Don’t get me wrong I am SO happy for my friends success and I genuinely love to see it. But my brain can’t help but scream at me for my own shortcomings
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Don’t get me wrong I am SO happy for my friends success and I genuinely love to see it. But my brain can’t help but scream at me for my own shortcomings

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Challenge #04748-L361: Lesson for a Lifetime
Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's being able to do what's necessary, even if you're terrified. -- Anon Guest
Ageratum had heard of the Hellkin in the dojo. Everyone had seen him from a distance and few dared to get close. Now he was closer than she had ever seen him. He was wearing Adept Black and kneeling where any other class teacher might kneel. Waiting for the class to assemble, in peaceful meditation. Hide as blue as a clear spring sky. Hair and horns dark like an evening stormcloud. The tail was just visible, curled around his knees, spaded tail tapping gently against the sole of one simple sandal.
He wasn't doing anything more threatening than breathing.
She clung to the edge of the doorway lest one of her fellow Novices push her inside. She was lucky that they were busy arguing about who would go in first. Otherwise, they might remember that Ageratum was the name of a weed that was nicknamed pee-the-bed.
[Check the source for the rest of the story]
First Lesson
If you being poet and the lover of pain will come upon it softly; if you will walk keeping your feet ungrimed and your head unwounded; if you will hold your mind up for a mirror to any empty shining of the air; if you will have a game: despair, despair; if you will mouth ghosts and the unimportant stuff of beauty;
you will not know how the spirit of man cries at the coming in and going out. You will not living feel the trap shut its jaws on your neck. You will not be insecure; no one will devour you and another thing you do not know is how to be alive.
Do not hope to fashion pain into a wreath and have all comers stare at the light about your head; pain is not subtle. It is common bread; it is the common stone of every day, the cracks in the pavement and the dirt thereof; this is the true ache of humanity and it will not set demons at your head and feet but it will put hunger in your belly, cold at your fingers’ ends and dampness in the place of your lung. Pain is no miracle. It is a thing having weight and a round shape and a taste of its own. Walk with the bums, pick it up from the pavement and put it in your mouth.
No agony you stumble on in the dark of your spirit will ever so wound you across the mouth and eyes as the food glassed within the grocery store. You will find ways your body has of being sore. Neither shall demons of the mind nor ghosts of your sweet loves nor the monotony of day upon day grinding you between the upper and nether millstone encompass your destruction. You shall be hurt as simply as the rabbit by the hound’s tooth. Nor will they make a glory of you and splendidly lay you bent backward heels to head on the altar stone; the priest displaying your heart for the bright beaks of his gods. You shall only be hurt.
Nor will they bring you the nails, the crown of thorns, and the white garment, and when you are dead you shall be very dead.
But this much you shall wear upon your head; a thing called a headache contrived by hunger not to be removed by the cup of coffee for five cents. But this much you shall wear in your fingers: cold. You will tramp on cobblestones and feel your feet aching. You will ride all night homeless in subway trains making sleep out of the brief roar between station and station.
You will know the rain but not as sweetness; you will learn the snow and watch it turn on your sleeve from silver to steel. Each of your fingernails will be a separate nail of the cold, of the nagging winter air. And you will not find good words to say of all this other than when your mouth burns: I am hungry; other than in the doorway: I am frozen; other than in the moment of your death: I suffer.
When you have come home from this, come again to the clear air and the attitudes of your soul; when you are set free and fed again; if you will nibble beauty from the air remember the broken face under the streetlight the spoiled humanity the broken meats this and this one hunting garbage in the streets; remember the blind and multifarious stare the city multiplied in eyes and each eye bitten through its center by the worm of grief. Having shared in these vulgarities of pain you will not like your sweet soul much again, you will not sleep but you will take your hands and your tongue and your two lips and use them to serve an end; you will use words; refashion with your breath the commonplaces of this life and death.
-Joy Davidman, 1938
What would you do if you saw Sparkle waving at you in Amphoreus?
...
"Who'd be remotely surprised at wherever the hell she pops up by now?"
"At this point everywhere is a damn suggestion for her to be. And with all the pies Masked Fools can get their fingers in, I don't believe for a second only a few folks at the Garden knew about this place."
"I'm split between being relieved and being very concerned." For everyone else here. She might actually take over the Agalea Wi-Fi.
