#fixing tracy

Molly has been looking forward to this for months. Mommy and Daddy are going to be home all week with her! She's excited to show them how she memorized all of her times tables (she was the first in her class to pass them all off!) and play hide and seek and go to the zoo together. And Mommy will bring lots of new dresses and play dress up with her, and Daddy will sing to her before bed, and she'll get lots and lots of presents, like always. It's going to be so much fun!!

Stacy, her nanny, says she must've been so excited that she tired herself out, because she got sick the day before they got home. It's okay, though, because maybe Mommy and Daddy will make her soup and read to her and cuddle her like Stacy does when Molly's sick!

Molly blows her nose and adds to the pile of used tissues on her bed. Mommy and Daddy will be here any minute now! Stacy left to go talk to them on the phone, so they must be close!

When Stacy finishes the call and comes back into Molly's bedroom, Molly is so excited that she's bouncing on her bed, even though she's not supposed to.

Stacy doesn't remind her to stop bouncing. "Molly, dear… Your mommy and daddy love you so much that they just… couldn't stand to see you sick and miserable."

"...what?" She stops bouncing. Molly's never felt like this before. Sick, but not the way she was just a few moments ago.

"They sent lots of presents for you! They'll get here tomorrow, won't that be fun?"

"...they don't love me."

"Dear–"

"If they loved me they'd want to see me miserable. They don't love me." Tears are already streaming down her face. She pulls a blanket up to her face and sobs into it.

"Of course they love you." Stacy sits on the bed and pulls Molly onto her lap. It's always been Stacy. Stacy is always the one that sees Molly miserable.

"You love me, right?"

"Of course, dear." Stacy rocks Molly in her arms gently. "It's all going to be okay. You're okay."

Molly cries herself to sleep in Stacy's arms. She will be okay, though. As long as she has Stacy, as long as she has one person who loves her, she'll be okay.

Molly keeps her promise, and Tracy finds that the achiness and other symptoms have faded a lot by the next day. At least she won’t have to feel like that ever again.

What would it be like, if your priority was your own health and happiness?

Molly’s words keep intruding into her thoughts, which is especially weird because Tracy already knows the answer. She would be a different person if she prioritized herself. So why does the question loop in her mind?

It doesn’t matter. She needs to escape, to get back to Alicia. But… when she had a chance to escape, she failed. She doesn't even know why!

She takes a deep breath. That train of thought goes nowhere. Just… think about it logically. Stop being stupid and think of it like a puzzle to be solved instead of a potentially hopeless situation.

Okay, the main obstacle in the way of escape right now is that she can’t hurt Molly. Since she doesn’t know why she can't hurt Molly, the logical next step towards escape is to figure out the reason, right?

How does one figure out why they couldn’t do something, though? She knows she was interrupted by a memory that made her lose focus, but she doesn’t know why that happened. It’s not like being violent is so out of the ordinary for her. She’s always been able to do what she had to do, so why can’t she now?

“…hey.” Molly pulls Tracy from her thoughts and sets down a plate of eggs and toast in front of her. "Um.. how are you feeling?"

"Better. Uh… thank you. For not keeping me like that. And for breakfast." She's not really grateful, of course, but keeping Molly happy certainly can't hurt anything.

Molly sits down. "So… do you want to talk about why you're so sure you can't get sick?"

"I don't get sick."

"...Most people do get sick sometimes, though, right?"

She's waiting for Tracy to answer, so Tracy gives a quick nod. It would feel like Molly's talking to her like she's a toddler if she didn't know that Molly always talks like this.

"So why are you different?"

"I don't know why, I just know that I don't get sick."

"But how do you know that? If it was just that you've never been sick before, why would you be so sure that you can't get sick now or in the future?"

Tracy eats some of her eggs. "I just know."

Tracy knows she's being frustrating, causing the conversation to go in circles, but Molly doesn't seem annoyed. "While you were… feeling not so great, you said that you weren't sick because you're not weak or pathetic. Do you feel like people who get sick are weak and pathetic?"

"...I guess."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'? If you're sick you're obviously weaker than normal, and you need people to take care of you."

"And… that's pathetic?"

"Yeah? Y'know, you're not my therapist, you're my kidnapper. I don't want to play whatever game this is."

"You seem frustrated."

"I am! Can you let me eat in peace?" 

"Of course. I'm sorry." Molly starts eating her own breakfast.

They eat in silence for a bit, allowing Tracy to go back to her predicament. How does one figure out why they couldn't do something?

The options can be broken down into two potential answers: it was either something about trying to give someone a concussion, or something about Molly specifically.

The first seems more likely. She's never given anyone a concussion before, and it's a bigger deal than slapping someone or pulling their hair. It's… only human that she hesitated. It's only human that she thought back to how it felt when it was being done to her.

So, how can she fix being human? How can she make hurting someone seriously feel the same as slapping someone or pulling their hair?

"What're you thinking about?" Molly asks.

"Just enjoying my food." She eats the last bite of her breakfast.

Molly takes Tracy's now empty plate and stacks it on top of her own. "I'll go wash these. After that… Do you wanna play chess?"

"...sure. I'll set it up while you're doing that."

Molly grins widely and goes into the kitchen.

Tracy finds a chess board with the other board games, puts it on the table, and sets up the pieces. She can multitask, it shouldn't be too hard to play chess while figuring out how to turn off the part of her that cares about causing someone brain damage.

Molly finishes with the dishes quickly and sits down across from Tracy. "Do you want white or black?"

"How good are you at chess?"

Molly laughs. "We've played chess together before, when I was your therapist. Do you remember at all?"

Tracy shakes her head. She really doesn't remember anything from those sessions.

"How about we just do rock, paper, scissors for who plays white. Does that sound good?"

