at this point, continuing to look for them would be a waste of time. on her own, at least. kiana walked up to a nearby idol to ask, “have you seen my-” well. five minutes away from her manager and when she came back they were gone. that was the answer she really wanted, but in what world would an idol outside of her group know her manager? as far as she knew, managers didn’t overlap between groups, only switched. the most reasonable place her manager had gone off to, though, was, “members?”
kiana was such a horrible judge of time. her mind ran for so long that she could never tell if the real life time that passed was seconds, minutes, hours. it was very possible she’d taken much too long to finish all of one sentence.
she should probably say something else. she was mean to be the senior between them, which meant... something. not to her, but to someone. “and are your... preparations... going well?”
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“excuse me,” with a cup in each hand, the best sung could think of at a moment’s notice was to tap jaein’s shoulder with her elbow, then step back a half step so as to not be right in her face when she presumably turned around.
“hi, um, would you like some coffee? things are a bit,” her eyes roamed away, and her head ticked back and forth a couple of times like a kitchen scale, “stressful? around here. i went to get a cup, and forgot i’d already grabbed one.” as she spoke, her hands lifted, one to the next, visually matching her words. “i feel like if i put it back, someone’d think i did something to it.” laughter came in light, as a chuckle, and dissolved into a transition to complete the thought, “you’re the first friendly face i’ve seen since, so, coffee?” next time, she’d have to be more careful to not let her jitters get in the way, but for then, she’d hold out the untouched cup towards jaein.
kim dowoon would swear down that he wasn’t the type to make a fuss -- and in doing so, everytime he did, he’d be lying. he wasn’t the type to make a fuss for his own sake, that much was true, but that was the extent of it. when it came to friends, family and ... the rest, he was the sort of guy that pushed himself all too far, just to make it seem like he’d done nothing at all. the only thing worse than not micro-managing everything was the object of his affections (a phrase that was more accurate than he was able to admit to himself in this case) finding out the effort he’d gone to.
it showed though, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. he was truly a rotten liar when it came down to it. the exertion he’d put himself through was obvious from his outfit alone; a handsome, autumnal ensemble he’d bought straight off the mannequin he saw it on in the first place. it was much more put together than anything dowoon could make himself. looking back, he’d be able to tell the outfit wasn’t actually anything special, and that he’d assigned all of these factors to it himself. at the very least however, it suited the location. brown corduroy and plaid fit the homey, deep red armchairs and fittings of the restaurant.
“i want to come back here again,” with you, he said, menu open in his lap, unlooked at, as he stared instead at the fire flickering heatlessly on a screen embedded in a real fireplace. “they light a real fire when it’s cold enough.” just one of the many things he’d found out about the place in his research into every goddamn middling priced restaurant in the city. he wanted something he could afford, after all. this place one over the others for its close and comfortable vibes, for privacy provided by its dim brass lighting. it was as close as dowoon could get to bringing her somewhere he could really call home for her birthday, like he would’ve preferred to.
notes: i started doing responses one by one, but then i thought it’d be better to do one big mass-post instead of flooding dash all at once. thank you to all that sent in! appreciate u all :~) (if anyone has any numbers they need, please feel free to like this or just let me know, even if i already sent in an ask!)
2. what are your favorite b-sides/non-title tracks you’ve released?
“i like diana. there’s something moody, sultry about it with a touch of elegance. it’s almost like cheap wine on a long friday — contrasting, but it somehow fits. plus, sooah helped out on that track which becomes the cherry icing on top. perhaps, there’s something better coming out on my next album, where there’s too many b-sides that i’d cherry pick myself to be my favorite. for that, look out at the sea, captain.”
3. what is your least favorite song (title track or b-side) you’ve released?
“i don’t think there’s a least favorite. if there were, then i wouldn’t have partook in any of it — my personality’s in it or out of it. there’s no in between, especially where my voice plays a part. i don’t want to touch things where my heart doesn’t lie, that’d just be cruel. wouldn’t it? if it doesn’t relieve my soul a bit, then i don’t think i’d dip my toes in those waters.”