1. Most of the power of authoritarianism is freely given. In times like these, individuals think ahead about what a more repressive government will want, and then offer themselves without being asked. A citizen who adapts in this way is teaching power what it can do.
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Anticipatory obedience is a political tragedy. Perhaps rulers did not initially know that citizens were willing to compromise this value or that principle. Perhaps a new regime did not at first have the direct means of influencing citizens one way or another. After the German elections of 1932, which permitted Adolf Hitler to form a government, or the Czechoslovak elections of 1946, where communists were victorious, the next crucial step was anticipatory obedience.
Because enough people in both cases voluntarily extended their services to the new leaders, Nazis and Communists alike realize that they could move quickly toward a full regime change. The first he lists acts of conformity could not then be reversed. In early 1938, Adolf Hitler, by then securely empower in Germany, was threatening to annex neighboring Austria. After the Austrian Chancellor conceded, it was the Austrians anticipatory obedience that decided the fate of Austrian Jews. Local Austrian Nazis captured Jews and forced them to scrub the streets to remove symbols of independent Austria.
Crucially, people who were not Nazis looked on with interest and amusement. Nazis who had kept lists of Jewish property stole what they could. Crucially, others who were not Nazis joined in the theft. As the political theorists Hannah Ardent remembered, " when German troops invaded the country and gentile neighbors started riots at Jewish homes, Austrian Jews began to commit suicide. "
The anticipatory obedience of Austrians in March 1938 taught the high Nazi leadership what was possible. It was in Vienna that August that Adolph Eichmann established the central office for Jewish Emigration. In November 1938, following the Austrian example of March, German Nazis organized the national pogrom known as Kristallnacht.
In 1941, when Germany invaded the Soviet Union, the SS took the initiative to devise the methods of mass killing without orders to do so. They guessed what their superiors wanted and demonstrated what was possible. It was far more than Hitler had thought.
At the very beginning, anticipatory obedience means adapting instinctively, without reflecting, to the new situation. Do only Germans do such things? The Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram, contemplating Nazi atrocities, wanted to show that there was a particular authoritarian personality that explained why Germans behaved as they had. He devised an experiment to test the proposition, but failed to get permission to carry it out in Germany. So he undertook it instead in a Yale University building in 1961. -At around the same time that Adolf Eichmann was being tried in Jerusalem for his part in the Nazi Holocaust of the Jews- Milgram told his subjects ( some Yale students, some New Haven residents ) that they would be applying an electrical shock to other participants in an experiment about learning.
In fact, the people attached to the wires on the other side of a window were in on the scheme with Milgram, and only pretended to be shocked. As the subjects ( they thought) shocked the (people they thought were) participants in a learning experiment, they saw a horrible sight. People whom they did not know, and against whom they had no grievance, seem to be suffering greatly -pounding the glass and complaining of heart pain. Even so, most subjects followed Milgram's instructions and continued to apply (what they thought were) Even greater shocks until the victims appeared to die. Even those who did not proceed all the way to the (apparent) killing of their fellow human beings left without inquiring about the health of the other participants.
Milgram grasped that people are remarkably receptive to new rules in a new setting. They are surprisingly willing to harm and kill others in the service of some new purpose if they are so instructed by a new authority. " I found so much obedience," Milgram remembered, "that I hardly saw the need for taking the experiment to Germany." -Timothy Snyder

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no thoughts head empty may just wtch some edits but we'll see... how is everyone I hope you're doing well today
First lesson thoughts...
I loved my first lesson!
The teacher seems to be around the same age as me. I thought I would be super anxious about it, but actually she was so nice and lovely, and I can't wait for my next lesson with her.
I need to work on the weighting of my bow when I move from a thicker string to a thinner one...and to keep my pointer finger a little closer to the others in my bow hold, so I have greater mobility.
I also need to try and use the whole bow, as I tend to stick to the middle section far too much! She gave me these notes so constructively during the lesson, and she was so helpful when she was explaining the bits for it. Especially when I'd make an accidental 'gritty' sound with the bow. That was something I'd been struggling to figure out, as I wasn't sure what was causing that sound (it was the weighting issue when changing strings).
At the end of the lesson we went over some books that I could learn from regarding the genre of music I wanted to learn, and she actually suggested the Suzuki Violin school books, which I actually already have!
With a little more confidence, I may even start recording myself so I can see my progress over the upcoming weeks.
I am so excited to put in the hours for this instrument.
Animation practice