#former mormon

Lady: I didn’t think you’d be okay with that?

Mom: you don’t think I would support my kid?

Lady: well, weren’t you raised mormon? I’m Catholic so…

Mom: well, every persons got a church that brainwashed them

Lady: -

Mom: I don’t believe in organized religion

I wish I could say it something really progressively profound, but I was born and raised in the cult in a society of people who were also born and raised in the cult so I did not know about those types of things. I frequently and unironically said; "The Church is true, but the people aren't," and loved the film Mobsters and Mormons. As I was a staunch supporter of LGBTQ+ rights, pro choice, and as feminist as an active LDS girl could be (which isn't as feminist as I wish I had been, let's be real) people assume I left because of one of those reasons. I wish that were the case, I just truly was blind to how LGBTQ+ people, PoC, and women were regarded in the Church. Likely because people actively hid it from me.

When I was in college I met a girl who was very clearly either a closeted lesbian or a closeted trans person. She also happened to be a Bible thumping holy rolling Christian whose sole purpose in becoming my friend was to Save me. That is a story all on its own. However we both liked House MD. When we saw the episode with the CNA who was concerned she was dying because the Death Cat slept on her, she tells a heartwarming story about the Seventh Day Adventists and how even after being proved wrong multiple times they actually became more faithful. I said to her; "If someone proved the Mormon Church wrong like that, I would leave immediately." She asked me if I was sure. I said yes.

The next day she brought me one paper, printed off from her home printer, of a quote from one of the LDS Prophets stating that humans would never go to the moon.

So I decided to stop being Mormon, then and there.

Why? Because if the Prophet spoke to God and everything he said was God's Truth directly from God Himself, then he could not have been wrong about humans going to the moon. Therefore, since he was factually incorrect (we've been to the moon goddammit; eat shit, conspiracy theorists) then I concluded the Prophet therefore did not speak to God, and thus the Church was not True.

Now obviously since her goal was to convert me (her family moved to Utah with the goal of converting as many Mormons as possible and thus had loads of literature proving the Mormon church fake but all from a Christian-based PoV) her next step was to get me to go to her church. (I did attend and yes, I was Saved, but that, too, is a different story.) She did state she genuinely thought it was going to take more than that. My shelf must have been pretty heavy admittedly, but at the time I wasn't aware of all the Shit™ that was running in the back of my mind.

I did not, however, realize I had been raised in a cult until a decade later. At the time I simply thought this isn't the religion for me. I did not do any serious unpacking and unlearning and research until after I had realized it was a cult.

No putting on a dress.

No hour of church service plus an hour of classes, maybe a meeting sometime that day.

No exhaustion afterwards.

Getting to take it slow.

Not feeling guilty about doing a "fun" or not-very-churchy activity.

Not being surprised at finding out that it's a Fast Sunday that can't just be stopped at any time.

No judgement for missing sacrament, or the rest of church.

Just a quiet, beautiful day.

Goddamm it he might be a fantasy mormon

@brinley_searle

"Brinley. Brinley. Brinley. Look at all our technology."

When I as a kid (raised Mormon) asked why "and god marked them" happened and the answer in a nutshell that they gave me was

Yeah so all those people have dark skin bc God saw they were evil and wanted the good people (re: whites) to know that they were evil just by looking at them, so he essentially Crayola smote them to all have dark skin.

Hello. I’m DivineFR1, and I’m a Mormon. The bottom line is this: I no longer trust the Mormon Church. I either leave activity in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or I get excommunicated. If I were more public with my career duties, spiritual belief systems, and activism, I would eventually face the same fate in the Church as Margaret Toscano, D. Michael Quinn, Natasha Helfer Parker, John Dehlin, Sam Young, and Peter Bleakley, just to name a few. This is the story of my trust crisis and current faith transition from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I still like to believe I have a firm faith and foundation in the doctrines of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. That is kind of weird to say when I have made a major decision to not participate in the LDS Church and to not return to activity. Ultimately, I will always have “Mormon” in my identity due to my rich family heritage and personal experiences. I had every intention of remaining active for my entire life. My testimony and faith in the Restored Gospel were so strong, that they really gave me stability when none was available from other sources. I served a mission faithfully and diligently. I married in the Temple. I respected and honored my covenants. My covenants were the pillar of my faith to maintain activity. As I write this letter, I am heartbroken, tenderhearted, frustrated, and devastated. Yet, I also feel a great sense of gratitude and joy. I just hope I can convey a sense of understanding while sharing my story.