Tracy nods. Molly plays rock and Tracy plays scissors, so Molly ends up with the first move.

Tracy has to remind herself not to get too engrossed in the game, no matter how much she enjoys chess. She still needs to be focused on escape. How can she fix the part of her that hesitated at hurting Molly?

If she can just fix that, she can retry what she did last time. Grab some handcuffs from the backpack, catch Molly by surprise, hit her head hard enough to disorient her, take the cattle prods, restrain her, take the keys, and escape. 

Molly will probably be anticipating her trying something like that, so she'll be on guard. She's already started taking the backpack with her when she goes to the bathroom, which she didn't do before the incident. Tracy could've tried that strategy long before Molly accidentally left the restraints when she went upstairs… but it would've failed, because she hasn't fixed the part of her that hesitated.

"You've always had such an aggressive playstyle." Molly once again interrupts her thoughts. "I'm more like Alicia, I prefer to focus on defense."

Tracy's stomach drops. Molly may have played with Tracy before, but she's never played against Alicia. “How do you know that?”

Molly winces. “Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Is there any answer to your question that could make you happy?”

“No, but not answering it doesn’t make me happy either!” Tracy tries to keep her breathing under control.

“I think… you’re happier now than you would be if you knew.”

“That’s not fair. Why do you get to decide that? Why can’t you just listen to me? I want to know! I hate not knowing, I hate looking back on private memories and wondering if you were somehow there! I hate wondering if Alicia is safe from you or if you're watching everything she does!" She sweeps the pieces off the chess board and lets them clatter to the ground. It doesn't make her less angry.

“...I'll tell you if you can calm down, dear."

"That's not fair!" 

Life isn't fair. Calm the fuck down.

"You stalked me and won't even tell me how and I'm supposed to not be upset about that?? Why is everyone allowed to get angry but me!? Why are you allowed to kidnap me and shock me with cattle prods and restrain me, but me getting upset is too far?? Tell me, now, or– or–"

What can she threaten? She's completely powerless, even over her own emotions. Now that she's opened the floodgates, she finds herself sobbing uncontrollably. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you–"

"C'mon, just take some deep breaths. In… and out… In… and out…"

Tracy abruptly stands up, sending her chair flying, and flees to her room. She locks the door behind her despite knowing that Molly must have a way in and starts throwing things. The spinny chair, books from the bookcase, clothes, pillows, anything she can find.

All she achieves is tiring herself out. She screams until her throat is hoarse, but Molly doesn't even knock on her door or try to talk to her. She punches her mattress until her arms are sore, and still, nothing happens. Her rage is meaningless. She's not even going to get punished, much less listened to. No one cares. No one cares at all.

She cries until she's emptied herself out. That should be calm enough for Molly, right? She takes some deep breaths, unlocks the door, and exits her room. "I'm calm now. Tell me."

Molly is sitting on the couch, staring at Tracy. "I… I had a lot of things. It was a lot of hacking, mostly. Um…" she takes a shaky breath. "You're going to be upset."

"Yeah. Did you not know that when you did it?"

"I… I don't know…" She closes her eyes. "The cameras. The cameras that your parents set up in your house, I watched through those."

Tracy feels like the wind has been knocked out of her. She thought she was too exhausted and numb to feel anything, but she was wrong. She's not even sure what she's feeling, but it's definitely something besides exhaustion and numbness.

It was violating enough to have her parents watching. It never even occurred to her that the footage could be being watched by someone else. What if Molly wasn't the only one? God, Molly probably didn't even have to do anything but guess the password a couple of times! Tracy wouldn't be surprised if the password was 'password' or one of their birthdays.

"So… Alicia…"

"There aren't cameras in her foster parents' house," Molly confirms. "I follow her foster parents' social media, and I can access Alicia's email, but… that's it."

Tracy doesn't remotely believe that that's all, but she does believe that there isn't a way for her to watch Alicia anymore. "If I asked you to unfollow them and log out of Alicia's email, would you do it?"

"...yes. But it would mean I wouldn't be able to tell you how Alicia is doing, would you be okay with that?"

"Of course I'm fucking okay with that!" Tracy snaps. "I already asked you to leave her alone, but I guess you don't care about my wishes as much as you pretend you do." She's proud that her voice is able to sound cold despite the fire raging inside her.

"...I thought that as long as I didn't contact her–"

"Let me make it clear, then. I don't want you to have anything to do with her. I don't want you to surveil her in any way. I want you to be completely clueless about what's going on in her life."

"Okay. I'll do that. I'm so sorry, Tracy."

Tracy doesn't dignify that with a response. She locks herself back in her room. She doesn't think Molly will actually stop stalking Alicia, but… there's a chance. That'll have to be enough for now.

There is another small comfort– the cameras were only meant to make sure she and Alicia followed the rules when their parents weren't home, and her parents turned them off when they were able to keep an eye on her and Alicia in person. If Molly's main source of information was the cameras, she didn't see the worst of it. She didn't see Tracy at her most vulnerable. She tries to remind herself of that, but it doesn't make her feel any less violated.

Maybe Molly was right. There was no answer that could've made her happy, so she shouldn't have asked.

Tracy drifts in and out of sleep. Every time she wakes up, Molly is still reading aloud, making it easy to fall back to sleep without having another crisis. 

Eventually, Tracy wakes up fully, unable to sleep any longer. She stares at the ceiling and continues listening to Molly read.

"Oh, you're awake! How are you feeling?"

Tracy sighs. "Tired, but not enough to fall back asleep, apparently."

"Do you want a bath?"

Tracy looks over to Molly and narrows her eyes. "Why do you ask?"

"Baths are nice when you're sick! I could get a bath bomb, it could be really relaxing."

