#finally new chapter

I knew that they were trying to be reassuring when they said that, but good intentions or not, they were wrong. I was alone. I sought to escape my peers, the other orphans in the castle, I sought to escape Drin and his harshness. Escape the misery in the infirmary. But even as I changed scenery, I was already beginning to regret my trip.

All of these soldiers, they were, well, they were soldiers. I was obviously not. I was but a child. A child who could heal the wounds of others. I wouldn't dare call it a curse, but at the same time, I could not pretend to consider myself a soldier.

Thank goodness for me passing out partway through the trip. I was getting a little too self-indulgent in my thoughts. I think sleep helped, helped ease my mind, and helped with other things. But that wasn't completely true. The only reason I woke up was because of a bump in the road.

“Uggggggg...”I groaned as my eyes slowly opened up and my head felt like a weight on my shoulders in of itself, spinning around, barely hanging on.

My thoughts quickly turned dark again. What if we just ran over a body? A fallen soldier, perhaps? Are we at the battlefield already? Are we going to be alright? That's when I realized: I wasn't equipped to be aiding on the frontlines of a battle. I'm still too young to be a soldier, let alone a combat medic, right? No, no. I wouldn't be on the “frontlines”, they couldn't even do that, could they?

“It was probably just a rock,” someone said. “There's plenty of them in the desert. Wouldn't be surprised if we keep running over more.”

I had had enough, I was terrified. Each stone that collided with the caravan tire made me think that we hit a body of a soldier, enemy soldier or otherwise. There was trouble keeping balance when I got up and walked over to where Rialthe was sitting, but it felt necessary. She was the one who suggested I do this in the first place and for some reason I thought that I would feel safest sitting next to her.

But then when I got over to where she was sitting I found myself stuck in the same position. There were already two soldiers next to her, and both chatting with her. I couldn't bring myself to just be rude and interrupt them.

She noticed me standing there and looked up.

“Is there something wrong, Eime?” She asked, her voice coming from a place of concern.

“No, I just felt like getting up, is all...”

She nodded. “Understood.”

I went back to where I was sitting and felt flushed. Just another reminder that I wasn't among them. I was a child amongst adults. As mature as I wanted to seem by hanging out with them, I wasn't them.

We came to a halt. The caravan had stopped in its tracks. I felt a cold sweat come over me, though it could have been my imagination. Fear surrounded me, but it shouldn't have, yet again. Everyone else was excited, and for good reason, to boot. It had turned out that we were setting up camp where we stopped.

Everyone made it outside, stretched out and tents were set up. While we were setting up camp, I stood there trying to make myself useful.

“Is there anything I can help with?” I asked someone.

“No, I think we're good. Just make yourself comfortable, go ahead and wander around.”

I asked others the same question, with varying results, but no one would give me anything to do. One person told me that they would have a tent set up for me shortly. I didn't care about that. I'd sleep on the ground for all I cared. I just needed something to do.

Again, I wandered around, asking others while they were busy, probably annoying the hell out of them.

“Is there anyone injured? I could heal them up,” I asked.

They simply laughed. Comments abound of how we haven't even reached the battlefield yet and wouldn't until tomorrow.

“Uuughhhh...”I groaned and slumped down to the ground. “What am I supposed to do?” I thought aloud, but it was no accident. I wanted someone else to hear me and answer me.

“Yo Eime, what are you doing sitting there?” I perked up and heard Rialthe's voice as I saw her walking toward me.

“Well I want to do something and...”

She laughed. Just like the others. Ugh.

She held back her laugh. “Boredom, eh? Don't worry, things will get more exciting tomorrow. Come, there's a tent set up for you. We can chat. It's going to be dusk soon.”

We were alone. It was just like that day that I first met her.

“So what's on your mind?” She asked me, leaning forward.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you really just bored or...”

“I-I'm not bored, I'm just...unsatisfied!” I stammered, oddly nervous despite feeling comfortable.

“There's no one else with us. No one can hear us. Come on, you can be honest.”

“H-How did you know?”

“Anyone's first time can be unnerving. I feel like I might have tricked you into coming here, with you feeling dissatisfied back at the castle. You've been afraid, an actual battlefield. You've never seen anyone die before, have you?”

My heart skipped a beat. Come on, you can be honest.

“No, never,” I replied, which was clearly a lie. Many others knew of the reason why I had lived in the castle. She must have at least known that I was an orphan after all, but I guess it wouldn't be much of a surprise if she didn't know that I was standing right next to my father when he was murdered before my very eyes. The memories of the situation came back.

Someone who had known about my abilities, long before many others did. Kidnapped me and tried to test my abilities. Used my father as bait and killed him in cold blood. A soldier, no, an impostor, pretending to help my father, also standing next to him. Just letting him die before her eyes.

The memories of the person who pretended to be a soldier filled me with rage, but I think what heated me up more was that I too did nothing to save him from death. I was just as much of a pawn to this strange person as my father was. And in the end, nobody gained anything. There was only loss. The thing I hated the most was not just that I did nothing to save him from dying, but that he was already dead before I could even try to save him.

“Well trust me, it's not a pretty sight. After a while the bloodshed and death around us soldiers become nothing but routine to us. You are but a child, however. You're probably terrified, and that's understandable.”

I nodded. I couldn't bring myself to say that yes, I was terrified, but it was true.

“If you would like, I can personally escort you back to the castle in the morning. It was wrong of me to bring you here.”

“No!” I protested. “Don't! I can handle it! I've seen fatal injuries in the infirmary! I can handle this stuff!” It was true that I was deathly afraid, but I wanted, no needed, to be useful.

She sighed and asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yes! I've never been more sure! Please!”

She looked away to the right. “You have to know that if you don't go back tomorrow morning, you can't change your mind. You'll have no choice but to stay with us.”

“That's fine! I won't change my mind! I promise!”

“Oh, you're still a child.”

I scowled. “What does that mean?”

“Don't worry about it. I didn't mean it as a bad thing.”

She unzipped the tent and was about to leave to go into her own. The cold night air briskly entered in and I waited for the moment when the tent would close again. Before leaving, she looked back into the tent.

“I'll promise you something, okay? We will do all that we can to make sure no harm to you. Just as you are our healer, we are your protectors.”