6. what is one thing (a concept, a genre, an outfit, etc.) you would least like your company make you do?
“i’d like to do house funk, maybe house-pop. you’ve seen elements in it in knight’s old releases, and even the oldies like decipher’s done it. unity’s dabbled in it somewhat in their b-sides, and considering fuse has amassed a long bridge of different concepts — the spectrum’s large. i’d like to wear hawaiian t-shirts and prance around to some summer house-funk, and that’s something i think the general public can all dance around in their rooms to.”
8. if you could be in any idol group, which one would you choose?
“i’ve grown accustomed to fuse — i like being in fuse. i don’t think i’d fit anywhere else, though i would say bee would be a nice change for the summer fun. i’d even enjoy myself to be in unity had i been a boy. can you imagine? the fun that would come out of belting welcome to my playground, and singing the tunes to touch. that’d be a girl’s dream come true.”
9. if you could say one thing to your ceo, what would it be?
“you’re the prettiest person i’ve ever seen. in the whole country, out of all the women in the world — you’re the standard of beauty. but i’m sure the whole world knows that by now, don’t they? i thank you for giving fuse some of the best songs, and though i’ve never met you face by face, i’d like to believe you’re better than what’s shown from face value. but, still — my wannabe face is you but no amount of plastic surgery would turn me into you, would it?”
10. if you were auditioning for your company today, what would you perform for your audition, or what would you change from your original audition?
“i don’t think i’d repeat the dance, nor attempt to dance to something like seo taeji and boys. if i recall, i did h.o.t’s we are the future, and snsd’s kissing you with a ruler i had in my back pocket. in retrospect, that was my standard of dancing — if only i’d known it’d become a bad memory to highlight the work i have left. maybe, i’d only stick to kissing you, ruler version while singing something more melodically acceptable than finkl’s now.”
11. if you could do any special stage, what would it be and who would it be with?
“i don’t know — i don’t know many things when it comes to these mix and match scenarios. i know i’d like to make a stage where i can dance freely as if i’m in the comfort of my own home. perhaps to a song like gee, or even oh — even willing to dabble in lipstick’s genie if it means dressing up like a sailor and going ahoy. i’d want to do the stage with jeonghwa, sooah, and well — i don’t have that many friends to give you a special stage, oops.”
13. if you could become a model or ambassador for any brand, what would you choose?
”again, i’ve been blessed and satiated with each and every opportunity given. working with dior has been a smooth sailing ride as well as cartier — perhaps, given the option i wouldn’t opt for pathere de cartier but a different line. still, nothing really takes away from the heart and soul of their jewelry, which i appreciate with my cup of tea. i’d continue to work with dior, and if hermes would ever take the punch — i’d even have an affair with them.”
14. if you could be on any variety show, which one (or which type of one) would you want to be on?
“knowing brothers — i really watch that show. or even, 전지적 참견 시점 — those are the shows i keep tabs of on a weekly basis. i'd love my manager to have her time to shine and steal the hearts of the world with her variety work. she’s a very funny person you know. as for knowing brothers? that’s a given knowing how quick the crowd is on their feet and the little mini-games that come from each episode. i hurt my stomach each time from laughing along so many times.”
16. what changes would you implement if you were the ceo of your company?
“a free-for-all. i’ve never wanted to become a ceo, but had i been granted the opportunity to rule on all floors, i’d implement a few things. mandatory art classes, and creative freedom to the album jackets for all my artists. no dating-bans, let it all air out — most of all, i’d let them do as they wished as long has it harmed nobody else and they could handle the aftermath. no restrictions, roam free, bunnies.”
17. what do you do to relieve the stress of idol life?
