22. …in a rush of adrenaline.

let’s go with girl!HL because they’re my most familiar pairing.

The sound of their feet slapping against the pavement is almost as loud as Harry’s heart pounding against her ribcage. They’re racing down the street and Harry keeps staring at the back of Louis’ neck, her fine hairs, her snapback, the white of her t-shirt. “We-” she gasps as they come to a halt and she can’t believe this just happened. A manic giggle escapes her. “We did that,” she wheezes in between breaths and Louis laughs, too. 

They might be drunk but it’s still summer and it doesn’t count when the asphalt is still warm from the day, and Louis’ skin is freckled. They’ve outgrown this town years and years ago but for one night, for one glorious night, they will be sixteen again. “Fucking hell.” Louis clutches Harry’s hands as she tries to regain her breath. They kissed here once. Under the streetlight outside of Harry’s mum’s house. Louis’ feet are still in dirty sneakers. Harry’s hair has grown longer. And they just bloody broke into Mr. Albercott’s pool. “I’m still not even sure it was him,” Harry manages to say when they’ve calmed down and her toes tingle. “You think he saw us?” Louis shrugs, and Harry wants to kiss her. “Done it all now. Can go back to being proper adults now.” Harry’s heart is still racing. She shivers when a breeze brushes over her still damp skin. Her bikini top has soaked through her t-shirt. 

“Maybe.” Louis’ face softens. Her hair is still wet, and she smells like chlorine. Like summer and chlorine and wine. 

“Fuck it.” Harry surges forward and presses her lips against Louis’, hands cupping her face. For a brilliant, horrid second, there is no reaction. Then, Louis rolls up on her feet and wraps her arms around Harry’s neck and kisses her back. Louis tastes like mouth and tongue, and she feels warm in Harry’s arms and solid and real and then she tugs at Harry’s hair and-

Christ

5. do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?

Neither, I’m a human thinking sjfdsdlksd. No, um, I defined myself by the things I do for too long, which is to say I defined myself by the things I didn’t do and was thus super disappointed in myself for a really long time. Trying to be more of a human being, though.

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.

oh my god. well, fuck. Harry Potter, obviously. I’ve read those once a year for years on end and if it’s a bad time in my life I’ll always have a Harry Potter book (or fic, lately) in my bag to turn to if I can’t get my mind to quiet down. There was a period of time where I was doing so badly (2016-2017, looking at you) that I couldn’t go outside without a HP book in my bag. I’ve even sat in class reading Prisoner of Azkaban during my MA because I was that anxious about class. (why didn’t I quit that place sooner, you ask? fuck knows)

Then Kappen! by Carry Slee, because that’s the book that made me pick up a pen and write my own story for the first time. The perks of being a wallflower also really changed something for me, as cliche as that might sound, about how I looked at myself and how I looked at mental illness and what I accepted from the people around me. I haven’t picked it up again since the first time I read it because I’m afraid I won’t feel that way again after Tumblr had that whole phase about this book, so I’m keeping it close to my chest where it is.

Recently, Naturally Tan, not because of the candid fun facts but the first few chapters really made something fundamentally click for me, made me feel seen for the first time in my life, made me heal. Finally Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, not because the book did so much for me but because I wrote an extra chapter for it that was sent to Cambridge and my English teacher thought it was so good that she made me read it at our IB graduation and since then has always asked me if my book is coming out yet and she knew I’d be a big name in the field one day. I didn’t even like the book that much, but that is always in the back of my mind when I start to doubt myself. Teachers matter, folks.

Worthy mention for The Guilty Feminist, and The Bell Jar, but I don’t have a long story for those so I figured they were less influential, just made me feel a lot and think a lot in a way I can’t really explain. 

30. pick one of your favorite quotes.

RULES: List the first lines of the last ten stories you published (or, if you’re not a fic writer, do the first lines of your top ten favorite fics).

Look to see if there are any patterns that you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any! Then tag some friends.

Since I haven’t published so many works myself, I decided to go with my ten favourite fics. :) However, these are not in order and absolutely don’t constitute an exhaustive list. I’ve already fallen in love with a ridiculous amount of stories in this fandom, and a list of ten can hardly do justice to all the stellar works out there. 💗

amaryllis by hattalove

“When Harry comes to, the air in his nose reeks of cigarette smoke.”

Here In The Afterglow by fondleeds

“Against the soft light of first dawn, Post Falls is a simple mirage of shadow, the power lines and softwood silhouetted.”

Say Hallelujah, Say Goodnight by alivingfire

“Humankind has always had the notion that it is neutral.”

I See Fire by Notasmuch

“The first year was the hardest.”

domestic monsters by g_uttertrash

“It’s called Halloween Spooktacular Funland and the only reason Harry is there is because Zayn dragged him along.”

You Are The Blood by sarcasticfluentry

“As a seventh year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Zayn Malik should have long ago developed the inability to be surprised.”

Let’s Fall in Love in a Place You Want to Stay by embro

“It was after the fifth time Louis tripped on a tree root that he realised he was well and truly done with the jungle.”

Collision by itjustkindahappened

“When Louis is 13 years old, humanly speaking, his mother sits him down and tells him about the world.”

i never did believe in the ways of magic by binarysunsets

“It starts the same way any other day starts, with the persistent pale wash of new dawn light and the chime of his alarm which hooks into the fabric of his dreams and wrenches their cocooning cover from him.”

May We Stay Lost On Our Way Home by LoadedGunn

“There’s singing.”

Well, all I can see in common between those first lines is that they’re all brilliant and mark the start of absolutely fantastic fics. 💁 As for the stories themselves, they’re almost all fantasy aus, which I discovered by now are my faves. 💖

Please don’t hesitate to ask/talk to me about any of them if you’d like, I’d love nothing more than discuss away! 😊💞

hasnt written me a zarry or ziall girl direction and i am very offended

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

Watch Nanette on Netflix I would say. One of, if not THE most powerful message conveyed in such an intellectual and intelligent way. I think Hannah Gadsby pretty much said exactly what I think needs to be said. Also I think, watch Queer Eye. When Jonathan said that by shutting off the vulnerability within ourselves, we shut off other parts as well and we can’t selectively choose which feelings to mute and which we can’t…. that hit me hard. Queer Eye is such a representation of what I need to hear.