#freaking done

[Pass out in my bed still at 12 in the morning. Sister sneaks into the room then music starts playing.]

Me: [I jump up awake.]

Sister: HEAT OF THE MOMENT!

Me: Dude Asia really!?

Sister: HEAT OF THE MOMENT!

Me: I hate this song!

Sister: I know you do plus it's Tuesday!

But I need money. If I ever want to get out of home, not have to live on the leash of my father. Yet, I still struggle to see why it’s so difficult for me. I’m wondering if it’s my resume or maybe they don’t even bother to glance at my application. It’s just I have a friend, who a while ago made a point of telling me that she wasn’t looking for a job. She could rely on her parent’s money to carry her through college and they don’t hassle her when she spends their money. She knows how much I’ve been trying, the number of places that have told me they received my application, but never hear anything since. 

I check a time later, and the same position is still open, I reapply. Why bother posting if they aren’t even looking!? Then, my friend tells me that she’s already been interviewed by Disneyland, and in the future has one with Knott’s! Now she tells me she’s actually trying! It brings me into an internal rage, my mind begging me to let me scream aloud, I start getting jealous. I don’t want to.