“call me pretentious or call me a sell-out, i do what any other normal person does. i like sitting in the cafes with my notebook out, sketching. i sketch people that come in and out, or the people that decide to sit next to me. if i’m home, i’m painting on canvas with my record player crooning in the background or knitting a sweater to wear next winter. on a really adventurous day, you’ll see me playing the pole or stretching my limbs at pilates. but that’s on a non-lazy day.”
18. what tips would you give to a trainee about to debut?
“wear your skin like armor, and let it thicken as time goes on. no need to get hurt by words, and instead roll with the punches — learn to accept the hate that comes, and be scrutinized underneath a microscope. sometimes, you don’t know if it’s really reality, but the faster you assimilate yourself, the quicker you learn to glide past your career. think of everything as a catch-22, only there’s no real safety net.”
19. what was the hardest part of being a trainee?
“getting along with the other people and have them stay away from getting to know me. it’s obvious, the trainee life is temporary — there’s going to be those that debut and those that don’t, so why pry further than you have to? everyone should’ve been given the basic privacy instead of trying to play formalities and get along. other than that, i hated dance practice and i still do. dance isn’t a strong suit, and having someone force me to follow a tempo i can’t march to was no fun at all.”
20. did you enjoy the lifestyle of a trainee or of a debuted idol more?
“i liked being a debuted idol far better, only because there was a layer of privacy given to me. ironically, i was suddenly in the public eye. yet, it still allowed some layer of anonymity within the inner circle and the day to day people i interacted with. starting from a sea of trainees, and having it dwindle to a group of my members — it all made it easier to handle in the end. besides, i was getting no sleep regardless trainee or not.”
22. describe your dream sub-unit (members and concept).
“take the fuse darker concepts — peekaboo, bad boy, psycho. and merge it into one, all while getting rid of the dresses too short to dress in. wrap it all together, and you get my favorite concept. i like mystery, and latent meanings behind pretty tunes, and being able to do that each comeback would be a dream. surely, the audience might get bored of it, but i wouldn’t and i’m allowed to be selfish, aren’t i? my dream sub-unit, i’d take sooah. without sooah, i don’t know what i’d do, really. she’s like a mini-mom, three years younger. then, i’d take kiana for the dance that sooah and i can’t handle. i suppose i’d add suji in there because i don’t think anyone can belt like she does, no offense to kiana. but there’s a heartier belt when suji does it. sorry to our leader, i guess.”
23. out of the following six options, would you rather be allowed to play a major hand in the lyrics, production, choreography, styling, music videos, or concepts you release?
“i started off in lyrics, so i’ll stay loyal till the end. i’ll keep to the lyrics, so i can continue to write the stories my heart wants to say. sometimes, i’ll fall into cliches, but that’s okay. if it’s not in music production or the general content of the song, i suppose i’d take a dabble in styling — and stop dressing myself in the short skirts making it impossible to dance. really, those are the only two things i’ll be selfish for.”
25. what is your least favorite part of being an idol?
“waking up early, not having enough time to draw — those would just be the superficial things, right? but really, there’s pros and cons to any jobs, just ask any office worker with a nine to five. however, if i’m given a sliver of honesty to wave my grievances, i’d like to mention that i don’t like working in short skirts that get shorter each comeback. i don’t like getting mauled by the public of who i make eye contact with or who i work with — i don’t like getting over criticized and the list goes on.”
26. what is your favorite part of being an idol?
“i’ve always been a story teller. i like crafting stories and telling my world for how i see it, and given this opportunity in music, i’m able to do so. i like playing with instruments, sketching out things for an album idea — the creative process while meeting new people along the way. it’s a journey, an adventure and most of all, it avoids stagnation. i’m on the move, go go go.”
27. would you rather be incredibly famous with a terrible reputation and hated by most or be fairly unknown with a good reputation and adored by those who know of you? why?
“i’m already disliked by most — they don’t like the way i dress, who i’m friends with or the manner in which i present myself. but i’m given the opportunity to ignore these things along the way, and learn to handle things bit by bit. given the choice, i’d rather hide in anonymity with the few around me enjoying my presence. i’ve learned by now, public opinion doesn’t correlate to much as it’s nothing more than a crow perched far away as poe would say.”
