#foodrant

HOW DID I EVER LIKE FRUIT IN SYRUP (like the fruit cups etc.) ?!

We had some in my house and I opened, drained the syrup, and rinsed it off.. took a bite and . . .

NOPE

Those 32g of sugar sink into that fruit, dude.

What the fuck do I fucking eat?

Let’s start with vegetables because they are healthy. But they should be locally grown right? Because then the Co2 emissions are lower and you support national produce. Also make sure that they are organic. Then remember: do not overcook them or they lose some nutrients. Raw is also fine. If you live in a cold as fuck country that mainly grows potatoes and onions? Well tough luck, at least you have pota--no wait, starches are bad for you, empty calories, avoid them. So you can eat onions, yay!

Fruits, they are good. Or are they? Let’s say we agree that they have to be organic, locally grown, that you eat them according to season. Good. Except that some say that they have too many calories, that they raise your blood sugar levels and that they are inevitably just a lot of sugar that will turn into fat and make you diabetic. Others say they are really good and that they have loads of healthy nutrients. I tend to believe that, so I make smoothies and natural fruit juices. But then I read that juicing is really bad because you remove the fibre in the fruit which makes the fructose go crazy and of course the result is that it’s not healthy. Smoothies then? They lose their nutrients just a few minutes after you make them so you either drink that shit right up or don’t do it. Alright then, I won’t juice, I’ll make my smoothies and drink them right away and will keep my fruits to maybe just like 2 pieces a day...except that there are people that say 5 pieces a day is good. So...uhh...yeah.

Now that we touched the whole glucose, fructose, blood sugar levels and shit, let’s talk about sugar! We all know sugar is as bad as religious fanatics. Do not eat it. Okay, but it is in almost everything that has been processed. So you may think that sugar-free stuff is better. Ha! No you big dumbfuck, because you are probably getting aspartame or saccharin which is like related to cancer and other stuff, so avoid that too. But then what about honey?? Nope, also bad, because poor bees and also they make your blood sugar levels go high. So while we are at it don’t even mention maple syrup. Stevia extracts and agave syrup then? Same result. So avoid all sugar, sugar substitutes, sweeteners and everything sweet.But what about fruit!? Avoid I said, avoid!!!! Unless you like diabetes, fat and heart disease. Not to mention fucked up teeth.

Okay then, I mentioned honey and that brings us to meat. Why? Because meat is this huge debatable thing right now because of vegetarians/vegans questioning the necessity of it in our diets. While I personally believe that we are made to eat meat and that we probably should, I feel that if I cannot hunt it/raise it, kill it myself and eat it while it’s fresh, it’s probably a feast of chemicals, preservatives, antibiotics and food colouring that screams cancer. I hate the meat industry and do not like the way meat makes me feel. So if you want to eat meat then you have to look for hunting season meat or free range meat that is organic/eco-labelled. That is probably too expensive anyway and a bit of a drive to get to it. I stick to fish, but then they come in tin cans and you can get mercury poisoning from it. It is also an industry that is quickly  depleting the oceans, so I buy the MSC-marked fish that costs me quite a bit more than the regular and sometimes it isn't even available. And just hope to good that eating parsley cleanses my body of any traces of mercury.

Then there’s plenty of grains, nuts and seeds that you can eat. But please, not GMO, and also make sure that they aren't refined. Avoid white refined grains, and starchy ones too. Make them your source of protein if you don’t eat much meat but then again, easy on the nuts because they have loads of calories. So eat just a few...but enough to make your protein intake. Good luck with that math.

And oils? My latest delight. Canola oil is bad, but it isn’t but it is. Olive oil is good, but it’s gotta be extra virgin super expensive stuff otherwise it’s just normal oil with green colourant. Coconut oil is God but only if it’s organic, cold pressed and expensive. Look for unrefined oils...if you are extremely lucky the clerks won’t look at you like you are crazy when you ask for them.

Don’t even get me started on milk, even though we all know the alternatives are mostly pricey and disgusting. 

You get the idea right? It feels like NOTHING is good for you. Every time I want to eat something I am raided by so many different things I have to think of: Good for the environment, good for me, good for the animals, good for my pocket, non-cancerogenic, non-GMO, won’t make me fat, diabetic, acidic, constipated and also...that I like it! And it makes me tired and terribly frustrated because it doesn't matter how many hours I read about it I can never be 100% sure of the sources and their reliability. And whenever you find a paper on something there will come another one to refute the one you just read and you’re back to square one, when it’s just about either trust, intuition, experience that is often based on very subjective means of measure or trying to convince yourself that “this one is it”.  I know that lots of the things I wrote about are not even real issues that probably come from those “10 tips to lose weight” lists that are oozing with misinformation but shit, what is fucking true anymore!? 

Did you know banana plants grow 10 to 26 feet high, containing anywhere from 50 to 150 bananas each? Those are just a few fun facts I want to share with you about this fruit with a built-in coat to keep it safe, because I can write 500 words about anything you dare me to write about, and I’m going to prove it.