"I'm not sick."

"Well, baths are still nice."

"Is this like with the soup, when you wanted to handfeed me? Do you want to bathe me?"

"...it could be nice. But no, I know you aren't comfortable with that. I could run a bath for you, though! Set out some snacks, light some candles, put some towels in the drier so they're nice and warm when you're done…"

"No. Y'know, there are ways to bathe and handfeed people who want that. Weren't you a nurse once? Why'd you quit?"

Molly frowns. "There were… some legal issues." 

A harsh chuckle falls from Tracy's lips. "Of course! Of course you can't even treat people who want to be taken care of by you well. I'm sure the only reason you haven't been arrested is because you're rich, too."

"Mm… anyway. I was thinking ramen for dinner, what do you think?"

"...That's fine."

"Perfect! Since you're done with sleeping for now, I'll put on a movie for you while I make us some ramen. How does that sound?"

"...I'd rather play a video game than watch a movie."

Molly grins. “I’m so glad you feel comfortable expressing what you want! What do you want to play?”

“I can set it up myself, you’ve shown me how.”

“…Right. I’ll start on dinner, then. Come and get me if you need anything at all.” Molly hesitates, but ultimately leaves to go to the kitchen.

It’s nice that Molly didn’t push about setting something up for Tracy. She could’ve, and Tracy probably would’ve given in, but she let Tracy have that bit of independence.

Of course, the whole problem is that Molly is in a position to let or not let Tracy do anything, so it’s not that nice. Still, Tracy appreciates it. Maybe Molly’s also sick of having the same argument over and over.

Tracy slowly gets up out of bed and stretches before heading into the main room. She picks a video game at random and puts it on, then wraps herself in a blanket on the couch and begins playing. It’s a very narrative focused game, and she’s quickly drawn in. Alicia will understand. Alicia will— Tracy wipes her eyes. Just focus on the game.

Molly checks on her frequently while in the process of making dinner, likely bored waiting for the water to boil. Before Tracy knows it, Molly is setting bowls of ramen on the table and telling Tracy to pause the game when she gets to a good spot.

"I also made some tea! It's supposed to be good for when you're… not feeling great."

"...thanks." Tracy takes a seat and starts eating her ramen.

After eating in comfortable silence for a bit, Molly clears her throat. “Tracy… it seems to me like for the large majority of your life, your primary goal has been to ensure the health and happiness of Alicia, and everything you do is aimed towards furthering that goal. Would you agree with that?”

"What brought that up?"

"I've been thinking about it for a while. Now seems as good a time as any to talk about it. You don't have to if you don't want to, though!"

Does Tracy do everything for Alicia? Well, Tracy protects herself too, it’s not just about Alicia. She breathes, doesn’t she? That’s not for Alicia’s benefit. Everything isn’t aimed towards that goal, just most things.

…No. She breathes for Alicia, doesn’t she? Because she can’t ensure Alicia’s health and happiness if she’s dead. It really is everything, isn’t it? Without that goal… without that reason for living… 

“Yeah, I agree with that.”

Molly nods. "What do you think it would be like, if your priority was your own health and happiness?”

Tracy sips on her tea and wrinkles her nose. "This is gross."

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but… I think it would be helpful to think about. I'll go get some honey, we'll see if it can make your tea less gross."

Despite not wanting to do anything Molly says to do, Tracy does think about it. Would she… even want to leave here at all, if Alicia wasn't a factor?

No, she’d want to leave. She’d still want freedom. But… it would be a harder choice, and she would be content with waiting for an opportunity to escape rather than constantly planning escapes. If her priority was her own health and happiness… She could be happy here. She would never want to be here, but she wouldn’t be crying every time she got a free moment to think.

It doesn’t matter, though. The only people who really prioritize themselves are awful, selfish people, and Tracy doesn’t want to be like that.

But… she is incapable of doing the things she needs to do for the sake of Alicia’s health and happiness. She can’t hurt Molly, she can’t trick Molly, she can’t do anything.

Molly comes back with a bottle of honey and sets it on the table. “There! You can try it with your tea if you wan— oh, I was only gone for like ten seconds! What’s wrong?”

Tracy must’ve cried more since being kidnapped than she had her entire life up to that point. It doesn’t make any sense, why do tears fall so easily now when before it was easy not to cry? It must be something about the drugs Molly is using on her.

Molly tentatively reaches out towards Tracy’s face, and, when Tracy doesn’t protest, wipes some tears away with her thumb. “I know it’s hard, dear. But it will get better. No matter what’s wrong, it will get better.”

Tracy fights the urge to lean into Molly’s touch and eats more of her ramen. 

“It’ll get better. Once you’ve accepted that this is out of your control and started to prioritize your own health and happiness, it’ll be so much easier. This is the hardest part, and I promise it won’t last forever.”

Tracy doesn’t know which possibility is scarier: Molly being wrong and Tracy being miserable forever, or Molly being right.

Tracy can only hole up in her room for so long. She has plenty of food stashed, but she needs to use the bathroom eventually.

Molly is sitting on the couch, fidgeting. She jumps to her feet when Tracy tries to sneak out of her room. “Tracy! Hey, how are you feeling?”

“I just have to go to the bathroom.” She needs to wait until Molly lets her guard down and try again with the handcuffs. Third time’s the charm. That will probably mean acting like nothing’s wrong for a bit, though. “After that we can, um, talk.”

Molly visibly sags with relief and sits back down. "That would be great."

Tracy quickly uses the bathroom before sitting next to Molly. 

"So, I was thinking, dear… it's okay for you to keep the handcuffs. I want you to feel safe, so if that helps you feel safer, then I don't have a problem with it. Obviously, I would have to take them away if you attacked me again, but it's fine for you to keep them for now."

