#food server

Excited but anxious at

Yesterday, I had this table who wanted a discount on her chicken salad, because the chicken “wasn’t cooked right.” Which is super weird considering she ate 90% of her chicken, and 80% of the salad.

I knew immediately when greeting this table, that we weren’t going to have a good time.

1) No one, no one interrupts my greeting. I don’t care if you’re a cheap college hoe that’s going to order water w/ lemon and chicken fingers. Or if you have 6 or more zeros in your bank account - You’re not going to interrupt me during my greeting.

The table interrupted me. Are we shocked? No.

I fetch their drinks for them, and they need more time. Cool, whatever. 

I go cash out another table, and drop off food to my booth across from the table that needs more time. The lady with her shitty chicken had the audacity to call me over and tell me they’re ready to order, when I’m talking to my table who I just gave food to.

2) Don’t talk to me when I’m with another table. You’ll have your time with me, I promise. I have many tables that need my attention too. I know that’s a hard concept to swallow, but it’s true. I’m very perceptive of my tables most of the time, and can tell by your mannerisms that you want me to walk over to your table. 

So please, for the love of God, don’t say, “Excuse me,” while my back is turned away from you. You’re being rude to me AND my other customers. Plus, when you do that, I’m going to treat you like a school kid and tell you firmly, I’ll be there shortly,” and make you feel stupid with my annoyed glare.

The table who is now ready for me to take their order is chicken lady, her mans, and her mother. Chicken lady is probably in her 50′s, so her mom is probably in her 70′s-80′s. I don’t know, I’m horrible at guessing ages, so that’s why I’m not a bartender.

Also, because I would hate having to talk to my guests like bartenders have to. 

The mom of chicken bitch starts to order a steak, and tells me she wants it well-done. She asks me if it’ll come out tender. She doesn’t want it to be tough.

Which is totally weird to me, because if you don’t want a tough steak - don’t fucking order it well-done. You’re nasty. You’re eating shoe leather, basically. 

I told her honestly that the steak probably wouldn’t be tender, since she’s ordering it well-done. Her daughter tries to convince her to get it medium-rare, and that the steak won’t be that red/pink.

Bitch, are you dumb? Is basically what I said, except I actually said, “Medium rare is a warm red center. It’s a lot a different than well-done.” 

Shout-out Outback for this steak temperature guide. Just in case anyone else is as confused as “I hated my chicken salad, but I ate almost everything-bitch”

I tried to sell the mom on medium-well, but she was not into it. She decided she no longer wanted a steak, and wanted chicken. Not to get confused with chicken bitch, this is still the mom. 

Unforunately, the chicken dish momma wanted, was not on the promotional deal that chicken bitch and herself wanted to order.

The mom ended up ordering a burger. 

Can you guess the temperature? No? Need a second. Okay, take your time. I’ll give you a hint: It was not medium-rare.

Personally, there’s no reason in my mind for anyone to order a well-done steak. I don’t get it.

What was weird about this table is that the husband was chill as fuck, you could tell he was embarrassed of his mother-in-law and wife, and I kind of felt bad for him. But not bad enough to give him a free drink, because my mans (chicken bitch’s husband) didn’t stand up to his wife or MIL for me, so no free shit from serverthoughts.

Back to the reason why I named this woman, ‘chicken bitch.’

The lady was laughing when she spoke about wanting a discount, and I told her that I wish she would of told me sooner she didn’t like the chicken.

Maybe when I brought her extra dressing for her chicken salad she could of let it slip?? I don’t know, maybe that’s a crazy concept. She pointed out that I was busy over there, and pointed to the POS (our computers) where I had been standing legit three minutes before this conversation took place.

The reason I was not at her table three minutes earlier, when she had finished 90% of her chicken already.. Was because the take-out girl didn’t know how to ring in a gift card, so I walked her through it.

I’m sorry that I’m a trainer, lady, and my co-worker’s ask me questions and shit. I know this restaurant’s menu in more detail than I know anything in my life.

How sad am I? Sometimes I wish I could just tell you all where I work, so we could all talk shit about the restaurant together. I give you the dirt, and insiders.

Anyway, the two-minute check-back was created, for people like chicken bitch. I wait two minutes or two bites into your meal to see if you’re enjoying your dish - or need anything else.

I’m just a little confused why she failed to mention her chicken situation to me then, or when I gave her extra dressings. 

Also, I gave her husband a diet soda five minutes after I gave them dressings, so I was clearly available throughout their meal.

I stared at chicken bitch with a blank face if she wanted me to ask for a discount, and she said yes. So I told her, “I’ll ask my manager, but we’ll see.”

I don’t give my tables discounts for dumb shit. You didn’t like your food, then you should of told me because I could have had a new dish made for you. But you want to play me and not say anything until you already ate most of it? Nah. I’m good. 

Like, I’m sorry. You’re not going to come into my restaurant and start giving me demands. Eat your stupid chicken and be happy. Which she fucking did.

I told my manager what had happened and he decided he was going to be gracious and give the table 5 dollars off. 

Attention readers: Being a cunt to your server is worth $5, y’all.

When my manager and I were walking out to the dining area (we were in the kitchen), he told me to look very serious when we walked out.

I’m not sure why he said that, but he’s annoying and I don’t like him, so whatever. Also, when we were still in the kitchen he said he wanted me to slap chicken bitch. That he would hold her down, while I slap her. 

Honestly, GOALS. Manager goals, except I still don’t like this manager. For reasons I might talk about one day. It’s nothing big, I’m just a lazy hoe and adding this much detail about this table, is already a lot for me.

I need to sleep for 16 hours after writing this post, honestly. We love depression.

Honestly y’all, if you’re nice to me - I’ll probably forget to ring in a little dessert that I can get away with not ringing in. I’ll probably forget to charge you for your kid’s drink that your kid got, but didn’t order from the kid’s menu. 

If you’re my regular, any drink that the bar doesn’t have to make, I won’t charge you for. You’re cool and you’re going to tip me bomb, so yeah, I’m technically stealing from the restaurant, but sometimes you need to have a little side hustle.

Did I forget to mention that it was the husband’s birthday? Chicken bitch asked me if I needed to see his ID, and I told her that I honestly didn’t care at that point. If it was her birthday, I definitely would have needed ID.

But her mans was sitting quietly, using his manners, so he can get a free dessert and separation from his wife. Except, my good man didn’t even eat the dessert. His wife had his free dessert, and I charged the mother for hers.

We don’t give freebies to asshole customers, sorry. 

P.S. Our chicken is rubbery and gross, when it’s cooked by the AM cooks. I’m honestly pretty sure that’s why chicken bitch hated it, and I really can’t fault her for that. 

I definitely wouldn’t order the chicken before 5 o’clock.

Xoxo,

the server is focused around helping people recover or gain a healthy relationship w food, help chronically ill and disabled folks find foods and recipes they can make, and foods for dietary restrictions like different eating styles, religious restrictions, and allergies !!

some basic rules to know before deciding to join:

- no calorie counting / sharing

- no weight loss or gain talk

- 15+

- no pro-ed or almond mom type of people

- no bigotry (zionism, anti-palestine, lgbtqia+ phobia, racism, misogyny, ableism, radfems & terfs etc etc)

- pluralkit allowed for anyone (bc pluralkit themselves has stated anyone can use it) but pls include a tag !

- no discourse

Hospitality job vacancy! Server. Full Time, New Orleans, USA.

#Hospitality job vacancy! Banquet Server. Park City, UT, USA.