Over the last 5 years, so many of my experiences in and about the Church have led to this remarkable decision and outcome. In fact, it seems that it is an “inevitable” decision (as so many others who have made their own faith transition have put it). Contrary to what many believe, it was my personal study, commitment, and pondering of the doctrine and scripture of the Restored Gospel that led me out. It was official Church sources that led me out of activity. It is to the point that I cannot stay if I have any faith or intention of keeping any semblance of spiritual progress or health.

If someone were to tell me that I would leave the Church even two years ago, I would not have believed it was even possible. I was strong and active. Yet, I had my concerns but trusted in my faith, in my covenants, and in my Gospel Study practices enough to remain “faithful.” I was a person that so many other members leaned on for strength in their own struggles of activity. There seems to always be a “but.” I had experiences within my activity in the Church that were directly against what I know and trusted to be doctrine and essential principles of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. These were contrary actions and experiences that the leadership of the Church themselves engaged in.

When my spouse and I entered our marriage and our first family ward after being in a Young Single Adult Ward, we experienced some difficulties that could not be swept away as a leader’s “imperfections”. My mantra had always been, “The people in the Church aren’t perfect, but the Church is perfect.” Jesus Christ is the head of the Church after all, right? We seemed to be targets of ecclesiastical abuse, along with other Millennial couples and marginalized families. My Spouse and I continued to experience or witness ecclesiastical abuse from our Bishop in this Ward, even through the COVID-19 pandemic. The actions we directly experienced, heard about, and even witnessed led to us considering whether the Leadership of the Church was even practicing doctrinal counsel as laid out in the New Testament, Book of Mormon, and especially the Doctrine and Covenants.

I, along with several other members of our Ward, individually shared our troubling experiences and concerns with the Stake President. The takeaway from these meetings was that the Stake President expressed compassion and concern for our experiences. He listened and told me that he would follow up in his capacity. Yet the actions from that Bishop continued, and even escalated in serious and illegal ways over time.

My Spouse and I raised our hands to oppose the sustaining of this Bishopric in the last Ward Conference we attended (February 2022). In that meeting, I implored the Stake President to keep the targeted members in that Ward safe. I told him in this meeting and one previously that there was a family who seemed to be taking much of the brunt of this Bishop’s abuse. They especially needed to be kept safe. The Stake President stated that he would continue to do what he was doing: minister to this family, and to this Bishop. Not even two months after this meeting, I found out from this dear friend that she and her son were endangered by this Bishop- to the point of this Bishop engaging in illegal actions as a practice of his ecclesiastical authority over this family. The Bishop engaged in actions contrary to the counsel laid out in the Church doctrine, and he could not be stopped until it was too late. I don’t blame the Stake President for this. He likely had his counsel from the General Authority Area Presidency. I now no longer trust that the General Leadership system of the Church can and will protect its members against ecclesiastical abuse that Priesthood leaders can and do engage in. Where is the application of leading Gospel principles when dealing with very apparent unrighteous dominion from local Church leaders (that was repeatedly reported from several members over years)? [i]

When I began to open myself up to asking questions of the systemic leadership practices of the Church, I allowed myself to delve deeper into other questions. More questions and concerns arose in late 2020 due to the disconnect of the Church’s revenue/wealth and how much members were paying into the Church. These concerns generally came to a head when we were “voluntold” to clean the church building- in the middle of a major worldwide pandemic. I had an infant. I work with a population that is particularly vulnerable to death from COVID-19 and other communicable diseases. I did not, and would not, help clean these Church buildings anymore. It is not worth the health of my family, or the people I serve in a professional capacity. I know the Church can afford to employ insured custodial agencies to clean all of their church buildings in the USA (and in the world). Hey, it’s a 100-billion-dollar corporation! Why in the world, if the Church claims to take care of their members and be concerned about their health, require and ask for them to clean the buildings?? To risk their own health and family to clean a community building??? When the Ensign Peak funds were initially leaked, I trusted the response and claims the Church put forth. Elder Causé stated in the Church’s official video response to the Ensign Peak leak a few years ago that this was essentially a savings fund for when a “rainy day” hit.[ii] Wouldn’t a pandemic be considered enough of a “rainy day” for them to use their so-called “savings” from Ensign Peak? If a global pandemic is not enough, then what is?