"Thanks."

Molly waits a bit, then continues when it's clear Tracy isn't going to say anything else. "It bothered you that I said you deserve to be here, right? And that you'd appreciate this someday. Are those… things your mom said to you?"

"...yeah." If she can just stop herself from screaming at Molly, Tracy can spin this to her advantage. She can make it seem like this was finally the thing that made her start to open up to Molly. She just has to hold the anger down. 

…Hasn't she tried this before? Hasn't she already learned, over and over again, that Molly will never let her guard down, because she sees removing Tracy's choices as a kindness?

There are degrees to it, though. Molly can't be one hundred percent guarded all the time. She's probably pretty close to one hundred percent right now, since Tracy just stole those handcuffs, which is why it might work to play the part Molly wants when it didn't before. She's never going to be zero percent guarded, but Tracy can aim for lowering it. She knows Molly better now, too. She can do this.

"You never deserved to be hurt, dear."

"I know." 

Deep breaths. She can do better than that. She can play the part; she can be exactly what Molly wants. "I… I realized that I didn't deserve it pretty early on, actually. Alicia was born when I was five, and seeing them do shit like scream at a baby to go to sleep… even a five year old knows that's ridiculous. And once that dam broke, once I was capable of seeing my parents as being in the wrong, I could see that I didn't deserve to be treated that way either."

"That must've been really scary. Realizing that the people supposed to take care of you aren't safe… that's a lot for a five-year-old. Or anyone, really."

God fucking damn it– Molly shouldn't get to act like Tracy's therapist when she's holding her captive! She shouldn't get to act like– like she's the normal one! Like this is somehow normal! Like any words from her captor could ever comfort Tracy! Tears of frustration spring to Tracy's eyes, but she doesn't let them fall. She clenches her fists and grits her teeth. Molly needs to think that Tracy isn't angry at her anymore, or she'll never lower her guard enough. 

Molly puts a gentle hand on Tracy's shoulder. "It's okay to cry. You're safe, you can let it all out."

Tracy squeezes her eyes shut and bites down on her tongue.

Molly speaks like she's soothing a scared animal. "I'm sorry I triggered you by saying those things earlier. It won't happen again."

Tracy yanks away from Molly's hand like it burned her. "Y'know what's triggering?" She can't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. "Being trapped and powerless and hurt and then being treated like I'm crazy for being mad about it!" 

Shit, shit, that's the opposite of what she should be saying! She forces herself to unclench her fists and take a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I know…" What would Molly say? "...Some triggers can't be avoided. But it's… it's so hard not to be… not to be afraid of you, Molly." Appearing weak and afraid can benefit her here.

Molly makes a small squeaking noise. "I… I understand. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me that."

Is that enough opening up? She doesn't want to lay it on too thick and make Molly suspicious. "Can we do something else now?"

Molly wipes her eyes and smiles. "Of course! Thanks for talking it out with me. I feel like we've both really grown from having that discussion. Uh… oh, do you like Christmas?"

Tracy doesn't, but she likes that Molly doesn't know that. "Yeah. Is it… coming up?" That would mean she's been here for about three months… There's no way.

"Mhm! What traditions do you like? We could decorate, make gingerbread, watch Christmas movies… whatever you want! Ooh, I think I have a Christmas advent puzzle down here, that could be fun!"

No, Molly must be tricking her. She can't have been down here that long. She won't let on that she knows Molly's lying, though. The goal right now is to get things back to normal. "Could we… work on the puzzle and watch a Christmas movie? And then… tomorrow we could make gingerbread houses?"

"We sure can! Do you have a favorite Christmas movie?"

"No, what's yours?"

"Hm… Have you seen The Muppets Christmas Carol?"

"Nope. I've seen… very few movies in general." She adds that last bit to strengthen the illusion that she's opening up more.

"Oooh, I can't wait to see what you think! I'll put it on."

Tracy has read A Christmas Carol and is pleasantly surprised that the silly puppet movie often quotes directly from it. Still…

"Are all of your favorite movies kids' movies?" Tracy asks during a break between songs.

"I guess? I like movies that make me happy, and usually that's kids' movies."

"Hm." Tracy refocuses on the puzzle. “Am I only doing one section of this today?”

“You can do however many sections you want! It’s the 18th, so stop there if you don’t want to get ahead.”

“You only start celebrating the week before Christmas? You strike me as the kind of person who would start celebrating the day after Thanksgiving.”

“Hah! Is that just because you think I’m annoying? It depends on the year, really. I usually bake a lot and give out treats. If I can get a group together, I like to go caroling, but… I usually can’t. I like to make stuffed animals and donate them to toy drives, too. I’ve been pretty busy this year, though. Christmas snuck up on me.”

Before Tracy can ask if Molly being 'pretty busy' is because of how hard she's been working at ruining Tracy's life, the next song starts and Molly is back to singing along. That's probably for the best.

The next day, Molly comes down the stairs with a bunch of bags. It's mostly candy and sprinkles, with one bag containing ingredients and molds for gingerbread houses.

Molly explains every step in making the gingerbread and frosting, as if Tracy would ever do something like this without the incentive of mollifying (ha) her captor.

"If it's too hard to get the walls and stuff to stay together, we can use hot glue," Molly says. "The frosting is better at attaching decorations than holding the house together."

"I thought gingerbread houses were supposed to be edible."

"They still would be! It's easy to peel off the glue when you want to eat it."

Ew. Tracy is patient and precise enough to get the frosting to work. Molly's keeps falling apart, so Tracy puts hers together, too.

"Have you done this before?" Molly asks.

"Nope."

"You're a natural!"