29. what have you learned about yourself and/or society since becoming a celebrity?
“i’ve only been taught life skills, such as time management and patience. in hindsight, i’ve learned how cruel people are to judge things from what they see at surface level. the world’s superficial — that’s a bitter pill to swallow. i don’t know much about myself as i haven’t gotten that part figured out. instead, i’ve just learned that the world is cruel and the people in it amount to little to no positivity — go figure.”
“It’s probably not what you want to hear, but you looked and sounded lovely in your solo debut,” Alex says with a grin. They had this conversation before Jaein even debuted with ‘Don’t Make Me Laugh’ and she had made her dislike clear for the fact that Dimensions were making her release music on her own, “if anything, it’s a very good summer track, let’s hope our company doesn’t send you to do anything like that again, right?” he crosses his fingers and purses his lips and he hopes it translates to ‘I’ll support you regardless’.
“But I didn’t come here to comment about that,” he says promptly and lifts his shopping bag to make clear he just didn’t happen to be carrying it when they crossed paths, “do you have time to have lunch with me? This is not me flirting with you, I promise, I’m just wanting to take care of friend, so, do you?”
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it had been a busy few days. it wasn’t entirely unpleasant, though. the months in the 7rophy dorms with nothing to do and nowhere to go had taught her to appreciate what activity she was offered. one could even make this out to be a kind gesture, if they lived their life with a certain degree of delusion - it was a charity gala, after all.
most of the faces around her were familiar, but in fairness she hadn’t spent years befriending many of them. approaching jaein shouldn’t have felt as unfamiliar as it did.
“jaein unnie. it’s nice to see you. have you eaten?” she questioned. it was an attempt at friendliness, but it sounded awkward to her own ears. empty words, vapid conversation. “i’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to greet you at the cover festival as i’d hoped to. you were a good mc, though.”
all things considered, harley thinks she deserves to be proud of herself in this moment.
she’s standing at the hotel lobby, smug smile stretched across her lips after having spent hours prior convincing their manager that she’s craving food from that exact hotdog stand streets away, donned in the idol disguise starter pack — an oversized hoodie, a cap, a mask and she’s ready to hit the california streets. and of course, not forgetting the ambiguous text she drops jaein to meet her by the elevator.
“psst, jaein,” she whispers the moment she spots her leader turning the corner, a hand moving in a rapid motion as she waves the other over. “no time to explain—you ready?” harley questions as she positions an extra cap she’d brought along for jaein over her head. “i made sure our manager wouldn’t be back in at least twenty minutes, so it’s now or never,” leaning back to shoot jaein a grin, the twinkle of mischief lighting up harley’s gaze is hard to miss as she hooks her arm through jaein’s.
“quick, quick, we gotta go,” not wanting to waste even a second, she doesn’t miss a beat before she’s tugging jaein out of the building and down the streets, leaving all the explanations for later — which is when she’s sure jaein’s questions are going to start pouring in.
“jaein! did you see that?” with a holler, and his fists up in the air, dowoon swivelled around on one foot, as the other kicked out in excitement -- his toes walloped against the bowling ball dispensing contraption, but he shook it off, barely acknowledging it at all. he doesn’t expect to see the same level of excitement reflected back at him; actually, he’d be freaked out if he did, if jaein was suddenly up and jumping and spinning for his measly spare -- but he was proud of it regardless, even if he only achieved it on his second roll down the galley for this round. he pointed at the two pins left standing, one at either end, perfectly symmetrical with a grin, stretching from chipmunk cheek to chipmunk cheek.
“i’m gonna get a strike next time.”
while the cheesy bowling animation for spares played above him, dowoon strode back to his seat, plopping down next to jaein with his arm on the back of her seat -- her seat, not her shoulders. he knocked her knee with his and nodded up at the flashing scoresheet on screen.
