#fourth entry

/ˈaNGkər/

Darkness.

My life had always been surrounded by darkness that it had lost its novelty to me.

“You think you alone who loved mother?” Hello, was that Thor? “You had her tricks, but I had her trust!”

What’s going on? He couldn’t be in the realm of the dead yet, could he?

“Trust,” Loki! “Was that her last expression, trust? When you let her die?”

Her? Who was he talking-oh.

For an enhanced whose abilities rely on deaths and the dead, there isn’t a day where I wished to gain the ability of bringing someone from the dead.

“What good were you in your cell?”

That way, I could be able to bring her back-for Loki’s sake.

“Who put me there? Who put me there?!”

I looked around, turning to random directions, trying to locate a particular soul. Maybe, I could... maybe.

‘I will no longer be your slave,’

No, I cannot drown in these souls. I have to... I wanted to find-

‘Don’t waste it...don’t waste your life,’

But where?! Where is her soul?

‘Fool! You cannot control the power you hold, you will burn!’

I need to...for Loki’s-

“Come back, love...” who? I looked around but all I see was darkness. Was this my life? To be surrounded in constant darkness? “Love, please. Come back to me...”

But I need...alright.

For an enhanced whose abilities rely on deaths and the dead, there isn’t a day where I’ve been surrounded by darkness.

“I’m here, dearheart, so please...come back to me,”

But maybe, not anymore.

I was thinking about a great many things this morning when we woke and it must’ve shown on my face, for Alistair immediately asked me about it. I tried to tell him it was nothing, but he did not relent. “Would you tell me if something was wrong?”

The question surprised me and I at first bristled at the accusation, but Alistair simply looked at me in that way… and I realized that he was of course, correct. 

“Well, I suppose that I should,” I allowed, feeling my face heat. I had grown accustomed to the distance my companions normally afford me, but this served as a reminder of how much things had changed in a few short days. 

I told him that I’d been contemplating the future.

I don't remember much but here's the important bit.

Me and my siblings were chillin outside at night. Then I saw this weird ass figure walking all creepy up the block, either in or across the street. I assumed they were female when they crossed over in direction of my house. It was pretty late so the block was empty except for us. She gave me the creeps so I made everyone go inside and I locked the door.

I watched her walk onto my porch slow af and I ran to get weapons(sidenote: I was able to find my tweezers which I sorely need rn 😩). I ended up with the little pointy thing used for cuticles, idk why I didnt go to the kitchen🤦🏾‍♀. When I returned she was knocking on the door and I opened it, I saw she was wearing some kinda puffy ass costumes and may or may not have been holding a balloon, I slammed the door in her face and locked it.

Immediately she started trying to unlock it. I ran to find a better weapon, don't remember what I ended up with. I was back at the door waiting for her to open it. When she did she was smiling kinda eerily, I didn't say anything, I was watching her, waiting for her to attack. She didn't. Instead she wiped something on the corner of my left eye and left. It was some kind of cream like substance and it was like the size of a drop of rain. I sniffed it and it smelled flowery. I assumed it was lotion.

Dear diary,

I'm still sick, still haven't studied for school but I've finally completed cleaning my room. Which I mentioned in my previous entry (which didn't get uploaded for some reason :))))) And I must say. I'll never, ever eat any fucking thing in my room again. Cuz when you forget that thing and don't throw it away. It's real fucking nasty man. Bleghhhhhh. Ahhh and I slept in the living room today cuz I was cleaning my room until like. 3 a.m. And still didn't finish cleaning it. So I was like "fuck that. Imma go take a shower and sleep in the living room." Cuz I didn't have any power left to change my bedsheets. Then I've woken up at 11. Texted my friends, checked Snapchat, Instagram and Tumblr and fell asleep again. The next time I woke up was at 14:30-something. I watched some YouTube vids like Dan and Phil games, played with my cats, played the cool ass stranger things game (IT'S SO GOOD) and eventually went to clean my room.

It's so satisfying to see it so clean again. Cuz, honestly I'm not such a tidy person. Maybe I should change that and clean my room every day like normal people do it.

I'm kinda excited to visit L.'s house with S. (Btw let's call L. Naomi and S. Samurai cuz the . is too bothersome for me lmao). I bet it's gonna be hella fun. Ohhhh and now that I think about it. Samurai and Naomi are going to dye their hair with permanent hair dye. Samurai's gonna dye 'em black and Naomi pink. Oh man they're gonna look hella awesome. Ohhhhh Naomi and me are going to bake stuff which I also am looking forward to ✨. So the upcoming Christmas holidays are going to be the best I've ever had.

