#forgivethem

i don’t know if y’all care to hear it but i wanted to just get it off my chest. i finally started the process of letting go of ethan, my groomer. it took me a really long time to understand that even though he did an awful thing and something that is so morally wrong, i don’t have to hate him. for three years i refused to face the trauma that he caused because i thought healing meant hating him and hating him is something that i know i will never be capable of because he is the first person, whether it was real or not, to make me feel loved. i never realized that just because he did something awful doesn’t mean that i have to believe he is a bad person. the only person that can judge him or condemn him for the things he did to me, is me. and i don’t want to hate him. i don’t want to hold hatred in my heart towards him because he made me feel things that i thought i wasn’t capable of. and even though it came at a heart wrenching price, he is still the reason that i am who i am today and that i now know what i know. for so long i felt disgusted with myself because i couldn’t hate him and because of how bad i still wanted him. i know that his love for me wasn’t real. i know that he used me and used my empathy, my need for approval and my need for love, against me. however, now whenever i find myself thinking of him and longing for him, the only thing that calms me is this: I refuse to waste my time and energy on someone who has no intentions to waste their time and energy on me. I refuse to love and to long for someone who never truly wanted me in the first place. I let go of the energy that you gave me and I claim back the energy that I gave you. In order for me to heal, I have to let go of you. I will never hate you, but loving you is killing me. I forgive you.

People change but what about the trauma that they left me? 🙃

this is for my own peace.

"Indeed, Allah forgives all sins." Quran 39:53 • إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا (الزمر: 53) • “If anyone guides someone to a good (deed), he will get the reward like the reward of the one who does it.” -Prophet Muhammad ﷺ • مَنْ دَلَّ عَلَى خَيْرٍ فَلَهُ مِثْلُ أَجْرِ فَاعِلِه" -محمد ﷺ" • Like ❤️ Comment 💭 Share to get rewards 💖 • 🤲🏻 share for a good deed 🤲🏻 Follow @justmakeduaa ❤️ • • #justmakeduaa • #alhamdulillahforeverything❤️ #muslimquotes #islamicquotes #islamicreminders #repent #regret #muslim #muslimah #muslims #quranverses #islam❤️ #muslim #halal #repentance #islam #islamicmemes #kindness #kind #repentandbelieve #sabr #quranquotes #hijabstyle #islamicquotes #islamicreminder #growingupmuslim #quotesdaily #sabr #quotesaboutlife #quotestoliveby #Quotes #quoteoftheday