The technical term for a bunch of bananas is a hand. So what’s a single banana? A finger. Because, obviously. On average, bananas are made up of about 75 percent water. Which is why they float in water.

“Bananas free Swedish man from speeding fine” isn’t the type of headline you expect to find when doing spontaneous Google searches on a Friday night, but who doesn’t love bananas enough to eat them while driving over the speed limit? AND YOU SHOULD.

If you’re a bananaist, we need to have a serious chat about everything nice bananas have ever tried to do for you, with no expectation of a thank you in return. They’re high in vitamin C, potassium and carbohydrates (don’t worry: it’s the “good” kind of sugar). They’re not only a probiotic, but their high fiber content can aid digestion.

Eating them regularly can also help lower your blood pressure (I know you’re stressed, it’s going to be okay, here, have a banana) because of their high levels of potassium and low levels of sodium. Each banana only provides about 100 calories, so it’s the perfect post-workout snack or healthy addition to your favorite breakfast meal.

Because bananas contain large amounts of potassium, they’re technically more radioactive than other fruits. Just let that sink in for a minute.

Does anyone else hate banana strings? They’re actually called phloem, and if you peel a banana from the bottom up—BOOM. Problem solved. According to the Internet, anyway, but it’s fine. The Internet is always right.

As you might know from experience, bananas don’t last very long at room temperature, and if they get too cold, it’s a big ugly mush fest. Bananas are picked unripe, still green, and ripened in storage chambers using ethylene. It’s kind of like a growth (“ripening”) hormone for bananas.

Banana Boats were actually a thing! Like giant banana refrigerators made specifically for just one kind of fruit. By the way, I’m going to have this song stuck in my head for the rest of forever for some reason. So, there’s that.

Apparently banana peels have magical healing and beautifying powers, but as much as I trust the Internet, I can’t recommend any of them to you until I try them out first. So if you see me at the grocery store with a cart full of bananas, just keep walking.

My posts of late will probably make you think I am not still living in my la la positive unicorn land... Well nooooooooooope you're wrong! I feel as happy and driven as ever but have found myself to be more an observer than ever. (The irony given alot of you watched me for 3 months). The simple art that is grocery shopping my goodness did I learn a bunch (not including the grapes hahaha).... At the moment I have an arm in a sling so carry my basket and grab my food with the same right arm  - Wow I know right?! Joking. But seriously, I spent an hour wandering isle to isle without any real idea other than the fact I went in there to get all things coconuts... Water, fresh and shredded.. Do you think I came out with that? Well no I only managed the water and the shredded coconut, which I may add was hidden under one of those massive to the roof Woolie trollies that carry shit and it was completely blocking it, my scuffle to get to it was a laugh in itself... ANYWAY

People scurry through the supermarket and basically I sit there judging them... Sounds so shallow but FOOD is a massive player in my life, as I am sure it is yours... I am one to indulge however, it is important to always eat for nutrition first with most meals. You can judge a type of person based on their shopping kart! If I ever have children they are going to HATE me for the stupid un-cool healthy lunches I send them to school with. Thanks Mum for making Vegemite and lettuce and not allowing me ANY sweets - argh!

But I watch these young Mum's who either have none of the following:a clue, a dollar or a fuck.... Which one you can choose? They fill their baskets with junk, junk and more junk. Not only is this completely unhealthy for their growing child's needs but all the damn packaging is SO irresponsible and unsustainable for the Enviro.. (hippie hello).  There's a few types of shoppers: The I Think I am Healthy - their kart consisting of: Iceberg lettuce, a carrot, light yoghurt (don't forget the 100g of sugar making up for the lack of fat), light 1% milk (You know full cream is only 2% fat right? Haven't you seen the ads?), Special K - cause duh, you lose weight eating that in TINY portions for ants, Light and easy dinners and of course everything else weight watchers - Not bothering to look at the absolute lack of nutrition in anything above as well as the only way you will lose weight is because of the tiny teeny portions sizes - I mean READ A DAMN BOOK AND LEARN! -They have attended a couple of gym sessions and read a Michelle Bridges book once so must know what is up! Look at me I am saaaaa Organic : Well you guessed it! "OMG everything is organic like duh"....  the shopper who spends triple on the goods that don't even really matter if they are organic! OR half of their kart is organic and the rest is bread and honey/sugar but because it's "natural" OMG I am going to be SOOO skinny... meeeeeeeeeehp - Wrong! Just because it is "natural" does not mean it will stop you from getting fat! Chances are you are still eating too much! These guys will proceed to cook things and over post them on #instagram as well as take #ProgressShotSelfies ( I do it!). As well as finding their recipes on #Pintrest or something like dahealthyhippie.com , And then my favourite who I already mentioned the    AM I A COMPLETE IDIOT KART-