My “aha moment” of the Church refusing to employ insured custodial agencies, especially during a pandemic, led me to further investigate their use of wealth that I could no longer dismiss or ignore. LDS scriptures clearly state that the sole dependence on wealth is sinful and against the teachings of Christ and His Gospel.[iii] [iv] [v] Yet, the Church is engaging in actions and practices to protect their wealth with no consideration of the poor, underprivileged, needy, or marginalized. The Quorum of the Apostles earn a 6-figure allowance for their “service.” [vi] This is on top of their already accumulated wealth from their jobs before their apostolic callings, retirement funds from said affluent careers, and other investments. At least one of the Quorum of the Twelve is already valued at almost one billion US dollars of personal wealth before being called as an Apostle (I.e., Gary Stevenson). [vii] The church recently increased their monthly price for young missionaries to serve a mission (from $400 to $500/month). [viii] This is at a time when every community in the world is experiencing added financial stress and turmoil. A time when there should not be added burden from the “true church of God” to participate in missionary service. A former prophet stated that there would be a time that the Church could afford to operate without any tithing donations, and that the Church would stop asking members to donate tithes. [ix] Yet, we have a current apostle who stated that the Church doesn’t need tithing donations anymore, but members are still expected to pay (even members who earn less than $5/day for their full-time work). [x] [xi] So, a prophet’s powerful prophecy seems to be fulfilled, but ignored by his successors in Church leadership. I cannot trust an organization that repeatedly contradicts former prominent leaders. I cannot continue to trust an organization that accumulates wealth in a way the LDS church does, and does not use it to do good in the world. The church could be earning more than an estimated $13 billion annually from membership donations across the world. [xii] In 2020, the Church used less than even $30,000,000 of reported monetary spending to aid communities and people and need during the start of the pandemic worldwide. [xiii] A fraction of one single percent of their income and wealth is going towards the actual welfare of who they call the Children of God- people of the world.

Speaking of the welfare of the children of God, the events of August 2022 sealed my fate to my exit and transition from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. [xiv] It was the Church’s official responses that led me out, not any other sources (besides my own actions concerning the matter). Any leaders in an organization that would sincerely try to act in good conscience and be active in protecting the vulnerable would do the opposite of what the Church has reported. [xv] A “Perfect” church led by imperfect people would be very appalled at the violent abuse reported that occurred in a span of almost a decade. They would be doing all they could to ensure the safety and protection of that (and other) family’s children. Instead, the leaders admitted they knew about the report to the Church’s Help Line. But, all they said they did to help protect those kids was they encouraged the parents -- THE ABUSERS -- to get the kids into therapy so the psychologists would report the abuse. Talk about shirking responsibility in protecting children and the vulnerable. The admission lies in the face of how the abuse cycle works. Repeated studies and evidence show that abusers will isolate their victims. They rarely, if ever, place their victims in a situation where the victims would be helped to escape the abuse, such as mental health therapies. [xvi] How disingenuous the official response is against how to effectively protect people against violent (or any) abuse. The Church had so much power and resources to stop the abuse in its tracks. Yet, they allowed it to continue for over SEVEN YEARS because of some sort of “repentance process” for the abusers??? Sure, they didn’t “break any laws.” However, how does this response show that the Church leadership follows the counsel in the scriptures of acting on a good cause? Of not being compelled to do good in all things? [xvii] [xviii]

I am employed on professional work teams to ensure that abuse from others against a vulnerable population is prevented and reported when it does occur. How can I continue to participate in an organization that says that abuse is abhorrent and unacceptable, but engages in actions that fosters and allows long-term abuse? How can I continue to participate in a religious organization that says one thing about honesty and goodness, but does the opposite? I am angry, heartbroken, and devastated. I spent my entire memory of life in this church, thinking, searching, and believing that this Church (my Church) was one of the greatest sources for good. That it is active in helping bring the marginalized out of marginalization. That this church aims to help protect against and prevent abuse of all kinds. That the Church uses the money donated by its members to be a force of great relief for those in dire need across the world. That it uses the great talents and input from others to make a better world. It is clear to me now it truly does none of those things effectively.