Once her house is stable, Molly starts using Necco Wafers to give the appearance of shingles on her gingerbread house's roof. Hmm…

Molly made a lot of frosting and specified that this kind isn't super tasty because it's supposed to be adhesive first and taste good second. If it doesn't get used up, Molly will probably throw it away.

Instead of using a piping bag, Tracy scoops some white frosting onto her roof and spreads it out with a butter knife so that it looks like the roof is covered in snow. She finds some snowflake-shaped blue and white sprinkles and pours them over the roof.

Next, she gets some licorice and attaches small green and red candies to it, as if it's a string of Christmas lights. In order to make sure they stick properly, she holds each candy to the licorice until the frosting hardens before moving on to the next one. 

"How did you celebrate Christmas before?" Molly asks, still working on her shingles.

"If Mom and Dad were hosting something that year, we'd decorate everything and have a really nice dinner. If not, we didn't do much." She told Molly she likes Christmas, so she can't share a lot of specific details. 

“Would you want to have something special for Christmas dinner here? I would always make you anything you asked for, of course, whether it’s Christmas or not, but if you want to make Christmas special we can do that.”

“...no, I don't want anything specific for Christmas dinner. Thank you, though."

"Of course! Do you want to decorate the basement for Christmas?"

"No." 

They spend the rest of the day working on their gingerbread houses, and Molly shows Tracy more Christmas movies by playing them in the background while they work. Tracy's favorite is It's a Wonderful Life.

When Tracy is finally finished with the lights, she makes a candy wreath above the front door. It looks nice. Any more on the outside of the house would probably just make it look messy, so she decorates the plate it's on and the inside of the house.

She looks to Molly frequently, to see if Molly's looking at her. Maybe a few more days will be enough to get things back to normal…

She can't get trapped waiting for the 'right moment' again, though. Once Molly doesn't seem to be as guarded, Tracy needs to act quickly.

That'll take a bit, though. She needs to be patient, but not too patient.

"Dear, I have a gift for you, and I finished it sooner than I expected. Would you want to wait until Christmas to open it, or would you be okay with opening it tomorrow?" Molly asks before going upstairs for the night.

"...tomorrow is fine." Might as well get it over with. There's nothing Molly could give her that she would enjoy other than her freedom, and Molly's definitely not giving her that.

Molly grins. "Wonderful, I'll bring it down with me tomorrow!"

Molly comes down the next morning with a box wrapped in Christmas tree themed wrapping paper. Tracy gently unwraps it and opens the box. It's… a stuffed animal. A toy. Tracy scoffs as she takes the stuffed animal out of the box. It's a wasp, another reminder that Molly stalked Tracy so thoroughly that she even knows Tracy's favorite animal.

Getting a closer look at it, she can see that it's homemade. And… very detailed. It even has the simple eyes on the top of its head in addition to the compound eyes, and the coloration is more complex than simple yellow and black stripes.

Tracy doesn't have any use for a stuffed animal. It's a stupid gift.

But… has anyone ever worked this hard on a gift for Tracy before? Has anyone ever given her a gift with no purpose other than to give her something?

"...how long did this take you to make?"

"It took a good chunk of time! I mean, this one only took a few hours, but I couldn't find any patterns that I thought were good enough, so I had to figure stuff out through trial and error."

"Why? I never expected a gift from you, and you have no reason to believe I'd like or use a stuffed animal. Why would you spend all that time? You know I'm not going to be polite and pretend I like it. This is a stupid gift, so why?"

Molly’s face falls. "You don't like it?"

"I just– I don't understand. What do you get out of this? Out of any of this? Why are you spending so much time and effort on things I don’t want? I'm not getting anything out of this, and all you're getting is being yelled at, so why?"

“I want you to be happy, dear. I don’t need gratitude or praise.”

“I’m not happy!” Shit, she can’t be doing this. Molly needs to think she’s given up. She looks down at her feet, as if embarrassed. “I… I do like it. I’m sorry for lashing out. I’m not used to… people doing nice things without expecting something in return.” Ugh, that’s cheesy.

Molly seems to buy it, though. “Oh! I— yeah, I can see why that would be scary. I don’t expect you to do anything for me in return. You don’t owe me anything at all, dear.”

She certainly doesn't. Still, she tries to relax a bit, as if she's relieved. "Really?"

"Of course! You could rip up your gift right now if you wanted, and all that would happen is I'd be sad. I didn't give it to you because I wanted something from you."

That's definitely a lie. People don't do things for no reason. What Molly wanted was to feel good about herself, and she'd have taken that from Tracy's reaction regardless of what it was. The only reason she doesn't expect Tracy to give her something in return is that she can just take what she wants either way.

Molly needs to think Tracy believes her, though, so Tracy continues the act. "I, um… can I have a hug?" 

"Yes! Always!" Molly hugs Tracy tightly. Tracy can feel the cattle prods beneath Molly's sleeves digging into her back. Still, it's easy to fall into the role she's playing and melt into Molly's arms.

It's hard to tell how guarded Molly is right now. She never seems suspicious of Tracy, but she also always seems to know when to take out a cattle prod.

"I'm… sorry I've been… difficult," Tracy says softly. "I can't promise I won't lash out at you again, but… I want to try… to get better."

Molly ends the hug. She looks intently into Tracy's eyes. "I'm glad to hear that. You don't have anything to apologize for. Can I ask what changed for you to feel this way now?"

"...I've given up. I have no hope of escape. Isn't that what you want?"

"Why did you give up?" Molly presses.

"I'm… I'm so tired. I want to rest. I want to have no responsibility, like you said. You're right about everything."

