corner after you’ve started the dishwasher, still using his cane. You hear the taps of it.

You look over and he turns, gesturing for you to follow him, “Come. We’re sitting on the couch for this.”

“I just.. I don’t feel okay, Daddy. Nothing happened.” You admit, maybe muttering a bit as you quickly pass him. 

You wait for Frederick, Daddy, to sit down first- like it grants you permission to do too. Frederick watches you as he gets himself comfy on the black couch with frankly far too large of seating cushions. He sets his cane against the armrest and leans back with his legs spread, tapping his thigh.

“Don’t just stand there, doll. I’m not going to bite you, come here.” Frederick demands with a softer voice than he’d ever use for anyone besides you. 

You climb onto the couch and crawl next to Frederick, his arm going around your waist to tug you towards him. You start to shift in order to tuck your legs under you, but Frederick firmly grasps one of your thighs to prevent it and pulls your legs over his lap instead. 

“I’m your Daddy, not your psychiatrist. You’re allowed to touch me and take whatever affection you want. You’re not one of my patients, you won’t be in trouble for wanting touch.” 

Your thighs go over one of his, knees bent, and the remainder of your legs dangling between his in the air. His arm returns to your waist and he tugs you to lay your head on his chest. His hand rubs over your lower back slowly. He smells so soothing with the scent of his green tea shower soaps or whatever else he uses. Frankly, there’s too many products in the bathroom for you to really remember each of their scents, but they all smell like him. You drop the tension in your shoulders and wrap your arms around his middle gently, mindful of the scar of course.

“I think I feel some type of grief. I feel lonely, but I know I’m not. I was so happy in all my classes and..”

Frederick’s head rests against the back of the couch while he listens. He doesn’t tap his foot or do anything to show annoyance, much to your relief.

“I know I did well. I know I’m a good student. I- I..” Your eyes begin watering as you get the words out, but not the ones you want to say. Those always choke up in your throat and melt your vocal cords, it seems. 

“You are a good boy and student. I wouldn’t tolerate anything less.” Frederick says with a breathy chuckle at his attempt at a joke.

You recognize it and brush past it, nuzzling your face into him, “I want to be good.”, You whine.

Frederick sighs and his hand slips from your back to your hip, grasping you firmly to him while he thinks. His thumb rubs back and forth across your hip and his other hand comes to rest on your knee.

“You want to be perfect. That’s an impossible metric, even for a Daddy.” Frederick says with a glance to your face. His attempts to distract you with little jokes aren’t working. 

“You’ll never be perfect, hun.”

“But I want to be..”

“You won’t. I promise that. You can’t delude yourself into equating perfection with a good character, that’s only going to do more harm. You’re my good boy, my little doll. You’re my prettiest flower and so sweet.” Frederick pauses, his eyes closing, “What are you needing? You’re all tense in your body still.”

You sniffle back the tears, not wanting to cry and fighting the urge. Your eyes flicker around from the curve of Frederick’s belly to his legs to his hands that always have to grasp for your warmth. You glance at his face, then away. It’s so hard to know when every emotion you feel is incredibly intense and swirling into each other. 

Frederick starts, his tired, green eyes fluttering open, “Are you unsure of one of your assignments? I can check it if you’re worried about a failing mark. I can plan a special day for just us this weekend if you need to get out of the house. I-”

You shake your head and shift to press yourself to him as much as comfortably possible. You rub at your eyes with the palm of your hand and look at him in a way that tugs at his heart.

“Just want to be held, Daddy. I don’t wanna be alone again.”

Frederick’s eyes soften and he looks away out of feeling powerless. That’s not a direct ask or something money could fix. He’s already doing that and you’re still crying. It confuses him, but he presses a kiss to your hair regardless. 

“Daddy will never leave you. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost my little boy.” Frederick reassures.

He tilts his head to get a better look at your face and wants to recoil from how the tears still prick at your eyes. Frederick feels like he isn’t doing enough, wanting to correct or keep talking, but he forces it down. It’s not all about him, you need to listen. You can sit in silence, it won’t kill you, Frederick.

You rest on his chest for a few minutes in a heavy silence, then keep talking. You feel a need to justify all of you despite the safety Daddy brings.

“It was always just expected of me, Daddy. No one cared about me or how I was, just how well I did in school or took care of the house. I took care of my little siblings, I had to.”

“And that’s not your job anymore. It should have never been your responsibility and it was wrong of your parents to parentify you at such a young age. Your parents should have praised your accomplishments- acknowledged your existence for more than what you could provide back. Though, your siblings seem quite well-adjusted by the times I have met them at gatherings. You did well with them.”

Frederick’s hand then is removed off of your need to reach for your hand embracing him. He slides his fingers in between yours to clasp and brings your hand to lay over his heart. 

“It’s Daddy’s job to take care of you now. Your siblings are grown, let it go. Look at me.” Frederick insists and you don’t want to refuse him.

“Repeat after me. It is no longer my chore to worry over them and Daddy has me now.”

Your voice hesitates, but you try relaxing to follow along, “It is no longer my chore to worry over them. Daddy has me..”

Frederick continues, “I am a good boy, student, and person. I do not need to hold myself to standards that do not apply anymore.”

“‘M a good boy, student, an’ person. I do not need to hold myself to standards that don’t apply anymore..”

“Daddy is proud of me and loves me.”

Your eyes prick with tears again at that and you can’t fight the urge to repress anymore as a few tears stream down, “D-Daddy loves me and is proud of me.”

Frederick wants your obedience with another kiss to your head, but prolonged and sprinkled with another kiss to your cheek, “I knew you could do it. Are you going to remember that?”

“I can t-try.” You admit with a hiccup.

“Then, come to Daddy when you need to hear it again, alright? It’s never a bother to Daddy to make sure you feel loved.”

You nod and let go of his head to rub at your wet eyes with your wrist, but he quickly reaches over the armrest to grab a handkerchief. He rubs away the tears tenderly and when he’s done, he gently boops your nose. 

Frederick begins with a heavy inhale, but it’s far from rejection, “Now, Daddy has to finish filing a few forms tonight. I’d love to have you on my lap forever, but sadly, Daddy has to do his big, adult tasks. You, however, should go grab a coloring book and we can watch a movie while Daddy does his work. Does that sound alright, doll?”

You nod and a small smile comes to your face, feeling all the ickiness gradually melt out of you now to be replaced with the comfortable floatiness. Frederick smiles back and cups your cheek to peck your lips.

“Good boy. Get along now, go pick out a coloring book and get your crayons. I’ll get the TV on.” Frederick says with a pat to your bum, lovingly telling you to get off. 

You do, slipping your legs off of him and standing up. You begin making your way to your bedroom again, but Frederick says more as he grabs his cane.

“I appreciate all you do, sweetheart. You’re more than your productivity, but I appreciate how you keep the household running. You do it far better than I. I am sorry I do not say it more often.”

You fidget with your hands, unsure of how to process that or respond, but you try, “Thanks, Daddy.”

Frederick nods and uses his cane to help him stand up smoothly, coming to you to rub at your back again for another moment.

“You mean the world to me, my little love. You, Sylvia, and Margaret are Daddy’s whole world. I want to see your pretty art, kiddo.” Frederick says before walking away towards the kitchen where his laptop lays.