I do not sustain or support the First Presidency, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and the Quorums of the 70s. I do not trust them to have interest in my or others’ full well-being. I am by nature an intellectual with a spiritual side, thanks in large part to my upbringing in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is because of that spiritual intellectualism that I started to consider and delve deeper into “Church-approved” sources than ever before in the last year. The deeper I got, the farther I ran away from my trust in the General Leaders of the Church. The farther I went, the farther I knew I could not and do not trust the Church or its leadership systems. I cannot walk the line of my God-given talents to support the needy while maintaining active membership in the Church. I will not. I cannot walk the line of advocacy for the vulnerable and marginalized while maintaining active membership in the Church. I will not. I cannot remain active in this Church. I will not continue my life as an active Mormon, because I am ultimately trustless and Mormon.

Endnotes:

[i] Doctrine and Covenants 121:36-37, 41-42. “The rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness. That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man. … No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile.”

[ii] https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/church-of-jesus-christ-finances

[iii] Matthew 19:16-24 (KJV). And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life? And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wild enter into life, keep the commandments. He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet? Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell all that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions. Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, that a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

[iv] 1 Timothy 6:10 (KJV). For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

[v] Jacob 2:18-19. 18 But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to ado good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.

[vi] https://faq.churchofjesuschrist.org/do-general-authorities-get-paid

[vii] https://www.hjnews.com/news/local/debut-stock-offering-by-logan-based-ifit-could-make-latter-day-saint-apostle-almost-a/article_98990e5c-9afa-5dff-bbfb-3460db886744.html

[viii] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/first-presidency-announces-increase-in-monthly-missionary-contribution?lang=eng

[ix] Joseph F. Smith, April 5th, 1907, General Conference Address, Page 7. “Furthermore, I want to say to you, we may not be able to reach it right away, but we expect to see the day when we will not have to ask you for one dollar of donation for any purpose, except that which you volunteer to give of your own accord, because we will have tithes sufficient in the storehouse of the Lord to pay everything that is needful for the advancement of the kingdom of God. I want to live to see that day, if the Lord will spare my life. It does not make any difference, though, so far as that is concerned, whether I live or not. That is the true policy, the true purpose of the Lord in the management of the affairs of His Church.”

[x] David A Bednar. National Press Club conference, May 26, 2022. Live feed 51:22. “The Church doesn’t need their money, but those people need the blessings that come from obeying God’s commandments.” (Emphasis added)

[xi] https://www.paylab.com/top-salaries/rankings/top-20-countries-lowest-salary?lang=en

[xii] Since the LDS Church is not public about their finances worldwide, I had to make some rough estimations as follows:

Roughly 6.8 Mil LDS members in US.

Average wage index in US: $60,575. (https://www.ssa.gov/oact/cola/AWI.html)

Estimate average tithe donors: 30% of church members

30% x 6.8mil = 2.04mil tithe donors

10% x $60,575 = $6,575 tithing donation for each average US wage.

2.04mil x $6,575 = $13,413,000,000

Estimated Tithing income from US based on average wage index: $13,413,000,000

United Kingdom tithing income from 2021: $34,408,000. (Based on government-mandated financial reports)

Australia donation income from 2021: Estimated $35mil (Based on government-mandated financial reports)

Canada donation income from 2020: Estimated $179mil (Based on government-mandated financial reports)

[xiii] https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/latter-day-saint-charities-boosts-global-efforts-2020

[xiv] https://apnews.com/article/Mormon-church-sexual-abuse-investigation-e0e39cf9aa4fbe0d8c1442033b894660

https://apnews.com/article/Mormon-church-sexual-abuse-takeaways-f01fba7521ddddffa89622668b54ac10

[xv] https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/church-offers-statement-help-line-abuse

https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/church-provides-further-details-about-arizona-abuse-case

[xvi] https://www.kgfamilylaw.com/the-role-of-isolation-in-domestic-violence

[xvii] Alma 32:16. “Therefore, blessed are they who humble themselves without being compelled to be humble…”