"I… listen, dear. I don't care if you're trying to manipulate or trick me. I want you to feel safe. I didn't want to call you out on it, on the off chance that you were being genuine, and there's nothing wrong with trying out different ways of behaving to see how it feels, even if it doesn't come from a genuine place. But… I don't want you to feel… Just know that I see that you're acting differently from normal. And I like you, Tracy. I'll continue to like you no matter who you decide to be, but I hope you don't interpret me following your lead as me preferring you a certain way. The amount that I like you and love you doesn't change. That's all."

Stupid, stupid. Saying Molly was right about everything definitely took it too far. Molly's never going to be less guarded, because Tracy is too stupid to convince Molly she's not a threat.

She was never going to escape through wits. The only way out of this is brute force.

Tracy answers the phone on the first ring. It's Mark, which means it's about Alicia. "What's going on?"

"We can't find her. She came home from school a few hours ago, and we thought she was just hanging out in her room since then, but when we went to get her for dinner, she wasn't there. We searched the house, called for her, and called her phone, but we couldn't find her. I figured we should check with you before calling the police."

"There's no need for that. She likely never left your house. I'm coming over." She hangs up. "I have to go. Family emergency."

"What? Tracy, how many times–"

Tracy is gone before her manager finishes his sentence. It'll be faster to run to Mark and Dave's house than to get a cab or wait for a bus, so that's what she does.

She doesn't bother knocking when she gets there, just opens the door. "You really shouldn't just leave this unlocked." She pauses to catch her breath. "Do you have a crawlspace?"

"Why would she be in the crawlspace?"

Tracy rolls her eyes. "Just show me where you can enter it."

They show her to a trapdoor in the coat closet. She drops into it and crouches.

"Alicia? Hey, it's me. I won't let anyone hurt you. Can you come out?"

There's quiet for a moment, but then a rustling comes from her left. Alicia crawls over to Tracy. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry–"

"You haven't done anything wrong." She helps Alicia out of the crawlspace, then lifts herself out and guides Alicia out of the coat closet. "What happened?"

Alicia is covered in cobwebs and dust, holding a paper to her chest. She's clearly been crying. When she sees Dave and Mark, she hides behind Tracy. Tracy shoots them a glare.

"What did you do?" She snarls.

"Nothing!" Mark's tone makes Alicia flinch.

"Nothing… that we're aware of." Dave corrects.

Alicia stands on her tiptoes to whisper in Tracy's ear. "I– I got a B on a math assignment."

"And they hurt you??"

"No!" Alicia protests before Mark gets a chance. "They didn't do anything. I was just scared. Please stop yelling."

Tracy wraps a protective arm around her sister and tries to think through her next move. It's important that she can be friendly with Mark and Dave; she would never want Alicia to feel like she has to choose between her sister and her foster parents.

Tracy clears her throat. "I'm… sorry I jumped to conclusions." She's not, but when has that ever mattered? 

As for the actual problem… Tracy doesn't trust Mark and Dave, but she doesn't think they demand perfection the way their parents did, either. Their parents expected 100% on every assignment, if not more. Mark and Dave let Alicia drop classes that stress her out and encourage her not to spend more than an hour on homework per day. They won't punish Alicia over getting a B.

"You should go get showered and change. I'll take care of this." Tracy tells her. She wants to make sure they don't give her any shit about the grade.

"What? No!" Mark softens when Alicia recoils in fear. "We're not… we would never hurt you. I just want you to see that. I want you to confront what you're afraid of and see that it's fine so that you don't end up hiding in the crawlspace again the next time something scares you. Tracy can't solve all your problems for you."

Alicia trembles in Tracy's arms. Tracy scowls. He won't let Alicia leave, so they'll just have to get it over with. "She got a B on an assignment."

She scans their faces for any sign of anger, ready to tear into them at the slightest hint of disapproval, but they look… sad?

"Honey… we would never hurt you for any reason. And a B– a B is a good grade! We're proud of you." Mark steps closer, and Alicia doesn't shy away.

"...really?" Alicia sniffles.

"Of course!" Mark smiles warmly and Dave nods his agreement.

Alicia lights up in a way Tracy's never seen before. She tries to wipe some tears off her face, but stops when she remembers how dusty her hands are. Tracy wipes the tears for her. "You're really proud of me?"

Tracy's stomach twists. Why didn't she tell Alicia she's proud of her? Has she ever told Alicia that?

"We're so proud of you. If you're feeling better, why don't you go take a shower like Tracy suggested?"

Alicia nods. She gives Tracy a hug. "Love you."

"Love you too. Are you going to be okay? I can stay if you want."

"Wait…" Alicia looks over Tracy. "Did you leave work to come see me?"

Tracy's still wearing her work uniform. "Yeah, but–"

Alicia's breath hitches. "I'm sorry, I didn't– if I'd just been normal they wouldn't have had to– what if you get fired because of me??" 

"That's not going to happen. It's okay. I'll go back to work and smooth things over. Go get showered, okay?"

"Okay." She forces a smile, but it's clearly not as genuine as when Mark said he was proud of her. Tracy'll have to make sure to change out of her uniform before coming next time. "See you later."

Tracy does, in fact, get fired. Oh, well. She has no regrets.

"Do you have a job?" Tracy asks as she helps Molly put away groceries. It's starting to strike Tracy as odd that Molly can afford all this and also spend the majority of her time with Tracy. Molly’s talked about past jobs, but never anything current.

“Not right now. Don’t worry, you’re not keeping me away from work or anything. This is where I want to be.”

“So how do you… afford all this?” 

“My parents were very wealthy, and I got all of it when they died.”

“Ah. That explains a lot.”

Molly laughs. “I’m not sure how to take that.” 

Hmm… Tracy tries to think of a way to direct the conversation that might give her helpful information. “Are you planning on getting another job any time soon?”