When I think back on how I used to spend my Christmas holidays, it's kind of depressing. I stayed at home, wasn't in the Christmas mood, didn't interact with anyone and it just sucked. I remember there was even a time were I was close to crying because of loneliness. But this time it's going to be fun and different. I'm just so glad that Naomi, Samurai and me got to be such good friends. The best Christmas present I could ever wish for.

...shit now that I think of it, I still got to finish drawing the Christmas presents for everyone... Fudge..... Oh god I hope it'll look good enough. (Yes I draw Christmas presents digitally cuz daz the only thing I can afford... Sadly. I wish I just could work part time or stuff so I could buy all my friends presents. But my grades are too low for that.)

I can't wait for Christmas and new years eve. I think this year wasn't that bad as 2016. I've got to meet many friendly people. Make new friends. Figured stuff out about myself. The only thing that didn't really change is my laziness, weight and ....height. (I kinda got a complex with my height cuz people make fun of it. I mean. It's kinda embarrassing to be 5'2 at the age of 16. Ughhhh I didn't grow one single centimeter since 3 years now and that spooks me... WHAT IF I'LL STAY THIS SHORT FOREVER ;-;)

I've heard that people like short girls cuz it's cute or shit but honestly would you rather get seduced by a short middle-school kid or a tall hawt woman? Yeah I'd pick the tall one too.

And ffs my personality is pretty childish too. Like... When I can't reach stuff or eat sometin I subconsciously make sounds like "hnnng" or "nom". I've only noticed it when a friend mentioned it and I thought "bish u right 0_0". And yaaaah many people will prolly think that I picked that up cuz I watched too much anime but I actually remember that my ex-best friend did that thing too. And I've heard that when you like or admire a person you sometimes subconsciously copy their habits or behavior. So. Daz what happened. Is2g I'm not a weeb.... Man it smells like food downstairs... meat...

Ok I'm hella hungry so imma go eat sum meat.

After exterminating Skritts and Skales for the hundredth time, I got a letter.  It was from Petra, asking me to come visit now that I’m back on my feet.  I had nothing better to do, and it feels like an eternity since I left, so why not?

Ah, the familiar bustling city of Divinity’s Reach.  But this time it felt different walking those streets.  Maybe it’s because I’m wearing beaten-up armor and a giant sword on my back, but who knows?

As soon as I got to the Merchant’s Coin bar where I used to work, some sketchy asshole named Twitchy Jake was standing by the door.  I have no idea who the hell this guy is, but I don’t like the way he looked at me.  Either way, I was gonna go in and see Petra.

It felt good seeing her again.  It’s always nice to go back to your roots every once in a while.  We caught up for a bit and I told her some stories.

Then Big Nose Ted had to come in and ruin the damn moment.  He’s apparently the leader of this gang, and he wanted some more booze.

Oh no.

The bastard knocked out Andrew, and Petra’s freaking out.  The whole bar got into a fight.  One of Ted’s guys attacked me, but I pulled out my greatsword just in time, and let’s just say his ass and the floor became very well-acquainted.

Speaking of which, I’m a hell of a lot more comfortable with the greatsword now.  I almost feel like I’ve mastered it, even.

I ran upstairs to chase Ted.  None of his cronies could put up a fight, not even the lady with the gun.  Hasn’t she ever been taught never to bring a gun to a sword fight?

I finally got to Ted.  He said “Let’s play ‘who can hit the hardest’!  I’ll go first!”  

Wow, really?  I know I can be pretty bad with my one-liners, but not even I would say something that stupid.  Whatever.  He surrendered too like all the other punks riding his coattails.

As soon as I came back downstairs to check on Petra and Andrew, the Ministry Guard and the Seraphs showed up.  The Ministry commander threatened to arrest us all.  I mean, I can probably survive in prison if it’s filled with punks like these, but I don’t exactly wanna go to prison.  I like my freedom, thank you very much.

And it looks like I won’t.  Commander Logan Thackeray, the man who hired me as soon as I left Divinity’s Reach, vouched for me.  Everyone else got arrested anyway.

Commander Thackeray says that Andrew will take weeks to heal, except with the right medicine.  He directed me to Lieutenant Francis.  I’ve never met the guy before, but I kinda like his name.  Hopefully he can help Andrew out.

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