@forgedwest ( continued from here ) :
It’s a cold night, even colder camped out on a mountain ridge, but the views alone as worth the drop in temperature. Out here the silvery moon is so big Samuel swears he could almost reach out and touch it and the uninterrupted views of the starry sky are so wildly bright and expansive that the bounty hunter has been dazzled into silence on more than one occasion. The chill in the air might be biting, but it’s all the more reason to shift closer to the fire and in turn, closer to August.
Flicking what is left of his rolled cigarette into the fire, Samuel’s hand comes to rest down by Gus’ and the cowboy can’t help but smile as he feels the blacksmith’s hand, rough and large as a bear’s paw, slip into his own, their fingers slowly entwining in a tight embrace, one which is both affectionate and reassuring. The touch alone is enough to finally prompt Samuel to say the words that have been on his mind all evening. Although, in truth, he still can’t look at Gus as he speaks them and so he sets his gaze on the slowly dying fire.
“Sometimes…out on the trail, on cold nights like this, when I ain’t been back in Sweetwater for weeks…I miss you…” The bounty hunter swallows hard, unused to appearing so vulnerable in front of another and yet the words keep coming, pushing their way out of him, desperate to be heard.
“I miss you so damn much sometimes I can barely stand it and sometimes…sometimes it ain’t even been weeks, it’s been days August, even just hours…”
Turning towards the Blacksmith, it’s clear Samuel’s cheeks are scarlet red and not from the heat of the campfire. Feeling their heated flush, he buries his head in Gus’ chest, nuzzling into his large solid form, finding immediate warmth and comfort there. Is this what it feels like to love someone? To have them constantly on your mind, to want them constantly by your side? To ache to be touched whenever they’re around? How does someone survive it?
As the bounty hunter hides his blushing face into the blacksmith’s broad frame, Wilder finds himself tongue-tied. He so often expects his gentle touches to lead to rejection. Or rather, a reassurance that his worries are well-founded, that Samuel indeed does not think of their bond anything beyond a profoundly deep friendship. He’s always kept a back-up plan in mind, a way to play it off as a joke. To laugh and move on. To settle comfortably into his lonesome fate and spend every day henceforth protecting and loving someone who could not, should not love him back.
But having his gesture prompt a confession? Hearing his own thoughts echoed in Samuel’s voice? This is a scenario he never prepared for, simply because he never deemed it possible.
The greater part of him still isn’t convinced that he hasn’t simply misheard Sam, isn’t convinced that this isn’t a dream. All that keeps him grounded in reality is the weight of his companion’s body against his own. The way Samuel nuzzles into the center valley of his chest. The recognition that the heat of the bounty hunter’s flushed skin is the undoubtedly the most soothing warmth that the blacksmith has ever known. And was it not for the apprehension in the quivers of Samuel’s body that makes it so very clear he’s hanging on the edge of the blacksmith’s every breath, Gus just might have remained stunned into silence for the rest of his days --- a silence of equal parts JOY and DISBELIEF.
Ever so slowly, ever so carefully, August wraps both of his enormous scarred-and-painted arms around the other, pulling Samuel even further into the consoling confines of his massive physique. He presses his lips into the bounty hunter’s mussed ginger mop, and bares his soul in a whisper so quiet that not even the heavens above can overhear.
“ I feel the same. I’ve felt the same. For a damn long time, Samuel. Shit. The truth is --- ever since we met, I ain’t been able t’getcha out of my head. ”