“Probably not. I don’t want to leave you alone all day.”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

“Still, if you got hurt, or needed me for something else, you’d have no way to get help. And I like spending time with you. I would miss you the whole time I was gone.”

That makes sense, logically. No one is forcing Molly to be here, she must be spending time with Tracy because she wants to. Tracy wants to ask what makes her so special, but she chickens out. She gets the feeling that whatever the answer to that question is, she really won’t like it. “Do you… have any friends? At all?”

“Mm… I hope someday you’ll consider me a friend.” She puts the last of the groceries in the pantry. "Do you wanna play Wii Sports Resort? I bet you can get a new high score at wakeboarding."

"Sure." She's really good at the wakeboarding game.

Molly grins and sets up the game. It makes sense that she has no friends, but it’s disappointing all the same. No one is going to come visit her and ask about the heavily locked basement. Tracy isn’t getting outside help.

A thought hits Tracy like a bus. "Am– am I the first person you've kidnapped?"

"Of course!" Molly hands Tracy a Wii remote. "First and last."

A chill runs down Tracy's spine. It's okay, it's fine. Just gathering information. It doesn’t matter why Molly decided to kidnap Tracy, that knowledge won’t help her escape. "Right. Um…”

Thinking of questions is hard. Maybe she should just try to make natural conversation, and see if anything important comes up?

“Do you have a favorite video game?” Tracy asks, partially focused on digital wakeboarding.

“I’m not sure. The only thing I ever play alone is The Sims, so I guess that would be my favorite?”

“That makes a lot of sense. You like taking care of the- hell yeah!” Tracy is momentarily distracted by getting a long string of 100-point tricks.

“Yeah.” Tracy can hear the smile in her voice. “I do really like games where I can take care of people. I’ve had to ban myself from getting any games like that on my phone, I always end up setting alarms in the middle of the night to check on them. Sims don’t have their needs drain when the game is closed the way so many mobile games do.”

Tracy’s turn ends. She didn’t get a new high score, but she got close. “You’d… set alarms in the middle of the night?” 

“They’d be so sad and hungry every morning if I didn’t!”

“They’re… not real.”

“That’s the thing— how do you know? I can’t bear the thought of telling someone that they’re not real if they actually are. Can you imagine, someone coming up to you and telling you you’re not real? That would be awful! I don’t want to risk it. What separates us from programs, really? People a lot smarter than me have theorized we’re all in a simulation. If that’s the case, would it be okay for someone to starve and hurt us because we’re not real? Even deleting those apps felt kind of like killing people. I couldn’t function for weeks afterward… But I’m okay now!” 

“You’re… actually crazy.” That shouldn’t be surprising for a kidnapper, but it somehow is.

“That’s not very nice.” Her tone is lightly scolding. Not angry at all, but definitely the harshest tone she’s used with Tracy so far. “You probably didn’t want to hear about my issues, though. What’s your favorite video game?” As she talks, Molly repeatedly does so badly at the game that it pauses to remind her she needs to land on the water with her board flat.

“I never really played video games before I came here— before you kidnapped me, I mean. I think I need to try a few more before I decide.”

The conversation continues like that until Tracy gets a new high score. Just… pleasant, even if the things Molly says are disturbing sometimes. Tracy’ll have to mentally go through the conversation a few times before bed to make sure she didn’t miss any valuable information. Even if she didn’t, though, building a rapport with Molly is good. That’ll… that’ll definitely benefit her somehow, even if she’s not sure how yet.

“You’re amazing.” Molly looks at Tracy like she’s… Tracy doesn’t even know. Definitely not something human. A beautiful painting, maybe? A sunset? A skyscraper?

“For… being good at Wii Sports Resort wakeboarding?”

“For everything. Everything about you is amazing.”

“…thanks?”

Molly stares at her for a moment longer, then breaks eye contact. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. You barely know me, that probably sounded more like a stalker complimenting you than a friend. I’ll do my best to dial it back.”

“…I appreciate that.”

Molly fidgets with the Wii remote. “I think… I need to spend some time cleaning today. You won’t be able to relax if your living space is filthy! I’ve been putting it off a bit.”

The basement seems plenty clean to Tracy. "Okay."

"I've been keeping the cleaning stuff upstairs, so I'll go grab some stuff and be right back. Is that okay?"

"Yep, go ahead." Tracy feels like she should offer to help, but… she doesn't want to. This isn't her house, she doesn't want to be here and would leave if she could, she has no obligation to do any cleaning.

For the next several hours, Molly takes various cleaning supplies up and down the stairs (always making sure the bag with restraints isn't downstairs while Molly is upstairs) and cleans more or less the entire basement. 

Tracy plays some Minecraft, then starts a book that looks interesting. She's… enjoying herself. Is this the best use of her time? She could talk to Molly more, but did she really learn anything last time? She runs through the conversation in her head repeatedly, but can't find anything useful.

She puts the book back. She needs to think of more questions to ask, more information that might help her, she needs to do something because if she has time to enjoy herself she definitely has time to get something done but there's nothing to get done, she can't do anything she's useless–

"Are you feeling okay, dear?"

"I'm fine. Do you… need help with anything?"

"You're here to rest! I'll handle everything, don't worry. I'm basically done, anyway, I've just got to take the mop back up the stairs."

She's not pathetic enough to beg to help her kidnapper with chores, so she nods and heads to the kitchen. She'll just make lunch for both of them, Molly's okay with her doing that. It's really hard to just wait for helpful information instead of actively working towards escape, but… she can do hard things. It's not Tracy's fault that she's useless right now, anyway, it's Molly's, so there's not much she can do but suck it up and enjoy herself until Molly lets something slip.

Tracy’s room shifts. She’s with Molly, she’s with her parents, she’s with Alicia. The room is on fire. She’s trying to reach for her water and it keeps getting further away. Her bed is floating. The walls are getting bigger.

