#forere stuff

My grubhood hive. There was no lusus anywhere, so I guess it must of been killed or simply left with a lack of a charge. Such a nice place, why did I ever leave? It feels familiar, even though I don't really have a clear grasp on any memories of it. I found a notepad with all sorts of drawings in it I'm sure I must of done. Surprised it lasted so long, waterproof notepads usually suck. There was that same squid, it had to be my lusus, I'm sure of it. Lots of random pictures that I can only imagine were me or other trolls. Apparently there's a large seadweller community here, according to the captain. I probably had some little friends at that point. The first page was most interesting, though... a name and a symbol. It had been so long, I forgot... Forere Luvene was the name I gave myself. The symbol on the sash, I took that from the empress because I wanted to be empress. Just seeing that page made me remember. My real name, my real symbol, who I really am.

No, who I was meant to be back then. I am Forere Luvene, my symbol is \V, I have no lusus. What would of happened to me back then is entirely different.

So much happened within the span of a few sweeps. I remember that much. I went through so many quads and people in that time... They deserved better. Whatever. Can't do much about it now.

The place still looks pretty nice, minus the entryway. I still think it's ironic as hell that when they did finally catch up with me it was long after I was entirely done with anything of the rebellious sort. I still have no idea what happened, or how I'm alive, and coming back here hasn't helped that at all. Maybe... it was like when my arm was blown off...? Someone had to of helped me but I'll be damned if I know who it seems. 

I went down to the cove again, too. I suppose there wasn't much reason for it, I've already come to terms with that. But that's why I left. To see exactly where I've come from and to get it all. I took a rock from the shore.

But I suppose after everything that's not a bad thing. There was so much that happened here... so much negativity. But I could still see it exactly as it was. It hurts to think about, damn. I don't know if I was seeing things, but I could swear I could still see some blue blood on the rotten wood. The entry was surprisingly still mostly intact, so that's actually a possibility...

I took some time to take it in and just kinda meditate on everything that happened and I think I've finally come to terms with it. It's been sweeps and I've finally accepted that hey, it happened. Nothing I can do about it now besides not do it again.

Speaking of, I took a detour down to her hive. It was empty and looked like it had been for ages. Not surprising, I'm pretty sure she moved in with him. Unless she died... well. I hope she's content, wherever she is. The only regret I have from that experience was being an idiot and not paying attention when I came back. I may still have my arm if I had. 

So many people have vanished. I'm not... THAT old. I mean, most of them were higher up, so... ah well.

Namely the places my first fights happened. Is it sad that's what was important to me? I guess I didn't do much else worth mentioning at that point. God was I awful. Hell I may still be, all I can say is I hope I never have to find out.

I eventually made it to the city though. That bar is still there and just as popular as I remembered. I made sure to go on a night where I knew it was more casual so I could slip in easily. In a city like that though, a tyrian could do anything without being stopped. Why did I move to such a heavily segregated area, though, really? But luckily no one recognized me, not that I expected them to. I'm just sitting a corner seat with my drink while I write this. There's a pretty little violet blood up on stage right now. I remember the thrill I got when I went up there. Pretty sure that's why I stayed. But I sneaked up to the apartments earlier just to see it all again. Not that that hallway really held many good memories for me... but they really were shitty. I wish I knew I had the money I did at that point.

But ahh... this was where we first met. I still miss her sometimes, you know? I really wish I could just see her again and make sure she's happy, she deserves it. Not what I did to her. And I'm still in shock, constantly feeling my pocket, but they still had the necklace. The one she gave me ages and ages ago. It was used as costume jewelry, of course, so I just kind of took it.

Well, what memories I do have. All of the random shit I used to collect is still there. Most of it, the more valuable stuff has obviously been looted. But my old cloak and sash were exactly where I left them. I did manage to make this place pretty livable, huh. God, the memories. It was such a terrible idea to leave my hive, I was only 3 sweeps old. I don't even remember my hive, or my lusus at this point. There's some crap drawings on the wall, they look kind of like a squid. Maybe that's why I like them? 

Just sitting here brings up memories. I was such an idealistic wiggler. I guess I still am in some ways. But I remember... my first 'attempt' at a rebellion was here. It seemed so much more epic then, I thought I was actually destined to be Empress one day. Thinking back, it was just me and I think another wiggler... I don't even remember them. No. The only person I remember from that time is Pas... and he's probably dead. Old fool only encouraged me. I'm surprised I survived past that, a little tyrian blood girl with no lusus or hive spewing about hemo-equality and rebellion. I was lucky this cave was so out of the way. 

I stayed here until I was what... 9 sweeps? Six whole sweeps of my life. Of course towards the end I did stay with others quite often. After so much shit, though... damn. Glad I knew such powerful magicy people. I really should be dead. About three times over.