She wakes up panting and with her heart pounding. Despite the dream not really containing any disturbing imagery, she feels terrified. Stupid, this is so stupid.

Molly is doing this to her. She got bored of drugging Tracy so that she’s tired and started drugging her with something new. Or she stopped drugging her and Tracy’s going through withdrawal. Either way, Molly is doing this to her on purpose to hurt her.

Luckily, she seems to be leaving Tracy alone for a bit. Tracy scarfs down the now cold soup and gulps down half of the water bottle left on her nightstand. 

How long is Molly going to do this to her? She clearly enjoys pretending Tracy is sick and taking care of her. Is this the new normal?

She has to get out of here. She promised Alicia she was trying to come back, there’s no possible way Tracy could stop trying to escape… but she doesn’t know what to do. If she can’t even hurt Molly, what chance could she possibly have?

She just woke up and she’s already crying again. Whatever Molly gave her or stopped giving her is fucking awful, but it might be the new normal. If Tracy can’t plan and attempt escapes in this state, that’s giving up, and Tracy can’t give up on Alicia. But what can she do? She’s out of ideas.

Her bedroom door creaks open. It always seems to creak, did Molly make it that way on purpose?

Molly’s face falls when she sees Tracy’s crying again. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault, I brought the germs down here. I’ll be more careful next time. I, uhm… do you want to talk about what’s upsetting you?”

Tracy shakes her head. They’ve already had that conversation so many times. There’s no point.

“…I brought some crackers.” Molly sets a box of crackers and another water bottle on the nightstand. “Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?”

“Leave me alone.”

“But you start crying when I leave you alone! I mean— it’s okay to cry. You can cry as much as you want. But… I don’t think being alone is actually making you feel better. Am I wrong?”

“Nothing will make me feel better unless you stop this!”

“Stop… making you sick? I’m not drugging you, dear.”

There’s no point to arguing. Tracy stares at the ceiling. “Please, I hate being around you. I want to at least not have to see you, if you’re not going to stop drugging me or let me go.”

“…you hate…?” Molly sounds hurt. Good. “…I want to read to you. So you don’t keep getting all wrapped up in your thoughts and start crying when you wake up. You… wouldn’t have to talk to me. It wouldn’t be my words, just my voice. Would that be okay? Or is me being here at all too much right now?”

Tracy needs to plan her escape. She shouldn’t let Molly distract her, but…

“I… Molly—“ her voice breaks. “I’m going to get better, right? If I rest, I’ll get better? You won’t keep me like this forever?”

Molly squeezes Tracy’s hand. “You’ll get better, dear.”

Molly’s confidence just makes Tracy more sure she’s being drugged. How would Molly know for sure, unless she’s the cause?

“You don’t like this, right? You like taking care of me, but you don’t like seeing me miserable, right?”

“Right.” Molly seems to understand what Tracy’s getting at. “I hope that, if you can’t trust that I’m not drugging you, you can at least trust that I want you to be happy. There’s no better feeling in the world for me than seeing you smile, and no worse one than seeing you cry. I would never make you sick on purpose. I know you don’t believe that, but can you believe that I would never keep you sick on purpose? Is that easier?”

That makes sense. Molly drugged her, thinking that she’d enjoy being taken care of as much as Molly enjoys taking care of her, but now that she sees how miserable Tracy is she won’t drug her again. Tracy just has to wait for the drug to wear off. Or the withdrawal, it doesn’t really matter. Tracy nods.

Molly beams. “I’ll take it! Does that mean you’re okay with me reading to you?”

Tracy nods again. It feels really wrong, but so does everything else. She isn't going to be able to plan in this state, anyway, she just needs to get through it. Alicia would understand. Alicia will understand. It'll be fine. It'll be fine!

"Hmm… something interesting enough to be distracting, but not so exciting it keeps you awake… maybe some short stories?" Molly mumbles to herself as she looks over the bookcase. 

This feels really wrong, is she really going to let her kidnapper read to her like she's a worthless child? She doesn't deserve this! She doesn't want this, she wants to go home! She feels so weak. So pathetic, so stupid, so useless. She's just making excuses. She'd be out of here by now if she tried–

"Hey, hey!" Molly gets Tracy's attention. "Mm– would you prefer fiction or non-fiction?"

Generally, Tracy prefers non-fiction. She wipes her eyes. "N–Non-fiction."

"Hm… are wasps still your favorite animal?"

"Jesus Christ Molly–" The reminder of how thoroughly Molly studied every aspect of Tracy's life for years is not appreciated.

"I mean, how does a book about wasps sound? Would that be interesting enough to keep your attention but not so interesting it keeps you awake?"

"...yeah."

"Have you read this one?" Molly shows her the cover of a book, and Tracy shakes her head. "Great! I'll just… I'll assume you won't want me sitting on the bed with you." Molly pulls the spinny chair over to Tracy's bedside, opens the book, and starts reading aloud.

Tracy closes her eyes and focuses on the book. It's fine, it's all fine. Alicia will understand. Even though Tracy should be fighting harder, should stop giving in– but it's not like fighting over every little thing has gotten her anywhere! But she can't give up, she can't just accept this, but if she can't hurt Molly then there's no chance of escape, but she doesn't even know why she can't hurt Molly so she doesn't know how to fix it–

Tracy focuses back on the book. Thinking isn't getting her anywhere right now. At least she might learn something new about wasps if she listens. That's more than she'll get out of thinking more.

Molly has a nice voice. She'd be a good audiobook narrator, Tracy thinks. It's a lot more pleasant to listen to her when it's not her words…

Tracy drifts to sleep, and dreams of wasps and gentle voices instead of having feverish nightmares.